Elderly Neighbor Who Became Intrusive

[MorningGlory]

@kwickphilly My sister, you are correct. In fact, my mother tried to tell me that I should have made it clear from the beginning that I am a person who enjoys privacy and I do not like frequent visitors stopping by unannounced. Mom also told me that I should have recommended that she called first. If my mother could read this, she would say, "I told you so." Lol!!

I did bring this on myself without realizing it. My thought was, since my family and I are fairly new to the area, we should try to make friends with whomever seems like they want to be friendly. I just expected her to befriend us within reason and know her boundaries. I think I expected too much in this case because everyone has different ideas about friendship.

As far as the two of us having nothing in common, I truly believe that to be the truth. Each conversation I've ever had with her has not been in regards to anything other than neighborhood issues. She always seemed to try and make up things to talk about just to keep me outside conversing with her. Probably because she was/is very lonely.

The thing is, although I understand she is lonesome, she should understand that I am a fairly young person and I have family and other responsibilities to occupy my time. My family, especially my mother who is also an older woman, needs me. She has health problems. So does my brother. They are both on disability. I am all they have and vice versa. Needless to say, I love them. Aside from The Lord Jesus Christ who comes first in my life, my mother and brother are also a high priority with me. I wish that she could have respected that. She is older than my mother, but my mother is still my mother and she will come before others. Except God of course. Besides, I barely know this lady and she barely knows me. She wanted to become too close too soon with someone she just met. Why didn't she see that? Sadly, she ended up wearing out her welcome.

As a result, she has chosen to take it out on my brother, and I do not appreciate that at all. Neither does my mother. He had nothing to do with the way I responded to her. This says something about her character. I believe she should be held accountable for her actions and ask for forgiveness as well. Sometimes, the older generation think they can get away with anything because of their age. God sees everyone the same way in that respect. He judges by the heart, not age.

Do you agree sister?

 

I'm going to jump in here, if I may.  I guess I'm looking at the whole thing from the perspective of how I would handle the situation.  I would simply not speak to or even acknowledge the existence of this woman ever again.  I don't understand what you mean by 'taking it out on your brother'.  This woman has no power over you, your brother or any of your family.  You are making her WAY too important but, if you think she's deranged or something, don't give her access to your home or family..  Odds are your neighbors don't want anything to do with her either because they've been down that road already.  It IS sad that she's so lonely but you're not obligated to be her friend or confidante....just common courtesy is all that is required and you've provided that and gotten burned in the process.  You don't owe her anything else, my friend.

[JesusIsLove]

@kwickphilly My sister, you are correct. In fact, my mother tried to tell me that I should have made it clear from the beginning that I am a person who enjoys privacy and I do not like frequent visitors stopping by unannounced. Mom also told me that I should have recommended that she called first. If my mother could read this, she would say, "I told you so." Lol!!

I did bring this on myself without realizing it. My thought was, since my family and I are fairly new to the area, we should try to make friends with whomever seems like they want to be friendly. I just expected her to befriend us within reason and know her boundaries. I think I expected too much in this case because everyone has different ideas about friendship.

As far as the two of us having nothing in common, I truly believe that to be the truth. Each conversation I've ever had with her has not been in regards to anything other than neighborhood issues. She always seemed to try and make up things to talk about just to keep me outside conversing with her. Probably because she was/is very lonely.

The thing is, although I understand she is lonesome, she should understand that I am a fairly young person and I have family and other responsibilities to occupy my time. My family, especially my mother who is also an older woman, needs me. She has health problems. So does my brother. They are both on disability. I am all they have and vice versa. Needless to say, I love them. Aside from The Lord Jesus Christ who comes first in my life, my mother and brother are also a high priority with me. I wish that she could have respected that. She is older than my mother, but my mother is still my mother and she will come before others. Except God of course. Besides, I barely know this lady and she barely knows me. She wanted to become too close too soon with someone she just met. Why didn't she see that? Sadly, she ended up wearing out her welcome.

As a result, she has chosen to take it out on my brother, and I do not appreciate that at all. Neither does my mother. He had nothing to do with the way I responded to her. This says something about her character. I believe she should be held accountable for her actions and ask for forgiveness as well. Sometimes, the older generation think they can get away with anything because of their age. God sees everyone the same way in that respect. He judges by the heart, not age.

Do you agree sister?

I'm going to jump in here, if I may. I guess I'm looking at the whole thing from the perspective of how I would handle the situation. I would simply not speak to or even acknowledge the existence of this woman ever again. I don't understand what you mean by 'taking it out on your brother'. This woman has no power over you, your brother or any of your family. You are making her WAY too important but, if you think she's deranged or something, don't give her access to your home or family.. Odds are your neighbors don't want anything to do with her either because they've been down that road already. It IS sad that she's so lonely but you're not obligated to be her friend or confidante....just common courtesy is all that is required and you've provided that and gotten burned in the process. You don't owe her anything else, my friend.

MorningGlory,

Firstly, I never said this woman had any power over me or my family. I never said I owed her anything either. That is nowhere in my post or comments to other responses. Thank you.

Secondly, as far as me "making her WAY too important", as you put it, is not correct either. It seems as if you have misunderstood this entire forum and the reason for my post. I only posted this issue to receive Biblical advice/wisdom/understanding, from my fellow Christian brothers and sisters on how to handle this situation and stay within God's rules. Also, I was curious as to whether or not anyone has ever dealt with this, since I am new to this particular experience of having an overbearing neighbor. As it turned out, 2 individuals have been through this and gave very helpful advice, letting me know I am not alone. They also responded with a lot more tact than you. I did not think that someone with a WORLDY point of view would even bother to "Jump In", as you said.

I thought this was a Christian forum, for people with a Christian heart.

Thirdly, when I mentioned her taking it out on my brother, I did originally say that she gave him the cold shoulder when he tried to greet her. In other words, she was not as friendly to him as she used to be, seemingly trying to get back at me for my actions toward her. Everyone else seemed to understand that............

Going forward, I would appreciate it if you and others who may share your point of view, did not respond. I am trying to change for the better, not worse. Thanks.

Edited April 15, 2015 by JesusIsLove

[SueZQ]

Hello and Welcome to Worthy!

[Littlelambseativy]

Welcome to Worthy!

I guess Because I was brought up with an open door policy and am accustomed to people knocking on the door and dropping everything for a cup of coffee I find it strange that you would become upset with someone who is lonely and seeks your friendship looking at you as a daughter. No one that I know needs to call first and ask if they can come over..they are welcome to stay for dinner and share in what is provided...what an opportunity to show the love of Jesus to a lonely person. She indicated this by welcoming you when others did not and you found them cold and unwelcoming. A wave and turning to your work may have sufficed. If you wantedto work let her talk and you continue to work. A coffee with a smile and telling her how busy you were going to be and gently telling her you would have no time for visiting would not have been so hurtful to her. Showing God's love..is she a Christian..invite her to church...yes I know someone who would take advantage but saying I'm sorry can you get someone else or another time would not be so hurtful...you may need her one day....people like that are better than neighbourhood watch!! Enjoy her do not repel her.

[JesusIsLove]

Hello and Welcome to Worthy!

Thank you very much!

[JesusIsLove]

Welcome to Worthy!

I guess Because I was brought up with an open door policy and am accustomed to people knocking on the door and dropping everything for a cup of coffee I find it strange that you would become upset with someone who is lonely and seeks your friendship looking at you as a daughter. No one that I know needs to call first and ask if they can come over..they are welcome to stay for dinner and share in what is provided...what an opportunity to show the love of Jesus to a lonely person. She indicated this by welcoming you when others did not and you found them cold and unwelcoming. A wave and turning to your work may have sufficed. If you wantedto work let her talk and you continue to work. A coffee with a smile and telling her how busy you were going to be and gently telling her you would have no time for visiting would not have been so hurtful to her. Showing God's love..is she a Christian..invite her to church...yes I know someone who would take advantage but saying I'm sorry can you get someone else or another time would not be so hurtful...you may need her one day....people like that are better than neighbourhood watch!! Enjoy her do not repel her.

Well, this is strange for me because I was not raised with an, "Open Door Policy". My family and I have never run an open house for people to feel free to come by whenever they choose. We require people to visit on our terms, by notifying us via telephone first, because it is our home, not theirs!

Good for you if you feel the need to allow people to dictate your time.

I WILL NOT allow anyone of any age to make me feel obligated to them. Even though she was the only person in the community that was friendly to me and my loved ones when we first moved in, that does not give her license to be manipulative and overbearing. Also, just because she is my elder and very lonely, does not make her innocent. Older people are not exempt from being held accountable for their actions. God does not play favorites, and he sees everybody for who they really are and what their true intentions are.

When you mentioned, and I quote, " An opportunity to show the love of Jesus to a lonely person", had you fully read my original post, you would have seen that I tried that in the beginning. My mother advised me to take her a token of appreciation this past Christmas. This woman was the one who insisted that I come into her home, and she walked me through her entire house, showing me all of her personal belongings. That, in my eyes was not nescessary or appropriate. She did not know me well enough at all, and vice versa.

Not long after that, this lady began overstepping her boundaries and stalking my every move! It was extremely awkward and annoying. Maybe YOU would enjoy that, but I did not.

Also, what makes you so sure she looks at me as a daughter? Her ways and actions suggested to ME that she thought of me as someone she could take advantage of. If you have never been through this, YOU have absolutely no idea what it's like to feel sought after by a person who has become fixated on YOU in an unhealthy manner. Especially someone you barely know.

YOU are assuming that she is a sweet, innocent and harmless, little old lady. I have dealt with her, and if I barely know her, YOU most certainly know even less than I do about this woman. Easy for you to be so judgemental. YOU have an, "Open Door Policy", I DO NOT.

As far as me needing her one day, I do not depend on PEOPLE, I depend on GOD to provide for me and my family and watch over us. I was not raised to be a clingy and needy person. The Lord Jesus Christ has always, always been there for me and my loved ones, through thick and thicker. I know He will continue to be there. People come and go!

I do not owe her coffee or anything else. Besides, she has never offered me or my loved ones anything except intrusiveness.

I refuse to be a doormat. Thank you.

Proverbs 25:17

Withdraw thy foot from thy neighbour's house; lest he be weary of thee, and so hate thee.

Verse 17. - Withdraw thy foot from thy neighbour's house; literally, make thy foot precious, rare; Septuagint, "Bring thy foot sparingly (σπάνιον) into thy friend's house," The proverb seems to be loosely connected with the preceding, as urging moderation. Do not pay too frequent visits to your neighbors' house, or make yourself too much at home there.

Edited April 17, 2015 by JesusIsLove

[1to3]

Hi again, The best is to keep this in prayer like kwik prayed for the situation.

 

People, people, people, are a variety with both good and bad in them.

Having sound boundaries are key to safe guarding your self.

 

Having been someone with "a little red riding hood attitude"

I have had to learn these things through life experience of trials and errors.

 

I have had to rebuild boundaries through observing what healthy people do , to keep healthy and protected.

In my family life,(my father died when i was 13years,) my mother always told me to be nice to my brother no matter what kind of abuse he gave to me,that two wrongs don't make a right and to show christian love to my atheist brother. Well I did that and nothing changed, my brothers behavior remained and remains abuse to me. After, a childhood of verbal abuse from him, physical abuse from him , and more that i will not mention here, after my mother passed away, I was now free from being under my brothers clutch and control. but from the dysfunctional position that I was kept in,(did not know how to get out) I was taught to be a people pleaser, and this only served me to be a doormat to people, until I finally was able to free myself form my abusers.

 

Just to say, keeping an open door policy for some may seem so nice, bu it just isn't realistic or sage in the world we live in.

Yes you can remain polite and respectful  and pray for people who are unkind to you,

but in difficult, abusive cases it is better to keep your distance away from some, as there point of view may not include being polite and respectful back to you.

 

Just another example,

 

About 4 years ago, I went to a church. It was Easter time. I saw an older woman in the church. she was alone and nobody seemed to speak with her

or bother with her.

So I decided to go over and great and welcome her and invited her to come and join me to some church refreshments .

 

So she joined me. and when time came to leave, we bid our farewells.

 

The next think I know, the pastor calls me and asks me if I could give this lonely lady a call, because she had just lost one of her cats and was very sad.

 

I asked the pastor to not give my number or address to anyone before notifying me first and to please ask the older lady if it was o.k. with her first, if you gave me her telephone number.

The pastor said he did and then gave me the telephone number.

 

When I called the older lady, I said to her, did the pastor call you to first ask you if he could give you my number? She said no, and so
I  said , oh, I never call anybody without their permission first, and that the pastor was the one who gave me your number to call, and asked me to call you.(so the pastor lied to me)

 

She said that it was all o.k. and so I talked to her about the death of her cat and listened to her about other grievances she seemed to need to let of her chest.

 

Now she also had my number and started calling me almost everyday. I did mention that I was working and could not talk to her every day. but I still did speak with her when she called.  She then started to call me by a "pet name" to make it seem more personal.

 

Then the next time I went to church, the pastor asked me if I could go over and visit her sometime because 'she was very lonely' is what the pastor said.

Again I mentioned to the pastor,  to please ask this lady beforehand if she wants to share her address with me to come and visit her and I made it clear to the pastor not to share to the lady where I lived. (He did not respect my wishes and share to the lady where i lived).

 

So after another phone call with the lady, I agreed to come and visit her.

when I went over to visit her, she asked me to move things around, help her with placing up a curtain, she asked me if i could cut her dogs nails.

She said that she was needing a cataract operation and had diabetes and had mushrooms growing on her feet that needed treatment but could not afford treatment.

 

Because I have been previously;y in the health care field, I then took a look at her feet and mentioned the things she should do to care for her feet and that I could come over and give her a series of pedicure treatments, to get her started in the right direction of treating her feet.

 

Then she asked me if i could go and fill her water gallons as she did not drink her tap water. so I did.

Then she asked me if I could go shopping to buy her things. soIi did. I even bought her tomato plants with the bid pots so she could have some tomatoes growing off of her balcony.

 

I have a dog also and in conversation, i had mentioned it to her, then she said, why don't you bring your pet to my place so that  my dog can play with you dog while we visit.

so I once brought my dog over .

During that visit, she mentioned to me that her neighbors dog once gave her dog fleas and she made him pay for her dogs fea treatments, which were over $500.00 in treatment costs.  The was my first red flag. I never brought my dog over again, as I would not want her to accuse me of giving her dog fleas,

 

Then she mentioned her life and said how she really did not believe in God. she mentioned that she had two sons and a daughter and had that she herself had never married.

But she told me. : I told the pastor I was married, because i did not want him to judge me. she said, I know the pastor is a bit of a gossip as when he visits me, he tells me about other people, so not to be judged by the pastor, I told him i was widowed.

 

Then the next thing I know, i get an emergency call from the old lady that she wanted me to go and pick up her sister who lives 2 1/2 hours away from where she lives.

 

By then, I just had enough, not only of the old lady, but of the pastor who had absolutely no discretion, who lied to me about asking her first if I could call her, to giving her my personal home address and also for placing me in such a position with this old lady.

 

I ended up giving her four foot treatments free of charge and then after the 'picking up sister incident' I mentioned to her that this was the last time i would be coming over and that she really needed to seek medical appointed foot treatments, for her own protection as well as for the protection of the person treating her feet.

 

I never went back to that church as the pastor lied, gossiped, did not respect a church members privacy and really placed me in a very difficult position with this lady.

 

Something I learned from the experience, if Christians are to visit others in their homes, especially if they are strangers, their should be always be two people to go and visit, (for everyone's protection ).

 

What can I say from all of this?  Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries are so very important.

In all circumstances, use caution especially when things are new, even going to a new church.

 

If you are a single nice looking lady with a ready smile on your face, some people even pastors can look to take advantage of your innocence or good will.

 

Caution and sound boundaries are needed  to be employed in ALL circumstance of life and anyone who tells you different is misleading you.

 

 

Best wishes to you, Seek god in prayer, and He will guide you to do and say the right thing.

[1to3]

Hi again,

 

 The best is to keep this in prayer like kwik prayed for the situation.

 

 

People, people, people, are a variety with both good and bad in them.

Having sound boundaries are key to safe guarding your self.

 

Having been someone with "a little red riding hood attitude"

I have had to learn these things through life experience of trials and errors.

 

I have had to rebuild boundaries through observing what healthy people do , to keep healthy and protected.

In my family life,(my father died when I was 13years,) my mother always told me to be nice to my brother no matter 

what kind of abuse he gave to me, that two wrongs don't make a right and to show christian love to my atheist brother. Well I did that and nothing changed, 

my brothers bullying behavior remained and remains abusive to me. After, a childhood of verbal abuse from him, physical abuse from him , and more that I will not mention here, 

after my mother passed away, I was now free from being under my brothers clutch and control. But from the dysfunctional position that I was kept in

,(did not know how to get out),I was taught to be a people pleaser, and this only served me to be a doormat to people, until I finally was able to free myself form my abusers and learn from healthy people how to survive with proper boundaries. Also my faith and personal relationship in Christ Jesus has been my source of strength and survival.

Look always to the principals of the bible to teach and guide you. People are imperfect but Gods word is truth.  Remember always God principals before personalities

 

 Keeping an open door policy for some may seem so nice, (but for a single young lady, or even an older single woman for that matter)  it just isn't realistic safe or sage in the world we live in.

 

And when someone is unkind to you,

Yes you can remain polite and respectful  and pray for people who are unkind to you,

but in difficult, abusive cases it is better to keep your distance away from some, as there point of view may not include being polite and respectful back to you.

 

Just another example,

 

About 4 years ago, I went to a church. It was Easter time. I saw an older woman in the church. she was alone and nobody seemed to speak with her

or bother with her.

So I decided to go over and great and welcome her and invited her to come and join me to some church refreshments .

 

So she joined me. and when time came to leave, we bid our farewells.

 

The next think I know, the pastor calls me and asks me if I could give this lonely lady a call, because she had just lost one of her cats and was very sad.

 

I asked the pastor to not give my number or address to anyone before notifying me first and to please ask the older lady if it was o.k. with her first, if you gave me her telephone number.

The pastor said he did and then gave me the telephone number.

 

When I called the older lady, I said to her, did the pastor call you to first ask you if he could give you my number? She said no, and so 
I  said , oh, I never call anybody without their permission first, and that the pastor was the one who gave me your number to call, and asked me to call you.(so the pastor lied to me)

 

She said that it was all o.k. and so I talked to her about the death of her cat and listened to her about other grievances she seemed to need to let of her chest.

 

Now she also had my number and started calling me almost everyday. I did mention that I was working and could not talk to her every day. but I still did speak

 with her when she called.  She then started to call me by a "pet name" to make it seem more personal.

 

Then the next time I went to church, the pastor asked me if I could go over and visit her sometime because 'she was very lonely' is what the pastor said.

Again I mentioned to the pastor,  to please ask this lady beforehand if she wants to share her address with me to come and visit her and I made it clear to the pastor

 not to share to the lady where I lived. (He did not respect my wishes and share to the lady where i lived).

 

So after another phone call with the lady, I agreed to come and visit her.

when I went over to visit her, she asked me to move things around, help her with placing up a curtain, she asked me if i could cut her dogs nails.

She said that she was needing a cataract operation and had diabetes and had mushrooms growing on her feet that needed treatment but could not afford treatment.

 

Because I have been previously;y in the health care field, I then took a look at her feet and mentioned the things she should do to care for her feet and that

 I could come over and give her a series of pedicure treatments, to get her started in the right direction of treating her feet.

 

Then she asked me if i could go and fill her water gallons as she did not drink her tap water. so I did.

Then she asked me if I could go shopping to buy her things. so I did. I even bought her as a present, some tomato plants with the big pots so she could have some tomatoes growing off of her balcony for the summer.

 

I have a dog also and in conversation, i had mentioned it to her, then she said, why don't you bring your pet to my place so that  my dog can play with you dog while we visit.

so I once brought my dog over . 

During that visit, she mentioned to me that her neighbors dog once gave her dog fleas and she made him pay for her dogs fea treatments, which were over $500.00 in treatment costs.  

The was my first red flag. I never brought my dog over again, as I would not want her to accuse me of giving her dog fleas,

 

Then she mentioned her life and said how she really did not believe in God. she mentioned that she had two sons and a daughter and had that she herself had never married.

But she told me. : I told the pastor I was married, because i did not want him to judge me. she said, I know the pastor is a bit of a gossip as when he visits me, he tells me about other people,

 so not to be judged by the pastor, I told him i was widowed.

 

Then the next thing I know, i get an emergency call from the old lady that she wanted me to go and pick up her sister who lives 2 1/2 hours away from where she lives.

 

By then, I just had enough, not only of the old lady, but of the pastor who had absolutely no discretion, who lied to me about asking her first if I could call her,

 to giving her my personal home address and also for placing me in such a position with this old lady.

 

I ended up giving her four foot treatments free of charge and then after the 'picking up sister incident' I mentioned to her that this was the last time I would be coming over and that she really needed to seek medical appointed foot treatments, for her own protection as well as for the protection of the person treating her feet.

 

I never went back to that church as the pastor lied, gossiped, did not respect a church members privacy and really placed me in a very difficult position with this lady.

 

Something I learned from the experience, if Christians are to visit others in their homes, especially if they are strangers, their should be always be two people to go and visit, 

(for everyone's protection ).

 

What can I say from all of this?  Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries are so very important.

In all circumstances, use caution especially when things are new, even going to a new church.

 

If you are a single nice looking lady with a ready smile on your face, some people even pastors can look to take advantage of your innocence or good will.

 

There is an old secular song. " Hey baby, baby, its a wild world, can't only get by just upon a smile girl."

And how true!

 

Caution and sound boundaries are needed  to be employed in ALL circumstance of life and anyone who tells you different is misleading you.

Not everyone in this world has good intentions for you, not even little old ladies or nice old men even when they say they are Christians .

 

Best wishes to you, Seek God in prayer, and He will guide you to do and say the right thing.

Edited April 16, 2015 by 1to3

[JesusIsLove]

Hi again,

The best is to keep this in prayer like kwik prayed for the situation.

People, people, people, are a variety with both good and bad in them.

Having sound boundaries are key to safe guarding your self.

Having been someone with "a little red riding hood attitude"

I have had to learn these things through life experience of trials and errors.

I have had to rebuild boundaries through observing what healthy people do , to keep healthy and protected.

In my family life,(my father died when i was 13years,) my mother always told me to be nice to my brother no matter

what kind of abuse he gave to me,that two wrongs don't make a right and to show christian love to my atheist brother. Well I did that and nothing changed,

my brothers behavior remained and remains abuse to me. After, a childhood of verbal abuse from him, physical abuse from him , and more that i will not mention here,

after my mother passed away, I was now free from being under my brothers clutch and control. but from the dysfunctional position that I was kept in,(did not know how to get out)

I was taught to be a people pleaser, and this only served me to be a doormat to people, until I finally was able to free myself form my abusers.

Just to say, keeping an open door policy for some may seem so nice, bu it just isn't realistic or sage in the world we live in.

Yes you can remain polite and respectful and pray for people who are unkind to you,

but in difficult, abusive cases it is better to keep your distance away from some, as there point of view may not include being polite and respectful back to you.

Just another example,

About 4 years ago, I went to a church. It was Easter time. I saw an older woman in the church. she was alone and nobody seemed to speak with her

or bother with her.

So I decided to go over and great and welcome her and invited her to come and join me to some church refreshments .

So she joined me. and when time came to leave, we bid our farewells.

The next think I know, the pastor calls me and asks me if I could give this lonely lady a call, because she had just lost one of her cats and was very sad.

I asked the pastor to not give my number or address to anyone before notifying me first and to please ask the older lady if it was o.k. with her first, if you gave me her telephone number.

The pastor said he did and then gave me the telephone number.

When I called the older lady, I said to her, did the pastor call you to first ask you if he could give you my number? She said no, and so I said , oh, I never call anybody without their permission first, and that the pastor was the one who gave me your number to call, and asked me to call you.(so the pastor lied to me)

She said that it was all o.k. and so I talked to her about the death of her cat and listened to her about other grievances she seemed to need to let of her chest.

Now she also had my number and started calling me almost everyday. I did mention that I was working and could not talk to her every day. but I still did speak

with her when she called. She then started to call me by a "pet name" to make it seem more personal.

Then the next time I went to church, the pastor asked me if I could go over and visit her sometime because 'she was very lonely' is what the pastor said.

Again I mentioned to the pastor, to please ask this lady beforehand if she wants to share her address with me to come and visit her and I made it clear to the pastor

not to share to the lady where I lived. (He did not respect my wishes and share to the lady where i lived).

So after another phone call with the lady, I agreed to come and visit her.

when I went over to visit her, she asked me to move things around, help her with placing up a curtain, she asked me if i could cut her dogs nails.

She said that she was needing a cataract operation and had diabetes and had mushrooms growing on her feet that needed treatment but could not afford treatment.

Because I have been previously;y in the health care field, I then took a look at her feet and mentioned the things she should do to care for her feet and that

I could come over and give her a series of pedicure treatments, to get her started in the right direction of treating her feet.

Then she asked me if i could go and fill her water gallons as she did not drink her tap water. so I did.

Then she asked me if I could go shopping to buy her things. soIi did. I even bought her tomato plants with the bid pots so she could have some tomatoes growing off of her balcony.

I have a dog also and in conversation, i had mentioned it to her, then she said, why don't you bring your pet to my place so that my dog can play with you dog while we visit.

so I once brought my dog over .

During that visit, she mentioned to me that her neighbors dog once gave her dog fleas and she made him pay for her dogs fea treatments, which were over $500.00 in treatment costs.

The was my first red flag. I never brought my dog over again, as I would not want her to accuse me of giving her dog fleas,

Then she mentioned her life and said how she really did not believe in God. she mentioned that she had two sons and a daughter and had that she herself had never married.

But she told me. : I told the pastor I was married, because i did not want him to judge me. she said, I know the pastor is a bit of a gossip as when he visits me, he tells me about other people,

so not to be judged by the pastor, I told him i was widowed.

Then the next thing I know, i get an emergency call from the old lady that she wanted me to go and pick up her sister who lives 2 1/2 hours away from where she lives.

By then, I just had enough, not only of the old lady, but of the pastor who had absolutely no discretion, who lied to me about asking her first if I could call her,

to giving her my personal home address and also for placing me in such a position with this old lady.

I ended up giving her four foot treatments free of charge and then after the 'picking up sister incident' I mentioned to her that this was the last time I would be coming over and that she really needed to seek medical appointed foot treatments, for her own protection as well as for the protection of the person treating her feet.

I never went back to that church as the pastor lied, gossiped, did not respect a church members privacy and really placed me in a very difficult position with this lady.

Something I learned from the experience, if Christians are to visit others in their homes, especially if they are strangers, their should be always be two people to go and visit,

(for everyone's protection ).

What can I say from all of this? Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries are so very important.

In all circumstances, use caution especially when things are new, even going to a new church.

If you are a single nice looking lady with a ready smile on your face, some people even pastors can look to take advantage of your innocence or good will.

There is an old secular song. " Hey baby, baby, its a wild world, can't only get by just upon a smile girl."

And how true!

Caution and sound boundaries are needed to be employed in ALL circumstance of life and anyone who tells you different is misleading you. not everyone in this world has good intentions for you, not even little old ladies or nice old men even when they say they are Christians.

Best wishes to you, Seek God in prayer, and He will guide you to do and say the right thing.

Hello,

Thank you so much for your words of wisdom. Might I say, I am very sorry for everything you've had to endure from your brother and the older woman and pastor who took advantage of your kindness. Rest assured, God will deal with them.

Both of your examples have made me so grateful that I did not allow things to go any further than they already had with my elderly neighbor. I put an end to her behavior in the nick of time. I would almost rather have this lady hate me, than become as dependent on me as that older woman became with you.

There are some people that you can not be nice to in this world. It makes me think that some people may be lonely for good reason! Others may know something about these individuals that we don't, and we end up finding out the hard way.

From what you have experienced with people who have hurt and betrayed your trust, I'm quite certain you proceed with a lot more caution than you did before. I don't blame you one bit. I, in turn, will do the same.

I've learned, everyone that goes to church and refers to themself as a child of God, is not always who or what they claim to be. For some people, it's all for show! They may fool the public, but they can't fool The Lord Jesus Christ. This I know.

God bless you.

Edited April 17, 2015 by JesusIsLove

[1to3]

Keeping your situation in prayer. God bless you to.