Male/Female co-workers--what are the boundaries?

[Sugarbaker]

Yesterday my daughter and I were shopping downtown and she asked to get an ice cream cone. As soon as we walked in, I saw the husband of a friend from my Bible study having ice cream with a very attractive woman. They were laughing and seemed to be enjoying each other's company. When I spoke to them, he seemed a bit off balanced but introduced me to his co-worker. This was about 1:30, the middle of the work day. I wondered why he had time to leave his high level job with the city to go get ice cream with a pretty lady, but that's just how my mind works. Their marriage may be one of trust, and they would have no problem with opposite sex friends.

My question is not whether to tell the wife--she is just a casual friend, and I don't want to start trouble so I won't bring it up unless she does--but what are the boundaries for married Christians with opposite sex co-workers? Of course, we want good relationships with the people we work with, and there nothing wrong with having coffee or lunch in the break room, but do you leave your job site and take an extended break with a person who is not your spouse?

My father worked, my mother did not. He made it a rule never to be alone with a female co-worker unless it was job related. He did not engage in long conversations at the water cooler with women. He did not go out for drinks after work, and anytime there was an outside activity planned, my mother went or he would not.

Just curious to know your thoughts on this.

Edited August 1, 2015 by Sugarbaker

[other one]

I think it totally depends on individual couples. One should never do anything that would make the spouse uncomfortable should they know about it. If you don't know them well, leave it alone.

[missmuffet]

Yesterday my daughter and I were shopping downtown and she asked to get an ice cream cone. As soon as we walked in, I saw the husband of a friend from my Bible study having ice cream with a very attractive woman. They were laughing and seemed to be enjoying each other's company. When I spoke to them, he seemed a bit off balanced but introduced me to his co-worker. This was about 1:30, the middle of the work day. I wondered why he had time to leave his high level job with the city to go get ice cream with a pretty lady, but that's just how my mind works. Their marriage may be one of trust, and they would have no problem with opposite sex friends.

My question is not whether to tell the wife--she is just a casual friend, and I don't want to start trouble so I won't bring it up unless she does--but what are the boundaries for married Christians with opposite sex co-workers? Of course, we want good relationships with the people we work with, and there nothing wrong with having coffee or lunch in the break room, but do you leave your job site and take an extended break with a person who is not your spouse?

My father worked, my mother did not. He made it a rule never to be alone with a female co-worker unless it was job related. He did not engage in long conversations at the water cooler with women. He did not go out for drinks after work, and anytime there was an outside activity planned, my mother went or he would not.

Just curious to know your thoughts on this.

First of all you do not know the whole story.If you saw them in a passionate embrace that would be a whole different story.We all know there is a lot of infidelity on our world.I think sometimes we need to not judge and mind our own business.It is between that man and that woman and God.

[Sugarbaker]

Bo, I am not judging anyone, did you read my entire post? as I stated, my question is not about this couple, but about relationships in general--What are the boundaries for opposite sex co-worker friendships? I would not like it in my relationship, but they may be okay with it. That's why I am "Minding my own business."

[missmuffet]

Bo, I am not judging anyone, did you read my entire post? as I stated, my question is not about this couple, but about relationships in general--What are the boundaries for opposite sex co-worker friendships? I would not like it in my relationship, but they may be okay with it. That's why I am "Minding my own business."

I did read your whole post.You did post about a scenario of a man in your Bible study and woman who you and your daughter did see together having an ice cream cone and that they were enjoying each others company which may be all that was going on.A lot of work places are really down on sexual harassment now which is nice.When I started working a guy could come up to you and man handle you and the company would do nothing about it.The relationship between co workers is up to the couple.I have known of several "affairs" between a married man and a co worker.There seems to be a lot of flirting as well between co workers.I try to stay away from gossip.I just mind my own business.If a wife came up to me and asked what I have observed I would be truthful.It is worse now than when I started working 26 years ago.

[Herman Uticks]

Why would it only matter concerning opposite genders, in this day and age, isn't it also possible to jump to conclusions about same sex companions?  Now, if these people were doing something like kissing, hand holding, or something else suggestive of a lot of familiarity or intimacy, maybe. Otherwise, I have come to think that it is quite difficult to anticipate or control what others think. Jesus was seen  in the company of tax collectors and even questionable female companions possibly. 

 

In my opinion, and that is all it is, I don't find reason for a lot of concern if they are not checking into a hotel, parking behind an abandoned building, etc, things done in public, could quite possibly be quite innocent, and I would grant them the benefit of a doubt. 

 

I was ratted out to my pastor once, because I was drinking apple cider, someone assumed it was champagne. I know first hand that you can be seen as a sinner when doing something that is perfectly okay, so I have learned to be very cautious about making assumptions.

 

At the same time, I think it would be wise of your freind's husband, to consider how things look, as we all should.

[missmuffet]

Why would it only matter concerning opposite genders, in this day and age, isn't it also possible to jump to conclusions about same sex companions?  Now, if these people were doing something like kissing, hand holding, or something else suggestive of a lot of familiarity or intimacy, maybe. Otherwise, I have come to think that it is quite difficult to anticipate or control what others think. Jesus was seen  in the company of tax collectors and even questionable female companions possibly. 

 

In my opinion, and that is all it is, I don't find reason for a lot of concern if they are not checking into a hotel, parking behind an abandoned building, etc, things done in public, could quite possibly be quite innocent, and I would grant them the benefit of a doubt. 

 

I was ratted out to my pastor once, because I was drinking apple cider, someone assumed it was champagne. I know first hand that you can be seen as a sinner when doing something that is perfectly okay, so I have learned to be very cautious about making assumptions.

 

At the same time, I think it would be wise of your freind's husband, to consider how things look, as we all should.

Yes,it can now.I once witnessed two women making out in the parking garage..ewwwww.Yes,false accusations can be damaging.

[The_Patriot21]

I spend time with people of the opposite gender all the time, with and without my wife...have many female friends. My wife at least knows about them all and trusts me. So I would say its one of those it depends on the couple. It could been a work related deal for that matter...unless you know for a fact there's something unbetoward going on between them I'd just stay out of it...

[Guest shiloh357]

I am never 'friends' with female co-workers.   I don't like my personal life and work life intersecting.   Co-workers, be they male or female, know next to nothing about me outside of my Christian testimony and a few other things.   I don't let myself develop friendships with co-workers.  

 

Affairs often start off as innocent looking "friendships."  

 

Marriage is a sanctified relationship and you are for the person whom you married.  You belong to your spouse alone. If I were married, the only woman in my life would be my wife.  The ONLY time I would interact socially with another woman would be if my wife and I were on a dinner date with another couple.   And even then, she would not be my "friend."    Her husband is my friend.   She and my wife would be friends, but I would not have friendships with married women.

[missmuffet]

I am never 'friends' with female co-workers.   I don't like my personal life and work life intersecting.   Co-workers, be they male or female, know next to nothing about me outside of my Christian testimony and a few other things.   I don't let myself develop friendships with co-workers.  

 

Affairs often start off as innocent looking "friendships."  

 

Marriage is a sanctified relationship and you are for the person whom you married.  You belong to your spouse alone. If I were married, the only woman in my life would be my wife.  The ONLY time I would interact socially with another woman would be if my wife and I were on a dinner date with another couple.   And even then, she would not be my "friend."    Her husband is my friend.   She and my wife would be friends, but I would not have friendships with married women.

I agree unhealthy relationships between a married man and woman can start out as just "friendships".