An open letter to non handicap individuals..

[Hawkeye]

An open letter to non physically handicapped people: You can go and do as you please, but try to remember, not everyone can. I know it gets frustrating when you have a handicapped friend, you have to go slower, maybe accommodate a little bit. Put yourself in their place. We hate asking for help, but sometimes we need it. Yes, we get frustrated too, not being able to do the things we did before. It's, the stares, comments, eye rolls and more. It's waiting thirty minutes to get down a needed aisle because the aisle won't accommodate your chair and people and they Don't pay attention, or even seem to care. Society shuns us.  I only hope and pray that none of my friends or family have to deal with physical handicaps. It's embarrassing, sometimes humiliating, but always stinks. So meet us half way, try to understand if you can, we are doing the best we can. Forgiveness will go both ways, we may get cranky and cantankerous, but we don't mean to. It's just that constant and chronic pain stinks. We cope, we manage, but even the best pain relief methods can't counteract a "bad pain day". We long for the good days, when we can be more active. So please understand, we're trying. Meet us halfway.

[other one]

My wife has MS and I have a military injury to my left knee and leg......   When we travel to places, especially on shore excursions on cruises the people just walk to where many of us can't keep up.   and when you mention it to them they act offended like we are putting them out most of the time...   it's frustrating.

[Hawkeye]

Comment from a friend on another site. I encounter this often!

"I feel like I'm invisible some times. People will deliberately step out in front of you and then stop. One thing that really *(makes me angry) is children playing on the hand I cap scooters . Another thing is the looks from people when I park in a handi cap space in my sports car . What ? Handi cap people can't have a sports car ? But able bodied people will snap up a handi cap space in a min . Recently I was at Wal-Mart  in my chair when a group of people decided to just stop in front of me and have a group conversation. If you politely say excuse me , they always get a look like oh I guess if I have to"

[MorningGlory]

Well, Hawkeye, I will tell you truthfully that I NEVER do these things and I'm always willing to get things from high shelves and such.  I have also unloaded handicapped people's carts for them and made sure they had help out with their things.  I'm not bragging; I'm simply telling you that some of us DO care.  Those that act the way you describe had better hope that God doesn't put THEM in a chair or give them some other handicap.  I see your frustration and don't blame you a bit for feeling that way.  God bless the handicapped because y'all just have to work a little harder but you'll be fine.

[Hawkeye]

2 minutes ago, MorningGlory said:

Well, Hawkeye, I will tell you truthfully that I NEVER do these things and I'm always willing to get things from high shelves and such.  I have also unloaded handicapped people's carts for them and made sure they had help out with their things.  I'm not bragging; I'm simply telling you that some of us DO care.  Those that act the way you describe had better hope that God doesn't put THEM in a chair or give them some other handicap.  I see your frustration and don't blame you a bit for feeling that way.  God bless the handicapped because y'all just have to work a little harder but you'll be fine.

Thanks I know there are people who do care, and I encounter them at times.But in my experience, many many do not. It's even well meaning friends, who aren't trying to be uncaring, but they don't know how to best help. They walk ahead, not thinking about you going slower. Or they say they don't mind stopping to let you rest, bit you you know, you can tell they get frustrated each time... Even if they never say it.

[xyluz]

I have had to take care of a loved one, and i must say... it gets really rough sometimes... yet, that experience has helped me learn a bit about what they go through and how life feels from their perspective...

I understand you my friend...

And i think most people who act that way don't know better... 

[Hawkeye]

Just now, xyluz said:

I have had to take care of a loved one, and i must say... it gets really rough sometimes... yet, that experience has helped me learn a bit about what they go through and how life feels from their perspective...

I understand you my friend...

And i think most people who act that way don't know better... 

And there is frustration on both sides, because both sides need to make mutual acknowledgements. And find a compromise.

[Omegaman 3.0]

OK, point taken Hawkeye, and you are right. People need to be understanding an accommodating. We typically understand that a 1 year old infant, some times needs a little help from those more able bodied. We might even under stand, that some 90 year olds, are not spring chickens.

Somehow though, we see (some do) that a 30 year old, is in a different category. Some people see a parent, with a handicapped child, and take their anger out on the parent, for daring to have a differently-abled child, and caring for them, instead of leaving them home or institutionalized so as to not bother the rest of us, or remind us that problems exist in the world.

As I said, point made. However I have a point also, also sort of an open letter. I am reminded, that some people criticize Muslims in the U.S. for not speaking out against terrorist. Some see this as siding with people with whom they have something in common, rather that speaking out for what is decent an proper. It is as if those who are silent, have joined forces and have effectively conspired with evil through their silence. Where am I going with this?

I have a personal pet peeve (which others are free to disagree with) about the Americans with Disabilities Act. To me, in is one of those well intended ideas, that others pervert to their own ends, taking advantage of what would other wise be good law.

Examples:

• I know three people, who have handicap placards for their cars. One, has one because his wife is disabled. He uses it to park in handicap zone parking spaces, even when his wife is not with him.
• A second, uses the placard for access also, however, her mom died a few years ago, she sees nothing wrong with parking this way, after all, it was her mom's car anyway.
• One fellow, had a heart condition, so he parked in a handicapped zone at his work place, every day. It got him maybe 100 feet closer to the door. Fair enough. However, part of his job description was to deliver mail and other packages to different departments in the company, for 3 of his 8 shift hours.
• A neighbor of mine, had to quit his work place, due to a work related injury. He got a disability check. His position, had been working for a autobody company. He frequently took side jobs though, working at a home shop, to earn a little cash, What did he do? Autobody work, of course.
• I know a fellow, who actively pursues discover of businesses, which are not ADA compliant. He and his crooked lawyer, sue businesses, and collect damages, hurting businesses and their customers with legal fees, fines, and cost of compliance, even when this man, as no actual complaint that affects him.

Each of these examples, have one thing in common. All five of them are just lazy and selfish. This is similar to people who become welfare dependent, not because they need help, but because they can get away with it. They have found a way to milk the system. It often annoys me though, when there is not a place to park, and I drive around, looking for parking, while there are 8 handicapped places, only 2 of them used. I get that a market, has so many spaces. I do not get why "Big Al's Discount Tennis Supply Warehouse", also needs the same number of places, but that is just me.

The only thing that comes to my mind, is that people are evil, and that the system that was intended for good, perpetuates the problem. 

Some of the people who are handicapped, are legitimately so, probably  the vast majority of them are. Some people criticize others, out of ignorance. I casually know a person, who has a handicap. She is a drug addict. She has no real prospects of holding down a job. She has no car, and has to be driven to get her daily methadone treatments. She has a little girl, I have no idea how that will turn out, but the custody of the child is in question. She is planning on leaving California, for PA. She has already lost three little girls before.

What do we do with people like this? This lady, is 'handicapped', because she is an addict. The fact that her problems are of her own making, does not make her handicap less real. She is leeching off the system, unable to procure work, and her daughter is also a victim here, obviously. Here, it is hard not to judge here, and see how she created this problem. However, her little girl did not create the problem.

Besides drugs and alcohol, and besides extreme laziness, there is another class of people, who are handicapped and are often misunderstood and criticized. The chronically over-weight. Some, refuse to see that as a handicap, seeing this as a problem of will power and poor choices of diet and lifestyle. Certainly we see these people on the news, who cannot even get out of a room, have to be sawed free from their home to get emergency treatment. I recall one who even became a fixture - became part of the toilet and had grown into that item of plumbing.

Are all of these overweight people, victims of their own choices? Some, certainly have enablers. Some certainly are the result of bad choices. However, I do not know that all are, and I think without knowing circumstances, we may not be in a position to judge. However, judging is what we do, and likely there are a lot of people that see an obese person and do not have a lot of pity for them.

Here though, is where I am making a comparison with the silent Muslims, who do not speak out.

When we, as a society, allow our representatives to enact legislation, where their is too little oversight, we are getting a result that is predictable. Abuse and bloated budgets, follow the money. People, get lazy, and follow the money. Lawyers get greedy, and follow the money. Then there are those, who praise the ADA ans similar programs, for the help it provides, but they, like the Muslims, take sides, and do not speak out against what is right, and what it wrong. Those who understand that abuse is abuse, should, I think, be as vocal against the ADA, as anyone is, because they also stand to lose from high taxes and lawsuit abuse, and they, more that the rest of us, also will at times, be lumped in with the lazy abusers, instead of speaking out against such abuse.

So Hawkeye, yes, we need to be supportive of those who need help and understanding, but we also need to understand, that there are other issues that should also be addressed, not ignored.

I know that some of what I said, is controversial, and emotional for many. In case some want to take exceptions with my points, I will not argue them, I am done with my rant. If people want to offer a position counter to mine here, they can do so without opposition from me.

[Hawkeye]

You will always have abusers. I see the point about weight too. Must judge based on that, or think all pain can just be resolved with weight loss. 

[kwikphilly]

Blessings Hawkeye

    I'm sorry you have these unfavorable experiences,I don't want t7o sound uncaring but I would suggest some new friends,,,,as far as strangers & others out in the world,well....I just pray for them,they need us to

And for Mega,,,,BRAVO!!! You see,I am one of those people who are "disabled"....Yeah,okay there is much pain,unbearable pain some days but is that anyone's problem besides my own?No it is n't & nobody out there knows I'm having a bad day sop it is all on me not to take it out on them,if I feel that cranky & miserable then I stay home until I can stay focused on Jesus,somebody else ,others & until I can be an Ambassador for Christ, this gal  does not believe "misery wants company"

 Everyone is different,I understand that but as Christians we have the Holy Spirit to life us up out of this world,we are not OF it,we are just in it..."I can do ALL things in Christ Jesus",,,,,   You know mega,what ticks me off? I refused the handicap parking tag because I can manage & don't want to take a spot for someone who cannot......& then I look for the electric scooter at WalMart when I FINALLY do make it to the front of the store & an overweight person grabs it because they are simply too lazy to try,,,,,but I pray,go home & pray and try again the next day,,,,,,And then I know why I couldn't get to shopping the day before,because God had this day Planned for me! And how do I know,I will tell you....

Because,God Bless their hearts,people got stuff from the top shelf for me,I have about 2 or 3 moments with people Praising God & giving Him Glory,.a man loaded my trunk for me & a lady took the scooter back & so on & so on,,,,,God is Good & Worthy of our Praise

Sis,I'm sorry you have these things you go through but it doesn't have to be that way ,you can't expect people to be kind ,considerate & thoughtful,they are or they are not,,,,but instead of looking at what they are doing,look at what you are doing & what Jesus is doing,maybe you atre the one one that wanted to go to Wal-Mart that day,did you ask the Lord where He wants you to go?Maybe you feel a little cranky & have a scowl on your face,,,,tell a stranger that Jesus loves them & isn't it a wonderful day?

Some days I can't do a thing,if I called one of my friends & asked for help they would drop everything & rush over to help me,,,,,I have the best,most beautiful Spirit Filled Brothers & Sisters in Christ in my life & all Glory ,Praise & Thanksgiving to God Alone!!!!Is everyday a breeze & delightful? No,it isn't but no one needs to know that either....I want nothing more than to hear,"I want what you have',,,,,,because I'm smiling & filled with the joy of the Lord,,,, then I can say'I have Jesus" & provoke them to- envy!!!!   I truly hope this encourages you,the only way to make a change ,make a difference is to do something different & it usually starts with ourselves              Praise Jesus!                                   With love-in Christ,Kwik