Why a woman will not leave an abusive marriage

[ladypeartree]

It doesn't help that Judges who are mainly men are so blind to this type of violence ... I left my husband after he fractured my skull, broke my jaw and several ribs and tried to cut my hand off ( my fingers were too swollen after he had beaten me up to remove my wedding ring that he wanted )   The judge agreed that he " had a right to chastise me for being cheeky and refusing to obey him  !!!!   ( I had  not gone to a funeral as I didn't have a baby sitter and he told me I wasn't wanted there and then got annoyed with me as several people had asked where I was  so he decided I had deliberately made a fool of him )

Even today with out so called enlightened society it is incredibly hard to bring a case of rape against your husband as once you marry you give him a legal right to your body for his use in the eyes of the law

The only domestic abuse cases that make the papers ( normally ) are when the abuser is the woman ( and yes it does happen )

[HisFirst]

2 hours ago, ladypeartree said:

It doesn't help that Judges who are mainly men are so blind to this type of violence ... I left my husband after he fractured my skull, broke my jaw and several ribs and tried to cut my hand off ( my fingers were too swollen after he had beaten me up to remove my wedding ring that he wanted )   The judge agreed that he " had a right to chastise me for being cheeky and refusing to obey him  !!!!   ( I had  not gone to a funeral as I didn't have a baby sitter and he told me I wasn't wanted there and then got annoyed with me as several people had asked where I was  so he decided I had deliberately made a fool of him )

Even today with out so called enlightened society it is incredibly hard to bring a case of rape against your husband as once you marry you give him a legal right to your body for his use in the eyes of the law

The only domestic abuse cases that make the papers ( normally ) are when the abuser is the woman ( and yes it does happen )

Oh my goodness LP!!???

[kwikphilly]

Quote

Do you think some women have a built in magnet that attracts them to abusive men?                                                                   Yown

Typically "yes" but not always,,,,,usually,I may say probably 9 out of 10 women need to change something about their behavior & characteristics in order not to "attract" abusive men.....I'm not sure what the actual statistics are but with anything you learn(or should learn-lol) that by repeating the same thing over & over always has thwe same results

   Anyway,I don't hear anything about God in this Thread(unless I missed something?I did read these posts quickly)I think the biggest problem is the 'flesh",carnality......I'm sure this will ruffle some feathers but I don't really care because it is what I see .....I'll use myself for an example,I don't attract abusive men,I am not a co-dependent personality or an enabler and I do not come from a family of abused women or abusive men(& visa versa)......it was pretty non existent in my circle of friends also.....And then I married a devil in disguise(not my 1st marriage),,,,,I am a woman of God,me & my house serve the Lord,I love my Living Redeemer & I walk in Spirit & in Truth.....This man was supposedly a Christian,we started out going to church & Bible study together,reading the bible etc,,,,,so it was not that I should have considered being unequally yoked(in many cases that is also a problem & could have been avoided)     Still,despite everything that he SEEMED to be.that Still Small Voice was telling me 'beware",only I turned a deaf ear & a blind eye,In hindsight I  had several "warnings" that I did not heed and no one can tell me that they did not......I believe there are always red flags & if the spirit of pride stands in the way of anyone admitting to it,well......that is something they need to work out

   Even a complete stranger(the pastors wife)spoke to me prophetically one day,,,,she simply said"Run from him,he will try to kill you"........I(& others) thought she was nuts yet when she said those words it cut like a two edged Sword.....right to my soul,my Counselor knew very well & tried to warn me,my spirit grumbled     My flesh hindered me from Receiving ,I wanted to see the sweet,kind ,gentle,Jesus loving man......Even as a mature Spirit Filled woman I did not ask God if it was His Will for me to marry Him,I guess I did not want to hear His Answer,,,,,,so ,imo.........for a Christian,a Born Again Believer,this should not be if we just ask God,wait patiently on Him & LISTEN    God Will allow it if His child does not ask & wait on Him,certainly He Will & the end result will hopefully be that He is Glorified in our Testimony,just like mine,,,,,,,,God spared my life & stoof beside me through it all but it was my choice,the wrong choice              With love-in Christ,Kwik

In response to the OP,they are not following Gods Direction & Guidance.......not before,during or after

 

[RustyAngeL]

On 9/18/2016 at 11:43 PM, Yowm said:

Do you think some women have a built in magnet that attracts them to abusive men?

I mean as a youth, I had seen a number of girls who when on various opportunities to choose between a 'nice' guy and a 'thuggish brute' they would keep choosing the latter. I suspect many of these ended up in an abusive relationship.

I do in a way.  My friends first two husbands beat her up.  Now she is with a man who is very controlling. She can't make a move or buy anything that he does not question her about it.  If they are shopping for food and "he doesn't like it, she is not allowed to buy it"  Not allowed?  are you kidding?  Her money is in that account too.  When she buys something with what little cash he gives her, like $50 a month if she is lucky, she has to hide it because he will jump on her.  Once I bought her a package of white chocolate Kit Kats. She said she was going to have to find a place to hide it because he would take it from her and eat it.  Thanks but no thanks.  I had a great husband and just the thought of a man trying to control me like that makes me crazy.  But yet for the third time she puts up with it.  Go figure.

[ladypeartree]

She really needs help .. I tried to stay married for 10 years then left him ( after he almost killed me and with the help of the hospital when he was passed out drunk ) took my 4 children and RAN ( well crawled ) I was 28 and raised the children without a penny from  him and have NEVER wanted to try again so if she has tried 3 times she REALLY needs help poor lady ..will be praying for her

[missmuffet]

1 hour ago, ladypeartree said:

She really needs help .. I tried to stay married for 10 years then left him ( after he almost killed me and with the help of the hospital when he was passed out drunk ) took my 4 children and RAN ( well crawled ) I was 28 and raised the children without a penny from  him and have NEVER wanted to try again so if she has tried 3 times she REALLY needs help poor lady ..will be praying for her

That takes a lot courage what you did lady.

I really did my best being a good wife under the abusive circumstances. But then I did not know that he had a history of affairs. I stayed for 25 years and then I found out he was in a current affair. I left. Unlike lady my attorney and I made sure that I was taken well care of for quite some time. He married the girlfriend and he found out that the grass is not greener on the other side because it turned out to be a disaster.

[RustyAngeL]

11 minutes ago, missmuffet said:

That takes a lot courage what you did lady.

I really did my best being a good wife under the abusive circumstances. But then I did not know that he had a history of affairs. I stayed for 25 years and then I found out he was in a current affair. I left. Unlike lady my attorney and I made sure that I was taken well care of for quite some time. He married the girlfriend and he found out that the grass is not greener on the other side because it turned out to be a disaster.

25 years is a lot of time to take the abuse.  My friend took it from her first husband for 14 years then with the second 32 years now she is with another one who abuses mentally.  I just don't get it.  But to finally get away does take a lot of courage.  

[missmuffet]

13 minutes ago, RustyAngeL said:

25 years is a lot of time to take the abuse.  My friend took it from her first husband for 14 years then with the second 32 years now she is with another one who abuses mentally.  I just don't get it.  But to finally get away does take a lot of courage.  

Yes, I was number 5. I did love him but the love did fade. I stayed too long. My children were affected. It takes a lot of courage to say " Hit, the road Jack"......

[GoldenEagle]

@missmuffet I might also add to your list the fact that many people blame the victim. This includes friends, relatives, and even other Christians. It's sad really.

 

God bless,
GE

[missmuffet]

2 hours ago, GoldenEagle said:

@missmuffet I might also add to your list the fact that many people blame the victim. This includes friends, relatives, and even other Christians. It's sad really.

 

God bless,
GE

Yes, good point GE Also if she does leave him she may lose a lot of friends because they will side with him. I guess that will show her who her friends really were.