Exposing a piece of my soul

[Seemore]

This is very hard as it is not the same as telling a friend but instead your telling the whole world so here I go, first I must say that I have walked with the Lord off and on for over 30 years, I say off and on because off back sliding but it has been a steady walk for the last 18 years, OK close your eyes cause here I go.

My current journey around this mountain started 3 years ago right after thanksgiving when all the Christmas movies started. Now my wife loves to watch these movies because it makes her feel good so I just grin and bear it but we do not celebrate Christmas as the Lord says in,
 Jer 10:2  Thus saith the LORD, Learn not the way of the heathen, and be not dismayed at the signs of heaven; for the heathen are dismayed at them.
Jer 10:3  For the customs of the people are vain: for one cutteth a tree out of the forest, the work of the hands of the workman, with the axe.
Jer 10:4  They deck it with silver and with gold; they fasten it with nails and with hammers, that it move not.
Jer 10:5  They are upright as the palm tree, but speak not: they must needs be borne, because they cannot go. Be not afraid of them; for they cannot do evil, neither also is it in them to do good.KJV

Well I had become very angry (this was new for me) at the hole program of movies, commercials and news that is put on by the media and turning it into one big reason to buy now and show how much you love everyone, to me this is not love. After about what seemed like 30 movies in 1 week I was at my breaking point and I went outside and started telling the Lord that I could not handle this anymore. Now there was other things going wrong with my life at that time (this is what started the anger in my life) and I told the Lord that I wanted to die. Now I can’t take my own life so being smart I thought that I could use Gods word to die as in when Abraham gave up the ghost and died so I said with a strong voice father if this is what it takes to stop all my pain and anger then I to will give up the ghost and at that moment a very deep chill started at my lower back and ran up through my head and I suddenly felt very empty and hollow at that point I knew I had done something very wrong and asked for forgiveness but nothing changed and still hasn’t as of yet. Needless to say my life has never been the same. For the last 3 years I have felt like I gave up the holy spirit and I was taught that this was the only unforgiveable sin. So now in my mind I am lost forever. I still read his word every day even though I can read 1 verse over and over and I still can’t remember it 2 minutes later (this was not normal), I still pray every day and I still clam JESUS CHRIST AS MY LORD AND SAVIOUR with my mouth every day I still tell other people that they need to know Jesus but I do not feel the same. This journey has taken me to a brother and sister in Christ to a pastor and even a rabbi I even tried to get in touch with Hal Linsday and still have not found an answer to my question (and I don’t think I ever will) am I lost forever and going to hell? Well when I think about it if someone came to me I don’t think I could tell them yes you’re going to hell as that would shatter there world. So I’m left with my faith only. Now I have to confess that yesterday when I asked the lord to confirm with his word that I should join this site and he told me to read Jer. 4:3 that was the first ray of hope I have had in 3 years. Now this lost feeling is only part of the problem the rest has to do with a new battle of call them demons that I had when I was younger such as snap anger over the smallest thing or gee I said something that made you mad so what or the way I seem to have less compassion now or the fact that I don’t want to leave my home to go anyplace. So my journey is around a very large mountain. At least now I have one ray of hope to start over with Praise the Lord for that. I’m going to go hide now as I feel pretty naked and bare. Forgive me.

[woundeddog]

my 40 year walk with the Lord has had its mountaintops-- and its swampy valleys--- "the unforgiveable sin" is taught or interpreted incorrectly by many--- this is what it is--- part of The Holy Spirits ministry is to show people that Jesus ( the carpenters son) Christ-- is in fact also the Son of God and God. when the Pharisees and scribes said Jesus was using the devils power to preform miracles they were saying Jesus was not God-- they where calling the Holy Spirit a liar--- that was the blasphemy part--if you do not believe Jesus is God, you can not be saved--- that is the unforgiveable part.

 

Now as to the rest of your feelings-- that is the problem--- feelings do not validate our relationship to God-- his promises in the Bible do~~~ our feeling are like water they are unstable and can not stand by them selves. Bible says " The heart is deceitful and desperately wicked, who can know it"--- that's talking about our feelings and attitudes. God knows this- but he still loves and cares for us.  If at any time in your life , as best as you knew how, came to Jesus and said I am a sinner and need you to save me, he did. PERIOD Jesus does not "unsave " people for any reason--- I.E. attitude, action, feeling, sickness, age.-- any reason- when we ask Jesus to be our Savior, it becomes his responsibility to save, and keep us saved.

 

I don't feel saved- I can't concentrate on my relation with the lord- I am not excited about things of the lord anymore-- I am tired of trying to be a Christian, everyone at church makes me angry-so I m not going anymore, I'm just going to give up and patiently wait for hell and hope its not as bad as people say

I have been there and done that, so what is the solution?????  Bible says " Draw nigh unto God, and he will draw nigh unto you"

 

Simple process-- in prayer " Lord, I'm in trouble-- I am tired, I don't really even want to talk to you now, but intellectually I know its stupid to try to live without you. I don't know where my feelings are at right now--- but a long time ago I asked you to save me--- so please put your arms around me now and carry me through this swamp, because I do not have the strength or will power to do it myself.

we can not always be super troopers for the Lord-- some times we are just shot up crippled soldiers waiting for spiritual para-medics to help us off the battle field till we recover.  No matter what your condition. the Lord loves you way beyond anything you can understand.

Dear friend Seemore-- trust him for this--- his Job to save and keep us saved-- just say- Thank you Lord- I'm waiting on you

[angels4u]

2 hours ago, woundeddog said:

my 40 year walk with the Lord has had its mountaintops-- and its swampy valleys--- "the unforgiveable sin" is taught or interpreted incorrectly by many--- this is what it is--- part of The Holy Spirits ministry is to show people that Jesus ( the carpenters son) Christ-- is in fact also the Son of God and God. when the Pharisees and scribes said Jesus was using the devils power to preform miracles they were saying Jesus was not God-- they where calling the Holy Spirit a liar--- that was the blasphemy part--if you do not believe Jesus is God, you can not be saved--- that is the unforgiveable part.

 

Now as to the rest of your feelings-- that is the problem--- feelings do not validate our relationship to God-- his promises in the Bible do~~~ our feeling are like water they are unstable and can not stand by them selves. Bible says " The heart is deceitful and desperately wicked, who can know it"--- that's talking about our feelings and attitudes. God knows this- but he still loves and cares for us.  If at any time in your life , as best as you knew how, came to Jesus and said I am a sinner and need you to save me, he did. PERIOD Jesus does not "unsave " people for any reason--- I.E. attitude, action, feeling, sickness, age.-- any reason- when we ask Jesus to be our Savior, it becomes his responsibility to save, and keep us saved.

 

I don't feel saved- I can't concentrate on my relation with the lord- I am not excited about things of the lord anymore-- I am tired of trying to be a Christian, everyone at church makes me angry-so I m not going anymore, I'm just going to give up and patiently wait for hell and hope its not as bad as people say

I have been there and done that, so what is the solution?????  Bible says " Draw nigh unto God, and he will draw nigh unto you"

 

Simple process-- in prayer " Lord, I'm in trouble-- I am tired, I don't really even want to talk to you now, but intellectually I know its stupid to try to live without you. I don't know where my feelings are at right now--- but a long time ago I asked you to save me--- so please put your arms around me now and carry me through this swamp, because I do not have the strength or will power to do it myself.

we can not always be super troopers for the Lord-- some times we are just shot up crippled soldiers waiting for spiritual para-medics to help us off the battle field till we recover.  No matter what your condition. the Lord loves you way beyond anything you can understand.

Dear friend Seemore-- trust him for this--- his Job to save and keep us saved-- just say- Thank you Lord- I'm waiting on you

 

 

Dear Seemore,

7Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners,and purify your hearts, you double-minded. 9Grieve, mourn, and weep. Turn your laughter to mourning, and your joy to gloom.…James 4:8

We don't live by feelings but only by the Word of God, if we draw near to Him ,He will draw near to us !

I have found in my Christian life that if I turn my eyes from God and trust my own instinct, we  go wrong,therefore we should live by the Word of God and trust every Word of God and test everything by the Word of God  , God has given us so many promises ,He's so amazing,He's our God, our Counselor,He's my everything!

You cannot go wrong by turning to Jesus in prayer, tell Him how you feel and ask Him to feel you with His Holy Spirit and to take control of your life!  And He will.

He's waiting for you to come to Him and to trust Him..

 

[Lolly]

You said that you feel naked--we are all naked without the clothes of Christ, or His righteousness.

 

Adam and Eve felt naked after eating from the wrong tree, and God clothed them with skins.

 

The LORD also initiated a plan through Abraham by which would be born a Savior.

 

Here, you see truth. This is the heart of God--redemption. I think your perception of your own identity changed during that moment of weakness, but your actions are not strong enough to change God's nature.

 

Jesus tells us through Luke's Gospel what happens when we do foolish things like turning away from God's best. Indeed, the Father "is filled with compassion" and covers you with kisses (Luke 15:20). If you sincerely wish to walk towards God, He will always receive you. Blasphemers of the Holy Spirit never do that--they never go to Him. That's why they aren't forgiven.

[Marilyn C]

On ‎10‎/‎02‎/‎2017 at 7:30 PM, Seemore said:

Well I had become very angry (this was new for me) at the hole program of movies, commercials and news that is put on by the media and turning it into one big reason to buy now and show how much you love everyone, to me this is not love. After about what seemed like 30 movies in 1 week I was at my breaking point and I went outside and started telling the Lord that I could not handle this anymore.

Hi Seemore,

You did well to share your pain. Now my thoughts are concerning this part. (above) Why didn`t you just repent to the Lord for wasting time watching those movies & then set about being more proactive in your life? It sounded like you were blaming God for you having to watch all those movies?

We all need to take responsibility for what we do, watch, speak, where we go etc.

Marilyn.

[Seemore]

4 hours ago, Lolly said:

You said that you feel naked--we are all naked without the clothes of Christ, or His righteousness.

 

Adam and Eve felt naked after eating from the wrong tree, and God clothed them with skins.

 

The LORD also initiated a plan through Abraham by which would be born a Savior.

 

Here, you see truth. This is the heart of God--redemption. I think your perception of your own identity changed during that moment of weakness, but your actions are not strong enough to change God's nature.

 

Jesus tells us through Luke's Gospel what happens when we do foolish things like turning away from God's best. Indeed, the Father "is filled with compassion" and covers you with kisses (Luke 15:20). If you sincerely wish to walk towards God, He will always receive you. Blasphemers of the Holy Spirit never do that--they never go to Him. That's why they aren't forgiven.

I felt naked at the time because I had just exposed what I did not like about my self to a bunch of people I don't know. I am an introvert and have a hard time sharing my feelings until I know you. Thank you for seeing the change I to noticed that and still do as there where many changes in me that day that I still cant answer. Also I was not trying to change Gods nature I was trying suicide by God. God says chose life not death and I knew that but my frame of mind at that time was out of control and after I said those words felt hollow that's why I felt like the Holy Spirit had left me. I used to talk to the Lord at any time and felt like the Holy Spirit was talking back. Now I still talk to the Lord all the time but I don't seem to hear the Holy Spirit any more maybe he is just quieter now I don't know and it has scared me. what I did not put in my post and I should have was at that same time I told the Lord that I was not going to ever stop believing in him or his mercy.

[Seemore]

1 hour ago, Marilyn C said:

Hi Seemore,

You did well to share your pain. Now my thoughts are concerning this part. (above) Why didn`t you just repent to the Lord for wasting time watching those movies & then set about being more proactive in your life? It sounded like you were blaming God for you having to watch all those movies?

We all need to take responsibility for what we do, watch, speak, where we go etc.

Marilyn.

I was not watching them I was reading news on my computer but the tv and my computer are in the same room and I had reached the point where I could no longer ignore them. Also I was not blaming God I was privately blaming my wife and that was wrong as well. We all need to take responsibility for what we do, watch, speak, where we go etc. and I agree but this was after dinner and we were relaxing as was the same for most of the movies. Also I need to say that I have been trying to get rid of the tv for 5 years now because 90% of the stuff on tv are lies. however my wife wont let it go yet but I'm still trying. I told her not long ago if I had it my way it would be it the trash lol. But she lives here to and has freewill as well and sense I love her I just have to wait until the Lord tells her to get rid of it as he did me.   

[Jesusislord123]

god still and will forever love you. You could try going to a conference? I had the Holy Spirit poured out on me at one of those 

[Marilyn C]

42 minutes ago, Seemore said:

I was not watching them I was reading news on my computer but the tv and my computer are in the same room and I had reached the point where I could no longer ignore them. Also I was not blaming God I was privately blaming my wife and that was wrong as well. We all need to take responsibility for what we do, watch, speak, where we go etc. and I agree but this was after dinner and we were relaxing as was the same for most of the movies. Also I need to say that I have been trying to get rid of the tv for 5 years now because 90% of the stuff on tv are lies. however my wife wont let it go yet but I'm still trying. I told her not long ago if I had it my way it would be it the trash lol. But she lives here to and has freewill as well and sense I love her I just have to wait until the Lord tells her to get rid of it as he did me.   

Hi Seemore,

That sounds better. And it seems it would be better to have the two separate - TV & Computer.

Next thing I notice is this you said -

`Now there was other things going wrong with my life at that time (this is what started the anger in my life) and I told the Lord that I wanted to die.

When we want to opt out of life, it can often be because we are not taking responsibility for our actions. I still believe that you need to repent, (like all of us) for your anger, & any other thing the Lord reveals. That is the quickest way to get rid of stuff & to hear the Holy Spirit. If we have all our emotions & wants & cries, we are actually blocking out the Holy Spirit, like putting our hands over our ears. The Lord always, but always asks US to change & doesn`t go about fixing this & that to make us comfy.

I know it is a hard journey, BUT we ALL have to do it. I`m praying for you, bro. Marilyn.

[Seemore]

2 minutes ago, Marilyn C said:

Hi Seemore,

That sounds better. And it seems it would be better to have the two separate - TV & Computer.

Next thing I notice is this you said -

`Now there was other things going wrong with my life at that time (this is what started the anger in my life) and I told the Lord that I wanted to die.

When we want to opt out of life, it can often be because we are not taking responsibility for our actions. I still believe that you need to repent, (like all of us) for your anger, & any other thing the Lord reveals. That is the quickest way to get rid of stuff & to hear the Holy Spirit. If we have all our emotions & wants & cries, we are actually blocking out the Holy Spirit, like putting our hands over our ears. The Lord always, but always asks US to change & doesn`t go about fixing this & that to make us comfy.

I know it is a hard journey, BUT we ALL have to do it. I`m praying for you, bro. Marilyn.

Hi Marilyn.

Thank you for the prayers they are needed.
Repentance is a big part of my life and the Lord is good about telling me when I have done something wrong and should repent. The other things that started the anger are family. Our son and his wife had told us that if we could not stop talking about the BIBLE then they would have to tell the grand kid's that they could no longer see us. then they would stand there and listen to us to make sure that we did what we were told. Our son even told me one day he wished all christains would just keep our mouth's shut. This all happend a month after we moved to be near them. We had not seen them in almost 10 years and this was a big blow to us as he was raised to believe in Christ. When we moved we had to take a small apartment and that meant that my entire work shop had to go into his garage. He loved that because he had hardly any tools and I still have tools packed as they would not all fit so he was loving it but as time want on he started telling me what I could and could not do in the shop. All we could say is who is the parent here well it had reached a point that we decided to move out of town as soon as my wife got her degree and found a good job. Well that was 2 years ago and we are still here and the family problems are still there and no job. I am on disability and cant work so we cant seem to find away to escape before the family is divided and we don't want that.