The appearance of evil.

[Guest shiloh357]

13 hours ago, LadyKay said:

My guess on the matter is if you feel bad about going to dinner with someone other then your wife/husband, then don't do it. And if you see someone out to dinner with someone other then their wife/husband, don't rush to  pass judgment on them for doing so. This is really a matter between a husband and wife.  Some wives have no issue with their husband having a lunch break with a female co-worker. Sometimes it is just best to mind your own Ps and Qs so they say. 

 

Let me ask you this.  I don't know if you're married, but just for the sake of argument,  let's say you're married and you're having dinner with another man.   Nothing big, just dinner.   But some  people who know you and know your husband see you at dinner with this man, and no one else at the table.  They start a rumor that your marriage must be in trouble because you're out with this strange man, they have never seen.  And rumors, being what they are, tend to snowball with each telling.  Pretty soon, their some pretty juicy rumors going around, especially in social media, about the nature of your relationship with this man.   And worse yet, the rumors make it all the way to your husband, and other family members.  And suddenly, you're being peppered with questions about your faithfulness to your husband and having to fend off false accusations about why you were with that guy.

(And for the record, that is an actual scenario that happened to a woman I used to go to church with.  I didn't make that up out of thin air)

Tell me this...  Would it be worth it, to avoid stuff like that, by simply having another person at the table?  Would it be worth simply postponing  a dinner invitation to avoid all of the nonsense that could potentially come from this until a 3rd person could be secured?

What I am suggesting in this and another thread is that having a third person at the table protects the honor of both the man and woman.  It's not that men and women cannot eat together, but there are certain scenarios where it is way better for there to be third party in the room, or at the table to prevent rumors from even getting started.  Just stop it before it starts.

What is unreasonable about taking measures not to fuel the rumor/gossip mill?

 

 

[Running Gator]

1 hour ago, shiloh357 said:

Let me ask you this.  I don't know if you're married, but just for the sake of argument,  let's say you're married and you're having dinner with another man.   Nothing big, just dinner.   But some  people who know you and know your husband see you at dinner with this man, and no one else at the table.  They start a rumor that your marriage must be in trouble because you're out with this strange man, they have never seen.  And rumors, being what they are, tend to snowball with each telling.  Pretty soon, their some pretty juicy rumors going around, especially in social media, about the nature of your relationship with this man.   And worse yet, the rumors make it all the way to your husband, and other family members.  And suddenly, you're being peppered with questions about your faithfulness to your husband and having to fend off false accusations about why you were with that guy.

(And for the record, that is an actual scenario that happened to a woman I used to go to church with.  I didn't make that up out of thin air)

Tell me this...  Would it be worth it, to avoid stuff like that, by simply having another person at the table?  Would it be worth simply postponing  a dinner invitation to avoid all of the nonsense that could potentially come from this until a 3rd person could be secured?

What I am suggesting in this and another thread is that having a third person at the table protects the honor of both the man and woman.  It's not that men and women cannot eat together, but there are certain scenarios where it is way better for there to be third party in the room, or at the table to prevent rumors from even getting started.  Just stop it before it starts.

What is unreasonable about taking measures not to fuel the rumor/gossip mill?

 

 

The rumor/gossip mill fuels itself, that is the very nature of rumor/gossip.

Two more actual scenarios that really happened.

Two weeks in a row I spoke to the same woman not my wife in the foyer after the service.  We were in the company of a couple hundred other people all standing around and talking as is the norm after service.  Later that week two ladies stopped by the house to speak to my wife to make sure everything was ok with our marriage as I was seen talking to this woman twice (in the most public of public places).   My wife got annoyed and told them to what the deal and asked them to leave the house.  The deal by the way is that I was at the time the Director of Outreach and the first week she had told me that she was able to help at the water and snowcone give away over memorial day at the park.  The next week she saw me and her work schedule had changed and she would not be able to help.  Was I wrong to talk to this woman in the foyer of the church two weeks in a row?

In the same church we had two families that always sat in the same pew by each other, had for at least two years that I had been there.  They sat husband-wife-husband-wife.  They were also friends outside of church who had been known to spend time at each other's houses.  Then one week one of the couples moved to a pew on the other side of the building and down a good ways.  Right away the rumor/gossip mill was moving.  Lot's of guessing about sex and even questions amongst the gossip train about what could have caused such a rift.  The reality is that two weeks before the one couple moved the church had some extensive HVAC work done and now that pew was too cold for the wife of the couple that moved.   Was that couple wrong for moving?

One last question for you, lets say that you are at your meal with the third person.  If that person gets up to use the restroom, do you also leave the table so as to not be sitting at the table alone with the married woman for 5 minutes?

[Guest shiloh357]

1 minute ago, Running Gator said:

The rumor/gossip mill fuels itself, that is the very nature of rumor/gossip.

Why enable it?  Why behave in such a way that makes it easier for a rumor to get started?  In what universe does a woman say, "You know, you so sexist for honoring your marriage and it is so demeaning toward me for not wanting me to be falsely accused and having my name dragged through the mud?"

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One last question for you, lets say that you are at your meal with the third person.  If that person gets up to use the restroom, do you also leave the table so as to not be sitting at the table alone with the married woman for 5 minutes?

NO.

[Jeff2]

3 hours ago, HisFirst said:

The brand is called So..? and the "So..? Sinful" fragrance is just another scent in the range.  

There's also So...Eternal.

I would not buy CALVIN Klein because the name is evil!

[Running Gator]

1 hour ago, Jeff2 said:

I would not buy CALVIN Klein because the name is evil!

why is Calvin an evil name?

[Jeff2]

3 minutes ago, Running Gator said:

why is Calvin an evil name?

I guess the cologne smells like the opposition burning at the stake, with a lot of green wood thrown in!   

[Running Gator]

1 hour ago, shiloh357 said:

Why enable it?  Why behave in such a way that makes it easier for a rumor to get started?  In what universe does a woman say, "You know, you so sexist for honoring your marriage and it is so demeaning toward me for not wanting me to be falsely accused and having my name dragged through the mud?"

In what universe is having a meal with a co-worker dishonoring your marriage?  If a marriage is so weak that one spouse cannot have a meal with a co-worker without issues then that marriage has far greater problems than eating a meal. 

This notion of "protecting" the honor of the woman is steeped in the 1940/50's view of women.  Women then were seen as lesser people, they were weaker and needed the protection of a man.  There was no place for them in the business world so eating with one could only mean one thing.  

Today, most people now view women as the equal of men, they no longer need one set of rules for men and one set of rules for women. 

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NO.

Why not?  All it takes is one minute for someone to be walking out of the same restaurant and see the two of you at the table while the third one is in the bathroom to start the rumor mill going.  This is the thing about the rumor/gossip mill, the people doing it are not acting rational, thus there is no protection against them.   

[Running Gator]

2 minutes ago, Jeff2 said:

I guess the cologne smells like the opposition burning at the stake, with a lot of green wood thrown in!   

That makes no sense at all.  

What about Calvin Coolidge?  He was the last true conservative president this country has had and he was not evil. 

What about Calvin Stowe who wrote or published multiple books on the bible including one that I still have on my bookshelf... Origin and History of the Books of the Bible, both Canonical and Apocryphal

[Jeff2]

Just now, Running Gator said:

What about Calvin Coolidge?  He was the last true conservative president this country has had and he was not evil. 

What about Calvin Stowe who wrote or published multiple books on the bible including one that I still have on my bookshelf... Origin and History of the Books of the Bible, both Canonical and Apocryphal

Bummer of a name! How many Adolf's and Benedict's do you know that are alive today?

The only reason Calvin exists today is because people do not know the truth about how evil he was!

[LadyKay]

3 hours ago, shiloh357 said:

But some  people who know you and know your husband see you at dinner with this man, and no one else at the table.  They start a rumor that your marriage must be in trouble because you're out with this strange man, they have never seen.  And rumors, being what they are, tend to snowball with each telling.  Pretty soon, their some pretty juicy rumors going around, especially in social media, about the nature of your relationship with this man.   And worse yet, the rumors make it all the way to your husband, and other family members.  And suddenly, you're being peppered with questions about your faithfulness to your husband and having to fend off false accusations about why you were with that guy.

You see the thing is is that it would not be an issue between me and my husband. Because I tell my husband everything. If I was to have dinner with another man (though I am not sure why I would but lets just say it was a co-worker and we went out for lunch) when I got home from work that day I would tell him "oh me and John went to  Restaurant Name for lunch today".  He would then most likely make a joke about it and we laugh and go on with life. Then if he was to start hearing rumors he would tell me about them and then both of us would be annoyed at the person running their month.  If it was a friend they would no longer be a friend, or the friendship would take a hit not our marriage. If it was a family member they would be called out about the issue and told off by us for spreading stories.   Cause this is just the kind of marriage we have together.  So I understand that not every marriage is like that, which is why I said if you feel bad about having lunch with someone other then your spouse, then don't do it. What works for one marriage may not work for another. 

I'm not telling anyone what to do about such things. Only they know what is right for them and not to judge other people who don't share your views.   Had I know this was a topic about married people having dinner together I would have never gotten into it. I thought it was about the appearance of evil. Now I am caught up in all this marriage and dinner debate.