I need help

[unbeaten]

I need help. Im not one to put my personal life out in the open, but I feel like Im losing my mind. I have been in the biggest spiritual battle for most of my life. Starting with my father sexually abusing me, my brother pyhscially abusing me, my parents never showing love. My mom has never said I love you or hugged me. ever. My x husband was emotionally and verbally abusive. He was very unfaithful. I have lost many family members, friends. Becuase of my inability to cope with life I lead a life of self injury and bulimia.

My friend Dan said this all gives me a great testimony for my faith. But I need help. As dumb as it sounds I feel like I am in constant battle with the devil for my soul. I have had a sheet over my mirrors for so long I dont even remember when they were put there. I hate looking at myself. I break down and cry and these voices take over my head telling me Im worthless and ugly. Im to fat, I dont deserve anything. Its so intense I just cry. They get so far into me that I feel the only thing I deserve is pain. I dont self injur anymore, but i just wanna pull my hair, or something.

I dont know what to do. Im sure you few reading this probably think im nuts lol its ok, sometimes I think the same thing. I just I dont know know. I have no trust in anyone. I have a great bf who accepted me for me. Even with my past problems. But Im constantly afriad. Afriad Im not good enough. that he'll want to leave. or that he'll cheat.

Can anyone help me? If I am fighting him, why is he so focused on me?? How do I make it stop?

[JimR-OCDS]

I need help. Im not one to  put my personal life out in the open, but I feel like Im losing my mind. I have been in the biggest spiritual battle for most of my life. Starting with my father sexually abusing me, my brother pyhscially abusing me, my parents never showing love. My mom has never said I love you or hugged me. ever. My x husband was emotionally and verbally abusive. He was very unfaithful. I have lost many family members, friends. Becuase of my inability to cope with life I lead a life of self injury and bulimia.

    My friend Dan said this all gives me a great testimony for my faith. But I need help. As dumb as it sounds I feel like I am in constant battle with the devil for my soul. I have had a sheet over my mirrors for so long I dont even remember when they were put there. I hate looking at myself. I break down and cry and these voices take over my head telling me Im worthless and ugly. Im to fat, I dont deserve anything. Its so intense I just cry. They get so far into me that I feel the only thing I deserve is pain. I dont self injur anymore, but i just wanna pull my hair, or something.

  I dont know what to do. Im sure you few reading this probably think im nuts lol its ok, sometimes I think the same thing. I just I dont know know. I have no trust in anyone. I have a great bf who accepted me for me. Even with my past problems. But Im constantly afriad. Afriad Im not good enough. that he'll want to leave. or that he'll cheat.

Can anyone help me? If I am fighting him, why is he so focused on me?? How do I make it stop?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I would suggest talking with a pastor at a local church, and see if he can't recommend some one for you to talk with. When we were having problems with my daughter, years ago, we met a Christian psychologist, who was awesome!

In the mean time, we'll pray for you!

[irishcowboy]

I would have to agree,

seek the aid of your pastor, Medical and legal help may also be in order.

the internet may not be the best place to be sharing some of these personal issues. if you need assistance, we can not give it to you as you really need it.

seek counsel with your pastor to start with.

mike

[Christ's Free Servant]

I need help. Im not one to  put my personal life out in the open, but I feel like Im losing my mind. I have been in the biggest spiritual battle for most of my life. Starting with my father sexually abusing me, my brother pyhscially abusing me, my parents never showing love. My mom has never said I love you or hugged me. ever. My x husband was emotionally and verbally abusive. He was very unfaithful. I have lost many family members, friends. Becuase of my inability to cope with life I lead a life of self injury and bulimia.

    My friend Dan said this all gives me a great testimony for my faith. But I need help. As dumb as it sounds I feel like I am in constant battle with the devil for my soul. I have had a sheet over my mirrors for so long I dont even remember when they were put there. I hate looking at myself. I break down and cry and these voices take over my head telling me Im worthless and ugly. Im to fat, I dont deserve anything. Its so intense I just cry. They get so far into me that I feel the only thing I deserve is pain. I dont self injur anymore, but i just wanna pull my hair, or something.

  I dont know what to do. Im sure you few reading this probably think im nuts lol its ok, sometimes I think the same thing. I just I dont know know. I have no trust in anyone. I have a great bf who accepted me for me. Even with my past problems. But Im constantly afriad. Afriad Im not good enough. that he'll want to leave. or that he'll cheat.

Can anyone help me? If I am fighting him, why is he so focused on me?? How do I make it stop?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I know your battle. I, too, was sexually abused by my father from ages 5 to 15 and then he was placed in a mental hospital for 1.5 years and then he came out and was over us again and tried it again, but I said "NO" this time, but he continued the mental and emotional and verbal abuse while my mother stood by and told us not to challenge our father but to do what he says. She was emotionally withdrawn and did not know how to physically or emotionally share love with us children. She never hugged me nor said "I love you," and she would not listen to me or would walk away while I was talking to her or would make fun of my emotions or would just not have time for me. And, yes, it presented a fierce spiritual battle for me most of my adult life.

But, there is hope, I guarantee!! God is a healing God and he wants to set you free. The problem is that you are listening to the wrong voices. There is a really great book out there that I would like to recommend that helped me a lot and it is called "The Bondage Breaker." Ephesians 6:10-20 tells us that we need to daily put on the armor of God in order to fight Satan. The problem is that Satan has lied to you and has convinced you that there is a question about who is going to win this battle. Jesus already won the battle on the cross!! Now, what you have to do is to take up his armor and fight!! You have to know the truth and the truth will set you free, and you have to fight Satan's lies with the truths of God's word.

I would suggest that you make a list of Satan's lies to you, such as you are no good, etc. and then ask God to show you the truths that counter those lies along with scriptures. I would be glad to help you. You can private message me and I will help you find the truths if you are not able to do so. Then, when the lie presents itself in your mind, instead of cowering in fear and defeat, fight back. Tell Satan, "NO!" Tell him you are going to refuse his lies and then quote the scriptures that counter those lies. Get the Bible on tape or CD and play it in your house day and night, because Satan does not like that. Play Christian music and sing praises to God and say the name of Jesus, because he really hates that. You have to fight him! He wants to make you think that he can beat you at this, but he can't, because Christ is the victor and he already won!

I am walking, living proof that God can take a wreck of a life and can turn it around for his glory and his purposes and can turn weaknesses into strengths. It didn't happen overnight, but then I did not have anyone much to help me through the process. In fact, most people put me down through it, including church people and church leaders, so it was like I was drowning and every time I came up for air and tried to make it, some church person or leader would push me back under the water or would "slam dunk" me over and over again.

But, this was all preparation for this time in my life. God gave me the calling of Jeremiah when I was a youth and I am now 55 years old and he said:

"The LORD gave me a message. He said, 5

[Dad Ernie]

Greetings Unbeaten,

I think Sue's advice was right on and you should take her up on her offer. She sounds like just the person able to mentor you through this terrible time.

On thing I would suggest though, and I know this is hard, but you should sever any relationship you have with any boy friends, at least for the time being. You have to learn to rely upon Jesus as your source for everything. He will supply. Try to set aside several times a day to read His word and to pray. It doesn't have to be long, but you need to get into the habit of calling upon Him.

Lord, I pray right now for Unbeaten. It is her that you came to save and to restore to the goodness of God. Please Father, put your loving arms around her this day, encourge her and help her to set her sights on things above and not what is going on here below. Bless her Lord in every way. In Jesus Name I ask these things.

Blessings,

Dad Ernie

[Christ's Free Servant]

Greetings Unbeaten,

I think Sue's advice was right on and you should take her up on her offer. She sounds like just the person able to mentor you through this terrible time.

On thing I would suggest though, and I know this is hard, but you should sever any relationship you have with any boy friends, at least for the time being. You have to learn to rely upon Jesus as your source for everything. He will supply. Try to set aside several times a day to read His word and to pray. It doesn't have to be long, but you need to get into the habit of calling upon Him.

Lord, I pray right now for Unbeaten. It is her that you came to save and to restore to the goodness of God. Please Father, put your loving arms around her this day, encourge her and help her to set her sights on things above and not what is going on here below. Bless her Lord in every way. In Jesus Name I ask these things.

Blessings,

Dad Ernie

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Thank you for sharing those encouraging words. You sound just like a "dad."

[jenbe]

Unbeaten,

When a child is brought up in the sort of abusive , loveless home that you describe, it can cause unbelievable devastation.... to be loved and afirmed is a basic need in every human heart, and when that is missing, it reflects in the self worth that person feels, long after they have grown up.

AS well as our own children, my husband and I have a young person, who by birth is nothing to do with us...but spiritually, emotionally and practically, this person is our own child, and loved as deeply and dearly as our birth and adopted children are.

Their story could be yours, their circumstances almost identical, their struggle so similar.......yet God , in his great love for this person, gave us the privilege of welcoming him into our family.

His struggles have been , and still are , enormous.

He continually contends with the demons of his past, and there have been many times when I have felt as though my heart would break over him. Yet through it all , I have felt the tremendous love of the Father for one of his lost, hurting children.

The counsel that Sue has given you is good, and I would agree with Dad Ernie that she sounds like one who can help mentor you through this time. The Word of God can break down strongholds in our lives, and prayer is an effective weapon against the enemy's grip on our life.

I will certainly pray for you...that you will know the peace of God, the love of God and the restoration you so badly need.

Many blessings...Jill

[Leonard]

My dear Sister, we will pray for you tonight. And yes, I second the motion: Stay in touch with Sue!

[angelkade21]

I will be praying for you. Don't Give up your battle, God will pull you through. I definetely Love Sue's Post, and i think it is a Great idea to get some Christian Music and a Bible on a Cd and just play it all day. I know that it will help you through this and lift your spirits. God has a purpose for each and everyone of us, and we have to trust him completely and know that We are in his hands. Whenever you feel down and start thinking that you aren't good enough, read Gods Word for comfort and Pray.

God Bless you,

YSIC,

Amber

[Guest Falling]

Hang in there and God bless your courage and reaching out,

remember we are all fighting satan, and crazy as it sounds it is reassuring because Praise God I am fighting him too and he wouldn't be after us if we we're already his.

Satan doesn't challenge those who are lost but those who are delivered!!!

Rejoice the battle is proof the war isn't over.

This forum is a wonderful support and God is working through it to help us all.

God is working right now