Should married Christians have friends of the opposite sex?

[JohnD]

3 hours ago, PageofGrace said:

SMALL WORLD!

My dad was the producer of the JLT. 

 

 

Sweet. From when to when?

[The_Patriot21]

I have many close friends who are women....none are as close as my wife obviously, and I take steps to ensure there is no questions of impropriety with them. I don't spend time alone with them, keep conversations aboveboard, etc. But yes I have friends of the opposite gender that I hang out with.

[Running Gator]

10 hours ago, Neighbor said:

I don't know anything about posing nor tv  fundraisers, but "But I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express hotel last night."

And; I know better than to sell the idea that it is harmless to a marriage to go having  opposite sex friends. It ain't.

That would depend on the marriage.  My wife has a male friend that she has known about a decade longer than she has known me and they have remained friends.  She has met him for a meal and they stay in contact via Facebook and email.  We have been married 24 years and if I cannot trust her to have a male friend what is the point of being married to her?

[Neighbor]

8 hours ago, Anonymous Aristotle said:

If you can't trust your husband around a woman

You can't trust him

That may be and seems to be true, but;

I really don't see the question of should a married man be alone with  a woman other than his wife as being one of trust. I suggest that it isn't  a matter of trust. It is a matter of  trial, tribulation, and opportunity. No man should put himself, another woman, nor his life-mate his wife, in  a situation that opens the door to opportunity for trail  and tribulation. plus no person  is being their wisest when they open the door to thier testimony as a bond-servant   of Jesus being held up to question, gossip, and ridicule by the little anti-christs of the evil one.

There need not be any wrong being done at all, but the evil one will use opportunity presented for suspicion and gossip by yet other individuals in order to harm the servant of Christ in their hate of Jesus and His gospel.

It is a small sacrifice to always always protect oneself as a saint and servant in Christ jesus from the verbal  and written attacks that may otherwise befall him or her because of their faith in Jesus.

[Neighbor]

33 minutes ago, Running Gator said:

That would depend on the marriage.  My wife has a male friend that she has known about a decade longer than she has known me and they have remained friends.  She has met him for a meal and they stay in contact via Facebook and email.  We have been married 24 years and if I cannot trust her to have a male friend what is the point of being married to her?

Hi and good morning; See my above response to another for my own thought on that. I know there are exceptional situations, and individuals adjust to them. BUT the challenge to the Christian, at least this one,  because of Christ's mercy upon them and their testimony of that mercy, is always there.

The Christian walk is always being questioned and challenged by others, even other Christians. So  in order to not cause  a brother or sister to weaken or lose faith  or even to make an accusation within the brethren, I personally will not ever want be found in the company of another woman. In fact when single I would not be found in the company of another woman alone, at work,- or any place else for that matter.

Yes I know perhaps extreme, but I also have worked for a church for several years now and as such  have the plight of always being  judged by others for this that and another thing. It is the nature of the situation - that of always being under glass for examination. Just part of life. And so I  work hard at being careful fo rmy testimony to be found experienced in my walk as well as my voice. 

Elsewhere I joked about a saint that was concerned  for what seemed to her to be less than acceptable attire at work.  That was  very funny to me considering the attire of the pastors that day. None the less should I refuse to  consider wearing a little more formal or perhaps just newer clothing when repairing air conditioners and other tasks that I do?  Seems ridiculous, but if I really do hurt  a weak sister and can avoid that harm, why not take the extra time and effort to lessen her concern? It is the same thing with the more important possibility of atttack of personal character. So I will not be alone with a woman at work or elsewhere. It is a pretty small sacrifice to be conscious of  what may harm another's perception of me or any other saint in  our Lord Jesus.

p.s.- Was I always successful at my goal of never being alone? No. And it was difficult very difficult to arrange a long distance relationship with a woman now my wife under those guidelines. I fell in love online on a Christian message board.

Edited July 6, 2017 by Neighbor

[Running Gator]

8 minutes ago, Neighbor said:

Hi and good morning; See my above response to another for my own thought on that. I know there are exceptional situations, and individuals adjust to them. BUT the challenge to the Christian, at least this one,  because of Christ's mercy upon them and their testimony of that mercy, is always there.

The Christian walk is always being questioned and challenged by others, even other Christians. So  in order to not cause  a brother or sister to weaken or lose faith  or even to make an accusation within the brethren, I personally will not ever want be found in the company of another woman. In fact when single I would not be found in the company of another woman alone, at work,- or any place else for that matter.

Yes I know perhaps extreme, but I also have worked for a church for several years now and as such  have the plight of always being  judged by others for this that and another thing. It is the nature of the situation - that of always being under glass for examination. Just part of life. And so I  work hard at being careful fo rmy testimony to be found experienced in my walk as well as my voice. 

elsewhere I joked about a saint that was concerned  for what seemed to her to be less than acceptable attire at work.  That was  very funny to me considering theattire of the pastors that day. But none theless should I refuse to  consider wearing a little more formal or perhaps just newer clothing when repairing air conditioners and other tasks that I do?  Seems ridiculous, but none the less  if I really do hurt  a weak sister andcan avoid that harm, why not take the extra time and effort to lessen her concern. It is the same thing with the more importnat possibility of atttack of personal character, and so I will not be alone with a woman at work or elsewhere. I it is a pretty small sacrifice to be conscious of  what may harm another's perception of me or any other saint in  our Lord Jesus.

p.s.- Was I always successful at my goal of never being alone? No. And it was difficult very difficult to arrange a long distance relationship with a woman now my wife under those guidelines. I fell in love online on a Christian message board.

I have a very different view of this and it is my opinion that both the "appearance of evil" and the "causing a brother to stumble" passage are woefully misapplied in our current situation. 

First off, there is always something to gossip about.  In other threads I have spoken of being "gossipped" about for talking to the same woman who was not my wife two weeks in a row after church in the foyer of the building.    I have known people that were "talked to" by their pastor or deacon because they were seen in the supermarket walking down the beer/wine aisle.   I have been told that drinking a beer is a sin because it might cause someone else to stumble.   There is no end to what can "cause someone to stumble".  

If someone told you they felt that air conditioning was evil and the very fact you worked on them was making them stumble, would you quit doing so? 

There is nothing inherently wrong with being alone with a member of the opposite gender in a work environment, it is only in the mind of those looking for evil that it will appear evil.  

Perhaps you will disagree with me, but if what I am doing is ok in the eyes of God, then I worry much less about what the eyes of men might think

[Anonymous Aristotle]

48 minutes ago, Neighbor said:

That may be and seems to be true, but;

I really don't see the question of should a married man be alone with  a woman other than his wife as being one of trust. I suggest that it isn't  a matter of trust. It is a matter of  trial, tribulation, and opportunity. No man should put himself, another woman, nor his life-mate his wife, in  a situation that opens the door to opportunity for trail  and tribulation. plus no person  is being their wisest when they open the door to thier testimony as a bond-servant   of Jesus being held up to question, gossip, and ridicule by the little anti-christs of the evil one.

There need not be any wrong being done at all, but the evil one will use opportunity presented for suspicion and gossip by yet other individuals in order to harm the servant of Christ in their hate of Jesus and His gospel.

It is a small sacrifice to always always protect oneself as a saint and servant in Christ jesus from the verbal  and written attacks that may otherwise befall him or her because of their faith in Jesus.

Marriage is always a matter of foundation in trust. 

 

[Neighbor]

Till today I never looked at the lyrics to  the secular wisdom song from years ago sung by JIMMY SOUL
"If You Wanna Be Happy"  (Look it up if you wish, it's not vulgar just kind of brutal)

Wow brutal, BUT even in it's jingly lyric there is evidence of the obvious problem in life for couples- the challenges to fidelity and the attacks upon it.

[Neighbor]

38 minutes ago, Anonymous Aristotle said:

Marriage is always a matter of foundation in trust. 

 

And one should build that foundation upon rock never the sifting sands. For there will come the day that the winds blow and the sands sift.

And... It just occurred to me from an old old adventure having to do with early teenage boys trying to meet teenage girls just how far afield things  can get,  to the surprise of all. Oh nothing happened between the boys and girls at all; fact the grand scheme of things never developed, but we "boys" all ended up in  jail for the night with our parents having to get us at 3:00 AM. My local reputation shot at age 12 not even officially a teen yet.

Long story, not quite funny  even today as I could have found myself on the other side of death at the hand of a police officer, all over a misunderstanding gone totally awry.  But it is  a reminder to an aged old man  that  actions do have consequence- And not always the more  innocent ones intended.

Never give the evil one a even break. And don't make life easy for him by stepping out on  one's own doing  with  an adventure into  grand folly.

Edited July 6, 2017 by Neighbor

[Neighbor]

May I add yet another thought?  Thanks- Do we think David sinned first when he first oogled Bathsheba? I think he did not, he first sinned against God by not doing as he was told, instead sending another to do what he was instructed to be going off to do. He sent other sinto battle leaving their brides alone, and opportunity then knocked-LOUDLY. Had David been doing as God had commanded of him he would himself have been a leader in battle  not alone at home with some fine appearing woman  that was used to take him to his second sin against God in a sequence of sins. (See 2 Samuel 11)

In Proverbs  there is lengthy warning to any person that should make each of us  be very cautious in our walk, both literally and figuratively- See Proverbs 7: 1-23  It is the very blunt, clear, obvious, and quite deliberate warning to every man; and really every woman too.

Edited July 6, 2017 by Neighbor