I Ruined a God Given Friendship, and Want to Make Things Right!

[Amore_Amibo]

Hello guys.

Right now, I'm going through a very hard time in a recent friendship. I should note that first of all, it's all my fault that I potentially ruined this friendship. However, I still want to make things right.

To make a long story short, back in early November, I was in the car with my friends when they were driving me home. I've had some pent up aggression about my current chaotic home situation. I was sitting in the back of the car, and out of frustration, I pounded the backseat of the car really hard. This really startled both of my friends who were sitting in the front (it also doesn't help that one of them has really bad anxiety). I told them how frustrated I was about where I've been in life, and was talking to them rather angrily and very harsh. The girl threatened to stop talking to me if I kept using that tone of the voice, and the guy (the one driving), gave me the cold shoulder when I tried apologizing to him 3 times. He understandably didn't respond at all. When I asked if he wanted to talk about it, he pulled up to my house just in time, dropped me off, and told me to get out. 

The worst part is that my friends moved to another city the following week, because of a new job offer. So I never got a chance to apologize and I haven't seen them since. It's heartbreaking that things ended on such a bad note. I know it's my fault, but that's not the point. I just want to make things right.

Anyway, fast forward to one month later (back in early December), when I decided to wait until things cooled down before texting them and apologizing. I texted them two weeks ago, with a sincere heartfelt apology about how much I care about our God given friendship. However, it has been 2 and 1/2 weeks, and I haven't heard back from them at all. I like to give people the benefit of a doubt, because we all have busy lives and people aren't always going to respond to texts right away. However, I definitely think they're ignoring me. I'm really starting to get frustrated at them. I know I messed up, and I'm not excusing my actions in the car, but they could at least let me know they're not ready to talk. Even if they texted me back and said something to the effect of "sorry, but I don't want to talk now. Could you call me in a few weeks?", even THAT would be better than completely giving me the cold shoulder when I try to make things right. 

I'm thinking about calling them with a spoofed phone number (so they won't recognize me on their caller ID), but I don't know how they'd react if they picked up the phone and heard my voice. It's hard to know whether they're truly ignoring me, or if they just missed my long text message. I mean, after my friend ignored me in the car when I tried apologizing, all I can do is assume the worst.

At this point, I feel like I've been slapped in the face by them. I know how wrong my actions were, but I never meant to hurt them! I'm thinking about sending them a text basically telling them off, and saying that I'm done making any attempts to reach out to them if they're really going to ignore me this like. I feel so hurt and confused. 

Edited December 24, 2017 by Amore_Amibo

[Willa]

I would just drop it and let them go their own way.  Perhaps they weren't as good of friends as you had thought, or they might be more willing to make amends.  Or perhaps they are put off by your revealing your home life and the things that are angering you.  But either way, having lost friends that I thought were close but who totally were being two faced and were anything but friends, just write them off.  You made and attempt to reconcile, and that is all you can do or they will think you are harassing them.   Leave them in God's hands and let Him work on their hearts.

Blessings,

Willa

[missmuffet]

46 minutes ago, Amore_Amibo said:

Hello guys.

Right now, I'm going through a very hard time in a recent friendship. I should note that first of all, it's all my fault that I potentially ruined this friendship. However, I still want to make things right.

To make a long story short, back in early November, I was in the car with my friends when they were driving me home. I've had some pent up aggression about my current chaotic home situation. I was sitting in the back of the car, and out of frustration, I pounded the backseat of the car really hard. This really startled both of my friends who were sitting in the front (it also doesn't help that one of them has really bad anxiety). I told them how frustrated I was about where I've been in life, and was talking to them rather angrily and very harsh. The girl threatened to stop talking to me if I kept using that tone of the voice, and the guy (the one driving), gave me the cold shoulder when I tried apologizing to him 3 times. He understandably didn't respond at all. When I asked if he wanted to talk about it, he pulled up to my house just in time, dropped me off, and told me to get out. 

The worst part is that my friends moved to another city the following week, because of a new job offer. So I never got a chance to apologize and I haven't seen them since. It's heartbreaking that things ended on such a bad note. I know it's my fault, but that's not the point. I just want to make things right.

Anyway, fast forward to one month later (back in early December), when I decided to wait until things cooled down before texting them and apologizing. I texted them two weeks ago, with a sincere heartfelt apology about how much I care about our God given friendship. However, it has been 2 and 1/2 weeks, and I haven't heard back from them at all. I like to give people the benefit of a doubt, because we all have busy lives and people aren't always going to respond to texts right away. However, I definitely think they're ignoring me. I'm really starting to get frustrated at them. I know I messed up, and I'm not excusing my actions in the car, but they could at least let me know they're not ready to talk. Even if they texted me back and said something to the effect of "sorry, but I don't want to talk now. Could you call me in a few weeks?", even THAT would be better than completely giving me the cold shoulder when I try to make things right. 

I'm thinking about calling them with a spoofed phone number (so they won't recognize me on their caller ID), but I don't know how they'd react if they picked up the phone and heard my voice. It's hard to know whether they're truly ignoring me, or if they just missed my long text message. I mean, after my friend ignored me in the car when I tried apologizing, all I can do is assume the worst.

At this point, I feel like I've been slapped in the face by them. I know how wrong my actions were, but I never meant to hurt them! I'm thinking about sending them a text basically telling them off, and saying that I'm done making any attempts to reach out to them if they're really going to ignore me this like. I feel so hurt and confused. 

All you can do is apologize and then the ball is in their court. You are a praying person? Give this to God and ask for forgiveness. Then forgive yourself. That is all that you can do. Don't let anger and frustration get in the way. Don't call them and tell them off. That is not the Christian thing to do.

[Amore_Amibo]

21 minutes ago, Willa said:

Or perhaps they are put off by your revealing your home life and the things that are angering you.  

 

Considering that these 2 friends have been nothing but supportive of me ever since I first opened up about my home life (earlier in 2017), it's very unlikely they're put off by me revealing my home life.

The girl in particular even shared with me (when I first opened up about my home life) that she grew up in an emotionally abusive home environment, and that she wants to be there for me. Both she and I even agreed that it's possible God had her go through that, so that she would be supportive and understanding of my situation. Am I saying that my friends are perfect? No, no one is perfect. But they're definitely not two-faced either. God puts people in our lives to help us.

Edited December 24, 2017 by Amore_Amibo

[1to3]

Hi Amore_Amibo

2 hours ago, Amore_Amibo said:

God puts people in our lives to help us.

Yes but sometimes is only for a time.

If these folks have not responded, leave them alone and let it be.

3 hours ago, Amore_Amibo said:

I'm thinking about sending them a text basically telling them off,

That would be a very bad idea.

If you are truly sorry and said so, leave it at that. if they don't except your apology or just want to move onwards and forget about you, then that is their right also, and you have to respect it.

 

3 hours ago, Willa said:

Leave them in God's hands and let Him work on their hearts.

This is the best you should do.

 

Praying you do the right thing, with God as your guide and let it be, and take what you learned from the experience.

I can say one thing, being violent, is usually not taken very well by anybody, so perhaps this is something for you to understand not to ever do anymore. From you mentioning that you wanted to text them off because they have not responded, sounds not cool at all on your part. it shows that you have some things yet to work on and resolve within yourself and need to find more of Gods balance from within.

 

 

 

Edited December 25, 2017 by 1to3

[Igor Evgen]

Shalom Amore,

What I can first add to all the above suggestions, please, confess your sins to GOD. I suppose you either have never done it at all or else for quite a while. For that, you will want to approach a more experienced Christian than your friends. Please, prepare yourself to do it very seriously, by all Ten Commandments.

The second, think better who your Friends ought to be. For it is written, 

Ye are My Friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you. (John 15:14)   

May GOD bless you.

Igor

Edited December 25, 2017 by Igor Evgen

[Amore_Amibo]

For the most part, I really appreciate some of the advice in this topic. Such as how I need to let God work in their hearts. However...

On 12/24/2017 at 7:49 PM, 1to3 said:

Hi Amore_Amibo

Yes but sometimes is only for a time.

If these folks have not responded, leave them alone and let it be.

That would be a very bad idea.

If you are truly sorry and said so, leave it at that. if they don't except your apology or just want to move onwards and forget about you, then that is their right also, and you have to respect it.

 

This is the best you should do.

 

Praying you do the right thing, with God as your guide and let it be, and take what you learned from the experience.

I can say one thing, being violent, is usually not taken very well by anybody, so perhaps this is something for you to understand not to ever do anymore. From you mentioning that you wanted to text them off because they have not responded, sounds not cool at all on your part. it shows that you have some things yet to work on and resolve within yourself and need to find more of Gods balance from within.

 

 

 

No offense, but 1t03, some of your advice here is pretty terrible, to be quite frank. Such as you telling me to leave it alone and let it be if they haven't responded. It's true that some friends are only around for a season, but what does that have to do with what happened?

Even though they moved to another city (which isn't even in another state or anything), this definitely won't be the last time I see them face to face. They used to go to Thursday bible study group before they moved, and both of them even told me once, that they're going to stop by Bible Study again sometime in the next month or so to visit everyone. So even if I do leave them alone via text messaging (which I guess is a good option at the moment), I know that this incident will come back to haunt me again someday when I see them face to face again. I mean, just imagine how awkward it's going to be seeing them again for the first time since "the incident". I won't keep texting if they don't want to talk, but I'm going to have to face this again eventually whether I want to or not.

You also sound quite judgmental in response to me saying that I was planning on telling them off. Me wanting to tell them off was more of just a thought I had, but I don't think I would've acted on it either way. It would just cause more drama, and would only increase tension between us, obviously. I've already ruined things bad enough anyway.

 

Edited December 29, 2017 by Amore_Amibo

[Wayne222]

On Sunday, December 24, 2017 at 3:57 PM, Amore_Amibo said:

Hello guys.

Right now, I'm going through a very hard time in a recent friendship. I should note that first of all, it's all my fault that I potentially ruined this friendship. However, I still want to make things right.

To make a long story short, back in early November, I was in the car with my friends when they were driving me home. I've had some pent up aggression about my current chaotic home situation. I was sitting in the back of the car, and out of frustration, I pounded the backseat of the car really hard. This really startled both of my friends who were sitting in the front (it also doesn't help that one of them has really bad anxiety). I told them how frustrated I was about where I've been in life, and was talking to them rather angrily and very harsh. The girl threatened to stop talking to me if I kept using that tone of the voice, and the guy (the one driving), gave me the cold shoulder when I tried apologizing to him 3 times. He understandably didn't respond at all. When I asked if he wanted to talk about it, he pulled up to my house just in time, dropped me off, and told me to get out. 

The worst part is that my friends moved to another city the following week, because of a new job offer. So I never got a chance to apologize and I haven't seen them since. It's heartbreaking that things ended on such a bad note. I know it's my fault, but that's not the point. I just want to make things right.

Anyway, fast forward to one month later (back in early December), when I decided to wait until things cooled down before texting them and apologizing. I texted them two weeks ago, with a sincere heartfelt apology about how much I care about our God given friendship. However, it has been 2 and 1/2 weeks, and I haven't heard back from them at all. I like to give people the benefit of a doubt, because we all have busy lives and people aren't always going to respond to texts right away. However, I definitely think they're ignoring me. I'm really starting to get frustrated at them. I know I messed up, and I'm not excusing my actions in the car, but they could at least let me know they're not ready to talk. Even if they texted me back and said something to the effect of "sorry, but I don't want to talk now. Could you call me in a few weeks?", even THAT would be better than completely giving me the cold shoulder when I try to make things right. 

I'm thinking about calling them with a spoofed phone number (so they won't recognize me on their caller ID), but I don't know how they'd react if they picked up the phone and heard my voice. It's hard to know whether they're truly ignoring me, or if they just missed my long text message. I mean, after my friend ignored me in the car when I tried apologizing, all I can do is assume the worst.

At this point, I feel like I've been slapped in the face by them. I know how wrong my actions were, but I never meant to hurt them! I'm thinking about sending them a text basically telling them off, and saying that I'm done making any attempts to reach out to them if they're really going to ignore me this like. I feel so hurt and confused. 

Hi.  i read your post. It must be heart breaking to lose friends. I think you scared them. But i know you did not intend that. I think you did all you could do for now. Find peace in Gods word. Christ said my peace i give you. Without Jesus we can find no peace in this world. He said in the world you will have troubles. But be of good cheer because i have overcome the world. Find good postive feelings in the lord and dont let this mistake keep you down. Gods blessings to you. 

 

[Amore_Amibo]

22 hours ago, Wayne222 said:

Hi.  i read your post. It must be heart breaking to lose friends. I think you scared them. But i know you did not intend that. I think you did all you could do for now. Find peace in Gods word. Christ said my peace i give you. Without Jesus we can find no peace in this world. He said in the world you will have troubles. But be of good cheer because i have overcome the world. Find good postive feelings in the lord and dont let this mistake keep you down. Gods blessings to you. 

 

Thanks for your words of encouragement. And yeah, I definitely scared my friends without a doubt, and it doesn't help that one of them has bad anxiety as well. I know that some friends are only around for a season, so even if things had ended on a good note, it's not like I'd see them much anymore anyway. However, that doesn't mean I wanted things to end this way, though.

If I really did lose them as friends (which definitely seems to be the case), I think it really shows how even when God forgives us for our mistakes, we often still have to face the consequences of our actions. In this case, the consequences appear to be that I lost their trust and possibly my friendship with them. It's just heartbreaking. I never meant for things to be like this. But you know what? I've done all I can do. Now it's up to them. If they want to forgive me, that's wonderful. If they don't...well then I'm just going to have to learn a very hard lesson from all this.

All I can do is move forward.

  

Edited December 31, 2017 by Amore_Amibo

[Wayne222]

1 hour ago, Amore_Amibo said:

Thanks for your words of encouragement. And yeah, I definitely scared my friends without a doubt, and it doesn't help that one of them has bad anxiety as well. I know that some friends are only around for a season, so even if things had ended on a good note, it's not like I'd see them much anymore anyway. However, that doesn't mean I wanted things to end this way, though.

If I really did lose them as friends (which definitely seems to be the case), I think it really shows how even when God forgives us for our mistakes, we often still have to face the consequences of our actions. In this case, the consequences appear to be that I lost their trust and possibly my friendship with them. It's just heartbreaking. I never meant for things to be like this. But you know what? I've done all I can do. Now it's up to them. If they want to forgive me, that's wonderful. If they don't...well then I'm just going to have to learn a very hard lesson from all this.

All I can do is move forward.

  

Thats a good way to see it. I lost friends in the past. I made mistakes and said the wrong things. I think most friends dont last forever. But be of good cheer anyway. Read the word of God. I know the holy spirit speaks to our spirit when we read the word. When we pray the holy spirit intercedes for us because we dont have all the right words. God will bring new good friends into your life.