Need Advice and help.

[mrunk1975]

Where to start first lets me start by saying I do believe in God and in Jesus as my savior. However I have not been a good follower; which will become evident by time you get done reading this. As of recently I have found myself with a deep desire to have a relationship with God. However I feel like a giant ball of yarn all knotted up. I have all these issues and sins and guilt that's not even funny. I don't even know how to fix myself. I don't know how to talk to God. To be honest I don't know God nearly as well as I like. So I feel stuck and don't know how to lay everything out to God when I don't understand myself or what is wrong with me completely.

I also have another problem and this is the main reason I have come here. So up till a few weeks ago I was in a 9 year relationship with a married women. I ended that relationship a few weeks back. I still love and care about her but the relationship was wrong and due to her circumstance and mine we where never going to be able to be together so I ended the relationship. I was hoping we could be friends but well things didn't work out that way and I choose to walk away. She called me selfish, not capable of love, unstable. Maybe she right if so walking away was right thing to do. She did apologize for saying it as she was angry but I never responded back. I am not angry with her nor do I blame her for anything. I just feel that walking away from one another is best all around.

The problem is I know that I said hurtful things to her. I did just as much damage as she did. I feel guilty over it. Part of me wants to go to her and apologize but I know if I do that I will be right back where I started. I don't want to end up right back where I started. I don't know if I am doing the right thing by not apologizing to her or if walking away is the right thing to do.

Any  way like said I am a big mess. I hope god can fix me cause I don't even know how to fix myself.

[Jayne]

Well, you can't fix yourself when you are in a hot mess.  None of us can fix ourselves.  All we can do is to throw ourselves at God's feet.

If you are a Christian, then the story of the prodigal [wasteful] son is a good starting point.  Luke 15:11-32

You know the story, but read it anyway.

The son just wanted to do his own thing - his own way - with no regard for his father.  It ended him up in a literal pig sty.  The messiest place for a Jew back in those days.  It's a metaphor for being at absolute rock bottom and the farthest away from God.

Pay close attention to the father's reaction when the son finally has enough of himself and comes home.  The Bible says that even at a distance, his father could see him coming home.  God sees you know, having typed this OP.

The father in the story ran TO the son because he had compassion on him even in his stinky, pathetic state.  God, if you are a Christian, has compassion on you and is ready to meet you and joyfully restore you as you repent of sin.

To have that relationship with God - it's not rocket science, but it's something that so many Christians do not do.

• Read the Bible as often as you can.  Read commentaries from reputable sources to help you.
• Pray often.
• Associate yourself with Christians who are doing the work of God.
• Allow the Holy Spirit to "renew your mind" as Romans 12:1-2 state.  This is done by allowing the Truth to come into your heart and mind - from the outside in -  via the Bible and allowing the Holy Spirit to change you from the inside out using those truths.
• Surround yourself with good Christian music and sing to God.
• Tell God in prayer that you want a restored relationship with him.

[Marilyn C]

41 minutes ago, mrunk1975 said:

Where to start first lets me start by saying I do believe in God and in Jesus as my savior. However I have not been a good follower; which will become evident by time you get done reading this. As of recently I have found myself with a deep desire to have a relationship with God. However I feel like a giant ball of yarn all knotted up. I have all these issues and sins and guilt that's not even funny. I don't even know how to fix myself. I don't know how to talk to God. To be honest I don't know God nearly as well as I like. So I feel stuck and don't know how to lay everything out to God when I don't understand myself or what is wrong with me completely.

I also have another problem and this is the main reason I have come here. So up till a few weeks ago I was in a 9 year relationship with a married women. I ended that relationship a few weeks back. I still love and care about her but the relationship was wrong and due to her circumstance and mine we where never going to be able to be together so I ended the relationship. I was hoping we could be friends but well things didn't work out that way and I choose to walk away. She called me selfish, not capable of love, unstable. Maybe she right if so walking away was right thing to do. She did apologize for saying it as she was angry but I never responded back. I am not angry with her nor do I blame her for anything. I just feel that walking away from one another is best all around.

The problem is I know that I said hurtful things to her. I did just as much damage as she did. I feel guilty over it. Part of me wants to go to her and apologize but I know if I do that I will be right back where I started. I don't want to end up right back where I started. I don't know if I am doing the right thing by not apologizing to her or if walking away is the right thing to do.

Any  way like said I am a big mess. I hope god can fix me cause I don't even know how to fix myself.

Hi mrunk,

Pleased to meet you and welcome to Worthy. You will find many here have wisdom from the Lord, so be patient for them to find your thread here.

So glad you are honest in sharing and most of all honest with yourself. I certainly identify with the `tangled web` we have inside of us and trying to sort it out ourselves. It seems to me it is your time to make the Saviour, LORD of your life. You knew Jesus as Saviour however it seems you had control of your life and it has gone off into the ditch as it were. (Many of us here can identify with that.)

The Lord has His hand upon you and is drawing you nearer to Himself to know Him better. Thus His Holy Spirit is convicting, (not condemning) you of sin, blockages to knowing the Lord more. Now we cannot untie all the tangled webs in our lives BUT the Holy Spirit has been sent to make us like Christ and guide us a step at a time to unravel it all and be free.

So...I suggest that you confess to the Lord all that you can think of and ask Him to be LORD of your life. Then as you go about your life the Holy Spirit will highlight one aspect that you can work on together. It will be an attitude or behaviour you can repent of or put right. This process goes on throughout our lives and we are changed more and more.

Praise and thank the LORD for His wonderful mercy in opening your eyes thus far, and look expectantly for Him to unfold more to you.

regards, Marilyn.  

[BK1110]

I gave similar advice to someone recently; don't expect to be "fixed" overnight. Our journey from the mess of a sinful life to following God is a long one, and it's one that we will never stop stumbling on until we get to heaven. So don't look at the giant ball of yarn knotted up and feel hopeless; more today than yesterday, more tomorrow than today. Take it one day at a time.

One of the best things you can do is build healthy habits. You have to do your way into feeling, not the other way around. Read the Bible and pray daily. Ask God for forgiveness and guidance. Ask him to change your heart. If you feel you don't know how to start, ask Him to show you how to! He delights in granting you understanding and wisdom in such things.

And you need to get connected with fellow believers. Worthy is an excellent start! I strongly advise that you join a good, Bible-teaching local church, and a small group/Bible study.

[Peavey]

I'm new here so I feel a little as if I am barging in, but I want to say this. Tell God everything you have told us, just the way you said it or the way you want to say it now. He understands, all the way from the " I have all these issues and sins and guilt" to the " I hope god can fix me cause I don't even know how to fix myself. " He knows all about it anyway, and He loves you regardless. He wants to help you more than you can imagine.

I know sometimes it seems like just so many words, but get alone with God and just talk to Him. Cry or do whatever you have to do, but know that He is listening and He understands your heart. Then let Him guide you to knowing you are forgiven.

[BNM]

DON'T ? GO ? BACK ? TO ? HER ?.

BUT. Make it clear that you are apologetic. Don't let her make you feel bad about this because it is something of yesterday, and you have made the right decision today. 

I don't know you, but I'm proud of you. ?

[Rinoa]

I always feel if someone we care for has apologized and we feel like we in turn need to apologize then the only way to move on is to start there.  I personally have found no matter how hard I might pray about something that I cant help fester if I have guilt. So if possible I always make amends in my life.  It makes it easier for me to move on with clarity and focus. Good luck and God bless!!

[Neighbor]

 

On 10/1/2018 at 11:06 PM, mrunk1975 said:

The problem is I know that I said hurtful things to her.

 Hurtful things said is not the problem.

 

 

Edited October 26, 2018 by Neighbor

[discipler777]

On 10/2/2018 at 11:06 AM, mrunk1975 said:

So up till a few weeks ago I was in a 9 year relationship with a married women. I ended that relationship a few weeks back.

.

That's good to hear and remember to "Go and sin no more".(John5:14 & 8:11)

You may need to endure some sufferings for the 9-years of adultery-sins = chastening by God.(Hebrews12:7) Otoh, if repented of, your adultery-sins could have been forgiven by God = delivered from your sins = no need to endure sufferings/curses/ /punishments/disciplining, like those who were healed and exorcised by Jesus Christ in the 4 gospels.

Be comforted by the fact that those who have been saved by faith in Jesus Christ will be spending an eternity in heaven, compared to the "short" time on this earth. So, keep the faith, no matter how many ignorant or wilful sins/evil-deeds/law-breaking have been committed and the sufferings that have to be endured. Be like Job, ie never curse God/Jesus and die while in suffering.(Job2:9)

[LivingbyFaith]

Welcome to Worthy!  My suggestion is...listen to these good people, they are giving you some very good advice!  I myself am not sure about you going back to apologize to her...at least not at this stage when your heart is feeling vulnerable.  You need to remain strong and resist any temptation that could lead you back into sin.  I believe you know this deep down in your heart, as you said it yourself..."you don't want to end up right back where you started".  Stay away and resist the devil. "Don't give the devil a chance!" Ephesians 4:27  

Be strong!  Fight the good fight of faith and know that He is with you always!  God bless you brother!