My friend has strong convictions about not using phones, and he gets mad when I have my phone on around him. Very annoying, and I need advice.

[Amore_Amibo]

Hello, my name is Aaron. I'm creating this topic because I really need some advice on how to deal with this friend of mine.

To make a long story short, I have a friend who has some very strong convictions about using phones, and it really gets on my nerves. His convictions are fine (and he makes some valid points about people being too absorbed in their phones), but it's very controlling how he doesn't want me to use my phone around him at all. He thinks phones are evil and destructive (He actually got rid of his phone and doesn't respond at all when I text him).

If I have my phone on around him, he'll get very anxious and be like "Um...your phone is too bright, could you shut it off?" even when it's at the lowest brightness setting. It's very, very annoying.

For example, there are times where he'll drive to a new destination (I come with him for the ride), but he refuses to use a GPS and instead has me use the GPS on my phone, to give him directions. 

The thing is, he's very controlling about it. Not only does he NOT want me to show him the actual GPS on my phone (the arrow heading towards said destination), but he also wants me to turn the volume down on my phone because he doesn't want to hear the GPS voice telling him where to go. My friend's all like - "Don't show me the phone at all, and turn the volume all the way down...I just want you to tell me out loud what direction to go when I have to make a turn".  If I show him what direction the Google Maps GPS arrow is headed, he gets mad at me. Have you ever known someone like that, and what did you do? It's fine to have convictions about certain things (phones, movies, TV) but I feel like he's being completely overbearing and OCD about it.

Edited May 26, 2019 by Amore_Amibo

[Michael37]

10 minutes ago, Amore_Amibo said:

Hello, my name is Aaron. I'm creating this topic because I really need some advice on how to deal with this friend of mine.

To make a long story short, I have a friend who has some very strong convictions about using phones, and it really gets on my nerves. His convictions are fine (and he makes some valid points about people being too absorbed in their phones), but it's very controlling how he doesn't want me to use my phone around him at all. He thinks phones are evil and destructive (He actually got rid of his phone and doesn't respond at all when I text him).

If I have my phone on around him, he'll get very anxious and be like "Um...your phone is too bright, could you shut it off?" even when it's at the lowest brightness setting. It's very, very annoying.

For example, there are times where he'll drive to a new destination (I come with him for the ride), but he refuses to use a GPS and instead has me use the GPS on my phone, to give him directions. 

The thing is, he's very controlling about it. Not only does he NOT want me to show him the actual GPS on my phone (the arrow heading towards said destination), but he also wants me to turn the volume down on my phone because he doesn't want to hear the GPS voice telling him where to go. My friend's all like - "Don't show me the phone at all, and turn the volume all the way down...I just want you to tell me out loud what direction to go when I have to make a turn".  If I show him what direction the Google Maps GPS arrow is headed, he gets mad at me. Have you ever known someone like that, and what did you do? It's fine to have convictions about certain things (phones, movies, TV) but I feel like he's being completely overbearing and OCD about it.

Hi Amore. I can identify with you and the testing behaviour of your "problem friend". I have had a few of my own and am currently dealing with yet another one. Here are a few practical tips for anyone with a "problem friend": (not the same as a "frenemy" which is an enemy that pretends to be your friend). 

1. Accept that you have a "problem friend" and thank God for the testing of your patience and eroding of your comfort that they sometimes cause.

2. Believe the best about your "problem friend", but expect the worst and be prepared for a "deal breaker" that would require you to disassociate with them.

3. Choose your battles wisely and carefully consider the effect your words and actions are likely to have on your "problem friend.

4. Draw word pictures to communicate in a constructive way, always starting with some positive comment before presenting a negative scenario about their problem behaviour.

5. Examine yourself to see whether you need to modify your attitude to your "problem friend", especially allowing them a bit of slack with their beliefs and opinions. 

6. Forgive them for being a source of annoyance and discomfort, remembering various Scriptures such as the Love Chapter (1 Cor 13)

7. Get rid of this problem by wisely and graciously, if possible, terminating the relationship when it becomes a heavy burden which is not God's Will for you to bear.

[Who me]

1 hour ago, Amore_Amibo said:

Hello, my name is Aaron. I'm creating this topic because I really need some advice on how to deal with this friend of mine.

To make a long story short, I have a friend who has some very strong convictions about using phones, and it really gets on my nerves. His convictions are fine (and he makes some valid points about people being too absorbed in their phones), but it's very controlling how he doesn't want me to use my phone around him at all. He thinks phones are evil and destructive (He actually got rid of his phone and doesn't respond at all when I text him).

If I have my phone on around him, he'll get very anxious and be like "Um...your phone is too bright, could you shut it off?" even when it's at the lowest brightness setting. It's very, very annoying.

For example, there are times where he'll drive to a new destination (I come with him for the ride), but he refuses to use a GPS and instead has me use the GPS on my phone, to give him directions. 

The thing is, he's very controlling about it. Not only does he NOT want me to show him the actual GPS on my phone (the arrow heading towards said destination), but he also wants me to turn the volume down on my phone because he doesn't want to hear the GPS voice telling him where to go. My friend's all like - "Don't show me the phone at all, and turn the volume all the way down...I just want you to tell me out loud what direction to go when I have to make a turn".  If I show him what direction the Google Maps GPS arrow is headed, he gets mad at me. Have you ever known someone like that, and what did you do? It's fine to have convictions about certain things (phones, movies, TV) but I feel like he's being completely overbearing and OCD about it.

Go with it, turn your phone off. If in the car ask for his map and use it.

If he asks you to use your phone, explain that this is hypocrisy so he either uses the system properly or relies on your map reading.

 

As other have implied there is a large element of insanity in his attitude towards mobiles and he should seek help.

[Neighbor]

2 hours ago, Amore_Amibo said:

He actually got rid of his phone and doesn't respond at all when I text him

Maybe he needs galena crystal tooth fillings?

[Amore_Amibo]

29 minutes ago, PromisesPromises! said:

Wow!  Your friend's aversion to the phone seems to go much deeper than the annoyance we feel when friends or family members are looking at their phones while we are trying to tell them the most exciting news of our day.  

Exactly. I mean, I can understand people who don't like technology and think it can consume our lives (such as when people at restaurants are so absorbed on their phones that they can't spend time with their family...I hate that). However, my friend's aversion to phones is borderline mental and so obnoxious. You would think I'm messing with an Ouija Board based on his reaction. 

[Firm Foundation]

It sounds like mental problems, obsessive compulsive behavior.  I think he needs counseling, but you have to look at him as someone with a medical condition.  At least, that is how it appears to me.

[Jostler]

it's entirely possible this friend's aversion to phones is rooted in something much more real than pathological  psychology.  How  much do you love this friend?  Are you willing  to turn your phone off, spend time with him, and very gently probe a little deeper into his reasons for this firm stance he's taken against phones?

I'd suggest if you plan to do this, praying for him, and LISTENING for what the Lord says  about  his situation before  you try to ask him for more  of the "why" would be wise and possibly very enlightening. 

[walla299]

4 hours ago, Amore_Amibo said:

Hello, my name is Aaron. I'm creating this topic because I really need some advice on how to deal with this friend of mine.

To make a long story short, I have a friend who has some very strong convictions about using phones, and it really gets on my nerves. His convictions are fine (and he makes some valid points about people being too absorbed in their phones), but it's very controlling how he doesn't want me to use my phone around him at all. He thinks phones are evil and destructive (He actually got rid of his phone and doesn't respond at all when I text him).

I don't know both sides, but I do know that convictions are fine - for oneself. Your friend does not have the right to shove his convictions down your throat or anyone else's. The position of Holy Spirit was taken a long time ago from what I've heard.    I've learned to set boundaries with some troublesome relatives and others. I let them know when they are pushing it and call them on it when they cross the line. They don't like it, but they have learned to respect the boundaries over the years. There was one that would not respect the lines though, and I had to let the relationship go. Some must be loved from a distance.

[Amore_Amibo]

On 5/26/2019 at 7:36 AM, Neighbor said:

Maybe he needs galena crystal tooth fillings?

Now that you mention it, my friend is very legalistic as well. He only listens to Christian-based music (refuses to listen to anything else), and only watches faith-based Christian movies like Fireproof and God's Not Dead.

Next time my friend starts freaking out about having my phone out, I think I'm going to (patiently) call him out. It's abnormal for someone to get that bothered over a phone. Especially when you need to look at a GPS in order to get to your destination. It's just ridiculous.

Edited May 27, 2019 by Amore_Amibo

[Neighbor]

1 hour ago, Amore_Amibo said:

Now that you mention it, my friend is very legalistic as well. He only listens to Christian-based music (refuses to listen to anything else), and only watches faith-based Christian movies like Fireproof and God's Not Dead.

Next time my friend starts freaking out about having my phone out, I think I'm going to (patiently) call him out. It's abnormal for someone to get that bothered over a phone. Especially when you need to look at a GPS in order to get to your destination. It's just ridiculous.

What's a GPS?

Just kidding, but  such aids do dumb me down. I used to know where most everything was in relation to myself, I would also know the approximate time of day, look at shadows of things along to roads, and know I was headed north, north west, or whatever. I would get to my destination just fine. Little trickier after sundown, but the body always knew north by stars, wind flow, and cloud movement.  I just didn't get lost.

Now I ask my phone directions to Lowes three blocks away because I want to know the traffic info, a total  waste of technology used to get information that I don't need.

The vicar did say that if I ever listened to anything but today's horrible Christian Rock n Roll I would go to purgatory without a map or GPS coordinate with which to get out again.

 

ps- BTW I do use my phone's compass app. which has further dumbed me down.