Update: I have feelings for a nonbeliever that wants to know more about what I believe

[Trayalc]

In a previous post, I described the situation I've been in lately with a non-believing girl (link below). I thought I'd update you all on what's been happening.

 

We have stayed in communication but technically still remain only friends, although she seems to think we are a "future couple," the two of us meant to be together. There have been some very encouraging as well as discouraging developments so far.

Let us start with the encouraging stuff:

Firstly, she has expressed that ever since spending time with me, she has been seeing a lot more Bible verses and Christian quotes pop up in her life. Perhaps it's God trying to speak to her.

Secondly, encouraged by the first point, she told me she has been making the effort to live the Christian lifestyle lately. She began reading the book Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis which I gave to her to break down any misconceptions that she may already have about Christianity, and she is enjoying it so far. I was super anxious about the situation yesterday, and then I received a phone call from her where she told me about all these things. It was really encouraging, and I thought that was God's way of calming me and saying "I'm working through this."

Now for the concerning / discouraging parts of the situation:

Firstly, I worry that if I were to be suddenly removed from the equation, that she'd immediately return to her previous ways of living life and throw away all this interest in Christianity. I don't know if that would be the case, but I wonder.

Secondly, on a practical level, she comes off VERY strong sometimes, and it makes me want to recoil. We have not even entered into an official relationship yet, and she has sent me things suggesting marriage and being soulmates. Furthermore, today I was texting her throughout the day when suddenly she sent me giant walls of text about her not being afraid of loving me, and that even though I'm being reserved about it right now, that I would eventually see that we were meant to be together and how great we are together. Now, I'm sort of hoping that was a drunk text, but if she was indeed drunk, that does not give much legitimacy to her efforts to live a Christian lifestyle. It's times like this that I want to retreat from the situation, you know?

So that's where we're at right now. I appreciate you all's advice and support in the previous post. I am asking for advice and continued prayer that God work through this situation and that He walk me through it. Thank you!

[Willa]

I would tell her that she is moving too fast for you and you don't find her aggressiveness attractive at all.  If she want to continue to be friends she will have to let you set the pace of your friendship.  

Some women find Christian men a challenge and want to bring them down to their level of promiscuity.  This is especially true of the occult.

[missmuffet]

4 hours ago, Trayalc said:

In a previous post, I described the situation I've been in lately with a non-believing girl (link below). I thought I'd update you all on what's been happening.

 

We have stayed in communication but technically still remain only friends, although she seems to think we are a "future couple," the two of us meant to be together. There have been some very encouraging as well as discouraging developments so far.

Let us start with the encouraging stuff:

Firstly, she has expressed that ever since spending time with me, she has been seeing a lot more Bible verses and Christian quotes pop up in her life. Perhaps it's God trying to speak to her.

Secondly, encouraged by the first point, she told me she has been making the effort to live the Christian lifestyle lately. She began reading the book Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis which I gave to her to break down any misconceptions that she may already have about Christianity, and she is enjoying it so far. I was super anxious about the situation yesterday, and then I received a phone call from her where she told me about all these things. It was really encouraging, and I thought that was God's way of calming me and saying "I'm working through this."

Now for the concerning / discouraging parts of the situation:

Firstly, I worry that if I were to be suddenly removed from the equation, that she'd immediately return to her previous ways of living life and throw away all this interest in Christianity. I don't know if that would be the case, but I wonder.

Secondly, on a practical level, she comes off VERY strong sometimes, and it makes me want to recoil. We have not even entered into an official relationship yet, and she has sent me things suggesting marriage and being soulmates. Furthermore, today I was texting her throughout the day when suddenly she sent me giant walls of text about her not being afraid of loving me, and that even though I'm being reserved about it right now, that I would eventually see that we were meant to be together and how great we are together. Now, I'm sort of hoping that was a drunk text, but if she was indeed drunk, that does not give much legitimacy to her efforts to live a Christian lifestyle. It's times like this that I want to retreat from the situation, you know?

So that's where we're at right now. I appreciate you all's advice and support in the previous post. I am asking for advice and continued prayer that God work through this situation and that He walk me through it. Thank you!

It sounds like a relationship that is lukewarm. It does not sound like your friend is very sincere about becoming a Chrisitan. I would be very, very cautious if I were you. Keep praying for God's plan to be shown to you. 

[Heybro]

Hi there Trayalc, firstly, welcome to the forum. 2ndly, as Willa has so wisely stated, she needs to back off and let you set the pace. As I'm not privy to how old you are, but your language tells me that there is wisdom in your words, not allowing the heart to overtake the head, God bless you for that. I have seen women who are in their 30's start to hit the "panic button" thinking their "fertility years" are fast coming to a close, better "rope in a husband!" This of course could be out in left field in your case, I'm just saying, okay!

Yes, it would be the very best scenario if you are to marry, that she is a fully "fledged" christian, otherwise you are heading for more pain than you need to deal with, the scripture comes to mind of 2 oxen ploughing together, though one is looking elsewhere, not furrowing together! Women can be very beguiling, can turn you to mush, especially when they flutter their "cow eyes" at you. Speaks to me of a strong willed woman who will need a stronger man to guide her, so my friend, in the words of Joshua 1. Be strong and take courage, as always, I hope this is helpful, God bless.
 

[Willa]

32 minutes ago, Heybro said:

Hi there Trayalc, firstly, welcome to the forum. 2ndly, as Willa has so wisely stated, she needs to back off and let you set the pace. As I'm not privy to how old you are, but your language tells me that there is wisdom in your words, not allowing the heart to overtake the head, God bless you for that. I have seen women who are in their 30's start to hit the "panic button" thinking their "fertility years" are fast coming to a close, better "rope in a husband!" This of course could be out in left field in your case, I'm just saying, okay!

Yes, it would be the very best scenario if you are to marry, that she is a fully "fledged" christian, otherwise you are heading for more pain than you need to deal with, the scripture comes to mind of 2 oxen ploughing together, though one is looking elsewhere, not furrowing together! Women can be very beguiling, can turn you to mush, especially when they flutter their "cow eyes" at you. Speaks to me of a strong willed woman who will need a stronger man to guide her, so my friend, in the words of Joshua 1. Be strong and take courage, as always, I hope this is helpful, God bless.
 

Cow eyes?????  Really!!!!

[Debp]

7 hours ago, Trayalc said:

she told me she has been making the effort to live the Christian lifestyle lately. 

Remember we are not saved by living a Christian lifestyle.   Does she understand she needs to ask for forgiveness (sincerely) and (sincerely) believe in Christ?   What He did for us?

Also, about her coming off as very strong....be careful.   If she is that way now, what would she be like in a relationship?   Of course, if she becomes born again, she can change.

[Heybro]

Now now Willa, you know it's true, cos that's what women do, "cow eyes," yes really. lol

[Trayalc]

Thanks so much for your responses so far. I just had a very long talk with her today. There are still some things I feel encouraged about and some things that concern me.

Today she said that she's got her own betterment journey for herself, but she's making an effort to get into more Christian stuff for me. It makes me feel like she's missing the point, if that is the case. But I also believe God could work through that. I ended up telling her "I think if you continue with it, then you'll find it as a part of your own betterment journey."

She did not back down from saying that she'd like to spend her life with me. She has convinced herself that every single one of her gut feelings in life have turned out to be correct, and that she has a gut feeling that we'll be so good together. I tried to tell her making decisions in life solely based on a feeling is not a good idea, and to that she started getting upset, thinking I was implying that it wouldn't work out between us. It was very difficult to get my point across, and I'm not sure it got across to her.

She's also very stubborn. For whatever reason, she hates being told what to do. She's a very rebellious spirit, I guess. For instance, today she was very vulnerable with me, telling me her problems with depression and such. To that, I asked if she had considered going to counseling for it. She said no, and I encouraged her to. But she's convinced herself that it won't be of any help, and that she can handle it on her own. I asked her if she would go for me, and she said she wouldn't make any promises. It's very frustrating. I honestly think that is one of her problems with Christianity - the fact that it tells her she needs to act in a certain way. I don't know how to get her out of that mindset or even if I can, but I know she needs to.

So that is where we're at now. Again, I appreciate you all's advice in the matter. And also, for the record, I am 21 years old, and so is she! Please pray for her and me, and I am always prepared to receive any additional advice you may have! Thank you so much, and God bless!

Edited July 26, 2019 by Trayalc

[Heybro]

Hi again Trayalc, and thank you for specific detail, for one so young you are a well balanced person, so I think that you must have come from a well balanced family environment, thank God for good parental input.

I know that even though I came from good christian upbringing, my life wasn't representative of that, and at 21 I was married for the 1st time. Insecurities at past broken relationships, friends getting married, or engaged, me thinking if I didn't "hurry up" I'd miss "the boat."

Trayalc, you are wise to "steady the boat" and as I read your post above, it is becoming more obvious to me that "warning bells" are beginning to ring. We had a situation when one of our friends son, had a girlfriend who was not a christian, but were very much in love, however, the son told her that they could not marry if she was not committed to following The Lord. Both were uni students, she was very sincere and asked his dad questions regarding christianity and her need of Jesus in her life. PTL, she saw her need, committed her life to Christ, they married and have 3 beautiful boys, and soldiering on for The Lord.

So, yes, there can be a bright future ahead for you both, but, it will need her to recognise her need to surrender, 1stly, to God's Lordship over her life, and then to allow you to be the Head, and not the tail, (with and in love, of course), God bless.

[Debp]

Trayalc, I agree with Heybro that there are some warning bells going off.   So be very careful that she doesn't rope you in more and more.

Have you explained to her that Christianity isn't about following rules (betterment journey)?   But rather when she realizes her need for forgiveness through Christ, that the Holy Spirit will come to indwell her and help her to grow spiritually?   She can try to do Christian things but until she acknowledges her need of Christ, it will all be dead works.

Do you have a good understanding pastor?   If so, could you ask her if she would be willing to talk with the pastor, even about her depression?

You are still young for marriage so be careful.   She seems to have her eyes set on that with you.   But until she is truly trusting in Christ, a relationship with her would be unhappy for you.

P.S.  Have you taken her to church?

 

Edited July 27, 2019 by Debp
Added P.S.