Can a heart be hardened beyond hope?

[RobertC.]

Hi I've been backslidden away from God for a long time and spent all that time rejecting His direction and convictions towards me.  Now, in the midst of this pandemic, the fear of going to hell and being haunted by the past compelling me to go after God, but it's been so long and I've hardened my heart so much that conviction of sin, will to do God's Will, and anything pertaining to Christ has left me.  I want to be remorseful and feel guilty and conviction again and be close to Him, but I don't know what to do.  I feel that maybe I should be seeking Him right now in this instead of seeking another person, but I'm completely lost and I feel nothing anymore.  Everything that has happened to me spiritually is my fault and these are my consequences but I I'm trying to believe that it's not too late for me.  I grieved the Holy Spirit and I haven't felt Him since fo almost 20 years.  I had baptism of the Holy Spirit and spoke in tongues.  But I threw all of it away for nothing.  Now all i think of is the past and I'm nothing without Him.  I want to be humble and had a heart of flesh again.

[missmuffet]

4 hours ago, RobertC. said:

Hi I've been backslidden away from God for a long time and spent all that time rejecting His direction and convictions towards me.  Now, in the midst of this pandemic, the fear of going to hell and being haunted by the past compelling me to go after God, but it's been so long and I've hardened my heart so much that conviction of sin, will to do God's Will, and anything pertaining to Christ has left me.  I want to be remorseful and feel guilty and conviction again and be close to Him, but I don't know what to do.  I feel that maybe I should be seeking Him right now in this instead of seeking another person, but I'm completely lost and I feel nothing anymore.  Everything that has happened to me spiritually is my fault and these are my consequences but I I'm trying to believe that it's not too late for me.  I grieved the Holy Spirit and I haven't felt Him since fo almost 20 years.  I had baptism of the Holy Spirit and spoke in tongues.  But I threw all of it away for nothing.  Now all i think of is the past and I'm nothing without Him.  I want to be humble and had a heart of flesh again.

If anyone moved away it wasn't God it was you. So pray to God and tell Him what is on your heart. 

[Tzephanyahu]

Shalom @RobertC.

8 hours ago, RobertC. said:

I've been backslidden away from God for a long time and spent all that time rejecting His direction and convictions towards me. 

I can relate to this.  I was the same a few years ago and I know it's a slippery slope.

8 hours ago, RobertC. said:

Now, in the midst of this pandemic, the fear of going to hell and being haunted by the past compelling me to go after God

Praise Yahweh!  I know you may not see it now, but that fear comes from Him to prompt you to snap out of it and get back to Him.  For all of those He loves, He chastens.  I went through the same thing, fearing the same things as you.  This happened just shortly before I came back to Him and was restored better than I was before in my faith.  Take courage.  He is throwing you a lifeline.

8 hours ago, RobertC. said:

but it's been so long and I've hardened my heart so much that conviction of sin, will to do God's Will, and anything pertaining to Christ has left me.

For now, maybe.  But this can change by doing the following two things.

1. Pray at the beginning of each day a simple prayer.  

I forced myself to do this when I was coming out of my dark depression.  It felt weird, alien and hypocritical for me to do so and I didn't really know what to even say as I felt ashamed, unloved, and a pathetic excuse for a child of God.  Nevertheless, believing in His faithfulness (and not mine) I forced myself to pray each morning.  All I could muster was simply "Father Yahweh, I love you".  That's it, nothing else, but I did this each morning for about a month and then eventually I felt encouraged to say more and the line of communication was re-established.  Not that He isn't eager to re-establish it, but that I had trouble doing so.

2. Hear the Word.

I'm not a great reader and I don't often have the time.  Travelling to and fro to work and having a short evening for all the admin of life after.  However, during that time (and even today) I made time for the Word by switching to an audio version.  Now I could hear the Word going to and fro from work, during my lunch hour walks and even doing other tasks.  Before I knew it, I was understanding Scripture more than ever before and memorising parts with repeated listens.  It became a joy to me and now reading or hearing the Word is literally my favourite thing to do - something I could never imagine back when I was where you are now.  

I recommend this audio bible:  NIV Audio Bible trailer and check out: Genesis Sample Not the best translation but David Suchet really reads it well and there are many other cheesy ones out there!  I advise to start from Genesis and go all the way through.  Even if you don't understand it all, even if it gets tough sometimes.  Do it.  The Father works miraculously in you as you hear and digest His Word - even if your mind doesn't comprehend everything at first.  But continue to listen to it when you have finished Revelation.  Make it your goal to have no "grey areas" in your understanding.

When your do these two things, the third step is to seek for the Holy Spirit, above all things.  You said you already had the baptism, which is good (to say the least). Seek the Holy Spirit, again.

The walk of a disciple with the Holy Spirit is joyous and a delight and not heavy and burdensome.  You cannot go on without the Holy Spirit.  Seek Yahweh on this matter diligently, above all things.

8 hours ago, RobertC. said:

Everything that has happened to me spiritually is my fault and these are my consequences but I I'm trying to believe that it's not too late for me.

That could indeed be the case.  However, it is also possible that RobertC of the past came under enemy attack and fell under it's condemnation, temptations and torturous thoughts.  But, whether it be because of you or an enemy attack, do thosethings above and you will find that narrow path again.

Only be sure to stay away from doctrine and in the Word only!  There is a lot of nonsense taught in mainstream churches today.  Even on this forum there are many who teach alluring, Biblical sounding, pleasant words but are actually unscriptural.  Stick to the Word and in the Word, and follow no man or doctrine.  Stay in the Word and by the Word.  Remember, the devil quoted Scripture to the Messiah to deceive Him, so anyone of his minions can surely do the same.  But just as the devil twisted the context of the quoted Scripture, so will his minions.  Therefore, learn the Word thoroughly and stick to the word - not doctrines.

8 hours ago, RobertC. said:

But I threw all of it away for nothing.  Now all i think of is the past and I'm nothing without Him.  I want to be humble and had a heart of flesh again.

Spoken like a man about to return to His Father!  Praise Yahweh!  These words of yours remind me of the below parable...

“When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.’ So he got up and went to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him."  -Luke 15:17-20

Keep on walking back home, He will meet you whilst you are still a long way off.

Love & Shalom

[AnOrangeCat]

10 hours ago, RobertC. said:

Hi I've been backslidden away from God for a long time and spent all that time rejecting His direction and convictions towards me.  Now, in the midst of this pandemic, the fear of going to hell and being haunted by the past compelling me to go after God, but it's been so long and I've hardened my heart so much that conviction of sin, will to do God's Will, and anything pertaining to Christ has left me.  I want to be remorseful and feel guilty and conviction again and be close to Him, but I don't know what to do.  I feel that maybe I should be seeking Him right now in this instead of seeking another person, but I'm completely lost and I feel nothing anymore.  Everything that has happened to me spiritually is my fault and these are my consequences but I I'm trying to believe that it's not too late for me.  I grieved the Holy Spirit and I haven't felt Him since fo almost 20 years.  I had baptism of the Holy Spirit and spoke in tongues.  But I threw all of it away for nothing.  Now all i think of is the past and I'm nothing without Him.  I want to be humble and had a heart of flesh again.

The fact that you're seeking points to God not giving up on you. I've often found it to be true of myself that when we feel distant from God it's something that largely exists only on our own end. Our own doubts, guilt, worries and so on combine to feed the notions that God is done with us and that there's no turning back. Sometimes God lets us stew in that for a while but a contrite heart and an earnest desire to reconcile with him won't be ignored. Just keep at it, and if you feel led to do things or cut certain things out of your life, go for it. If there's any doubt try to get a second opinion from mature believers whose judgment you trust and get their support in prayer. We'll certainly pray for you here as well.

[dhchristian]

12 hours ago, RobertC. said:

Hi I've been backslidden away from God for a long time and spent all that time rejecting His direction and convictions towards me.  Now, in the midst of this pandemic, the fear of going to hell and being haunted by the past compelling me to go after God, but it's been so long and I've hardened my heart so much that conviction of sin, will to do God's Will, and anything pertaining to Christ has left me.  I want to be remorseful and feel guilty and conviction again and be close to Him, but I don't know what to do.  I feel that maybe I should be seeking Him right now in this instead of seeking another person, but I'm completely lost and I feel nothing anymore.  Everything that has happened to me spiritually is my fault and these are my consequences but I I'm trying to believe that it's not too late for me.  I grieved the Holy Spirit and I haven't felt Him since fo almost 20 years.  I had baptism of the Holy Spirit and spoke in tongues.  But I threw all of it away for nothing.  Now all i think of is the past and I'm nothing without Him.  I want to be humble and had a heart of flesh again.

Robert,

For 20 years of my Life I was the prodigal son, and went after the world and the things of the world. When I realized my life was a pigpen I returned to Him, and he was there waiting for me to return, and received me with Joy. He killed the fattened calf that I did not deserve, and he then disciplined me as a father disciplines a son. Go Back to the foot of the cross, and dwell on his Love for you, and conviction of sin will return and you will see the will of God for your life again.

  

[Behold]

13 hours ago, RobertC. said:

Hi I've been backslidden away from God for a long time and spent all that time rejecting His direction and convictions towards me. 

Robert,

to be "backslidden", to understand this properly, means that you were once SAVED. You were once Born again.   So, an unbeliever, or someone who is very familiar with the idea of Salvation, and knows all about it, but has never actually been saved, cannot be backslidden.

So, are you saved?   Did you once Trust in Christ as your Savior?  Do you remember when you trusted in Christ and were saved?

[kwikphilly]

13 hours ago, RobertC. said:

Now all i think of is the past and I'm nothing without Him.  I want to be humble and had a heart of flesh again.

Blessings Robert

   Welcome to Worthy,you are seeking Him....isn't that why you are here?Robert,I went through what you are going through-many have & that is not grieving Holy Spirit.The one who actually has a hardened heart that grieves the Holy Spirit is the one that doesnt give it a second thought because it is a choice,not a "mistake"    Just by your very own words "I'm nothing without Him" is telling me you do have a heart,a broken heart.....believe me I know what a broken heart"feels" like,it feels NOTHING

   You say you spoke in tongues ,were baptized etc...etc... I have no idea if you were Saved (Born Again)or not...I'm sure you were Convicted and excited for Jesus but all those "feelings" don't prove anything.,you could have been speaking jibberish-I don't know you or the church you went to....If you were Born Again,then you've not "lost" your Salvation

   Now lets say you were not -its NEVER too late    Jesus Waits with open Arms my friend     Stop thinking about the past,get on your knees & seek Him with all your heart,soul & mind.....read His Word ,asking Him to Reveal Himself to you,He Will if you are sincere                          Get BACK in the Word,Faith comes by Hearing the Word of God!

                                                                                                       With love-in Christ,Kwik

[Billiards Ball]

13 hours ago, RobertC. said:

Hi I've been backslidden away from God for a long time and spent all that time rejecting His direction and convictions towards me.  Now, in the midst of this pandemic, the fear of going to hell and being haunted by the past compelling me to go after God, but it's been so long and I've hardened my heart so much that conviction of sin, will to do God's Will, and anything pertaining to Christ has left me.  I want to be remorseful and feel guilty and conviction again and be close to Him, but I don't know what to do.  I feel that maybe I should be seeking Him right now in this instead of seeking another person, but I'm completely lost and I feel nothing anymore.  Everything that has happened to me spiritually is my fault and these are my consequences but I I'm trying to believe that it's not too late for me.  I grieved the Holy Spirit and I haven't felt Him since fo almost 20 years.  I had baptism of the Holy Spirit and spoke in tongues.  But I threw all of it away for nothing.  Now all i think of is the past and I'm nothing without Him.  I want to be humble and had a heart of flesh again.

Then . . . be humble and have a heart of flesh again. God knew today would be your return day, and has patiently waited, with love. 

 

WELCOME HOME!

[LonerAndy]

18 hours ago, RobertC. said:

Hi I've been backslidden away from God for a long time and spent all that time rejecting His direction and convictions towards me.  Now, in the midst of this pandemic, the fear of going to hell and being haunted by the past compelling me to go after God, but it's been so long and I've hardened my heart so much that conviction of sin, will to do God's Will, and anything pertaining to Christ has left me.  I want to be remorseful and feel guilty and conviction again and be close to Him, but I don't know what to do.  I feel that maybe I should be seeking Him right now in this instead of seeking another person, but I'm completely lost and I feel nothing anymore.  Everything that has happened to me spiritually is my fault and these are my consequences but I I'm trying to believe that it's not too late for me.  I grieved the Holy Spirit and I haven't felt Him since fo almost 20 years.  I had baptism of the Holy Spirit and spoke in tongues.  But I threw all of it away for nothing.  Now all i think of is the past and I'm nothing without Him.  I want to be humble and had a heart of flesh again.

Sure a heart can be hardened beyond hope.   That's entirely possible.

Here's the kicker.... if you are asking the question, then you are not beyond hope.

The people who are beyond hope, are not asking such questions.

Stop.  Turn back to G-d.  Stop asking, and do it.

[Prycejosh1987]

On 4/7/2020 at 2:30 AM, RobertC. said:

Hi I've been backslidden away from God for a long time and spent all that time rejecting His direction and convictions towards me.  Now, in the midst of this pandemic, the fear of going to hell and being haunted by the past compelling me to go after God, but it's been so long and I've hardened my heart so much that conviction of sin, will to do God's Will, and anything pertaining to Christ has left me.  I want to be remorseful and feel guilty and conviction again and be close to Him, but I don't know what to do.  I feel that maybe I should be seeking Him right now in this instead of seeking another person, but I'm completely lost and I feel nothing anymore.  Everything that has happened to me spiritually is my fault and these are my consequences but I I'm trying to believe that it's not too late for me.  I grieved the Holy Spirit and I haven't felt Him since fo almost 20 years.  I had baptism of the Holy Spirit and spoke in tongues.  But I threw all of it away for nothing.  Now all i think of is the past and I'm nothing without Him.  I want to be humble and had a heart of flesh again.

It seems that the heart of flesh is already there, you just have to use these focuses and experiences and situations to better yourself as a christian. Personally i think it is impossible to have the holy spirit and backside. To be fully able, have full knowledge, and filled with the spirit, and still backside amazes me. I wish you luck in your future, this time build on the foundation, the foundation matters a lot more than the house.