How Would You Deal With Incompatibility Among Group Members?

[Michael37]

I'm researching an area of group dynamics to do with interpersonal interaction and would like to know how others would deal with the problem of incompatibility among members of a group. 

This would include both Christian and non-Christian groups.

An example of incompatibility would be a person with a dominating personality who consistently puts another member down regardless of what they say or do.

Should the person being put down simply leave the group and cut ties with the dominator or endure the put downs with humility and patience irrespective of how unpleasant being in the group is for them?

Thanks in advance. 

[OneLight]

It have always found it wise to appoint a group leader, the most mature and wise person in the group, to be the head of a group.  If you don't assign a leader up front, someone will self assign themselves the position. If someone like whom you describe keeps attacking another person, shut them down or tell them to leave.  Groups are only successful if they behave like a team.

[Tzephanyahu]

Shalom @Michael37

I would say it depends on the specifics of the situation. 

A Christian group - the person should assess how they can reason with the "dominator". But, if the dominator refuses to be reasonable, it would be better for the person to try to live harmoniously with them for the sake of the group.  But if they do decide to leave because of it, they shouldn't cast blame or discredit on anyone as they do so, so as not to be an accuser of the brethern or sow discord. 

A Non-Christian group - the person needs to really assess carefully whether the group is worthwhile and whether its benefits outweigh the negatives significantly.  But if they decide to leave as this "dominator" makes the group too uncomfortable, then they do no wrong. 

Love & Shalom 

[BeauJangles]

On 6/11/2020 at 6:11 PM, Michael37 said:

I'm researching an area of group dynamics to do with interpersonal interaction and would like to know how others would deal with the problem of incompatibility among members of a group. 

This would include both Christian and non-Christian groups.

An example of incompatibility would be a person with a dominating personality who consistently puts another member down regardless of what they say or do.

Should the person being put down simply leave the group and cut ties with the dominator or endure the put downs with humility and patience irrespective of how unpleasant being in the group is for them?

Thanks in advance. 

This always happens when my time is cut short and constraints become an issue for being able to give an in depth detailed reply. Let me address the Christian oriented groups as a focus. Depending on the size of the group personal interactions are necessary if there are few. Avoiding them in minimal conversations are sometimes not possible. Their attitudes are generally argumentative and this seems to be the way they communicate. 

The difficulty are toxic persons and the venom they spew. They've got personal and emotional problems and inflict them on everyone that surrounds them. They strike out at everyone within their range and can be almost impossible to ignore. Shielding yourself is sometimes the best defense. Certain persons are simply just unpleasant to be around. How do you deal with such individuals? Attempting to be gentle sometimes only inflames their basic personalities. 

These are people with anger management issues. Mad at the world concerning just about everything. A lot of them are mad at God as well for disappoints in life and they can be vengeful as well. Easily insulted and hypercritical. Can they be dealt with? Sometimes - sometimes not. 

[missmuffet]

On 6/11/2020 at 6:11 PM, Michael37 said:

I'm researching an area of group dynamics to do with interpersonal interaction and would like to know how others would deal with the problem of incompatibility among members of a group. 

This would include both Christian and non-Christian groups.

An example of incompatibility would be a person with a dominating personality who consistently puts another member down regardless of what they say or do.

Should the person being put down simply leave the group and cut ties with the dominator or endure the put downs with humility and patience irrespective of how unpleasant being in the group is for them?

Thanks in advance. 

I can not answer for a secular group. A person in a Christian group should treat everyone kind no matter what their connection to on another is. Not all personalities are going to do well together. If someone is unkind to you then you should deal with him or her as little as possible. Pray for that person. 

[other one]

On 6/11/2020 at 8:11 PM, Michael37 said:

I'm researching an area of group dynamics to do with interpersonal interaction and would like to know how others would deal with the problem of incompatibility among members of a group. 

This would include both Christian and non-Christian groups.

An example of incompatibility would be a person with a dominating personality who consistently puts another member down regardless of what they say or do.

Should the person being put down simply leave the group and cut ties with the dominator or endure the put downs with humility and patience irrespective of how unpleasant being in the group is for them?

Thanks in advance. 

i  cant type a lot one fingered so i cant deal with a lot of detail.  in the mid 80's we at Xerox got a new ceo.   shortly after taking over he woke up one night realizing we were going bankrupt.  to shorten a very long story it was decided to have our entire global staff of tens of thousands of people go through 'Total Quality Management" training and certification...  it took over a year and we had a couple of hundred hours of formal training.  Al Deming was the author of that package.   After the training we transferred to total self managing workgroups and fired 75% of our middle managers...  and it worked.    if you could find the facilitator training part of that package it would help you a lot.

one of the things that training was noted for was to be able to tell someone to go to hell and make them look forward to the trip. it is much too complicated for an old guy with a broken arm to put to print.

I dont have a clue where to find that and not sure what we did would always work on people who were not quality trained; to join our teams required some up front commitments to be a member.....  i worked with some who could not live up to those commitments and lost their jobs.  Managers did not fire  people, teams did for those types of people you are speaking of.

 

Just to give you an idea of how it works, when i first hired on, our management span was 7 employees for each manager.  they told us in great detail what to do and how to do it After the implementation the span of control where i worked was 42 employees for each manager..... after we started the self managing workgroup they would ask permission to attend a team meeting and tell us what the corporate people needed, said thank you and walked out.  it was up to us to figure out how, document it, monitor the plans and report if it was working.  was the best time of my 38  year career.

All that to say the best way to control people is to get consensus when the group is set up....  and the facilitator has to be really hard nosed in making everyone follow the agreements..  and there may be things that not everyone will agree to but everyone should agree to go along with the majority of the group. 

those that refuse just dont need to be part of the group, and that is very hard to accept.    in our case it was ending careers.

[Michael37]

6 hours ago, other one said:

i  cant type a lot one fingered so i cant deal with a lot of detail.  in the mid 80's we at Xerox got a new ceo.   shortly after taking over he woke up one night realizing we were going bankrupt.  to shorten a very long story it was decided to have our entire global staff of tens of thousands of people go through 'Total Quality Management" training and certification...  it took over a year and we had a couple of hundred hours of formal training.  Al Deming was the author of that package.   After the training we transferred to total self managing workgroups and fired 75% of our middle managers...  and it worked.    if you could find the facilitator training part of that package it would help you a lot.

one of the things that training was noted for was to be able to tell someone to go to hell and make them look forward to the trip. it is much too complicated for an old guy with a broken arm to put to print.

I dont have a clue where to find that and not sure what we did would always work on people who were not quality trained; to join our teams required some up front commitments to be a member.....  i worked with some who could not live up to those commitments and lost their jobs.  Managers did not fire  people, teams did for those types of people you are speaking of.

 

Just to give you an idea of how it works, when i first hired on, our management span was 7 employees for each manager.  they told us in great detail what to do and how to do it After the implementation the span of control where i worked was 42 employees for each manager..... after we started the self managing workgroup they would ask permission to attend a team meeting and tell us what the corporate people needed, said thank you and walked out.  it was up to us to figure out how, document it, monitor the plans and report if it was working.  was the best time of my 38  year career.

All that to say the best way to control people is to get consensus when the group is set up....  and the facilitator has to be really hard nosed in making everyone follow the agreements..  and there may be things that not everyone will agree to but everyone should agree to go along with the majority of the group. 

those that refuse just dont need to be part of the group, and that is very hard to accept.    in our case it was ending careers.

Thanks for your reply, other one. Sorry to learn of your incapacitation. I appreciate your effort to answer this question and have found your experience with group management valuable. It seems to include material similar to a module of personal training I have found useful which goes by the name "Behaviour Modification". The quote below deals specifically to organisational settings, but the full article deals with applications in Clinical Psychology and Psychotherapy. 

Quote Regarding Behaviour Modification: 

In job performance[edit]

Based on the conceptual premises of classical behaviorism and reinforcement theory, the Organizational Behavior Modification Model (aka O.B. Mod) represents a behavioral approach to the management of human resources in organizational settings.^[21] The application of reinforcement theory to modification of behavior as it relates to job performance first requires analysis of necessary antecedents (e.g., job design, training) of the desired behavior.^[21] After it has been determined that the necessary antecedents are present, managers must first identify the behaviors to change. These behaviors must be observable, measurable, task-related, and critical to the task at hand. Next, a baseline measure of the behavior must be assessed and functional consequences analyzed.^[21] Now that the link between the antecedent, behavior, and contingent consequences has been established, an intervention to change the behavior can be introduced. If the intervention is successful in modifying the behavior, it must be maintained using schedules of reinforcement and must be evaluated for performance improvement.^[21] The O.B. Mod has been found to have a significant positive effect on task performance globally,^[21][22] with performance on average increasing 17%.^[23]

A study that examined the differential effects of incentive motivators administered with the O.B. Mod on job performance found that using money as a reinforcer with O.B. Mod was more successful at increasing performance compared to routine pay for performance (i.e., money administered on performance not using O.B. Mod).^[24] The authors also found that using money administered through the O.B. Mod produced stronger effects (37% performance increase), compared to social recognition (24% performance increase) and performance feedback (20% performance increase).^[24]  

[Source: Wkpd]