Frustrated.

[Figure of eighty]

22 hours ago, LonerAndy said:

What you are describing here, is an extremely toxic relationship.  Borderline child abuse.

Why is your mom, using your car?  Your car, is for you, to get to work, without Uber.

And her calling you ungrateful, when she's using your car, is abusive.  And I would take the keys, and never let her use your car again.

And you can't get bitter at your mother.  You by staying there, and allowing this to all happen... you are just as guilty as anyone else.

What your parents are doing, isn't a surprise to you.  It's not like you didn't know what they are like... yet you are allowing them to use you.  That's on you.

I had a co-worker who was in this exact situation, where his parents were acting crazy, and he was working really hard, and they were just flat out taking advantage of him.

He finally just left the home.  Got a cheap low-budget apartment.   He told me how much freedom, and how a weight was lifted off him, and burden of life just vanished, just from getting his own place, even if it was a tiny dinky little apartment.  He could have moved out even 3 or 4 years before.  But he didn't.  He stayed in the crazy for years.

Most of the time in life, people find they are in a prison of their own making.  A prison they could have walked out of, any time they wished, but for whatever reason remained in it for years.

You can't complain you are not saving money, when you are giving your money to your parents.  You can't complain about your father, when you already know what both your parents are like, and you are choosing to support them.

Every bit of this, is on you.  You have to decide you want to have freedom, and a life.

Im doing my best. Its just hard financially bc I have to uber into work and that costs money. Then pay my baby sitter. 

 

And just yesterday I asked my dad if he could pick me up bc the warehouse has dead spots and I coupdnt get the Lyft app to work and he refused. He said no. So my friend who lives states away and paid for my uber. I got off at 3:30 ..i waited an hour to see if my dad wouls get me ... Then texted my friend for help. 

 

My other friend I was possibly being emotionally abused. I didnt think much of it until I looked it up and I can say that I slightly am. Its not full on but still bad.

[LonerAndy]

1 minute ago, Figure of eighty said:

Im doing my best. Its just hard financially bc I have to uber into work and that costs money. Then pay my baby sitter. 

 

And just yesterday I asked my dad if he could pick me up bc the warehouse has dead spots and I coupdnt get the Lyft app to work and he refused. He said no. So my friend who lives states away and paid for my uber. I got off at 3:30 ..i waited an hour to see if my dad wouls get me ... Then texted my friend for help. 

 

My other friend I was possibly being emotionally abused. I didnt think much of it until I looked it up and I can say that I slightly am. Its not full on but still bad.

Meet with your pastor.  Ask for help getting a place. Maybe someone will split an apartment with you.

[Figure of eighty]

22 hours ago, LonerAndy said:

What you are describing here, is an extremely toxic relationship.  Borderline child abuse.

Why is your mom, using your car?  Your car, is for you, to get to work, without Uber.

And her calling you ungrateful, when she's using your car, is abusive.  And I would take the keys, and never let her use your car again.

And you can't get bitter at your mother.  You by staying there, and allowing this to all happen... you are just as guilty as anyone else.

What your parents are doing, isn't a surprise to you.  It's not like you didn't know what they are like... yet you are allowing them to use you.  That's on you.

I had a co-worker who was in this exact situation, where his parents were acting crazy, and he was working really hard, and they were just flat out taking advantage of him.

He finally just left the home.  Got a cheap low-budget apartment.   He told me how much freedom, and how a weight was lifted off him, and burden of life just vanished, just from getting his own place, even if it was a tiny dinky little apartment.  He could have moved out even 3 or 4 years before.  But he didn't.  He stayed in the crazy for years.

Most of the time in life, people find they are in a prison of their own making.  A prison they could have walked out of, any time they wished, but for whatever reason remained in it for years.

You can't complain you are not saving money, when you are giving your money to your parents.  You can't complain about your father, when you already know what both your parents are like, and you are choosing to support them.

Every bit of this, is on you.  You have to decide you want to have freedom, and a life.

For saving money- I can't when uber costs 120 a week. And still have a baby sitter to pay. I'm not just throwing money away. 

 

Ive looked at car dealerships ans scouted apartment complexs already. My only solution would be to move in with my bf bc my salary alone would be difficult to live on especislly with a car factored in. 

Then I couldn't save when my mom needes help financially bc my dad refused to work and my mom got laid off. 

I gave her So much money but she needed it. 

 

Now I see why I'm anxious half the time. I get it now.

[LonerAndy]

Just now, Figure of eighty said:

For saving money- I can't when uber costs 120 a week. And still have a baby sitter to pay. I'm not just throwing money away. 

 

Ive looked at car dealerships ans scouted apartment complexs already. My only solution would be to move in with my bf bc my salary alone would be difficult to live on especislly with a car factored in. 

Then I couldn't save when my mom needes help financially bc my dad refused to work and my mom got laid off. 

I gave her So much money but she needed it. 

 

Now I see why I'm anxious half the time. I get it now.

Get married. But you can't move in with a boyfriend.  Not as a Christian.  Pagans do that, not Christians.

Get married to him.   Here in Ohio, you can spend a $100, and be married.

Better to stay where you are, living the way you are living now, than to move in with a BF and violate G-d's standard.

[Figure of eighty]

On 7/17/2020 at 2:02 AM, Marilyn C said:

Hi Figure of eighty,

Glad you shared with us. I do appreciate what you are saying and have some thoughts that may help you.

Firstly you are blessed to have a child, parents who give you shelter, and work that you can do. So lots of good things there.

Then it seems that there are some things and attitudes that are frustrating you. Now we need to remember that the Lord`s purpose is to change us to like Himself - faithful, kind, caring, compassionate, longsuffering, trustworthy, truthful etc. these we work on every day. It is easier to see other people`s bad attitudes than really to see our own. Thus I would suggest you stop looking at things from your perspective and learn to not be judgmental, (none of us are perfect) and learn to see from other people`s perspective.

Your good parents have given you a home, (even though you would like to be out on your own). So tell them sometimes that you appreciate them having you there while you are trying to get on your feet. Then ask your mother what specific jobs you can do that would help her. I see she also has a job. Then there would be jobs at home, - cleaning, vacuuming. cooking, washing, shopping etc. This shows your appreciation and not just doing what YOU think helps.

If you keep going the way you are you will get bitter, (as you also said) and that destroys not only yourself but other relationships. You are too busy judging your father, (whether he is helping or not is not the point), it is his home and you are there as an adult and need to be thankful to him. Try and build a relationship again with your father by being grateful for being not only in his home but that he and your mother brought you up all those years.

praying, Marilyn.

 

this isnt my dads home. My mom got this apartment without his help. He isnt working. All he does is create strife. I guess bc he's bitter... Idk. But he doesnt really help. Not with cleaning or cooking he just lays around and barks orders. 

 

I'm very grateful for my mom but I hate how she enables him. Its not healthy. 

 

Also my dad isnt good to me. He's called me a bad mother, stupid and said some people dont need kids(referring to me) and just mske terrible remarks. Idk why you'd assume my dad is so nice when he's not. Also he'll throw away my food I just bought wether its on a counter ( for more than 5 minutes) or in the fridge. 

 

Why do parents get a pass to act this volatile and they still get praised and revered for being "good parents" when they aren't?  I personslly feel respect is a 2 way street and just because you're a parent doesnt give you a right to treat your children like this or worse simply bc you decide to have them snd hold the fact you provide for them and gave life to them as an excuse for your behavior towards your child and expect them to still revere you. Thats incredibly toxic and horrible. 

 

Id never dream of doing this to my son. I love him too much for that. People who do that shouldnt have kids.

Edited July 18, 2020 by Figure of eighty

[ladypeartree]

but it is still HER choice and until SHE is ready to do something about it then if you live with her you have to put up with it .  No one can know what is going on between them and I am sorry you are in the middle but you did make choices just as she did.  Now you have a choice to  praise God that you have a roof over your head and your baby is safe and be cheerful and grateful for what you have OR to become more and more bitter and resentful until you ruin your own life and make yourself even more unhappy. 

At this point in time the whole world is changing and some of the changes are frightening but jumping into living with your boyfriend without any sort of commitment is probably not in your or your baby's best interests 

I am praying for you and do hope that you find somewhere to live that you can afford and be happy in ( but every situation is going to have problems so it is up to you to make the most of any situation you find yourself in ) or maybe a job that will be within walking distance for you 

[Figure of eighty]

On 7/16/2020 at 6:08 PM, Jedi4Yahweh said:

This one of those situations where you need to pray and ask God for help and he will.   Sounds like your in a difficult place and I know family can be difficult to deal with at times.  Just dont grow weary in doing good and blessing your family because God is watching and will reward you despite how they treat you.    We have to love and honor our parents and God is going to bless you when you do.

Yeah. I guess I have to pray more for guidance and just general help.

On 7/16/2020 at 6:14 PM, Knotical said:

Out of curiosity, how far away do you live from your place of work?  Is it possibly close enough to either take the bus, walk, or ride a bike?  I have never used an Uber, but I imagine it can't be all that cheap.

No unfortunately. If it we're Id defintely bike it. But I leave early in the morning when its dark and ride past dark roads and tree covered paths-- Doesnt sound like a good Idea or safe to bike alone that early and that long. 

On 7/16/2020 at 8:05 PM, Daniel Marsh said:

Is there someone you can carpool with?

I'm still getting to know everyone. Still I feel id be giving the same amount of money in gas to them as I would riding in lyft. 

Idk I'll think of something.

[Figure of eighty]

2 minutes ago, ladypeartree said:

but it is still HER choice and until SHE is ready to do something about it then if you live with her you have to put up with it .  No one can know what is going on between them and I am sorry you are in the middle but you did make choices just as she did.  Now you have a choice to  praise God that you have a roof over your head and your baby is safe and be cheerful and grateful for what you have OR to become more and more bitter and resentful until you ruin your own life and make yourself even more unhappy. 

At this point in time the whole world is changing and some of the changes are frightening but jumping into living with your boyfriend without any sort of commitment is probably not in your or your baby's best interests 

I am praying for you and do hope that you find somewhere to live that you can afford and be happy in ( but every situation is going to have problems so it is up to you to make the most of any situation you find yourself in ) or maybe a job that will be within walking distance for you 

Idk. I feel like I shouldnt have to accept this behavior. I rather be with someone who treats me better than my parenrs or else I'm just accepting abuse and it becomes me fault. 

 

[Figure of eighty]

29 minutes ago, LonerAndy said:

Meet with your pastor.  Ask for help getting a place. Maybe someone will split an apartment with you.

Maybe. We'll see. I havent been to church in a while was gonna try to go this Sunday but not sure if its safe still.

Edited July 18, 2020 by Figure of eighty

[ReneeIW]

36 minutes ago, Figure of eighty said:

My other friend I was possibly being emotionally abused. I didnt think much of it until I looked it up and I can say that I slightly am. Its not full on but still bad.

This is not going to change. It sounds like you are living in a home where the family culture is not conducive to getting ahead or changing your situation for the better. I think you need to come up with a plan of how to get out of the house.

I had a friend years ago that had a baby and she applied for government assistance and went back to college and lived on the college campus with her baby and had all sorts of help in that environment. And of course got a degree and was able to provide for herself.

Family will continue to take advantage of you. They don’t really change unless they are forced to, and even then, it doesn’t happen overnight.