Spiritual Tests - How to hold firm & stay faithful?

[FieryFury]

I’ve been thru a number of different spiritual tests over the years, but, the 1 I’m going thru now tops them all. I recently spoke with a pastor at my church, snd he shared a phrase with me, ‘I plead the blood of Jesus over my life’. I told him that it was very difficult to say those words and he stated that the devil doesn’t want me to say them. 
 

I’m really having a hard time with this spiritual test. It’s going on almost 2 yrs now. I don’t feel like I’m going to succeed bc there’s so much that I don’t understand. Including faithfulness. How do you push your own wants/desires away and stay faithful? Remember.. this is all brand news to me as prior to 2018, I had some type of a feeling 24/7 and that was what I had that helped me stay faithful. I guess part of me doesn’t trust God bc it’s so hard trying to decipher what’s going on. And I don’t trust myself either. I haven’t watched any tv/movies or played video games in 3 yrs due to spiritual issues. 
 

idk what I’m asking really but been extremely depressed over the last week looking for someone to talk to and encouragement.   

[enoob57]

13 minutes ago, FieryFury said:

How do you push your own wants/desires away and stay faithful?

Many get caught in the do to get religious cycle... but that is not how God works
Rom 5:8-11

8 But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

9 Much more then, being now justified by his blood, we shall be saved from wrath through him.

10 For if, when we were enemies, we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, being reconciled, we shall be saved by his life.

11 And not only so, but we also joy in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, by whom we have now received the atonement.
KJV
live in the light of His Word and have victory already gain in The Lord Jesus Christ....

[angels4u]

44 minutes ago, FieryFury said:

I’ve been thru a number of different spiritual tests over the years, but, the 1 I’m going thru now tops them all. I recently spoke with a pastor at my church, snd he shared a phrase with me, ‘I plead the blood of Jesus over my life’. I told him that it was very difficult to say those words and he stated that the devil doesn’t want me to say them. 
 

I’m really having a hard time with this spiritual test. It’s going on almost 2 yrs now. I don’t feel like I’m going to succeed bc there’s so much that I don’t understand. Including faithfulness. How do you push your own wants/desires away and stay faithful? Remember.. this is all brand news to me as prior to 2018, I had some type of a feeling 24/7 and that was what I had that helped me stay faithful. I guess part of me doesn’t trust God bc it’s so hard trying to decipher what’s going on. And I don’t trust myself either. I haven’t watched any tv/movies or played video games in 3 yrs due to spiritual issues. 
 

idk what I’m asking really but been extremely depressed over the last week looking for someone to talk to and encouragement.   

Did you surrender yourself completely to God and told Him that you rely only on Him and not on yourself? God put us through difficulties to see if we rely on Him ,every Christian will go through this, look at all the people in the O.T. and their journeys ,it took some of them a life long time to be in the place that God could use them, may I suggest you stick with the Bible ,don't listen to leaders who can lead you astray ,many are wolves these days ,   be careful to who you listen. He will give you discernment if you ask  because He cares for you!

Proverbs 3:5-6 

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and He will make straight your paths.

[Kelly2363]

31 minutes ago, FieryFury said:

I’ve been thru a number of different spiritual tests over the years, but, the 1 I’m going thru now tops them all. I recently spoke with a pastor at my church, snd he shared a phrase with me, ‘I plead the blood of Jesus over my life’. I told him that it was very difficult to say those words and he stated that the devil doesn’t want me to say them. 
 

I’m really having a hard time with this spiritual test. It’s going on almost 2 yrs now. I don’t feel like I’m going to succeed bc there’s so much that I don’t understand. Including faithfulness. How do you push your own wants/desires away and stay faithful? Remember.. this is all brand news to me as prior to 2018, I had some type of a feeling 24/7 and that was what I had that helped me stay faithful. I guess part of me doesn’t trust God bc it’s so hard trying to decipher what’s going on. And I don’t trust myself either. I haven’t watched any tv/movies or played video games in 3 yrs due to spiritual issues. 
 

idk what I’m asking really but been extremely depressed over the last week looking for someone to talk to and encouragement.   

 

Well you haven't shared what this spiritual test is that you are going through - but you have shared that you have been through other tests - And what especially strikes me is the idea that you had some type of a feeling 24/7 and that was what [you] had that helped [you] stay faithful. Would it be correct to say that this feeling was an ability to trust God - as opposed to a feeling that God was trustworthy. That may be what you are saying because your next sentence suggests that - And the qualification for that distrust is because you don't know how to decipher what is happening to you. 

It is also very difficult to push any want or desire away unless you have a godly need to do so. Who told you that you needed to trust God? 

The issue of invoking the blood of Christ as an auditory (spoken) measure is an interesting idea. And the only reason I say that this is interesting is because you said that you couldn't say those words. How do you understand that? Sometimes it is possible to do some very unusual things and yet not to be troubled by them - yet when they are shared with others you may become vulnerable to wrong ideas. Your depression is of course more easily understood as that at least can be grounded in two years of trials. 

[FieryFury]

15 hours ago, Kelly2363 said:

 

Well you haven't shared what this spiritual test is that you are going through - but you have shared that you have been through other tests - And what especially strikes me is the idea that you had some type of a feeling 24/7 and that was what [you] had that helped [you] stay faithful. Would it be correct to say that this feeling was an ability to trust God - as opposed to a feeling that God was trustworthy. That may be what you are saying because your next sentence suggests that - And the qualification for that distrust is because you don't know how to decipher what is happening to you. 

It is also very difficult to push any want or desire away unless you have a godly need to do so. Who told you that you needed to trust God? 

The issue of invoking the blood of Christ as an auditory (spoken) measure is an interesting idea. And the only reason I say that this is interesting is because you said that you couldn't say those words. How do you understand that? Sometimes it is possible to do some very unusual things and yet not to be troubled by them - yet when they are shared with others you may become vulnerable to wrong ideas. Your depression is of course more easily understood as that at least can be grounded in two years of trials. 

It’s hard for me to describe as people often times tell me that this isn’t how God works. 
 

I have gone through many different phases after I got saved, none were easy but, yes, I always had some type of a feeling 24/7 for 17 years. 2015 was the first year I had a 1 week test where the ‘feeling’ I had left and what began as I called them a series of changes within me and I felt each distinctly. At the end of that week, I was left with another feeling, which was a very strong ‘lift’ type of a feeling. Now, I had that for 3 yrs. In 2018, even with that feeling, I drifted away for 3 months in which God took that lift away and I had another 1 week test and he gave me a lighter lift in return. I had 1 other test and at the end of that, I had 0 feelings to go by and struggled immensely to stay faithful bc I didn’t understand how to stay faithful w/o feeling anything. I drifted away quite a bit. Fast forward 6 months, and I felt God starting another test. And within these tests, he ‘uses’ my feelings as it’s something I’ve gotten accustomed to over the years. Every night as I get in bed, God fills me with peace though so to me, that’s God telling me he has his hand on this situation even though I still feel extremely lost and confused through it. For 3 yrs I’ve prayed for understanding and for me to grasp the concept and to learn how to stay faithful w/o feeling anything but I can tell you, I’m not there yet. Over the last almost 2 yrs, God has really been stretching my faith and it’s been excruciating difficult. I’ve often felt discouraged, depressed, wanting to run away bc nothing is making sense, but, I strive and continue to push forward. The last 2 weeks have been the hardest. 
 

Back when I was in college, I went to a Christian college, I had spoken to this professor and this was 1 year after I got saved, I had been feeling these changes within me at that time too while also feeling something else. Anyways, I asked her for prayer explaining to her what was going on. She had told me that I’m very in tune with the Holy Spirit & although all Christians go thru changes, they usually can’t feel them but I can & 1 day God will reveal the reason to me. Also, she said that as I mature in Christ, I will receive even harder tests then what I was experiencing then and those tests will really test my strength and faith (it sure is). 
 

We all need to trust God. Except for myself and I’ve brought this before God multiple times stating I struggle with trusting him bc for nearly 20 yrs, my relationship with him was emotionally based, nothing else. And it took me years to start to get into the Bible. It’s still hard for me to do that. 
 

Tonight I’ve been on edge & haven’t slept at all. Last night as I was walking my dog, I prayed for about 35 min. I laid all my thoughts/struggles out, asking again for understanding and assurance and to make it easier. After getting home, I realized just the opposite happened. I don’t understand how to separate the feelings from the truth since the feelings is 1 of the tools God has continued to use to stretch and/or strengthen my faith. But, tonight as I lay in bed, I just am feeling lost even though I feel at peace. I’m afraid of when this test stops. Will I be able to stay faithful this time around w/o having any feelings to back it up and my current answer is I don’t know. So what has the last 1 yr 10 months signified? It signified that God is working in me and stretching me greatly even though it has been difficult 

Edited August 27, 2021 by FieryFury

[Kelly2363]

On 8/27/2021 at 10:08 AM, FieryFury said:

It’s hard for me to describe as people often times tell me that this isn’t how God works. 
 

I have gone through many different phases after I got saved, none were easy but, yes, I always had some type of a feeling 24/7 for 17 years. 2015 was the first year I had a 1 week test where the ‘feeling’ I had left and what began as I called them a series of changes within me and I felt each distinctly. At the end of that week, I was left with another feeling, which was a very strong ‘lift’ type of a feeling. Now, I had that for 3 yrs. In 2018, even with that feeling, I drifted away for 3 months in which God took that lift away and I had another 1 week test and he gave me a lighter lift in return. I had 1 other test and at the end of that, I had 0 feelings to go by and struggled immensely to stay faithful bc I didn’t understand how to stay faithful w/o feeling anything. I drifted away quite a bit. Fast forward 6 months, and I felt God starting another test. And within these tests, he ‘uses’ my feelings as it’s something I’ve gotten accustomed to over the years. Every night as I get in bed, God fills me with peace though so to me, that’s God telling me he has his hand on this situation even though I still feel extremely lost and confused through it. For 3 yrs I’ve prayed for understanding and for me to grasp the concept and to learn how to stay faithful w/o feeling anything but I can tell you, I’m not there yet. Over the last almost 2 yrs, God has really been stretching my faith and it’s been excruciating difficult. I’ve often felt discouraged, depressed, wanting to run away bc nothing is making sense, but, I strive and continue to push forward. The last 2 weeks have been the hardest. 
 

Back when I was in college, I went to a Christian college, I had spoken to this professor and this was 1 year after I got saved, I had been feeling these changes within me at that time too while also feeling something else. Anyways, I asked her for prayer explaining to her what was going on. She had told me that I’m very in tune with the Holy Spirit & although all Christians go thru changes, they usually can’t feel them but I can & 1 day God will reveal the reason to me. Also, she said that as I mature in Christ, I will receive even harder tests then what I was experiencing then and those tests will really test my strength and faith (it sure is). 
 

We all need to trust God. Except for myself and I’ve brought this before God multiple times stating I struggle with trusting him bc for nearly 20 yrs, my relationship with him was emotionally based, nothing else. And it took me years to start to get into the Bible. It’s still hard for me to do that. 

 

In a sense there are two elements to what you have shared that need connecting together. I have taken the liberty of highlighting them in red in your post.

However, beginning with your opening comment.

On 8/27/2021 at 10:08 AM, FieryFury said:

It’s hard for me to describe as people often times tell me that this isn’t how God works. 

 

Believers may say that God doesn't work in the way we ourselves describe His work in our lives simply because they have a doctrinal or theological premise that refuses to accept that what we are describing can be of God. That seems like stating the obvious - but actually it is rather to say that unless we are given a spiritual meaning to explain why something is believed to be wrong - then we have only been given a cause to doubt God. 

In an obverse sense - when a professor tells us in our first year of salvation that we are sensitive to the Holy Spirit - And that is to a concern we have about the very thing we have lost some considerable time later - that may seem as though they have encouraged us - but it may in fact give ground to doubting God also. Now that may not be so easily laid hold of other than in a way of drawing to your attention your own words which you used to describe your present mind.

 

On 8/27/2021 at 10:08 AM, FieryFury said:

for nearly 20 yrs, my relationship with him was emotionally based, nothing else.

 

The (above) statement is the most emphatic use of language in your entire post. 

 

Can I ask you to think on that for a short while because whilst I would like to try and explain somethings about what you have said of your own walk - I don't want to run ahead of the Holy Spirit working in your life. I would also want to encourage you to accept that despite your difficulty the Lord is bringing you to a place where you will be able to walk by faith and not by sight. 

Emotional instruments are the most difficult to define. This is because our living spirits experience emotional realities that transcend the emotions of our natural hearts. So when we experience these spiritual realities arising from a new life in Christ (born again) they are outside our minds and come into our hearts and then  from our hearts into our minds. It is only in our mind that we may make the error of not knowing how it is that we have sight of God - but not an ability to walk in obedience to Him. That process of properly discerning what God has given us is the beginning of the renewing of our minds. 

In Christ

 

 

 

Edited August 28, 2021 by Kelly2363

[Kelly2363]

On 8/26/2021 at 6:02 PM, FieryFury said:

I’ve been thru a number of different spiritual tests over the years, but, the 1 I’m going thru now tops them all. I recently spoke with a pastor at my church, snd he shared a phrase with me, ‘I plead the blood of Jesus over my life’. I told him that it was very difficult to say those words and he stated that the devil doesn’t want me to say them. 
 

I’m really having a hard time with this spiritual test. It’s going on almost 2 yrs now. I don’t feel like I’m going to succeed bc there’s so much that I don’t understand. Including faithfulness. How do you push your own wants/desires away and stay faithful? Remember.. this is all brand news to me as prior to 2018, I had some type of a feeling 24/7 and that was what I had that helped me stay faithful. I guess part of me doesn’t trust God bc it’s so hard trying to decipher what’s going on. And I don’t trust myself either. I haven’t watched any tv/movies or played video games in 3 yrs due to spiritual issues. 
 

idk what I’m asking really but been extremely depressed over the last week looking for someone to talk to and encouragement.   

 

So back to your original post.

Once again I have taken the liberty of highlighting the element I want to address in red.

I presume that you can sense that your pastors' words in the narrative form of his words, being - the devil doesn’t want [you] to say them are disconnected in some sense from the vocative form of his words, being  ‘I plead the blood of Jesus over my life.' 

So when I say in some sense I am using a similar meaning to your use of words when you first said, I had some type of a feeling 24/7 and that was what I had that helped me stay faithful. 

The difference between the efficacy of claiming a spiritual benefit by vocatively citing words that ought to produce an outcome - And expressing a sense of something that forms a very foundational meaning of our walk  - Is either measured in the validity of our own long held sense of things (a type of feeling), or in a claim that has spiritual import that transcends our own walk and has validity for every single believer (pleading the blood).

So to answer that we would need to establish what this feeling or sense is that kept you reasonably well for more than fifteen years - even though you had a sense of a contradiction in the first year of your salvation (hence the professor). We also need to explain why your pastor utilised a form of words that are not found in the Scripture - even though there is a biblical truth that carries an implied benefit that concerns the efficacy of the blood of Christ - Yet that form of words  by your pastor infers a need for deliverance. His first words and his last words make that implicit. Whereas, the biblical meaning of the blood of Christ - in the directional sense of your own person as a benefit - is profoundly different to what your pastor in implying. 

In my last post I said this:

Emotional instruments are the most difficult to define. This is because our living spirits experience emotional realities that transcend the emotions of our natural hearts. So when we experience these spiritual realities arising from a new life in Christ (born again) they are outside our minds and come into our hearts and then from our hearts into our minds. It is only in our mind that we may make the error of not knowing how it is that we have sight of God - but not an ability to walk in obedience to Him. That process of properly discerning what God has given us is the beginning of the renewing of our minds. 

I will be back.

In Christ

Edited August 28, 2021 by Kelly2363

[Kelly2363]

On 8/27/2021 at 10:08 AM, FieryFury said:

Tonight I’ve been on edge & haven’t slept at all. Last night as I was walking my dog, I prayed for about 35 min. I laid all my thoughts/struggles out, asking again for understanding and assurance and to make it easier. After getting home, I realized just the opposite happened. I don’t understand how to separate the feelings from the truth since the feelings is 1 of the tools God has continued to use to stretch and/or strengthen my faith. But, tonight as I lay in bed, I just am feeling lost even though I feel at peace. I’m afraid of when this test stops. Will I be able to stay faithful this time around w/o having any feelings to back it up and my current answer is I don’t know. So what has the last 1 yr 10 months signified? It signified that God is working in me and stretching me greatly even though it has been difficult 

 

Just appending this paragraph here because you appended it to your response previously. 

When you do get to reading these responses or perhaps I should say when you log back in to read them - you may find that being visible is more beneficial than being hidden. There is no strength in hiding - there is no fear in facing the wolf that devours if you understand where your strength lies. Only the natural mind is strengthened with confident assertions made in a darkened cupboard quietly so as not to attract attention to your fear. 

You didn't take the Word of God seriously enough when you were first saved to establish even a semblance of doctrine - so how will doctrine now be of any use to you save for in strengthening your natural mind?  It won't because I know many heartless and vile Christians who utilise doctrine like a blunt instrument and have thrown numbers of their fellow brethren into the gutter and then simply walked away. And when I show them the effect of their ministries they are offended and acuse me of being judgemental. And I have rarely seen a single pastor or elder turn to look at their work of harm and not blame the one they have harmed by utilising doctrines of Scripture. 

Your difficulties are your burden - but your deliverance will not come from any direction that has its compass in your flesh of emotions. So I have given you a semblance of words that explains what it is that is real in your walk and what it is that is worthless - even when that worthless thing is a reasonable and natural desire. 

I will explain myself fully when I am certain that you have tried to understand what I have said to you.

Emotional instruments are the most difficult to define. This is because our living spirits experience emotional realities that transcend the emotions of our natural hearts. So when we experience these spiritual realities arising from a new life in Christ (born again) they are outside our minds and come into our hearts and then from our hearts into our minds. It is only in our mind that we may make the error of not knowing how it is that we have sight of God - but not an ability to walk in obedience to Him. That process of properly discerning what God has given us is the beginning of the renewing of our minds. 

 

Edited August 28, 2021 by Kelly2363

[TheBlade]

The mind is the devils play ground.  What we need to learn at the start is Satan will always come and try to steal the word. He will use fear worry doubt.. things that are not of God. Know when those things come its never of God. A word you used many times "Feelings". As wonderful as they can be with God they can go up down lift right.. just all over the place. So.. what though is bothering you? Find what God said in His word about it. See we walk by faith no sight. Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God. 

We all should know fear worry doubt, depression is not of God. We need to know when those thoughts (feelings) come its not God. I used this all the time FEAR..you say His word "No God has not given me the spirit of fear". Your not saying something hoping it will happen. Its like John 3 16-17 are we waiting hoping God might could save us or we know if we believe in Christ in who He said He was.. came in the flesh died on the cross for the worlds sin was buried rose the 3rd day is seated at the right hand of the Father.. is the only way to the Father. You are right now living forever.  You were grafted in  He is the vine you are the branches. "you brothers like Isaac are the children of promise", Every promise God made is yours. 

Satan will not go because we ask...its Gods word. See its not you.. its ALL you Father. The joy of the lord is your strength. You are strong in the lord in the power of HIS might. You have the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. <----see lets stop for a second. Read that.. did you read "will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus" thats a promise. He said "WILL" Its not by you.. through Christ Jesus. God has not given you the spirit of fear but of power and love and a sound mind. <---another.. our mind can like our bodies get sick. That verse right there is YOURS! You have a sound mind. You have the peace of God.. we don't just put on armor.. no we put on the FULL ARMOR OF GOD! 

There is so much more. You are never alone.. there is nothing you have to fight alone. He already did everything. As long as Satan the enemy can make us believe were nothing and have to except what is happening.. he wins. Promises OT "and that this entire assembly may know that the Lord does not save with the sword or with the spear; for the battle is the Lord’s and He will hand you over to us.”

Read Psalm 91.. what was written for you and every believer for Gods word is never told.. His word that He spoke can not will not come back to Him void it has to do what He said. 

Last.. how about this one.. I love the AMP verse Isa 41 10 

Do not fear [anything], for I am with you; Do not be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, be assured I will help you; I will certainly take hold of you with My righteous right hand [a hand of justice, of power, of victory, of salvation].’