Strange, Inexplicable Behavior at Current Church

[TJGospels]

Barring a sharp correction of course, I will likely be exiting my current church. 

Aside from it's wacky wokeness, there is a strange, almost bizarre inconsistency in the behavior of some of the church staff and members, especially among those who are most welcoming, ironically enough. 

For instance, if I sit in the same section for a couple of weeks in a row, almost invariably someone or an entire family will introduce themselves. This then leads to an extended getting to know you conversation, generally pleasant, although often I won't want to stay too long as I am usually eager to eat lunch!

What's strange is that in the following weeks, such individuals or families will often not even acknowledge me! Nothing strange has transpired in the previous conversation, at least not that I can note.  Yet, it's like I am a complete stranger the very next time. Sometimes, they will overcome this apparent hyper shyness and speak to me again but often not.

I don't know if it's a strange absent mindedness, or whether they made some herculean effort to get to know a random church member in their vicinity, some oddball quirk amongst church membership or some other reason, but I find it super strange. 

It's not really offensive, but I must say I don't think I've ever encountered behavior quite like this anywhere else. Usually I can spot a pattern and make out the reason for odd behavior easily but in this case, it's inexplicably odd. Come to think of it, this odd type of behavior seems to occur with families introducing themselves. Perhaps, as a single male, they don't quite feel comfortable developing a closer friendship? 

However, this has also happened with one or two single guys, who also come across as conflicted or weirded out for some inexplicable reason. It's almost as if they are being prodded by some unseen force to interact with and befriend me against their will!

I don't know whether to find this super sketchy or whether to laud them for trying so hard to overcome their inherent (apparent) shyness! As reference, this is a medium sized, non denominational church. Like a number of churches in the area, they have dropped their denominational affiliation relatively recently. 

Edited April 19, 2022 by TJGospels

[Michael37]

2 hours ago, TJGospels said:

Barring a sharp correction of course, I will likely be exiting my current church. 

Aside from it's wacky wokeness, there is a strange, almost bizarre inconsistency in the behavior of some of the church staff and members, especially among those who are most welcoming, ironically enough. 

For instance, if I sit in the same section for a couple of weeks in a row, almost invariably someone or an entire family will introduce themselves. This then leads to an extended getting to know you conversation, generally pleasant, although often I won't want to stay too long as I am usually eager to eat lunch!

What's strange is that in the following weeks, such individuals or families will often not even acknowledge me! Nothing strange has transpired in the previous conversation, at least not that I can note.  Yet, it's like I am a complete stranger the very next time. Sometimes, they will overcome this apparent hyper shyness and speak to me again but often not.

I don't know if it's a strange absent mindedness, or whether they made some herculean effort to get to know a random church member in their vicinity, some oddball quirk amongst church membership or some other reason, but I find it super strange. 

It's not really offensive, but I must say I don't think I've ever encountered behavior quite like this anywhere else. Usually I can spot a pattern and make out the reason for odd behavior easily but in this case, it's inexplicably odd. Come to think of it, this odd type of behavior seems to occur with families introducing themselves. Perhaps, as a single male, they don't quite feel comfortable developing a closer friendship? 

However, this has also happened with one or two single guys, who also come across as conflicted or weirded out for some inexplicable reason. It's almost as if they are being prodded by some unseen force to interact with and befriend me against their will!

I don't know whether to find this super sketchy or whether to laud them for trying so hard to overcome their inherent (apparent) shyness! As reference, this is a medium sized, non denominational church. Like a number of churches in the area, they have dropped their denominational affiliation relatively recently. 

Beyond a congregation of 30 souls an assembly becomes a cluster of smaller congregations who occasionally, intermittenly interact with others but for the most part they each like to stay in their own lane. 

Home Groups can offset the problem of superficial association, but leadership styles are another factor to contend with.

[OneLight]

7 hours ago, TJGospels said:

Barring a sharp correction of course, I will likely be exiting my current church. 

Aside from it's wacky wokeness, there is a strange, almost bizarre inconsistency in the behavior of some of the church staff and members, especially among those who are most welcoming, ironically enough. 

For instance, if I sit in the same section for a couple of weeks in a row, almost invariably someone or an entire family will introduce themselves. This then leads to an extended getting to know you conversation, generally pleasant, although often I won't want to stay too long as I am usually eager to eat lunch!

What's strange is that in the following weeks, such individuals or families will often not even acknowledge me! Nothing strange has transpired in the previous conversation, at least not that I can note.  Yet, it's like I am a complete stranger the very next time. Sometimes, they will overcome this apparent hyper shyness and speak to me again but often not.

I don't know if it's a strange absent mindedness, or whether they made some herculean effort to get to know a random church member in their vicinity, some oddball quirk amongst church membership or some other reason, but I find it super strange. 

It's not really offensive, but I must say I don't think I've ever encountered behavior quite like this anywhere else. Usually I can spot a pattern and make out the reason for odd behavior easily but in this case, it's inexplicably odd. Come to think of it, this odd type of behavior seems to occur with families introducing themselves. Perhaps, as a single male, they don't quite feel comfortable developing a closer friendship? 

However, this has also happened with one or two single guys, who also come across as conflicted or weirded out for some inexplicable reason. It's almost as if they are being prodded by some unseen force to interact with and befriend me against their will!

I don't know whether to find this super sketchy or whether to laud them for trying so hard to overcome their inherent (apparent) shyness! As reference, this is a medium sized, non denominational church. Like a number of churches in the area, they have dropped their denominational affiliation relatively recently. 

Have you considered trying to reach out to others yourself instead of waiting for someone to say Hi to you?  I know this was an issue for me a while back.  I'd wait to see how many people would "welcome" me and judge the community according to how warm they were to me and if they made any attempt to reach out to me.  When I brought this before the Lord, He informed me that there was something within me that needed to be corrected.  You see, I was waiting for others to do the work when it was me who was new and thought way to highly of myself as if they were expected to make me feel comfortable.  My comfort did not come from their acceptance, but from His acceptance.

Your threads are not the first time someone has come here seeking comfort for what is perceived a wrong being done toward them.  I have been guilty of the same.  Unless it was an outright unwarranted attack toward a person, if you dig deep enough you just may find that the reason for certain feelings of rejection come from within ourselves and not from the action or inaction of others.

As for finding sin within the congregation, you will not find a perfect congregation anywhere.  If the sins are many, then the question arises if they are following the Lord or man.

[Alive]

4 minutes ago, OneLight said:

Have you considered trying to reach out to others yourself instead of waiting for someone to say Hi to you?  I know this was an issue for me a while back.  I'd wait to see how many people would "welcome" me and judge the community according to how warm they were to me and if they made any attempt to reach out to me.  When I brought this before the Lord, He informed me that there was something within me that needed to be corrected.  You see, I was waiting for others to do the work when it was me who was new and thought way to highly of myself as if they were expected to make me feel comfortable.  My comfort did not come from their acceptance, but from His acceptance.

Your threads are not the first time someone has come here seeking comfort for what is perceived a wrong being done toward them.  I have been guilty of the same.  Unless it was an outright unwarranted attack toward a person, if you dig deep enough you just may find that the reason for certain feelings of rejection come from within ourselves and not from the action or inaction of others.

As for finding sin within the congregation, you will not find a perfect congregation anywhere.  If the sins are many, then the question arises if they are following the Lord or man.

Well said, brother.

[enoob57]

3 minutes ago, OneLight said:

Have you considered trying to reach out to others yourself instead of waiting for someone to say Hi to you?  I know this was an issue for me a while back.  I'd wait to see how many people would "welcome" me and judge the community according to how warm they were to me and if they made any attempt to reach out to me.  When I brought this before the Lord, He informed me that there was something within me that needed to be corrected.  You see, I was waiting for others to do the work when it was me who was new and thought way to highly of myself as if they were expected to make me feel comfortable.  My comfort did not come from their acceptance, but from His acceptance.

this exactly what was put upon my heart!  Maybe His ministry is to lead them out of their inconsistencies ... 

[Starise]

No doubt in your new church you will also find persons who you might think are odd, and maybe they are odd. They might think you are odd too.

In reality we are all probably odd in one way or another- You don't pick your toe nails do you?  I use toenail clippers and I don't do it in church. There was a woman in one of our home groups who took her shoes off and would sit in a stuffed chair with her feet up. No we aren't in West Virginia. I guess I'm not loose enough to go into a brother's house with 15 other people sitting around and take off my shoes like that so I thought it was rather odd. In another church we attended I was on a worship team and one of the female vocalists would go up front to sing barefooted. Maybe she wanted to feel the Spirit come into her feet? As a secondary thought I was trying to figure out why so many women have over a hundred pairs of shoes and then choose not to wear them? 

Of course I never questioned these people or gossiped, I just silently wondered to myself about it. I once had a pastor do something that blew me away. He jumped up on a pew and ran across the tops of all the pews on one side. When he was finished he turned around and ran back along the tops of the same pews. I don't think it was the Spirit. I think it was some kind of a hyperactive disorder. That one for me was the writing on the wall in addition to other things that happened that maybe it was time to consider another place to worship. I mean, I came for the fellowship, the worship and the preaching, not the Ren and Stimpy show .

In coming to a new congregation don't be surprised if people are not so comfortable in their existing groups that it might take some time  to get to know some of them. Others will come up to you right away because the Lord has led them and they are more outgoing.

I was recently in line at a church dinner behind a man who I had never spoken with and we struck up a conversation. This man has gone very far in life. I see him as very successful. His profession is high ranking in the legal system.He is also high up in church leadership. He admitted to me that both he and his wife are timid in nature. I admitted the same to him, and that seemed to take the pressure off that we had to force anything. If I see him I'll say hello, maybe strike up a conversation with him but we understand one another better. The funny thing about it is I think it's hereditary because his father is the same way. His daughter is the same way. They simply aren't an outspoken family.

I'll share one other story. I was at another church event and there was this tall man in the food line behind me who I did not know. He seemed very serious. In hindsight I think he was "hangry" just waiting in line to get something to eat. I looked over at him and made some small talk but he said nothing, so I went away thinking he must be a grouch of a person. He seemed to just want me to finish with the mashed potatoes so he could get some lol. Later on we bumped into him and his wife again as my wife was helping to take pictures for the church directory and they were the subjects. On this day I learned the man was a retired pastor and he was a much more cordial and nice person that day. My point in all of this is never judge a person by the first impression. We all have good days and bad days. Sometimes the bad days are when we are at church.

Which of these two friends would you rather have, an outgoing friendly person who talks behind your back about you, or a quiet sincere friend who will tell you the truth ?

 

 

 

 

[Starise]

11 minutes ago, believeinHim said:

Well, think about it. Would you be able to wear all of them ? It would take 100 days ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

Point well made~!

11 minutes ago, believeinHim said:

I am ashamed, {or amused}, that that is one of the cartoons to have come out of my generation. ...........................

Same here. I lent a video of them a long time ago to someone back when you could make recordings on a VHS tape. I noticed he didn't talk to me as much after that 

[Solly]

8 hours ago, TJGospels said:

Barring a sharp correction of course, I will likely be exiting my current church. 

I ask you if you feel the need to 'belong' to a church of some description? I have not been inside synagogue for longer than I can actually remember, but I do not feel any the lesser of a follower of my G-d for being an absentee. My Lord dwells within me 24/7 and that for me is sufficient. It is written in the Christian book of Matthew .. now I may not have remembered this word perfect, but you'll understand my point here -->  "and when you pray, be not like the hypocrites. For they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, that they may be seen by others. Truly I say unto you, go into your room and shut the door then pray to your Father in secret. 

[TJGospels]

1 hour ago, OneLight said:

Have you considered trying to reach out to others yourself instead of waiting for someone to say Hi to you?  I know this was an issue for me a while back.  I'd wait to see how many people would "welcome" me and judge the community according to how warm they were to me and if they made any attempt to reach out to me.  When I brought this before the Lord, He informed me that there was something within me that needed to be corrected.  You see, I was waiting for others to do the work when it was me who was new and thought way to highly of myself as if they were expected to make me feel comfortable. 

Absolutely, I have reached out to quite a few people within the church where appropriate. 

There are occasional evening meetings which allow more time for socializing. I find most church members and attendees to be extremely shy. When approaching them and during conversations, they are soft spoken, very tentative, and tend not to feel comfortable with 'extended' conversations. I usually say hi to them at services if/when I see them again. Some have become friends, others seem not interested or comfortable in continued conversations.

The staff and volunteers are far more outgoing of course but they're expected to be. 

I suppose these are weird times where a lot of people have been socializing significantly less for the past 2 years, and even before then, tech and media addiction were ramping up at a rapid rate.  I suppose this is the missing context which helps to explain things? Or maybe this congregation is just odd, no knock really.

[OneLight]

On 4/19/2022 at 12:35 PM, TJGospels said:

Absolutely, I have reached out to quite a few people within the church where appropriate. 

There are occasional evening meetings which allow more time for socializing. I find most church members and attendees to be extremely shy. When approaching them and during conversations, they are soft spoken, very tentative, and tend not to feel comfortable with 'extended' conversations. I usually say hi to them at services if/when I see them again. Some have become friends, others seem not interested or comfortable in continued conversations.

The staff and volunteers are far more outgoing of course but they're expected to be. 

I suppose these are weird times where a lot of people have been socializing significantly less for the past 2 years, and even before then, tech and media addiction were ramping up at a rapid rate.  I suppose this is the missing context which helps to explain things? Or maybe this congregation is just odd, no knock really.

Have you considered what you have to offer them?  What gift(s) God has given you for your part in His body?  Each one of us have a position in His will for whatever body of believers you are with.  May I suggest that you offer them to the Pastor, or others when the time comes and not be so concerned with what you get out of attending.  That may help you see the glass is half full, not half empty - change in attitude.