Difficult Topic perhaps? "My orientation"

[LittlePebble10]

If I need to move this elsewhere I won't be offended. Just don't delete it. I would appreciate if I can copy it for use elsewhere if it cannot be on this forum via the adult side.

Introduction Of Topic

Honestly I don't want to be told I was born this way. My relationship status has been, "Long Distance." I am an A-typical guy since my teenage years. I find a lot within pastel colors and mystical imaginary things. Lastly My orientation is undesired.

Oddly enough my first time really noticing was from some one pointing it out to me. While getting close to other men is normal forming a relational bond is not. At least not for me. In short I have bi-tendencies. I distance myself from people when I feel like a bond is forming. While I know this is my trust issues I still can't identify why I get so close emotionally to other men. 

The good news is my girlfriend is very accepting of my autistic devices. Even her stuffed animals is a talking point. Bad news is she moved a couple states away. Add that my interests in craft is difficult to find friends in. Specifically Christian ones. Which adds to the already complex status. I made a few mistakes with every mans battle, but I am grateful I never lost my V-card. Thanks to my social phobias. 

 

Private Art Diary

One area I found helpful was figure art. Taking biology into a more pure art form. I even began merging it with anthromorphology. Basically biological structures human to animal theory. With a veterinary anatomy book I began studying basics. While this is not lust by itself I wonder if implementing it into my private offline diary could be. 

Idealy theoretical reproduction systems is well... Theoretical. Also note its a study of this process. Not making a meal off of it. If you catch my drift. Actually its more of a study of inner egg to child birth. Then its similar to egg laying. Which most people don't really find provocative unless your that oddball that opened up a science book and magically got excited at diagrams. A lizard or snake lays an egg. 

Generally the problem is within a line being drawn. Human anatomy being merged with mystical fantasy. Aka.... it is identifiable and better judgement needs to considered. Part of this is examining myself with this orientation I don't desire. Then expressing something of it to try and identify the real issue causing it.

Scripture basis

As far as I understand the scriptures Specifically "Corinthians NT," about taking it in and dwelling on it. Then this turned to lust and was the immorality that Apostle Paul was trying to convey to the Church in Corinth. 

In all actuality there were underlying meanings giving the impression this was a sign for a problematic heart condition. Lust came about because of something deeper. Let be real for a second though. Its difficult for me to say because I am still grasping Acts and Titus. I only took short readings in Corinthians. Also note that there are two letters Apostle Paul wrote? 

I find it very cliche, but I am going to say it anyway. Sexual immorality was indeed a problem even for the Church then. I could at least admit I am not alone to these problems. Forgive me for this next one. King of Solomon even clearly painted the picture in Ecclesiastes. "Nothing is new under the sun," and "All is vanity," if not for "Our Salvation in Christ."

So, in essence I need a point in the right direction. I won't be shairing my private diary mind you, but I am willing to share some self reflection I think may be helpful to others. Obviously I won't be sharing my biology art anytime soon. I will admit there is some for critique. Which is another question I need answering. At what point does a particularly theory become untasteful? 

 

All together in Expressed Emotions

The art is basically the structure of these these theories. Characters and a fictional species of many kinds. I won't debate over my calling. I know this be beating a dead horse. However, my calling in art and writing is within a story expressing personal things in a vague if not unrecognizable way. While the true life is there hiding in plain site I never had anyone outside of family point it out. At least not without me giving it away. 

As much as I hate to admit it... This has become a very therapeutic tool in other aspects. With Andrew Loomis being made a furry this kind of pushes it a little. Although again its focal point is identifying key issues causing my problems. 

Knowing how to keep this diary without it betraying me is the real item. I keep thinking to myself the early Church was faced with the exact same problems. Only this was rooted in idolatry and the "offered to idols," thing. Here I am purely taking science and expressing difficult things. Then applying scripture to this meditation.

Although we might mention the elephant in the room. Some pastors joke about the guy who preached with no cloths on. Forget about mamillion biology for a second. This guy was completely exposed.

I suppose the real issue here is the raw scripture itself. What is my heart motives in this? Until I confront these issues I am left throwing darts at a target blind folded. Simply hoping I land on "the scripture," I am looking for. So, I hope this giant wall of text was not too awful to read through. Not an easy topic and I need a point in the correct direction.

[Who me]

On 7/6/2022 at 5:57 AM, LittlePebble10 said:

Not an easy topic and I need a point in the correct direction.

I am sorry but I do not know what you are writting about.

Can you write in a sentence what your problem/qustion is?

[LittlePebble10]

2 hours ago, Who me said:

I am sorry but I do not know what you are writting about.

Can you write in a sentence what your problem/qustion is?

I have an undesired bisexual/pan attraction and I fear social interaction because of it.

 

[JohnD]

1 hour ago, LittlePebble10 said:

I have an undesired bisexual/pan attraction and I fear social interaction because of it.

 

Jesus Christ died on the cross for you as much as he did for me or anyone else.

John 3:16–18 (AV)
16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
17 For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.
18 He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.

and only faith in him:

Ephesians 2:8–10 (AV)
8 For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God:
9 Not of works, lest any man should boast.
10 For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them.

Sexual orientation is not the unpardonable sin. Unbelief in Jesus is.

[Who me]

10 hours ago, LittlePebble10 said:

I have an undesired bisexual/pan attraction and I fear social interaction because of it.

 

 

Thank you for clarifying.

 

not sure whether anything I say will help you.

 

We all have to live with temptation particularly sexual temptation, so I would suggest that you get involved with a local church that will provide support and like all of us be carefull around those who cause sexual temptation.

[LittlePebble10]

9 hours ago, Who me said:

 

Thank you for clarifying.

 

not sure whether anything I say will help you.

 

We all have to live with temptation particularly sexual temptation, so I would suggest that you get involved with a local church that will provide support and like all of us be carefull around those who cause sexual temptation.

 

Finding friendship has not been easy, but to put God in a box would be very naive thinking. If not... very vain of me to consider my circumstances greater then God. Yet, I struggle sometimes due to not having close friendships. While most in my area of creativity are not Christian those who are tend to not feel comfortable around me. Like I said in my original piece; I form a close bond. My attraction to the inner persona makes things difficult.

Thanks for the point in the right direction. I am involved with a Church, but few were willing to hang out with me. Although there is hope. Another writer has mentioned they needed an illustrator. Even going as far as to go with me to a writers guild. Things are moving slow, but I fall into my own darkness. I begin to doubt which leeds me to distrust. 

[Marathoner]

Perhaps this might help, my friend.

The Lord encourages me to press on. When it seems that there is no hope, I remember that my hope is in Him. When I'm weary and all I want to do lie down and wait for the end to come, He commands me to rise to my feet and keep walking anyway.

When others accuse me, I say nothing. If they spit on me, I clean it off. When it appears that everything is dark and bleak I laugh, because it will only be that way for a little while. 

Can you imagine a warrior facing numberless enemies? Does he cry and run away or does he say, "Today is a good day to die." 

The Lord never promised that we wouldn't be that warrior, @LittlePebble10. I understand your affliction as you've shared that with us here but if it's possible, I encourage you to consider yourself as no different from anyone else. All of us deal with affliction in this flesh. 

The Lord bless you, because today is a good day to die!

[Who me]

On 7/9/2022 at 5:47 PM, LittlePebble10 said:

I am involved with a Church, but few were willing to hang out with me.

 

It takes time to make friends, time to build trust, to establish boundaries.

 

May I suggest trying something different. Does your church have ' a work week' or a ' work night ' when basic maintence is done?

That is a time when through shared work friendships can be made.

Or a mens sports night playing baseball, soccar, contactless america foorball etc etc

[LittlePebble10]

On 7/12/2022 at 1:44 AM, Who me said:

 

It takes time to make friends, time to build trust, to establish boundaries.

 

May I suggest trying something different. Does your church have ' a work week' or a ' work night ' when basic maintence is done?

That is a time when through shared work friendships can be made.

Or a mens sports night playing baseball, soccar, contactless america foorball etc etc

Sorry for going silent there for a while. I had things in my life that went crazy. One of them being my washer and drier. I also took time to think through my artwork on this topic mentioned. I feel a lot better, but...... So, I have some interesting news on this. 

The autism group I am working with got the ball rolling for a Bible Study with others with mental disabilities. Its slow because I will be getting a surgery in a matter of days. The actual thing is on hold until next month. 

Lastly I have faced a few fears with my diary. I done some figure studies with the application of it upon furry anthro. I found that my art improved and it really has helped me mentally. I can actually see my problems being drawn out. It may not be the greatest method, but I found myself become much more secure about my spiritual and biological identity. I found my pastels again. I don't need to be a femboy. If my fashion can be reasonably presentable masculine inside of my pastels then its not with the intent of being effimate, but instead a much deaper notion of who God made me to be. Fearfully and wonderfully made a male being in arts.

[Marilyn C]

On 7/9/2022 at 6:12 AM, LittlePebble10 said:

I have an undesired bisexual/pan attraction and I fear social interaction because of it.

 

Hi LittlePebble,

My advice is that you repent to the Lord of this wrong attraction. Then you are not trying to overcome it in your own strength but have asked the Lord to help you. Repenting breaks the hold the Satan has on you in this area and then it is up to you to work with the Holy Spirit to keep reminding Satan that Jesus is Lord of your life and that he has NO rights over you.

regards, Marilyn.