Should I let this offense go? I'm a bit upset

[Figure of eighty]

So with my daughter's father. He didn't help me with our child. I lost all of my jobs c he wouldn't help watch her when my family wouldn't. He had money saved and still wouldn't put her in daycare when I asked him twice. He told me he had bills to pay. 

 

He quit his job 6 days before court just so he could pay the least in child support and he only pays 264 a mo th starting on the first of Jan. 

He would not leave me alone he kept crying and begging and pleading and bc of the harshness of my own family and feeling stuck.. I did. 

Now he just keeps telling me how well his job is going and how he will be moved up in position soon and I'm just stuck taking care of my kids waiting for CAPS ( gov funded daycare) to call me back for my interview. 

He said he would get a car and a place.. by Valentines. I'm still angry that he didn't help me when he could have and he kept making excuses and helping his mother over his daughter and me. 

Idk if I should depend on him. I'm trying to get out of my situation by doing everything possible but the situation isn't budging. Hopefully this new yr is my year. 

Anyway should I let it go and just try to have a life with him or no?

[AnOrangeCat]

He seems unreliable. I'd personally be wary about him and take it slow unless you'd just prefer not to deal with him at all. If you haven't written him off entirely I think the best approach would probably be to see if he can fill the dad/significant other role from a distance before giving him the chance to do it up close, if that makes sense. But his track record isn't good or encouraging so I wouldn't get my hopes up in your position.

Edited December 17, 2022 by AnOrangeCat

[Jayne]

OK, my dear,  ..... you did ask.

I vote no on moving in with a man that you are still angry with and you are not married to.  He has proven nothing, excused himself for all his bad behavior, and I would not move in with him until he:

• showed me that he was a Christian man
• went with me to pre-marital Christian counseling [alot!]
• I saw the car and place to live with my own eyes
• showed me a wedding ring
• went to parenting classes with me [remember, he will be raising one child that is not his]
• I saw a difference in his behavior
• we walked down an aisle together and made vows together

I know that your life IS hard.  You've told us nothing but that since you've been here as of 2018.  And I am sorry.  We are all sorry. Truly.  I have prayed for you more times than you can imagine.

Of all the things you've said from the beginning, nothing about him has sounded responsible.

Jumping from a family who treats you like crap to a man who is just seemingly interested in sex just doesn't sound helpful to me.

I know that you are stuck between a rock and a hard place and that life is hard for you.

Just please consider what I have said.

 

 

 

 

 

[Wayne222]

God says if the unbeliver wants to stay in a marriage then stay. If your not married then it's unclean. God says touch not the unclean. Single parents always have it hard. But God will help you for sure. Are you faithful to God ? If you are he will turn your situation around.

[Figure of eighty]

17 hours ago, AnOrangeCat said:

He seems unreliable. I'd personally be wary about him and take it slow unless you'd just prefer not to deal with him at all. If you haven't written him off entirely I think the best approach would probably be to see if he can fill the dad/significant other role from a distance before giving him the chance to do it up close, if that makes sense. But his track record isn't good or encouraging so I wouldn't get my hopes up in your position.

This makes alot of sense. I kept telling him that but he wants to be a family but I strongly feel it'll be me doing all the work while he just sits back and watches. So I probably will have to cut it off again.

[Figure of eighty]

17 hours ago, Jayne said:

OK, my dear,  ..... you did ask.

I vote no on moving in with a man that you are still angry with and you are not married to.  He has proven nothing, excused himself for all his bad behavior, and I would not move in with him until he:

• showed me that he was a Christian man
• went with me to pre-marital Christian counseling [alot!]
• I saw the car and place to live with my own eyes
• showed me a wedding ring
• went to parenting classes with me [remember, he will be raising one child that is not his]
• I saw a difference in his behavior
• we walked down an aisle together and made vows together

I know that your life IS hard.  You've told us nothing but that since you've been here as of 2018.  And I am sorry.  We are all sorry. Truly.  I have prayed for you more times than you can imagine.

Of all the things you've said from the beginning, nothing about him has sounded responsible.

Jumping from a family who treats you like crap to a man who is just seemingly interested in sex just doesn't sound helpful to me.

I know that you are stuck between a rock and a hard place and that life is hard for you.

Just please consider what I have said.

 

 

 

 

 

You are absolutely right. He only cares about himself. He had a savings and could've helped put his daughter in daycare but he chose to pay his own bills. I can't rely on him and I should've saw it all with my own eyes. Well I did but it was his friend's place and car. 

[ladypeartree]

Dont just walk away RUN, You have two children to care for already do you want another and that one a full grown child who wants all the rewards and none of the responsibilities ????  Being a single mum is hard I had 4 under the age of 7 when I got away from an abusive husband and I am not going to tell you it is easy but it IS doable as long as you know it is YOUR responsibility until and unless whatever man you fall in love with 1, marries you  and 2 proves to be reliable BEFORE you start living together it is not called living in sin for nothing . If he is crafty enough to reduce his payments in that way what on earth makes you think he is a good role model for your children or a good partner for you ??/ YOU ARE WORTH SO MUCH MORE 

[Figure of eighty]

29 minutes ago, ladypeartree said:

Dont just walk away RUN, You have two children to care for already do you want another and that one a full grown child who wants all the rewards and none of the responsibilities ????  Being a single mum is hard I had 4 under the age of 7 when I got away from an abusive husband and I am not going to tell you it is easy but it IS doable as long as you know it is YOUR responsibility until and unless whatever man you fall in love with 1, marries you  and 2 proves to be reliable BEFORE you start living together it is not called living in sin for nothing . If he is crafty enough to reduce his payments in that way what on earth makes you think he is a good role model for your children or a good partner for you ??/ YOU ARE WORTH SO MUCH MORE 

I agree. I will say he said he wanted to marry he said he always knew and brought it up multiple times in our relationship...BUT.. I can't t excuse all of his short comings. He isn't a good father or partner for that matter. I struggled alone and whenever I have disagreements with my parents he always takes their side then tells me not to get it misconstrued and that he has my back while throwing me under the bus. 

And yeah he was crafty he keeps telling me he didn't do it for court he did it bc he got into a fight with the supervisor.

This reason alone I can't marry him bc he's a liar and just kind of sorry.  Your hit the nail on the head. He wants all the rewards and none of the responsibilities.  

I'm going to tell him if he wants me to be with him ect then he needs to go back down to the office and let them modify the child support he slipped out of. 

 

If he doesn't do that then it's over and I'm sure he won't. So there's my out I guess. 

Edited December 18, 2022 by Figure of eighty