Why am I such a fool...

[Jabre7]

I have religious OCD, sure, and I often try to resist these...people say God knows your heart to people who don't want these, don't want to end up making them...but that's the thing, God DOES know my heart, see my thoughts and their intentions...and He sees that even if I don't want to end up binding myself to pointless restrictions, when the compulsions come, I often agree to some ridiculous challenge and/or meaningless restrictions because it scratches that itch my brain forces on me...

 

it's like I become a different person, going from one who realizes the danger of oaths and why they're sinful for us in the New Covenat, to an adrenaline junkie who will gamble on everything no matter what the consequences may be if he fails...when I fail I immediately mourn that I've failed Jesus's command not to bind yourself under this, and that I may have permanently lost the right to do something I had no reason to stop...but like 5 minutes later I do it again.

 

Sure, all of this is only ever in thought, I never would risk binding for sure myself in word, but my point still stands...could this all just be compulsions and not binding even if it's disrespectful to give in, or am I just so foolishly impulsive I truly don't care about consequences for things like this?

[Wayne222]

I don’t really understand you. But are you making promises and not keeping them ? Confess it at least. God will show you what to do. Only make promises you can keep. No one is perfect like Jesus. We are becoming more like him.

[Jabre7]

I mean I compulsively, in my OCD fueled madness, make oaths in my head like"if I don't manage to do this, I'll never play video games again!" It's almost always video games for some reason, either that or some other thing I'm scared I'll make an oath for or am about to enjoy. The urge suddenly comes and it's very strong, often times I can't stop it from playing out in my head...I could at least resist it instead of giving in because my mind suggests some stupid challenge to go with it, so I'm scared I may be bound to these...I try and try to repent of making these, but it always happens again

[Sower]

15 minutes ago, Jabre7 said:

I mean I compulsively, in my OCD fueled madness, make oaths in my head like"if I don't manage to do this, I'll never play video games again!" It's almost always video games for some reason, either that or some other thing I'm scared I'll make an oath for or am about to enjoy. The urge suddenly comes and it's very strong, often times I can't stop it from playing out in my head...I could at least resist it instead of giving in because my mind suggests some stupid challenge to go with it, so I'm scared I may be bound to these...I try and try to repent of making these, but it always happens again

Sounds like the stuff I had to deal with, (still do) and I call it the battle for the mind. Thoughts I deal with I try to take captive, I ask myself if a thought looked like good/bad. If bad, God says submit to him, then resist the thought and the devil flees. Takes many times in a row to get them out of my mind but it works. And easier next time.

Often I have to almost beg God to deliver me from sinful thoughts, because I felt unable to help myself. But over time I learned.And I memorized scripture verses to combat thoughts, by calling to memory God's verses.


Thy word have I hid in my heart that I may not sin against thee. A lamp unto my feet, a light unto my path
(Remembering, calling to mind God's promise gives faith that I can overcome doubts and have victory)

God will never leave or forsake me.
Trust God and not my own thinking, let him know my situation, so He will give me direction. A promise He keeps.
He that's in me (I'm born again of the spirit) is stronger than he that is the world, the devil. (that's the lair-deceiver whispering in your mind, causing doubts to your faith, or trying to).

The Lord is my rock my fortress, and my deliverer, my God and My strength, whom I trust.
If God be for me who can be against me.

I use these and many others all day. Like an auto response.
I use my OCD by laughing at my dumb habits, then incorporating it to serve God.      Watch-out for that crack!!.....

I stopped making promises to God when I realised I could not keep them. 45 yrs ago.
I found out that God says, "if you love me, keep my commandments"
When I stumble, fall, he picks me up.
In the bible Paul said, For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing.
And also,
There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death.

You said;  "I try and try to repent of making these, but it always happens again"

I told my mentor almost the same thing 40 +yrs ago, when I told him of my struggles against sin and certain thoughts and that I just can't do this. He smiled and said I just took my first spiritual baby step, by admitting I couldn't do it.
I had to give it to God, admitting my weakness, and then, BY FAITH, trusting Him to work through me.
And He did. I'm not what I want to be, but I ain't what I used to be.
God is light. His promises are true. All of them. Trust God, give him your troubles/struggles/sin. Confess (admit) to him.
And he cleanses you. And you program your mind with light, scripture, that chases out more of that OCD false data  darkness.

 

 

 

 

[AnOrangeCat]

1 hour ago, Jabre7 said:

I mean I compulsively, in my OCD fueled madness, make oaths in my head like"if I don't manage to do this, I'll never play video games again!" It's almost always video games for some reason, either that or some other thing I'm scared I'll make an oath for or am about to enjoy. The urge suddenly comes and it's very strong, often times I can't stop it from playing out in my head...I could at least resist it instead of giving in because my mind suggests some stupid challenge to go with it, so I'm scared I may be bound to these...I try and try to repent of making these, but it always happens again

A common mistake people make with these things is trying to fight it the same way all the time and often just relying on sheer willpower, which is a setup for failure. There are techniques you can learn for dealing with OCD and ways of building good habits or breaking bad ones. It's something you have to educate yourself on and maybe get some help from a decent therapist because what works for one person may not work for another. There's some trial and error involved. Other than that keep in prayer about it.

[AnOrangeCat]

1 hour ago, Jabre7 said:

It's almost always video games for some reason

I think this is worth some reflection on too. Why would the matter come up? Do you feel convicted about the games you play or the amount of time you spend on them?

[Jabre7]

On 5/22/2023 at 12:00 AM, AnOrangeCat said:

A common mistake people make with these things is trying to fight it the same way all the time and often just relying on sheer willpower, which is a setup for failure. There are techniques you can learn for dealing with OCD and ways of building good habits or breaking bad ones. It's something you have to educate yourself on and maybe get some help from a decent therapist because what works for one person may not work for another. There's some trial and error involved. Other than that keep in prayer about it.

I also in my foolish compulsions ask God to bind me if I fail...I hope since it's from compulsions and not entirely under my control He won't honor this

[Vine Abider]

8 minutes ago, Jabre7 said:

I also in my foolish compulsions ask God to bind me if I fail...I hope since it's from compulsions and not entirely under my control He won't honor this

"Bind" you? No, He won't do anything to hurt you, unless it would really help you!  He knows right where you are, and loves you . . .

So as someone said earlier, the first step is recognizing your inability and weakness before Him.  He's not about strengthening you, but rather you seeing how frail you actually are.  It's then, at that point of realization, if you turn to Him and give it to Him, He can then work in you.  Prior to that, if you think you can handle it, He'll let you.

As in 2 Corinthians 12:9 concerning what the Lord told Paul after he experienced fleshly weakness -  "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness."  (grace = His favored supply in Christ to you)

[Mozart's Starling]

I suffer from OCD myself and have always had what my therapist calls "intrusive" thoughts. Basically horrible thoughts like thinking something violent, sexual, or just plain wrong that disturb me. Best you can do for it is to learn little mental tricks as others have suggested here. You can hault them if you get a routine going. It probably ever won't completely go away but you can take the edge off with prayer and mental exercises. I also take medication for it as well so get a professional to look you over and see what they reccomend.

Edited May 24, 2023 by Mozart's Starling

[AnOrangeCat]

4 hours ago, Mozart's Starling said:

I suffer from OCD myself and have always had what my therapist calls "intrusive" thoughts. Basically horrible thoughts like thinking something violent, sexual, or just plain wrong that disturb me. Best you can do for it is to learn little mental tricks as others have suggested here. You can hault them if you get a routine going. It probably ever won't completely go away but you can take the edge off with prayer and mental exercises. I also take medication for it as well so get a professional to look you over and see what they reccomend.

This has been my experience as well. There's a form of OCD called scrupulosity and it's religiously based. The intrusive thoughts involve God or religious themes. Sometimes it's outright blasphemous, at other times it might manifest more in the form of vows like what the OP described. I've personally found it best not to engage with my intrusive thoughts in any way, shape, or form. Arguing with them, denouncing them, and so on largely just seems to make it worse and last longer. But like I said before not all methods work for all people. It's just one possible method among many.