Feel im too weak for christianity..

[Figure of eighty]

I feel like I'm not like most Christians I don't even think I can call myself that anymore.. it seems when they go through a downward period or trial they cling to God. 

I do thr opposite. 

It seems my issues are cyclical and there isn't much of a rest period it's like the bs keeps coming. If one good thing happens 12 bad things follow shortly after. 

Even tho I passed my TEAS entrance exam, I got into an accident . It totaled my car. I'm without transportation. I needed help from my family to get my kids to and from school especially my son that has autism.. he missed 3 days in a row and is kicked out. It took me a whole year to get him into the program.  I was behind on my daughters daycare bc it cost too much and they kicked her out as well. She tells me she misses school and she regressed with potty training she was fully trained and now she has accidents. 

My family that was living with me. My mom left before giving me her half of the rent.. which leaves me short. My brother was also behind on his half which means I'll have to go to court while also trying to work. Depression is creeping in and I feel upset, angry. Angry at God and it makes want to stop all of this. Stop believing and go my own way and do my own thing bc I can't seem to not hate Gid when I'm going through a trial or even do the basic which is trust Him. 

I'm just so angry with him and I k ow it's wrong but I want to give up.

[Michael37]

3 minutes ago, Figure of eighty said:

I feel like I'm not like most Christians I don't even think I can call myself that anymore.. it seems when they go through a downward period or trial they cling to God. 

I do thr opposite. 

It seems my issues are cyclical and there isn't much of a rest period it's like the bs keeps coming. If one good thing happens 12 bad things follow shortly after. 

Even tho I passed my TEAS entrance exam, I got into an accident . It totaled my car. I'm without transportation. I needed help from my family to get my kids to and from school especially my son that has autism.. he missed 3 days in a row and is kicked out. It took me a whole year to get him into the program.  I was behind on my daughters daycare bc it cost too much and they kicked her out as well. She tells me she misses school and she regressed with potty training she was fully trained and now she has accidents. 

My family that was living with me. My mom left before giving me her half of the rent.. which leaves me short. My brother was also behind on his half which means I'll have to go to court while also trying to work. Depression is creeping in and I feel upset, angry. Angry at God and it makes want to stop all of this. Stop believing and go my own way and do my own thing bc I can't seem to not hate Gid when I'm going through a trial or even do the basic which is trust Him. 

I'm just so angry with him and I k ow it's wrong but I want to give up.

How's your support group assisting you? 

[Figure of eighty]

25 minutes ago, Michael37 said:

How's your support group assisting you? 

What support group?

[Michael37]

7 minutes ago, Figure of eighty said:

What support group?

I find it incredulous that someone going through all you describe doesn't have any church, charity, or Government assistance.

[Figure of eighty]

20 minutes ago, Michael37 said:

I find it incredulous that someone going through all you describe doesn't have any church, charity, or Government assistance.

I do have government assistance but they only assist so much I got 3 times for government funded daycare but I'm trying again ...as for church people have their own lives.. I just don't have friends or family like that which is what I'd need. 

Edited June 10, 2024 by Figure of eighty

[Michael37]

1 minute ago, Figure of eighty said:

I do have government assistance but they only assist so much I got 3 times for government funded daycare but I'm trying again ...as for church people have their own lives.. I just don't have friends or family like that which is what I'd need. 

In my country there are numerous agencies with helplines and support workers, most notably the Salvation Army. 

Seems like you need help to ask for help. There is no shame in needing help. I had a really great hospital allocated Social Worker assisting me when I was struggling to recover from trauma back in the early 1970's, plus God arranged for caring Christians to be there for me as well.  

[Neighbor]

1 hour ago, Figure of eighty said:

Stop believing and go my own way and do my own thing bc I can't seem to not hate God when I'm going through a trial or even do the basic which is trust Him. 

Hi, Please allow  me  a basic question; what will improve when you go your own way?  

Am I missing something, what changes when you deny God, or His will as you perceive  his will to be, and then go "your own way"?

[Figure of eighty]

27 minutes ago, Michael37 said:

In my country there are numerous agencies with helplines and support workers, most notably the Salvation Army. 

Seems like you need help to ask for help. There is no shame in needing help. I had a really great hospital allocated Social Worker assisting me when I was struggling to recover from trauma back in the early 1970's, plus God arranged for caring Christians to be there for me as well.  

I do reach out when it comes to assistance. I have the basic government stuff .. I just feel the help isn't too much. I'm doing therapy but I don't feel it's doing much. I have a friend who's also going through stuff alone but she's in a different state. People have their own lives and are just busy.  I have to just push thru

[Figure of eighty]

52 minutes ago, Neighbor said:

Hi, Please allow  me  a basic question; what will improve when you go your own way?  

Am I missing something, what changes when you deny God, or His will as you perceive  his will to be, and then go "your own way"?

I feel I won't be as angry as I am. Before I was saved I was just sad. I didn't have anger directed at God at all 

I just hate all the anger I have pent up inside me right now. It's not healthy at all. 

I also feel im in a dangerous place spiritually. I feel damned already. I just idk I just find it hard to believe I'm filled with God's spirit and I'm so angry and hostile twds him not all the time but it comes in waves. 

I remember my aunt who is a prophet told me I had the spirit of judas in me and I'm afraid she's right and I can't be saved and I'm damn near evol and that's why I'm not changing or love God like everyone else. 

I'm really afraid honestly but still mad though.

 

Edited June 10, 2024 by Figure of eighty

[Figure of eighty]

48 minutes ago, Neighbor said:

 

 

My heart posture is so bad.  I feel I'm just destined for hell. I wish I was never saved.