Struggling with anger

[Cyoder]

Anger has always been in my life.  Ever since I was a child, I remember how angry my father was.  Screaming yelling, throwing and breaking things.  Especially when he got frustrated working on something.  Like father like son, I guess.  I've thrown things, smashed things with hammers, you name it.  What really gets me crazy is when I lose something.  Especially if I just had it.  Sometimes I'm so angry I can be looking right at it and not notice it.  Another amazing thing I do is let little things build up over time, never mention it to the person then finally just start yelling at them about it.  When I get angry it's consuming.  A visceral warm feeling in my chest, my hands start shaking.  It's pretty ridiculous.  I don't let it turn physical but what does that matter?  I would rather take a beating than to feel the hurt of words sometimes.  Looking at it, I think a lot of it stems from wanting to control things.  If something doesn't go according to MY plan.  I just recently understood how arrogant that is.  How dare I question God's plan?  I've tried therapy, exercise, self-help books but I never looked to God really until now.  It has got to stop!  I've been praying about this a lot.  I remember the Bible mentioning Moses being an angry person, wasn't that why he was banned from the promised land?  It gave me a little comfort to see a great man have the same struggle.

Since I've turned to God about this, I've had so many things at work testing my patience.  Today I had to go back and work on the same machine I think five times for insanely stupid reasons.  Normally I would have been yelling obscenities and throwing tools.  When I was finally done with the machine, it was brought back to production and it alarmed 30 seconds later.  I had to look at it again!  I've had similar things happen on three different machines the last two days.  I actually started laughing at one point and said out loud "I get it God".  I figure he's either going to break me of it or I'm going to quit.  With his grace, I won't quit.  Does anyone recommend a particular scripture or prayer to help with this?  This is what I believe to be my biggest fault and is causing so many problems in my life.  I don't want to be this way.  Thank you.

[Marilyn C]

10 hours ago, Cyoder said:

Anger has always been in my life.  Ever since I was a child, I remember how angry my father was.  Screaming yelling, throwing and breaking things.  Especially when he got frustrated working on something.  Like father like son, I guess.  I've thrown things, smashed things with hammers, you name it.  What really gets me crazy is when I lose something.  Especially if I just had it.  Sometimes I'm so angry I can be looking right at it and not notice it.  Another amazing thing I do is let little things build up over time, never mention it to the person then finally just start yelling at them about it.  When I get angry it's consuming.  A visceral warm feeling in my chest, my hands start shaking.  It's pretty ridiculous.  I don't let it turn physical but what does that matter?  I would rather take a beating than to feel the hurt of words sometimes.  Looking at it, I think a lot of it stems from wanting to control things.  If something doesn't go according to MY plan.  I just recently understood how arrogant that is.  How dare I question God's plan?  I've tried therapy, exercise, self-help books but I never looked to God really until now.  It has got to stop!  I've been praying about this a lot.  I remember the Bible mentioning Moses being an angry person, wasn't that why he was banned from the promised land?  It gave me a little comfort to see a great man have the same struggle.

Since I've turned to God about this, I've had so many things at work testing my patience.  Today I had to go back and work on the same machine I think five times for insanely stupid reasons.  Normally I would have been yelling obscenities and throwing tools.  When I was finally done with the machine, it was brought back to production and it alarmed 30 seconds later.  I had to look at it again!  I've had similar things happen on three different machines the last two days.  I actually started laughing at one point and said out loud "I get it God".  I figure he's either going to break me of it or I'm going to quit.  With his grace, I won't quit.  Does anyone recommend a particular scripture or prayer to help with this?  This is what I believe to be my biggest fault and is causing so many problems in my life.  I don't want to be this way.  Thank you.

Hi Cyoder,

Thank you for being so open about your difficulty. I'm sure a lot of people could identify with having that problem. Now it is good that you don`t want that behavior and have turned to God. May I make a suggestion.

You see behaviors can come from an act of our will. It seems your father had that behavior and you seemed to take it on by an act of your will in that you did not stop it.

Thus, said it opened a `door` for the enemy to influence you in that area. You know how it compounds in you as you said. So, by an act of your will you need to repent to the Lord of this behavior, ask His forgiveness and His help to stop this. Prayer, Bible reading are all good but it is REPENTING by an act of your will that closes the `door` that gave the enemy access to your behavior in that area. 

Praying, Marilyn.

[Ani Tefillah]

11 hours ago, Cyoder said:

Anger has always been in my life.  Ever since I was a child, I remember how angry my father was.  Screaming yelling, throwing and breaking things.  Especially when he got frustrated working on something.  Like father like son, I guess.  I've thrown things, smashed things with hammers, you name it.  What really gets me crazy is when I lose something.  Especially if I just had it.  Sometimes I'm so angry I can be looking right at it and not notice it.  Another amazing thing I do is let little things build up over time, never mention it to the person then finally just start yelling at them about it.  When I get angry it's consuming.  A visceral warm feeling in my chest, my hands start shaking.  It's pretty ridiculous.  I don't let it turn physical but what does that matter?  I would rather take a beating than to feel the hurt of words sometimes.  Looking at it, I think a lot of it stems from wanting to control things.  If something doesn't go according to MY plan.  I just recently understood how arrogant that is.  How dare I question God's plan?  I've tried therapy, exercise, self-help books but I never looked to God really until now.  It has got to stop!  I've been praying about this a lot.  I remember the Bible mentioning Moses being an angry person, wasn't that why he was banned from the promised land?  It gave me a little comfort to see a great man have the same struggle.

Since I've turned to God about this, I've had so many things at work testing my patience.  Today I had to go back and work on the same machine I think five times for insanely stupid reasons.  Normally I would have been yelling obscenities and throwing tools.  When I was finally done with the machine, it was brought back to production and it alarmed 30 seconds later.  I had to look at it again!  I've had similar things happen on three different machines the last two days.  I actually started laughing at one point and said out loud "I get it God".  I figure he's either going to break me of it or I'm going to quit.  With his grace, I won't quit.  Does anyone recommend a particular scripture or prayer to help with this?  This is what I believe to be my biggest fault and is causing so many problems in my life.  I don't want to be this way.  Thank you.

🙏🏼 And please pray for another brother in The Lord who's dealing with this too. 😊 

A read 📖 about a brother in The Lord who had this to deal with, and he could become very very angry 😡, but one day he decided that it was enough! So he started to fast and pray 🙏🏼 until he got delivered! 🆙 🎶 🆙 🎶 And his wife didn't recognize him. 😊 

[ladypeartree]

Control ?????     There is a saying you may want to remember .... Man proposes God disposes   

At least you recognise this unwarranted and annoying behaviour and are willing to do something about it  so many are not yet at that stage . My own father had a heck of a temper and yes he became very violent when it happened  so I made a firm decision NOT to allow a temper ( tantrum ) to rule my life . For me when I feel annoyed I take a deep breath  ask God to deal with it and let it go ..it takes work to get to that point but it  DOES work as long as you LET GO I also find praising God either aloud or in my head and heart whichever is most appropriate at the time and Thank Him that " This too shall pass "   Praying for you  

[Diaste]

14 hours ago, Cyoder said:

Anger has always been in my life.  Ever since I was a child, I remember how angry my father was.  Screaming yelling, throwing and breaking things.  Especially when he got frustrated working on something.  Like father like son, I guess.  I've thrown things, smashed things with hammers, you name it.  What really gets me crazy is when I lose something.  Especially if I just had it.  Sometimes I'm so angry I can be looking right at it and not notice it.  Another amazing thing I do is let little things build up over time, never mention it to the person then finally just start yelling at them about it.  When I get angry it's consuming.  A visceral warm feeling in my chest, my hands start shaking.  It's pretty ridiculous.  I don't let it turn physical but what does that matter?  I would rather take a beating than to feel the hurt of words sometimes.  Looking at it, I think a lot of it stems from wanting to control things.  If something doesn't go according to MY plan.  I just recently understood how arrogant that is.  How dare I question God's plan?  I've tried therapy, exercise, self-help books but I never looked to God really until now.  It has got to stop!  I've been praying about this a lot.  I remember the Bible mentioning Moses being an angry person, wasn't that why he was banned from the promised land?  It gave me a little comfort to see a great man have the same struggle.

Since I've turned to God about this, I've had so many things at work testing my patience.  Today I had to go back and work on the same machine I think five times for insanely stupid reasons.  Normally I would have been yelling obscenities and throwing tools.  When I was finally done with the machine, it was brought back to production and it alarmed 30 seconds later.  I had to look at it again!  I've had similar things happen on three different machines the last two days.  I actually started laughing at one point and said out loud "I get it God".  I figure he's either going to break me of it or I'm going to quit.  With his grace, I won't quit.  Does anyone recommend a particular scripture or prayer to help with this?  This is what I believe to be my biggest fault and is causing so many problems in my life.  I don't want to be this way.  Thank you.

What are you actually angry about? Find the cause then you can give it good look.

[enoob57]

15 hours ago, Cyoder said:

Anger has always been in my life.  Ever since I was a child, I remember how angry my father was.  Screaming yelling, throwing and breaking things.  Especially when he got frustrated working on something.  Like father like son, I guess.  I've thrown things, smashed things with hammers, you name it.  What really gets me crazy is when I lose something.  Especially if I just had it.  Sometimes I'm so angry I can be looking right at it and not notice it.  Another amazing thing I do is let little things build up over time, never mention it to the person then finally just start yelling at them about it.  When I get angry it's consuming.  A visceral warm feeling in my chest, my hands start shaking.  It's pretty ridiculous.  I don't let it turn physical but what does that matter?  I would rather take a beating than to feel the hurt of words sometimes.  Looking at it, I think a lot of it stems from wanting to control things.  If something doesn't go according to MY plan.  I just recently understood how arrogant that is.  How dare I question God's plan?  I've tried therapy, exercise, self-help books but I never looked to God really until now.  It has got to stop!  I've been praying about this a lot.  I remember the Bible mentioning Moses being an angry person, wasn't that why he was banned from the promised land?  It gave me a little comfort to see a great man have the same struggle.

Since I've turned to God about this, I've had so many things at work testing my patience.  Today I had to go back and work on the same machine I think five times for insanely stupid reasons.  Normally I would have been yelling obscenities and throwing tools.  When I was finally done with the machine, it was brought back to production and it alarmed 30 seconds later.  I had to look at it again!  I've had similar things happen on three different machines the last two days.  I actually started laughing at one point and said out loud "I get it God".  I figure he's either going to break me of it or I'm going to quit.  With his grace, I won't quit.  Does anyone recommend a particular scripture or prayer to help with this?  This is what I believe to be my biggest fault and is causing so many problems in my life.  I don't want to be this way.  Thank you.

Usually, anger comes from an authority of expectation within self... where do you feel you have the right to be angry?

[Cyoder]

39 minutes ago, Diaste said:

What are you actually angry about? Find the cause then you can give it good look.

First, thank you all for taking the time to respond.  I appreciate it.  Second, I am praying, and I am sorry.  I have hurt so many people in my life with this and I am truly sorry.  I have tried to look back at my life and apologize to God and beg forgiveness for specific things not just a blanket, "I'm sorry for being angry".  I say that too, but I know in my heart that alone is not good enough if I am truly repentant.  

I don't really know why I'm angry or so easily angered.  I know it's wrong, So many passages in the Bible refer to one who is quick to anger is a fool.  Me, a fool? Me, the one who judges everyone?  The one who used to think he was a good person? Even just writing that I thought I was good makes me cringe now.  If I really think about it, I think it comes down to two fundamental issues.  When things go differently than the plan I have in mind it snowballs into rage.  The second is if I think someone is doing something to disrespect me or to be ungrateful for something I've done for them.  Most of these things are expectations I have, not something I've asked them to do.  An example is my adult step son (he's 24) doesn't contribute hardly at all to daily chores in the house.  I've told him about this several times.  I never leave a note or ask him to specifically do something.  I just expect him to do it and when he doesn't I resent it.  I take it as blatant disrespect instead of thinking maybe he just forgot.  I'll let things go for a few months, then explode on my wife about it instead of just dealing with him personally.  He is old enough that I really shouldn't have to ask, but I shouldn't take this so personally and be offended.  I do this with others too, not just him.  Looking at it, I think I'm extremely self righteous.  Like, how dare you disrespect ME.  I am so awful.  

Here's my plan so far:

Repent and pray to God for help.  I do this several times a day.

Give things over to God and let his will be done.  Try to accept whatever that will is in a positive way or see a lesson in it.

Put myself in the shoes of others.  Realize that I have done so many awful things and I am no better than anyone else.  I need to be kind, giving and understanding and stop being resentful and judgmental.  I pray so often about taking away my judging spirit. It's a really terrible trait to have.

[enoob57]

14 minutes ago, Cyoder said:

It's a really terrible trait to have.

sin of any kind 'in us all' is enough motivation to die to self of flesh and let s/Spirit remain in control...

Galatians 5:16 (KJV)

[16] This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.

[17] For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would.

[18] But if ye be led of the Spirit, ye are not under the law.

[19] Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness,

[20] Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies,

[Diaste]

4 hours ago, Cyoder said:

First, thank you all for taking the time to respond.  I appreciate it.  Second, I am praying, and I am sorry.  I have hurt so many people in my life with this and I am truly sorry.  I have tried to look back at my life and apologize to God and beg forgiveness for specific things not just a blanket, "I'm sorry for being angry".  I say that too, but I know in my heart that alone is not good enough if I am truly repentant.  

I don't really know why I'm angry or so easily angered.  I know it's wrong, So many passages in the Bible refer to one who is quick to anger is a fool.  Me, a fool? Me, the one who judges everyone?  The one who used to think he was a good person? Even just writing that I thought I was good makes me cringe now.  If I really think about it, I think it comes down to two fundamental issues.  When things go differently than the plan I have in mind it snowballs into rage.  The second is if I think someone is doing something to disrespect me or to be ungrateful for something I've done for them.  Most of these things are expectations I have, not something I've asked them to do.  An example is my adult step son (he's 24) doesn't contribute hardly at all to daily chores in the house.  I've told him about this several times.  I never leave a note or ask him to specifically do something.  I just expect him to do it and when he doesn't I resent it.  I take it as blatant disrespect instead of thinking maybe he just forgot.  I'll let things go for a few months, then explode on my wife about it instead of just dealing with him personally.  He is old enough that I really shouldn't have to ask, but I shouldn't take this so personally and be offended.  I do this with others too, not just him.  Looking at it, I think I'm extremely self righteous.  Like, how dare you disrespect ME.  I am so awful.  

Here's my plan so far:

Repent and pray to God for help.  I do this several times a day.

Give things over to God and let his will be done.  Try to accept whatever that will is in a positive way or see a lesson in it.

Put myself in the shoes of others.  Realize that I have done so many awful things and I am no better than anyone else.  I need to be kind, giving and understanding and stop being resentful and judgmental.  I pray so often about taking away my judging spirit. It's a really terrible trait to have.

I see. Do you remember an incident when things didn't go according to plan and it angered you? Like maybe the first time you can remember it happening? 

I acted out terribly between about 14 and 30. I was not a nice guy, very quick to anger, I wish that was all it was, about really minor stuff. Helped to identify where that was coming from and when it started. It's great to ask for help, but for me, I had to put in the work too, still am. 

And I hear you about the kid thing. I had 5. I've been there. 

[Cyoder]

29 minutes ago, Diaste said:

I see. Do you remember an incident when things didn't go according to plan and it angered you? Like maybe the first time you can remember it happening? 

I acted out terribly between about 14 and 30. I was not a nice guy, very quick to anger, I wish that was all it was, about really minor stuff. Helped to identify where that was coming from and when it started. It's great to ask for help, but for me, I had to put in the work too, still am. 

And I hear you about the kid thing. I had 5. I've been there. 

I never thought about how it started.  When I was very young, I don't remember being angry.  My mom divorced my father when I was 5.  I stayed with him and lived with my Grandparents.  At the time, my father was suffering from severe mental illness.  I was only 5 but I vividly remember my mother asking me if I wanted to go with her.  I loved my Grandparents, but I remember understanding that if I left, my father would have nobody, and he was so bad I thought he might kill himself.  My mother slowly stopped talking to me.  I think it was mostly out of fear of my father the first few years and struggling to survive with her low paying job.  I didn't understand that at the time and that made me angry.  My dad spewed nothing but hate about her which didn't help.  I remember in second grade telling kids on Mother's Day that my mom died, and I made something for my grandmother instead.  How awful is that?  My dad was so terrifying to me that I was a pretty meek child.  I compared him to having a monster under your bed.  When he got angry, he got a look in his eyes that reminded me of Charles Manson.  I would get spanked, sometimes with a belt but only if I was being punished for something.  I wouldn't say I was abused physically, just verbally and I guess psychologically.  I always gave him a pass because I knew something was wrong with him.  Back then, you didn't go to a therapist or take psych meds.

 Anger turned into almost a super power to me.  If I got angry enough, I wouldn't care.  I could say anything to anyone, I had no fear.  I had a lot of hopes and dreams and then I ended up married with a son at 19 yrs old.  I quit using drugs.  All I did was work, and drink and not appreciate God's greatest gift, a child.  I had a second son two years later and my kids became more of a burden to me than a blessing.  My kids and ex wife never wanted for anything.  I was an excellent provider, but not much of a father. I never realized this at the time.  I don't know if this was the part of my life that didn't go as planned that started that anger.  If it is, it's stupid, I made every one of those choices myself.  I never thought that way at the time.  Never poor me, just worked.  Always looking for more money, promotions.  To be somebody important.  What a bunch of nonsense.  I would literally give my right eye to go back and do things over.