No More Christmas Presents

[mrcorey]

As somone who has been alone on holidays for years, except for my volunteer work, I would like to offer a bit of advice from the single person's point of view.

If you are kind enough to ask someone whose alone for the holidays to spend it with you and your family, please don't "insist". If some of us say, "No, but thank you for asking," we aren't trying to get you to insist. The fact that you asked us really is gift enough. Knowing that we don't have to be alone for the holiday if we don't want to be. Knowing that someone thought enough of us to want to spend their holiday with us means a lot and really is a gift in itself! But, some of us, not all, of course, but some of us feel very uncomfortable barging in on what is usually regarded as family time. The time spent sharing a meal is fine, but it's that other time when the family is doing their traditional gift opening and sharing stories that can make some single people feel like they're intruding. I've even seen enough gracious hosts who didn't seem to think about the entire evening and then get uncomfortable themselves during those times. They feel bad for the single person and want to involve them but not have a gift for them to open - and the single person not have a gift for them because of the lateness of the invite. I've even had hosts kind enough to try to surrender one of their gifts!

As gracious and kind as the effort is, there are parts that can be extremely uncomfortable for the single person and the host. After a couple of "I insist you come!'s", I have decided to just kindly say, "Thanks for thinking of me, that means a lot to me, but I'm perfectly fine being by myself for the holidays!"

I'm mainly speaking about Christmas, of course...

Keith;

Thank you so much. I could not have said it better. You seem to have hit the nail on the head.

I have to admit when my sisters kids were little {I helped to bring them up}, but when the kids were little. I was always invited for 5 am to watch the kids open their presents. I always brought donuts and a gift for each of them and they had gifts for me. Those were Christmas' I loved. I would stay the whole day, my father & his wife would come around noon. The only time of year I saw my father. It truly was a blessing and I enjoyed it.

Unfortunatly my father has passed away and the kids aer all grown up. It's been years since anyone, sister included, has invited me for Christmas or Thanksgiving. It's very lonely when you know everybody else is having time with loved ones and you're stuck at home alone.

One year, I happened to be in Scotland for Thanksgiving. The family I stayed with knew it was an American holiday. And they made a perfect thanksgiving meal, turkey, stuffing, potatoes, the whole nine yards. I think, no I know, that was the best thanksgiving I ever had. We even did crackers {a Christmas thing for them}.

But it seems like all I have is memories, and I think that's part of what makes it more depressing.

THanks again, Keith.

in Him;

corey

[Catsmeow]

This is exactely what I do for the ones I love the most! To me spending time and taking great care in a item that you are making for someone means so much more than going and pulling something off the shelf.

Love and Blessings,

Angel

I must be loved, then. I was the blessed recipient of Angel's lovely talents last year. She made Bill and I two lovely lap blankets (one was a 'kitty' pattern). We've used those blankets so much, I'm surprised they haven't fallen apart yet.

Those blankets are "well-loved" year round.

I must say, if you have a God-given talent, it's so wonderful to make a gift for a friend. My husband and I have enjoyed Angel's gifts to us continually.

I am so blessed to have such loving and sweet-spirited friends in Christ.

[Catsmeow]

Corey, {{{{hugs}}}}

We'll be your family here. Every one of us...we're here. I can't make you a turkey and stuffing but I think I speak for others as well as myself.....we're with you in spirit and we are your family in Christ Jesus.

Bless you, brother

[EricH]

With exception of charitable giving and giving to the poor or needy, my husband and I have decided not to do "Christmas" (giving) anymore.

Some of you might remember that old "seventies" song, "You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin'"...Well, we've lost that "gift-givin' feelin'". And now it's "gone, gone, gone...oooh.."

I go inside stores and see holiday promotions to buy, buy, buy...ooooh. But the feelin' is gone, gone, gone....I have no desire to buy or be bought for.

I have literally lost all desire to buy stuff at all. It's just not there. I feel no childlike, traditional feelings like the yearning to buy and wrap, put stuff under a tree or any of that. It's just gone.

When Jesus was first in Christmas, the gift-giving was a joy. It was done to please others, meet needs and come together joyously as a family.

It was done with a tenderness and sweetness of an earlier age, when life had a sort of innocence.

Now, with Jesus completely stripped from the seasonal holiday, there's no point. Why bother? Why give gifts?

I DO believe in giving to the needy/poor wherever I see the need. I do believe in that! But not for my own family....It's just nonsense anymore. All it is today is a way for merchants to make up for an otherwise lousy year in sales.

If merchants want to remove Jesus from Christmas, they remove the very reason for the tradition of giving gifts in the first place...

Just my opinion. I'm sure people will disagree but for my husband and I, the inspiration of the season have been removed by the very merchants who want my business. Now, they have just what they want....NO Jesus in Christmas. But, it'll cost them in the long run...

Caren and I have landed in a similar place. We celebrate the season. We wathc the holiday movies. We have a wonderful dinner with family. But we are getting away from the materialism. If we had kids it would be harder to make that decision

[Catsmeow]

I'm fed up with being a pawn of the "system". Since they want to take "Jesus" out of "Christ - mas"...fine. They don't need my money, either.

Edited November 18, 2005 by catsmeow

[GentleGiant]

While growing up, my parents were poor and simple folks. We kids would receive only ONE toy and about 4 to 6 practical items (clothes,toothpaste,etc). We learned that 'this is the way it is' and we accepted it. On the flipside, my wife's family is much more materialistic. Every year, I am 'taken back' by the ammount of gifts that her mother buys for each person. Then she complains about paying on the credit card bills throughout the rest of the year. Amoung her family, it seems like a perpetual competition to 'out give' the other person.

Changing the tone/direction of this post...

When I was single, in my early 20's, even when it wasn't the holidays, I felt lonely when by myself. Something in me craves the fellowship of others. I can really understand that feeling of lonliness being even more intense on a Holiday. Been there.

I have thought that if ever single again (only thru death-do-us-part), that I'd get much joy and thrill out of going down to the local Rescue Mission (homeless shelter) and help serve meals on Christmas Day and celebrate with the guys there. For me this would be more than plenty to 'make my day' because I was bringing joy to others. My pastor says that one of my 'spiritual gifts' on my Gifts Test was Giving. I do get a lot of thill out of having a part in making others happy. Our church does have a regular ministry of going to the homeless shelter to share in Word and song and serve meals. My wife thinks I'm crazy, but I enjoy seeing the guys there, talking with them, and helping serve them a good hot meal.

[Micah68]

Amen! Praise God! For the past several Christmases I have only given two gifts. One for my mother and one for my sister. Period. And that is just out of love. My family does not celebrate Thanksgiving nor Christmas like other families. I spend the days by myself and feeling miserable. I hate the holidays, I hate the depression, I hate the commercialization. To me they are just "another day" Only filled with more depression because I have nobody to share them with.

in Him;

corey

Don't you have a friend you could invite over? Or maybe you could spend some time on Thanksgiving serving homeless dinners? Just some thoughts. We shouldn't worship the holiday but then again if you're sitting home just depressed, you're still dependant on it. It's okay to enjoy some fellowship with another Christian if you don't have family. I'm just trying to think of things to get you out of the self pity. Try to do something, anything. You don't have to sit at home. How about even a movie? Or if all of your friends are busy with family, maybe someone would like to go for a walk after their dinner in order to walk off some of the extra you know what. Sometimes I feel those depressing spirits wanting to creep in but then I know I have to march them right back out or they will start taking over and pretty soon I'll be down in the dumps and totally useless to anyone. There's no time for self pity or depression. Life is too precious to waste time on it!! Get yourself busy and forget about your troubles!! Pretty soon you'll forget whatever it was that was bothering you. Praying for you.

[irishcowboy]

If a person does not like doing the holidays alone, they might look around and see what is going on....

suggestion was made to invite some one to dinner....

ideas for this might be as follows....

if you live close to a college, there are College Students away from home, might be looking for a home cooked meal and company. there are also F. E. S. (exchange students) that are not familure with some american traditions or life styles, and a good way to witness the Lord with out having to preach.

anyone near a military base? look at all the single, lonely service personal that are no where near their home.

while I was in, i only ate one time (thanksgiving meal) at the chow hall.... that was during boot camp, and it was ummm to say the least, the worst meal i have ever ate..... after that, i was either invited to a friends house for dinner or i invited people to mine...... one year, i invited my entire crew to our house, that was the thanksgiving prior to my oldest son being born..... i did the cooking, my wife was bed ridden (preclampsic) and a buddy ( from many years before ) did the gravy...... everything turned out grand ( if i do say so myself.... lol )

now days, we go to my folks or to my wifes moms..... maybe we will start doing our own and having people come here ..... I love to feed people.... good music, good food, good company....

if alone and no one has invited you to dinner, then plan a dinner and invite others.....

mike

[His Ambassador]

With exception of charitable giving and giving to the poor or needy, my husband and I have decided not to do "Christmas" (giving) anymore.

Some of you might remember that old "seventies" song, "You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin'"...Well, we've lost that "gift-givin' feelin'". And now it's "gone, gone, gone...oooh.."

I go inside stores and see holiday promotions to buy, buy, buy...ooooh. But the feelin' is gone, gone, gone....I have no desire to buy or be bought for.

I have literally lost all desire to buy stuff at all. It's just not there. I feel no childlike, traditional feelings like the yearning to buy and wrap, put stuff under a tree or any of that. It's just gone.

When Jesus was first in Christmas, the gift-giving was a joy. It was done to please others, meet needs and come together joyously as a family.

It was done with a tenderness and sweetness of an earlier age, when life had a sort of innocence.

Now, with Jesus completely stripped from the seasonal holiday, there's no point. Why bother? Why give gifts?

I DO believe in giving to the needy/poor wherever I see the need. I do believe in that! But not for my own family....It's just nonsense anymore. All it is today is a way for merchants to make up for an otherwise lousy year in sales.

If merchants want to remove Jesus from Christmas, they remove the very reason for the tradition of giving gifts in the first place...

Just my opinion. I'm sure people will disagree but for my husband and I, the inspiration of the season have been removed by the very merchants who want my business. Now, they have just what they want....NO Jesus in Christmas. But, it'll cost them in the long run...

Christmas is not a Biblically mandated holiday. So we are free to celebrate it any way we choose or not celebrate it at all.

For those of us who choose to celebrate the Lord's birth on this day it is a holy day. For others it is at least a warm , family time. It is a celebration adapted from a pagan winter festival. So it is not exclusively a Christian holiday.

Merchants are in business to make money. They have every right to promote their business heavily at this time of the year. But to do so IMO is not a violation of the purpose or spirit of Christmas. I can praise God for His Son no matter how "commercial" the merchants get. Rather than criticizing others for the way they celebrate Christmas I believe the best thing we Christians can do is share with them what and why we celebrate the way we do.

In Him,

Bob Allen

Edited November 19, 2005 by Chaplain Bob

[ayin jade]

I like your reply Bob.