Don't want to surrender

[tatwo]

On 6/6/2025 at 11:25 PM, Figure of eighty said:

So after much thinking and contemplating I realized where I'm at with God. I'm very stagnant. My situation isn't the worst others are going through mind numbingly worse pain.. 

But I have 2 small toddlers, I'm trying to do delivery to raise money to pay my schools tuition, I'm innnursing school and I'm dealing with toxic family.. like today my brother put a cut on my sons foot and he argued with me about why he didn't need to apologize. It was an accident but still and my mom took up for and defended him. 

I walk on eggshells and I can't say much I feel anything I do may trigger my mom so I just do my best to take it but when it comes to my kids that's when I snap. 

But back to the point. I realized I'm afraid to surrender bc I've been with my toxic family for a while and I've been trying to break away but it's difficult.. now nursing is my main route but I worry if I " surrender" I'll be stuck in a toxic environment forever and my kids will too and it's very disappointing to think about. 

How do I change that fear? Or see it differently?

Greetings @Figure of eighty...

I am going to assume that you are a child of God in my response, since I do not know better. Take stock in what you have posted here...are you being honest? It’s not that I think otherwise...it’s just a place to start...often times in troublesome situations our emotions cause us to “over think, over state, over play or over react” to the issues. I am not suggesting that you are...only offering a “next step of remediation” beginning with your thought process.

Now...perhaps you can look back at the “pathway” into the “current situation” as you see it. I know that can be difficult...what you are looking for is the thought process that guided your emotions, actions and words on the journey to where you are...in other words...whats the condition of your condition” and why? Consider any potential impact upon the others around you...do this in the light of why you are there and whose place is it?

Look for places where perhaps you were offended and you may have responded in an offensive manner...reason is...you may have “ruffled some feathers” or stirred up another’s emotions. Did you confront the others in love and understanding...for example? You’re looking at why relationships are toxic for you in your hour of need.

Consider any emotionally charged responses or interactions toward or with the people you mentioned in your post...if any...warranted or otherwise. I am simply encouraging you to consider walking back through the journey to now...and to consider your own behavior in a greater detail.

I am not saying you are at fault, I am not saying that others have always acted in a respectful manner...I don’t know those things...but.

If you were to “honestly” do those things as I am suggesting you may be able to see where you could have done better...and do better moving forward...maybe? Why would this be important?

Well...you really cannot mandate the attitude or behavior of others around you...but you do have the ability to take full responsibility for your attitudes and behaviors. The reason this is important is...because it may create a greater sense of “humility in you”...this then will draw the grace of the Lord Yahshua to you and your situation.

That is what you need more than anything...He resists the proud and gives grace to the humble. I am not suggesting that you are “proud” my primary focus is upon “His grace to you” in your time of need...He is faithful. His grace consists of great things that you need but cannot supply for yourself...and He will reveal Himself to you in your situation.

As He does this...you will be able to experience a deeper sense of thankfulness that can produce an attitude of forgiveness...and we all know how powerful and contagious forgiveness really is. Perhaps for now you cannot change the environment you are in...but look for the Lord’s leading as I have suggested.

I am sure you are a loving mother...so continue to find ways to put those children in the best environment available...maybe the one you’re in for now. We are all in the process of being transformed by the renewing of our minds...and the principals of God are our best options

May His awesome strength come to you in Love...

Tatwo...:)

[LaMonte]

On 6/6/2025 at 9:25 PM, Figure of eighty said:

But I have 2 small toddlers, I'm trying to do delivery to raise money to pay my schools tuition, I'm innnursing school and I'm dealing with toxic family.

You use the word I lot. What about your husband? Where is he in your life?

[TheBlade]

On 6/6/2025 at 10:25 PM, Figure of eighty said:

So after much thinking and contemplating I realized where I'm at with God. I'm very stagnant. My situation isn't the worst others are going through mind numbingly worse pain.. 

But I have 2 small toddlers, I'm trying to do delivery to raise money to pay my schools tuition, I'm innnursing school and I'm dealing with toxic family.. like today my brother put a cut on my sons foot and he argued with me about why he didn't need to apologize. It was an accident but still and my mom took up for and defended him. 

I walk on eggshells and I can't say much I feel anything I do may trigger my mom so I just do my best to take it but when it comes to my kids that's when I snap. 

But back to the point. I realized I'm afraid to surrender bc I've been with my toxic family for a while and I've been trying to break away but it's difficult.. now nursing is my main route but I worry if I " surrender" I'll be stuck in a toxic environment forever and my kids will too and it's very disappointing to think about. 

How do I change that fear? Or see it differently? 

You know what I found after 50+ years walking with Him, stumbling, sometimes not going to Church or reading the word. Through all those years I told Him just the other day.. everyone else, every one else would have left yet you never have and each time its as when I fall it was the 1st time. He love oh has never changed just me. I see all of it.. all I do think say yet He has never left never once made me feel guilty or condemned just loved, forgiven, grace, mercy  and to stop looking at the mistakes the sins for this one moment in time does not define me. I am sealed unto the day of redemption. 

See I have to remember I walk by faith.. I live by faith not what I see or how I feel. I am a new creation.. Eph again.. I put on the new man since I have put off the old. Was just thinking with my wife and some problem you know life tosses at you.. I said lets .. as I put my hands together and said lets give it all to him and right then the radio song "our of my hands into yours". Cast all our cares on Him.. KNOWING not wondering not looking back but knowing He cares and He will do it.. make it right.. fix it.. find what He says and stand on that. Fear pops up no.. God has not give me the spirit of fear but of power and love and sound mind and I also have the joy of the lord! In those moments think about Christ.. is what I do.. and 50+ years walking in the lord He has never failed. 

[The_Patriot21]

I know your probably not going to want to hear this, but, here's the thing. I gather your still living with your family right? And it's toxic?

Well have you considered putting school on hold so you can find your own place and get your kids out of that toxic environment?