Alcohol and marriage

[SwordFish]

Greetings SwordFish,

Perhaps you are correct.

While writing my post I was mindful that it was a biblical loophole for women in general, not just women in the Lord.

I would agree with you wholeheartedly regarding unbelieving husbands in the reverse situation. However, since our Lord was abused and beaten at the hands of humanity yet endured the cross, I feel a believing husband would actually be adorning the doctrine of Christ love for the Church if he faithfully persevered for his relationship with his wife.

Swordfish

Blindseeker I think both spouses should be examples in the roles they have been given by God to fulfill within the marriage relationships. Each one testimony before the other one is a powerful witness and source of encouragement when one partner is down the other is there to help lift the other back up. This is very vital to any relationship and I agree with you on that point.

However if the husband is in danger I do not think it the Lord's will for you to allow someone to kill you or harm you to adorn the doctrine of Christ. That to me is unwise and unproductive in any marriage relationship especially where there are kids involved. Jesus himself has already bore the stripes for our healing on the cross and it was his sacrifice in this regards of the sufferings that brought that healing for us we are not that sacrifice nor ever shall we be it is not our blood but his. I think a little balance would be good in this regards and wisdom should also be applied as God does not want his dear children to be dead or hurt within this manner. I think the man in this type situation can find help and solutions than rather get beat up or perhaps harmed because in the way he chose to go about things and if children are involved look at what they are being exposed unto. I think it not healthy for any relationship to allow wrong to prevail and dominant the household. For that is your role as a man to see to it his family is "protected" from harms way. This is what you must submit your role as husband unto for so are ye called as a man.

Blindseeker

• 1Pe 2:18 Servants, be subject to your masters with all fear; not only to the good and gentle, but also to the froward.
  19 For this is thankworthy, if a man for conscience toward God endure grief, suffering wrongfully.

Swordfish
There are somethings that we can suffer wrongfully that does not put our families or us in any type of danger that we should suffer it wrongfully and God is well pleased with this.

Blindseeker

1Jo 3:16 Hereby perceive we the love of God, because he laid down his life for us: and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.

If for the brethern . . . how much more for family? Still . . . if the unbelieving wife wishes to depart the beliving husband he too must let her go.

Swordfish

Both partners should lay aside their "own wills" which is their own wants and desires in order for Christ to be the center of the home. You cannot do this if both partners are not willing to give up the sins that are destroying the relationship simply taking a beating from one another is just allowing the enemy to rule and control the home and not Christ. What kind of love is it that wants to leave their own home in the shambles of sins. What kind of love is being expressed I don't think it is God's love. For God is not the author of broken homes. So laying down one life in this situation is giving up own wants and desires in order to do what is necessary to have a healthy home and family life in which to rear children in not to let someone just kill you and do you physical harm. Again wisdom needs to be applied.

Blindseeker

Still, may he/she who is in such ill predicament be enlighten through prayer and be fully persuaded in their own heart . . . and may no other judge them.

Swordfish

I agree with this we should not judge others relationships as they must work our their own differences and be reconciled to one another when problems arise and divide them. I think as reading through this thread that it would be a very wise thing if couples would practice what the bible says about seperating for a time of prayer and fasting then come back together again with consent.

There are alot of the pressures of life that can get in the way of family living that stresses and strains the relationship so taking time apart from one another from time to time is Godly counsel found in the word for couples. I think if couples would practice this then during there time away from one another they can reflect and spend time with God and get things that build up on the inside of you worked out during these times of seperation and then when they come back together they will have new focus from God and new strenghth as well leaving all the tensions and problems at the feet of Jesus. But this isn't taught today in church but I think it is Gods counsel that a lot of couples would benefit from if they would practice a time of seperation for prayer and fasting for a time with mutual consent and come back together.

[Guest jckduboise]

Jackie, thank you for your reply and your sincerity. I only raised this in a post because of the pastor's counsel. The man with the problem of alcohol abuse is a Christian and I felt he needed help as well as his family but as long as the church's counsel was only to his wife that she must submit to him even in situations that placed her children at risk, i felt that he would not get the help he needed. I agree that alcoholism is a disease and that insight is a major problem with those who drink. I also agree that abandoning someone with a problem of alcohol doesn't help them but I don't think that the wife can handle this on her own without the support of the church. Some of the posts have suggested a period of separation, which in this situation might be useful to help the man realise what he stands to lose if he doesn't get help.

I agree 100% with the separation. And during that time it might be good that the wife inform her husband that he MUST get treatment for his abuse. There are different lenghts of time a person can get treatment for 21, 30 and 90 day programs are available in most treatment centers. During the time that her husband is in treatment the wife could be getting her own kind of treatment and learning how to deal with her personal issues involved in the disease as well as learning how to stand strong if her husband relapses.

I may be going to far with the posted replys I have sent but what has happened in my personal experience with the disease of addiction is that while I was seeking help to get clean my partner was sitting back basking in the attention the poor soul received from what I had done to our relationship. It is sometimes difficult for the person who does not have the addiction to see where they fit into the picture and without her getting the counseling she may not be able to hold up her end if her husband does get help.

I will pray for this family. And the prayer will be for the Lord's will in this. Not the desires of what others THINK should happen. Myself included. This is not a situation to be taken lightly. These children are going to be products of this disease. They deserve better and so my prayers will state.

God Bless you and this family.

[Openly Curious]

'vitality

Sorry guys...tried to say, I'm not the person involved. I was the Christian counsellor. I am a widow who had 27 years of happy marriage!!!!!

[Smalcald]

There are many situations that we must use love and sacrifice as our guide, which is the overriding principle of Christ and of God.

Love would compel me to remove my children from a household with an abusive drunk. Children that grow up in these environments can bear these scars for years and years, if not their life, my love for them would take precedence over any loyalty or obedience to a marriage.

That is not to say in five or ten years if the drunk can become sober they could not be given another chance, and it does not mean divorce or jumping into another relationship, but I think it would mean a long long period of total separation.

[vitality22004]

I have found that divorce seldom solves the problem in this situation because the person with the alcohol abuse has yet another reason to justify his addiction. And the spose has to live with total insecurity and anxiety every time the children are away during periods of access. I think the principles of Al-anon are the most helpful: there is nothing you do to make them drink and there's nothing you can do to make them stop. I have encouraged this spouse to stay clear about her decision not to have alcohol in her home and expose her children to behaviour under the influence of a substance. I have encourage her to attend a support group with her children, to pray for her husband and to encourage him to attend counselling. I have asked her to continue to attend church and to encourage him to come with so that God can work in their lives. I have hepled her understand that it is NOT God's will for her to live like this and that God's will is for her husband to be set free.

[Guest jckduboise]

I have found that divorce seldom solves the problem in this situation because the person with the alcohol abuse has yet another reason to justify his addiction. And the spose has to live with total insecurity and anxiety every time the children are away during periods of access. I think the principles of Al-anon are the most helpful: there is nothing you do to make them drink and there's nothing you can do to make them stop. I have encouraged this spouse to stay clear about her decision not to have alcohol in her home and expose her children to behaviour under the influence of a substance. I have encourage her to attend a support group with her children, to pray for her husband and to encourage him to attend counselling. I have asked her to continue to attend church and to encourage him to come with so that God can work in their lives. I have hepled her understand that it is NOT God's will for her to live like this and that God's will is for her husband to be set free.

It is good for her and her family to have a friend such as yourself. I will continue to lift her and the family in prayer. God bless you for your love of her and of our Father.

[bacat852]

Let us just pray