Did I make a mistake

[Rachel72]

I used to have a dear friend, Cathy. I ended the friendship two days ago.

Here is what happened:

Her mother died a few weeks ago. She did not see her mother a lot, she lived in a different state. She grew up in an alcoholic family, both parents drank and her father was abusive.

I saw her thru her sobriety treatment, I gave her money, did not expect it back, and she knew that I would always be there for her.

But something happened. I would call her, and she would not pick up her phone. This was about a year ago. So, I stopped calling her completely. Just emailed her once in a great while, or forwarded her inspirational emails. She rarely replied, only forwards.

Three days ago, I got an email from her, actually, two. Keep in mind, that I emailed her and gave her my condolences, and told her I would be there for her, I was only a phone call or email away, as she lives in a different town than I do. She sent me reply, telling me she knew I would be there for her and she was headed out to be with her family for a few days. I left it at that. She knew she could come to me if she wanted, at any time. She knew my door was always open to her.

Two days ago, I got two emails from her. They were very harsh, abusive emails. She told me she hoped my mother dies, and she hoped my mom would drop dead so I knew how it felt to be all alone. She continued to tell me I was selfish and had major problems. It cut thru my heart like you would not believe.

I was in shock. This is someone I loved very much. With her anger problem and all. I sent her a NICE email and told her I was still here for her, and recognized that she was hurting and that is why she lashed out at me. I made it OK that she treated me like this.

I went to work the next day, and called my therapist who I work with very closely. She has helped me thru a lot. She asked me if I was angry. I said, no, just hurt. But, the more I thought about it that day, I was really angry. And, partly at myself for allowing her to be so nasty to me.

So, I sent her another email. I told her that I wished I had not sent the first one, and I thought and prayed about things, and decided that our friendship was over. I told her no more contact with me. I told her to get some help with her grief and anger.

Did I do the right thing? I closed the door. There is no way I can open it again. Maybe one day I can forgive her, but I cannot help but wonder if God is disappointed in me. I know you don't know her, but she has a very angry demeanor, and she lashes out at people whenever she feels like it. The smallest thing can set her off. And, yet she can be such a good friend.

I am determined to leave things the way they are. What do you think?

Thanks,

Rachel72

[ladypeartree]

I think you have done the best you can in the circumstances but now you need to do something for yourself....it may be hard but I think you need to send another e mail, apologise for being so cross and tell her that if she would like to e mail you without all the hurt and the anger that you would be happy to continue to remain friends with her. This is NOT for her but for you, you are hurt and angry but you are also feeling guilty about that anger so it is not really coming from your heart. If you hold on to the hurt/anger/hatred then you are only hurting yourself. Your friend sounds as if she has major issues to deal with and although it is fine to not lend /give her money,/ accept such abuse from her etc you need to forgive her and forgive yourself for lashing out at her.

The truth is that you have both grown apart and there is nothing wrong with letting the friendship end ...but if you let it end in this way you will always carry a burden of guilt with you and that can be very destructive.

I hope you can let go of the hurt as well as the anger and find peace again even if the "friendship " is never repaired you will always know that you did your best for her in all times of need

[Rachel72]

I don't want to continue this friendship. I was very nice in the letter I emailed her, ending our friendship. I did not lash out at her in any means at all. I let her know that I would not allow her to hurt me with such abusive words and that our friendship was over. I know the forgiveness is coming, I am close to forgiving her now, it will just take some time.

I don't want to email her anymore. I think that would just fuel her fire.

I will just keep praying for her.

I am sorry ladypeartree, but I have to disagree with your response, but know you had good intentions in helping me.

I have seen her hurt too many people, use too many people. I don't want to see that anymore.

[JustinM]

I think you're doing the right thing. You offered your best wished and let her know that you were there for her if she needed you and she went straight to you and hurt you. Sounds like your friendship ended a while ago and you have just remained acquaintances, maybe her temper and mean comments is what drove the wedge between you and her, but don't blame yourself, you sound like you valued your friendship and only wanted to help her. Find a good friend and do some things with her and remember what it is like to have a friend you enjoy being around. When my mom and her friends get together, there's lots of laughter and good times and that is how it should be.

[Floatingaxe]

The friendship is over. Maybe it has been the Lord's will for you to end it like that, in order to show her that there are limits--even in those she has held dear herself! You have shown her that! Now go and meet the new friends God will place in your life!

[salos]

I'm sorry this happened. There are some people that I love, but it's impossible to have a healthy relationship with them. It's hard, but that's the way it is sometimes. hugs, Mary

[SueZQ]

(((((((Rachel)))))))

Praying for you

[ladypeartree]

Rachel as long as you have peace about it and dont hold onto the hurt then whatever you decide to do is going to be the right decision for you

Praying for you ( and your old friend that she find the love and peace that you have )

[Guest man]

You need to make up with this friend of yours or at least make an effort.

She sounds confused, lost, and has very little selfworth. The reason she lashes out at people is because she is angry with herself and is not happy with the way her life is going. She hates herself.

If you truly don't care what happens to this woman, I would walk away and never look back. But if you are feeling any guilt whatsoever, I would try to mend that break in the friendship. If you don't, and something happens to her, that guilt will eat at you like a cancer. You have to remember, she lost a parent not too long ago and even though they were not that close, it was still her mom.

Even if you no longer want to continue the friendship, you should at least leave the door open.

Never let the sun go down on your anger.

[shepherdsgrace]

Jesus himself taught that we do not have to continue relationships that we have tried to make right. He said they could be as tax collectors to us. People with this kind of rage....it sounds like much more than anger, are dangerous to the soul and often to the body. And they are repeaters. This is a life style to them. Absolutely I think you are right in stopping the relationship so long as you release and forgive her.