Why are Christians so afraid of affection?

[DarkNebulaWelder]

You know, It's only been a short while since I re-dedicated myself to Christ, but I've noticed something in regards to many of my brothers and sisters in Christ....something that, I'll be honest, I miss from my days socializing with non-Christians.

Back when I was not serving God, many of my non-Christian friends and I were openly affectionate towards one another...NOT AT ALL in the erotic sense, but both the guys and the gals whom I would"party" with were much more openly affectionate towards each other.

A great big hug and a kiss on the cheek would be standard for the gals, and my guy friends would not be afraid to hug me. Now that I have come out of that lifestyle, I tend to miss the warm affection that I'd share with friends.

At the church I go to, the people are very gracious and warm, but there is no real outward display of friendship or affection there. The women don't seem to like hugging very much, and as far as the guys are concerned...FORGET ABOUT IT, because I know that it could probably be construed as something more.

That's just it, though....when I'd hug one of my secular guy friends, it was construed as nothing more than a sign of friendship. But in the church, it's like you have to practice the 6-in. rule or something.

I am a very affectionate person, but only when I feel that affection is being requited.....and not freaking the other person out. Why are Christians so afraid of hugging, or of outward displays of affection? Are they really so afraid that there's some alterior motive involved?

To be honest, you guys, this really makes me miss my old friends.

[sweetycakes]

You know, It's only been a short while since I re-dedicated myself to Christ, but I've noticed something in regards to many of my brothers and sisters in Christ....something that, I'll be honest, I miss from my days socializing with non-Christians.

Back when I was not serving God, many of my non-Christian friends and I were openly affectionate towards one another...NOT AT ALL in the erotic sense, but both the guys and the gals whom I would"party" with were much more openly affectionate towards each other.

A great big hug and a kiss on the cheek would be standard for the gals, and my guy friends would not be afraid to hug me. Now that I have come out of that lifestyle, I tend to miss the warm affection that I'd share with friends.

At the church I go to, the people are very gracious and warm, but there is no real outward display of friendship or affection there. The women don't seem to like hugging very much, and as far as the guys are concerned...FORGET ABOUT IT, because I know that it could probably be construed as something more.

That's just it, though....when I'd hug one of my secular guy friends, it was construed as nothing more than a sign of friendship. But in the church, it's like you have to practice the 6-in. rule or something.

I am a very affectionate person, but only when I feel that affection is being requited.....and not freaking the other person out. Why are Christians so afraid of hugging, or of outward displays of affection? Are they really so afraid that there's some alterior motive involved?

To be honest, you guys, this really makes me miss my old friends.

I do know exactly what you mean.

I am an affectionate person myself....though, being an Englishman, who is supposed to be 'reserved' (and partly due to the fear of rejection) I find it hard to show affection, though I sincerely want to.

It's hard to strike a balance sometimes, isn't it?

[Marnie]

I used to be very (overly) affectionate, then after a bad patch in my life turned into the Ice Queen. Now after much prayer and soul searching, and learning to love again, I have thawed somewhat and have, I think, a normal level of affection.

Sometimes Christians are untrustworthy of even fellow members of the Body, which is troublesome because the way we treat people is often how we treat G-d.

[Giaour]

I think it depends on where you go to church at.

Our church is VERY affectionate. We spend a few minutes during service just wandering around the room, saying hi, introducing ourselves and shaking hands and hugging.

[Guest Biblicist]

I grew up in a very affectionate family which tended to spill over into the church. Everyone knew that my mother was the Queen of Hugs. People would literally line up to hug her. We, affectionately, call it "Holding Court". Queen Fran is holding court in the foyer.

I am not like that. I will hug family or close friends, but not just anyone and I try to refrain from hugging men that I am not related to. My nephew and Pastor are pretty much the only men I hug in my church.

Not everyone is comfortable with hugging, some people were not raised that way. I guess it depends on the person.

[Vickilynn]

Shalom DNW,

All Christians do not think or feel the same way about anything, let alone signs of affection!

I would say that you need to be affectionate with your Christian friends!

That said, I will tell you that I am a VERY affectionate person and so are my circle of friends and many people at church. So, I don't see a reticence towards displays of affection. We just love and hug and pat people on the back etc.

Now, I WILL say that one thing I appreciate is the WAY that some Christian men hug women that are not their wives. I don't know how to explain it, but it's not a full-on frontal hug, it's an arm-hug off to the side. Do y'all know what I mean? I appreciate that, it is a respectful hug. I think it is a better way to hug and still keep respect and decorum.

My pastor shakes hands with women, I don't see him hug often, but he is a young man and I expect it's a modesty and respect thing, as in not hugging women other than his wife.

[Scarletprayers]

My family are all huggers, as was the church I grew up in................me.....not so much, if I hug you, okay, but let go when I do......................

[Afal]

I think that it depends on what kind of church you go to because like me, the Christians that I know are all keen huggers. I couldn't imagine meeting any of them without a hug to greet with.

Having said that, my pastor has a similar way to hugging as described by Vickilynn. That is fine!

I actually find my Christian friends more affectionate than many of my non-Christian friends. Maybe it is just the people that I mix with - lol

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[DarkNebulaWelder]

Well, you can bet your bottom-dollar that when I get to Heaven, I'm going to be hugging everyone in sight, so be prepared, people...and it's not just going to be some cheezy half-hug...I'll be throwing my arms around everyone in sight, so be warned!! It's going to be a huge lovefest (lol)

[undone]

I'm probably overly conscious of coming across as a perv. You won't see me giving out too many hugs. This was especially true when I led a youth group. The guy that took my place is hugging the girls all the time and I think to myself, NO WAY! I will not take the chance of being accused of something when I was just trying to be nice.