Having a strong Christian Marriage

[Joshua-777]

Hello, those of you that know me, I Just got married on 7/7/07, I was wondering if anyone had advice on how to have a strong Christian marriage, And a successful marriage.

Thanks and God bless.

[Iryssa]

Well, if I could tell you just one thing, it's to pray aloud together. That fosters spiritual intimacy, drawing you two closer together as you also draw closer to God. Like that diagram that I was shown in pre-marital counselling...here, I'll just give you a link instead of trying to describe it: here you go. I'm pretty sure it's out of a book or something, but for the life of me I can't remember which one...so if anyone knows, I'd love to give credit where it's due.

[kat8585]

Communication and trust are the two biggies, IMO. And, of course, being spritual soulmates.

[Joshua-777]

Well, if I could tell you just one thing, it's to pray aloud together. That fosters spiritual intimacy, drawing you two closer together as you also draw closer to God. Like that diagram that I was shown in pre-marital counselling...here, I'll just give you a link instead of trying to describe it: here you go. I'm pretty sure it's out of a book or something, but for the life of me I can't remember which one...so if anyone knows, I'd love to give credit where it's due.

Right on thanks, Prayer is something that we do often, and I've noticed prayer adds depth to our marriage.

[Eliyahuw]

Well josh, i'll tell ya. personally whether its strong or its weak isn't the main thing that keeps two people together.

I know many strong christians that end up in divorce because they neglect the normal things outside of christianity.

First i would make sure that you work to make God number one, and I am not going to tell you that lie that many tell, that everything will work out if you make God number one. That is a load of stuff they try to feed you!

I know many men who put God first, their christian duties before they do their own family, and that is a shameful sin and makes one as paul said, worse than a infidel!

To start with, you have to pay attention to each other. You learn each others feelings, inner desires, secrets, dark secrets, ambitions, successes and failures. Personally you should get to know them like you know yourself before ever walking down that isle!

But if you didn't, then get busy and learn.

Secondly, not every problem needs fixing. MOST IMPORTANTLY stop and listen. IF your confused as to whether you need to fix it or just listen and let her vent just ask her, do you need this fixed or do you need me to just listen.

IF she wants you to just listen, learn to shut up! its ok to sympathize vocally as long as you do it with true feeling for her situation.

Main thing in listening, is to listen without judging. Be her best friend, hopefully your her soulmate. Being a soulmate makes it much easier.

IF she hoses up the check book and bounces a dozen checks, don't go flying off and fussing at her. Just say look its a mess, lets figure out how to fix it and teach her what not to do. IF your the one who hoses it up, she needs to do the same.

Personally, the one who can manage money should manage money and the other one should defer to that person. Saves a lot of heartache

Don't let her feel unloved ever! People need to feel loved. Kinda like a car needs gas. every so many miles, you have to fuel up. Same way with love. You need to learn what makes her feel loved, and she needs to learn how to make you feel loved. This is super important! Otherwise, you probably won't make it! Doesn't matter how strong a christian you are, if you neglect this, your going to end up in divorce.

Its like this, marraige is a garden. You can water it fertilize it, weed it in the spring, and neglect it through the summer. Eventually the plants start drying up and dying, and you might realize it and go dump some more fertilizer and water and it might come back but nto as beautiful as it was in the spring, and then you do this over and over until eventually theres nothing left to save and bring back and the garden will die.

Thats how love and marraige is. IF you kill the love, nothing will bring it back from the dead. So keep it green, watered, fertilized, healthy from the beginning, and you won't have the problems later on.

[Joshua-777]

Communication and trust are the two biggies, IMO. And, of course, being spritual soulmates.

Very true!

[Joshua-777]

Well josh, i'll tell ya. personally whether its strong or its weak isn't the main thing that keeps two people together.

I know many strong christians that end up in divorce because they neglect the normal things outside of christianity.

First i would make sure that you work to make God number one, and I am not going to tell you that lie that many tell, that everything will work out if you make God number one. That is a load of stuff they try to feed you!

I know many men who put God first, their christian duties before they do their own family, and that is a shameful sin and makes one as paul said, worse than a infidel!

To start with, you have to pay attention to each other. You learn each others feelings, inner desires, secrets, dark secrets, ambitions, successes and failures. Personally you should get to know them like you know yourself before ever walking down that isle!

But if you didn't, then get busy and learn.

Secondly, not every problem needs fixing. MOST IMPORTANTLY stop and listen. IF your confused as to whether you need to fix it or just listen and let her vent just ask her, do you need this fixed or do you need me to just listen.

IF she wants you to just listen, learn to shut up! its ok to sympathize vocally as long as you do it with true feeling for her situation.

Main thing in listening, is to listen without judging. Be her best friend, hopefully your her soulmate. Being a soulmate makes it much easier.

IF she hoses up the check book and bounces a dozen checks, don't go flying off and fussing at her. Just say look its a mess, lets figure out how to fix it and teach her what not to do. IF your the one who hoses it up, she needs to do the same.

Personally, the one who can manage money should manage money and the other one should defer to that person. Saves a lot of heartache

Don't let her feel unloved ever! People need to feel loved. Kinda like a car needs gas. every so many miles, you have to fuel up. Same way with love. You need to learn what makes her feel loved, and she needs to learn how to make you feel loved. This is super important! Otherwise, you probably won't make it! Doesn't matter how strong a christian you are, if you neglect this, your going to end up in divorce.

Its like this, marraige is a garden. You can water it fertilize it, weed it in the spring, and neglect it through the summer. Eventually the plants start drying up and dying, and you might realize it and go dump some more fertilizer and water and it might come back but nto as beautiful as it was in the spring, and then you do this over and over until eventually theres nothing left to save and bring back and the garden will die.

Thats how love and marraige is. IF you kill the love, nothing will bring it back from the dead. So keep it green, watered, fertilized, healthy from the beginning, and you won't have the problems later on.

Thank you for your post, I fully agree, One thing I have learned, is to listen to her, sometimes she just wants to vent, which I listen and let her vent,

One thing that I've never had in a relationship before which I have with her, Some of our main struggles, instead of fighting about them, We both pray about them and ask God for advice, and try our best to come to a mutual agreement,

[Eliyahuw]

One thing that I've never had in a relationship before which I have with her, Some of our main struggles, instead of fighting about them, We both pray about them and ask God for advice, and try our best to come to a mutual agreement,

Ok josh i hear ya! It helps. But do yourself a favor. Go get yourself a book called The five love languages and learn each others love language. Sometimes people have multiple love languages.

ANyway, this book is by far one of the best i have found and I use it myself when I date. It makes it much easier to relate with someone if you know what makes them feel loved.

http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/

[Joshua-777]

One thing that I've never had in a relationship before which I have with her, Some of our main struggles, instead of fighting about them, We both pray about them and ask God for advice, and try our best to come to a mutual agreement,

Ok josh i hear ya! It helps. But do yourself a favor. Go get yourself a book called The five love languages and learn each others love language. Sometimes people have multiple love languages.

ANyway, this book is by far one of the best i have found and I use it myself when I date. It makes it much easier to relate with someone if you know what makes them feel loved.

http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/

I'll have to check that book out, I don't have a credit card, do you know of any book stores that carry it?

[Zadok Rox]

I add by two-cents by telling you the same thing I told my nephew before he got married: give it 100%. Period. Whether your wife gives it 100% or does nothing but sit on couch, watch soap operas, and eat bon-bons, that's between her and God. You just do your part, love your wife, and love God more.