Dating while you are separated, not divorced

[Treasure]

My sister is in the process of a nasty divorce. Not that any divorce isn't nasty but there are things giong on that are adding to the pain. Her husband was cheating on her for quite a long time and she didn't know it. He left her for this other woman and is now living with her. After he left, she found many serious things that he had hidden from her. NC law requires that a couple be legally separated for one year before they can file for divorce. My sister and her husband were legally separated and a friend introduced her to a family member who she became friends with. The relationship progressed and they became more than friends but not quite dating (her words not mine). She knew from the beginning that I didn't agree with this relationship but I chose to show her love and hear her heart instead of judge her actions. This thread brings questions for me.

- I don't agree with divorce anyway but she wasn't given a choice. Knowing what she does about him now, I wouldn't advise her to take him back. What are Christian's to do in circumstances like this?

- I certainly haven't encouraged her in this relationship but it's not my place to judge or condemn her. Am I not being bold when I don't agree with her but I don't remind her that I think she's wrong?

- Isn't it a more effective witness in circumstances like this to love them and pray for them instead of reminding her that she's in sin? Isn't there a time and place for confrontation but it should always be done in love and covered in prayer?

Praise God, she just ended the relationship with this person yesterday. She never intended to marry him but I do understand that he was somewhat of a companion over the past several months.

[ayin jade]

In my opinion, from what I see in scripture, her divorce is on scriptural grounds, however even during the legal separation she is to remain faithful to her hubby even when he isnt faithful to her. She is still married.

In most instances, divorce isnt on scriptural grounds, and even tho the believer doesnt have the option of remaining married, if the other spouse is pressing for divorce, that doesnt mean that the believer has the option of finding another mate, or dating again. Sometimes, and it isnt pleasant, a believer shouldnt be dating again even tho they are divorced. Whats legal in the world isnt always right in His eyes. I realize this is an unpopular view but its scriptural view.

[Guest Biblicist]

AMEN Jade, I agree!

[Treasure]

I agree with you Jade. My question is more about my relationship with her. Am I supposed to be more vocal and firm with her about Biblical law or continue to love her and listen to her as I have been? I know she's wrong and she knows what I believe about divorce in general. How can I be wrong in simply loving her, listening to her and praying for her and pointing that any kind of relationship with the opposite sex is wrong at this point?

[ayin jade]

The bible does tell us to rebuke in love. You can be loving, praying for her, while at the same time letting her know what the bible says about it. You dont have to tell her everytime you see her that she is a sinner, but we are called to let our brothers and sisters know when they are in sin and need to turn from it.

You wrote:

Isn't it a more effective witness in circumstances like this to love them and pray for them instead of reminding her that she's in sin?

Thing is, if nothing is ever said to her, then she will likely think you approve. Sometimes we can be so focused on "loving" that we turn into a pile of pc goo and dont take a stand. Nothing Im saying here means that we should point fingers and cry "be gone you filthy sinner." However it is possible to say something like "girl, I know this is a rough time, and Im here for you, a shoulder to cry on etc, but I have to say, this one time, that you are not following scripture, and this is why." I think the effective witness is to show love while at the same time taking a stand against the sin and letting them know its sin. Especially if she is telling you how wonderful he is. Being quiet in that instance is giving your approval by silence.

[Treasure]

I agree with what you're saying and I have told her that I don't approve and why. Aside from the fact that it goes against Scripture, I just don't like the guy. She knows what I believe about the relationship in general. In not so many words, I told her from the beginning that it wouldn't work b/c God couldn't bless it and He didn't. She ended the relationship yesterday.

My original point is that while we certainly take the Biblical stand against sin, we also should take into account the circumstances surrounding the sin and approach it with the love of God. Otherwise we take the chance of being interpreted as judgemental and pushing away the very people that we're trying to minister to.

[Arthur Durnan]

Dating while separated? If you're only separated, you're still married, right? If you're still married, you're married. Married Christians will please their Lord & honor the holy covenant. Over & out.

http://arthurdurnan.freeyellow.com

[EricH]

Grace to you,

Actually the Word of God is pretty clear about this subject.

I would have to agree with the others sentiments here that seeking after God's will and Obedience to His Word is never a waste of time. After all we have all of eternity.

Peace,

Dave

I would agree

[tsth]

I am wondering............does 1 Cor. 5, have any merit to you, with regard to these issues? I know what my answer is, but it's something to consider.

In His Love,

Suzanne

[Smalcald]

I just don't get not even being able to wait a year?

I can see why they would have trouble with a lifetime vow.