Forgive and forget

[Ddavid from NC]

Forgiveness is the most basic concept of Christianity, but we seem to have the most shallow understanding of what it really is. Somewhere down the road someone began to confuse forgiveness with forgetting. In fact, the biggest stumbling block to forgiveness in relationships is people waiting for the pain of offense to subside before they forgive someone else. People bringing up the past in later conflicts proving they never forgave it, but they say I can never forget it, but you told them you forgave it. So what is the connection between forgiveing and forgetting. Is forgiveness amnesia or the discipline to never use it against someone?

[patricia1]

I consider forgiveness a act of parden from a offense. I do not believe forgetting is necessary yet it can trigger anger again which is how I know I have not fully forgiven.

But there are offenses I will not ever forget.

Because Jeremiah 31 dicusses in the later half of the verse that God will remember sin no more after forgiving iniquity I think people think it is the same for us which is not true.

Forgiveness is not a reccomendation...some people think so...It is a command. Pain does not have to be gone and in a matter of fact I believe it is the first step to open the door for healin. Of course this is my opinion, but it is also what I practice and believe.

[Bolts]

Forgiveness is the most basic concept of Christianity, but we seem to have the most shallow understanding of what it really is. Somewhere down the road someone began to confuse forgiveness with forgetting. In fact, the biggest stumbling block to forgiveness in relationships is people waiting for the pain of offense to subside before they forgive someone else. People bringing up the past in later conflicts proving they never forgave it, but they say I can never forget it, but you told them you forgave it. So what is the connection between forgiveing and forgetting. Is forgiveness amnesia or the discipline to never use it against someone?

Forgiveness is a delicate matter. Some offenses can be easily dismissed, laughed about, or simply frowned upon with a 'tsk tsk tsk'. Other matters need to be dealt with gently or slowly or through counselling. But whatever the offense is, God in his diversity is able to bring us through and give us the strength to stand without fear, shame, anguish or arrogance. We can take courage in knowing that God is forgiveness just as he is love.

[jackie d]

Forgiveness is the most basic concept of Christianity, but we seem to have the most shallow understanding of what it really is. Somewhere down the road someone began to confuse forgiveness with forgetting. In fact, the biggest stumbling block to forgiveness in relationships is people waiting for the pain of offense to subside before they forgive someone else. People bringing up the past in later conflicts proving they never forgave it, but they say I can never forget it, but you told them you forgave it. So what is the connection between forgiving and forgetting. Is forgiveness amnesia or the discipline to never use it against someone?

A few years ago my mother and I got into a heated argument over things that I was holding against her from my childhood (no details necessary)...she was very hurt by the fact that I was not able to let go of some things that had been really painful and I held it against her. Well, I finally got tired of the issue and told her that she always said she was sorry but always managed to qualify what happened by "you have to understand what I was going through". This was pretty early in my walk with the Lord and it took this very painful conversation for me to realize that it isn't necessary for the party who hurt me to actually be sorry or even to apologize but that forgiveness was an action that came from me and is a desire not to carry the burden of it anymore.

After I had gone home that evening and was reading in my bible it came to me that it was I who was in the wrong now for holding it against her. I picked up the phone and called her. I told her how sorry I was for what I had been doing to her, that I forgive her and that I would not bring it up or use it against her ever again. It has been nearly 10 yrs since this happened. And I have not one time since then, even in disputes, brought these things up.

But I cannot say that it has been that easy to do for others, as the hurts that some people have caused me they continue to do so. I have had to ask the Lord to help me with it and I have worked very hard at not engaging in the abusive behaviors of certain people in order to keep from trying to battle my way to safety from the pain they cause. This has helped me to and I have found that the more I put this to work the easier it is to find forgiveness for the things done now and to continue in forgiveness for the things past.

I believe that we have to be very active in forgiveness. We have to discipline ourselves not to engage and that with time this becomes easier and easier to accomplish. It is impossible to forget, but with practice the crushing pains that remain when we are unforgiving lessens and like birth pains after time the actual pain is forgotten.

[KeilanS]

I don't like the saying "Forgive and forget". Always forgive, never forget.

After all, doesn't Christianity as a whole boil down to remember that we have been forgiven? Should we just forget that Jesus died for us as an act of forgiveness? Or should we expect Jesus to pretend nothing ever happened when we meet him in heaven?

Forgiveness is only a beautiful, perfect thing when it is remembered. And as for bringing things up in arguments, well if you remind someone of past sins as a jab in an argument, have you really forgiven them for that sin? I think not.

[stan4257]

Because Jeremiah 31 discusses in the later half of the verse that God will remember sin no more after forgiving iniquity I think people think it is the same for us which is not true.

Very interesting and challenging. Thank you.

There might be another way of thinking about this if forgiveness is recognised as being a response to something that needs forgiving, however silly that may sound. The concept that something has occurred that needs forgiving can only apply if whatever is done is considered to be unjustified by the person to whom it is done.

There must be a sense of grievance in me about something that has happened that affects me or there is nothing to forgive. And continuing that thought, it is necessary for me to feel that some sort of harm has been done to me or there is no point in considering forgiving whoever did that harm.

If no harm is done by an event or a thought then the need for forgiveness does not arise, and were a person who had been harmed capable of loving sufficiently to consider they had not been harmed, then the effect would be as if nothing harmful had ever happened.

What I don't know is if the love of our Heavenly Father can be reflected in us to the extent that what might have once been considered something that harmed us is no longer thought to be so, and, therefore, whatever it was is forgiven and forgotten.

The only reason my mind can think of for a human not being able to forgive and forget is that we may not have enough love to forgive on the basis that, "They knew not what they were doing"

'Harm' is an opinion, and however justified it may seem to think we have been harmed, the love of God is sufficient (Thank God) to change the thoughts of being harmed into an acceptance of whatever it was as being in the Will of God, and, therefore, not harmful.

Fair enough. That's a tough ask but not impossible, even if only sometimes.

[aburgess]

Forgiveness is the most basic concept of Christianity, but we seem to have the most shallow understanding of what it really is. Somewhere down the road someone began to confuse forgiveness with forgetting. In fact, the biggest stumbling block to forgiveness in relationships is people waiting for the pain of offense to subside before they forgive someone else. People bringing up the past in later conflicts proving they never forgave it, but they say I can never forget it, but you told them you forgave it. So what is the connection between forgiving and forgetting. Is forgiveness amnesia or the discipline to never use it against someone?

A few years ago my mother and I got into a heated argument over things that I was holding against her from my childhood (no details necessary)...she was very hurt by the fact that I was not able to let go of some things that had been really painful and I held it against her. Well, I finally got tired of the issue and told her that she always said she was sorry but always managed to qualify what happened by "you have to understand what I was going through". This was pretty early in my walk with the Lord and it took this very painful conversation for me to realize that it isn't necessary for the party who hurt me to actually be sorry or even to apologize but that forgiveness was an action that came from me and is a desire not to carry the burden of it anymore.

After I had gone home that evening and was reading in my bible it came to me that it was I who was in the wrong now for holding it against her. I picked up the phone and called her. I told her how sorry I was for what I had been doing to her, that I forgive her and that I would not bring it up or use it against her ever again. It has been nearly 10 yrs since this happened. And I have not one time since then, even in disputes, brought these things up.

But I cannot say that it has been that easy to do for others, as the hurts that some people have caused me they continue to do so. I have had to ask the Lord to help me with it and I have worked very hard at not engaging in the abusive behaviors of certain people in order to keep from trying to battle my way to safety from the pain they cause. This has helped me to and I have found that the more I put this to work the easier it is to find forgiveness for the things done now and to continue in forgiveness for the things past.

I believe that we have to be very active in forgiveness. We have to discipline ourselves not to engage and that with time this becomes easier and easier to accomplish. It is impossible to forget, but with practice the crushing pains that remain when we are unforgiving lessens and like birth pains after time the actual pain is forgotten.

I agree

[Guest Biblicist]

Forgiveness is a gift to the other person, forgetting is God's gift to you.

Genesis 41

50 Before the years of famine came, two sons were born to Joseph by Asenath daughter of Potiphera, priest of On. 51 Joseph named his firstborn Manasseh [Hebrew ~ Forget] and said, "It is because God has made me forget all my trouble and all my father's household." 52 The second son he named Ephraim [Hebrew ~ twice fruitful] and said, "It is because God has made me fruitful in the land of my suffering."

[tsth]

The act of forgiveness, in the story of Joseph, WAS HUGE!

But, it was a process. Read the story again. The "forgiveness" issue is intriguing there.

In His Love,

Suzanne

[patricia1]

Joseph did not forget..I believe what he meant was the feelings and original torment but not the deed.

I have forgotten the pain associated with many deeds done against me, but not the deed.

I do agree that one has to acknowledge that they hut someone. Sometimes we do this unawares. that is why we are told to go to the brother. We are to let that person know. saved or unsaved.

Forgiveness is also for ourselves. If I forgot half of the things, I would not be who I am. He who has forgiven much ...loves