What do I do?

[chancer]

Hi Worthy,

I'm Chancer, a used-to-be avid poster on Worthy. I was a young teenager when I used Worthy the most, and I've been meaning to join up with the community again. As glad as I am to be back, I'm saddened by my reason for needing to post currently. I'm an 18-year-old Christian female, and my older brother (who is away at college) and parents are Christians as well. Both of my parents are very involved at my church (as board members, sunday school teachers, etc. etc.), and I've always had great respect for their spiritual maturity. I'm very thankful for this, but at the moment I'm being faced with something that I'm not sure how to handle. My family is very close and I love them very much, but I'm afraid I've stumbled upon something that could put a damper on things.

While looking for a college website (on my parent's computer back in January) I found some links to questionable material. I didn't immediately panic, because I knew that sometimes questionable pop-ups can come up by themselves. I decided to check the computer's history just in case, and I was shocked to find that the previous three weeks of history contained questionable links as well. This is a computer that my father uses quite often, and I knew that he was the one accessing these links. I printed out the computer's history and have continued doing so up till now. I didn't say anything before because I thought maybe it was just a phase or something that conviction would take care of. No questionable links showed up for a few weeks even which had me thinking it was all taken care of. The links have begun showing up again though, so I feel now is the time to act. I'm not sure what to do.

I feel that my mom deserves to know, but I don't like the thought of having to be the bearer of this type of news. If I don't tell, I feel like I'm lying. If I do tell, I feel like I'll be causing problems. I will only be living at home for another year or so because of college, so I won't have to deal with this much longer....which makes it tempting to me to just pretend everything is fine. I can't bring myself to do that though.

Any advice would be very appreciated. God Bless!

Chancer

[BFP]

Chancer,

I'm assuming that the history contains some type of pornography between men and women...if that is the case...

First, it is not up to you to tell your mom. As a wife, I don't need to know if my husband stumbles unless it becomes serious. (like a physical affair) If he is 'looking' I really don't want to know...all it would do is put a trust issue there that I don't want to ever have to deal with.

You may talk to your father about what he's been doing. Not in an angry way, but just let him know that you know and that might be all he needs to pull him away from the sin. It will perhaps 'remind' him of who he really is:>) Let him know that you think he's a great dad! He may tell your mom himself, he may not. Things like this can put a very big strain on a relationship, and your dad knows his relationship with your mom enough to know whether she needs to know or not. Don't threaten to tell her, that isn't your place right now.

Let your dad know you are praying for him:>)

I am praying also

BFP

[Scarletprayers]

You said you've printed off the history of all of this, put it in an envelope and give them to your Dad and walk away. You don't need to discuss this with him, pray that God convicts him when he knows his secret is not so secret anymore.

[tsth]

Dear Chancer,

I am so sorry. I know this must be terribly difficult. I think that this most definitely needs to be addressed BEFORE it does get out of hand (this may be something new, for your family's sake I hope so) but regardless, it does need to be acknowledged, and done so, very delicately. To be real honest though, I'm not sure how you should go about it. Since it is an issue that will ultimately be between your mom and dad, I'm leaning toward the fact that your mother needs to be aware of it. It is a husband/wife issue, not a father/child issue. But, not knowing your mother, I can't say whether or not it would be better for you to approach her first, OR your father first. BUT, I do know that this needs to be an issue between the 2 of them, and NOT one that includes you, once the initial "cat is out of the bag". This is NOT your issue to deal with. And because of what your father was viewing, it has ultimately affected you. Let the 2 of them work this out. Your mother NEEDS to be aware of this. If not, then later on, she would have conflict knowing that you were aware of this, and she was not. She is the wife and he is the husband, this is the primary place that the responsibility lies to get the issue dealt with. It does not belong in your court.

God bless you. I will be remembering you and your family in my prayers.

In His Love,

Suzanne

[eagleswings]

I would most definately seek the Lord in prayer as to what to do... seek His wisdom as to how you are to proceed with the information you have.... pray for him in the meantime... and put him on every prayer list you know of......be still.. and wait for the Holy Spirit to lead and quide you in this matter....will also pray for your family......

[Treasure]

I'm sorry you've been faced with this Chancer. The best thing I can tell you is certainly keep it in prayer and, not knowing all the circumstances, I agree with SP.

[mrs]

Wow what a difficult situation. I'm sorry to hear about that. :S

I agree with those who say you need to talk to your father about it. This is something that will only get worse if he doesn't quit it now; but as it is something which is very addicting he will need help to do that. However you as a daughter can't really give that help besides the initial confrontation. Pray for God to soften his heart to the seriousness of this sin so that he will seek out accountability from wise men in the church.

Many men in church struggle with this and most are deeply ashamed of it and never confess and get help; if your dad got the courage to admit it he would doubtless be surprised to know that those who help him have dealt with it previously in their own lives.

[mathqueen]

I completely agree with SP's suggestion.

[Guest zoe-girl]

You said you've printed off the history of all of this, put it in an envelope and give them to your Dad and walk away. You don't need to discuss this with him, pray that God convicts him when he knows his secret is not so secret anymore.

I fully agree with SP-

[Trusting Jesus]

This is tough. It's hard to find that someone we love and respect has a failing. Keep loving your dad and don't let this destroy the relationship you have with him. Chances are your mom may have an idea that this is going on, and that as husband and wife your parents are dealing with it. But I don't think that it is up to you to tell your mom. First, be real sure that this is something your father is doing. Then, I agree with Scarletprayers. You might put a note in it saying that you love him and don't want to lose respect for him.

Above all pray.

<>< ><>

Nathele