My daughter's school mate is mean to her!

[Mamato3]

Hi everyone...

There is a new girl in my daughter's grade, not her class but they still sit in the same group at lunch (5th grade by the way!). She has been very nasty to my daughter on several different occassions and I have told my daughter to just let her vent and just let it go. There isn't anything she can do to change how the girl feels about her so just take it and then let it go. Maybe not the best advice but I don't know. I am trying really hard to be Christian about it, so that's what I told her to do. Honestly, my first instinct was just as nasty, but I kept that one to myself as best as I could! I did tell her she couldn't invite her to her party - we would just invite girls in her own class. My daughter also told me sometimes the girl doesn't have lunch or anything to eat so I think some of her lashing out at my daughter is a jelousy thing. For some reason, she also tells my daughter that I am wrong about what I teach her in the Bible. Why would a child get so defensive??? I have my ideas why I guess.

Anyway, we drove around Marley's sleepover party invites yesterday and there was some discussion about it today at school. The other girl wanted to know where her's was and what does my daughter tell her? "My mom said since you were mean to me you can't come." Oh boy...now I feel bad and I told my daughter we could invite her if she wants to because Jesus says to forgive and forgive...

So my question is, should I go through with it and invite her? I am torn on this. It isn't really excluding because we did only invite girls from her class but maybe if she comes over she will get a better feel for how we live and lay off Marley a little. My daughter also told me she doesn't want her to come because she is scared of her (like she fears the other girl will hit her or ruin her party!)

Please....any advice woul dbe truly appreciated!!!

Jolene

[Guest LadyC]

wow. my first thought would be no way. but then again, what if her mean-spiritedness is a self defense mechanism?

so how does your daughter feel? does your daughter WANT the bully at her party? if she does, then send the invite. if she doesn't, then support your daughter's wishes regarding that, but see if you can't find out how to contact the other girl's mother, and invite the family over for dinner... or to church... or to a church outing... and see if a relationship can't be forged individually with that family rather than risking a disruptive situation at a birthday party. parties should be good memories, not bad ones.

[Oh Hamburgers!]

It's your daughter's party, she can invite who she wants to invite.

[MorningGlory]

Right off the top of my head; I'd say don't invite the girl. It's been my experience, with jealous females, that letting them into your HOME and letting them see what you have and how you live, will increase the jealousy ten fold. You're very good with the advice you've given your daughter; she has a very caring mom. But, if the other girl isn't a friend and it's all girls from your daughter's class, why would she be invited (even if she wasn't mean to your daughter)? She sounds like she has issues but, mamato3, you can't fix them even though you'd probably like to. A party should be a fun time; not an ordeal for your little girl because she's afraid. In her own home???

[Mamato3]

Thanks everyone.

I will leave the decision up to my daughter, and so far she shrugs her shoulders towards no at this point. I will let her think about it until Wednesday, when she will be back in school and needs to have her decision made.

You all gave me some things to think about, thank you!

[Guest Biblicist]

My son went through this situation when he was in 4th grade. There was a boy who was not nice to anyone, and he had no friends. I found out that he was a child from a single parent home and his mother had had several medical problems, that made life difficult for all of them.

I simply told my son to be kind to the boy no matter how he behaved. They ended up being friends and he did come to our house for a birthday party. Not a sleep over though.

School bullies are usually kids with a difficult home life. It takes special people to be friends with them. My husband is just such a person, as is my son.

Girls are a different, my daughter has had a couple of kids befriend her and then "dump" her later. Girls can be cruel.

[OneLight]

How many times have we all spoken these words?

You shall love your neighbor as yourself.

The next question I would ask is, if she was invited, would she be introduced to love?

[Trusting Jesus]

Well, there is a lot that I would like to say, but here's a story that just happened in my little community.

My church just had a revival and Friday was aimed at the youth. A church from 30 miles away came with their youth group. Before the meeting broke up, a young man from the other church asked if he could say something. There had been a new kid in school this year and nobody paid much attention to him. He didn't have many friends and nobody invited him to youth group or church. Well, there has been lots of rain lately and much flooding. The new boy (who was from the city and didn't really understand flooding of the creeks) decided to try to cross it, and the day before the revival he was drowned. The kids of the other church were all pretty much in a state of shock - they asked themselves why nobody reached out to this boy? Had they done that maybe he would have been warned about the water, but more than that maybe he would have come to know Christ.

Maybe the girl needs someone to reach out to her.

<>< ><>

Nathele

[Guest]

My daughter also told me sometimes the girl doesn't have lunch or anything to eat

[ladypeartree]

ok I dont know your situation re finances or how your daughter could cope with it but what about a compromise ???? If she is only inviting her particular friends to the sleepover ( as it should be ) then maybe she could explain to this girl that she has a limited amount of roon and you have put a limit on the number of girls sleeping over BUT could she possibly invite her and maybe another friend who is also not going to be at the sleepover to a "birthday tea" or a trip to the cinema or something That way the child is invited to something ...so important if she is in trouble at home through circumsatances beyond her control ...but your daughters sleepover is not spoilt and that is VERY important as they are memories that she will treasure later and not just a party now as is the memory of how you help her to deal with it