So...

[David of Derby]

I've tried for the last two hours to get a straight answer out of her, just asking if we can be friends again and telling her that I accept that's all we could ever be, and she's just evasive, distant and cold. She eventually said that "it never left" when I told her I want our friendship back and called me a drama queen, then claimed she wasn't insulting me when I told her she was bang out of order. She's been hostile and cold to me all night when I've been trying to apologise to her, openly rude, ignoring me completely at times and then she acts like I'm being unreasonable when I object to being insulted.

So intead of hating myself I'm not deeply angry at her and wondering why I put up with this. It's not the first time she's acted like this. I know everyone's entitled to mood swings and to act out of character occasionally but this is getting annoying. When she's being nice to me she's wonderful, sweet, fun, caring, kind - then there's this, so cold it's like she couldn't care less if I just vanished off the face of the earth.

I'm so angry. I'm not yelling or going red or anything, it's just boiling away under my skin. I want to scream at her for this but I bit back my angry retort and excused myself. How can someone be so amazing and so unutterably wretched at the same time?

[David of Derby]

Apparently it's all in my head. I'm imagining the almost-complete lack of responsiveness, the coldness, the absence of any attempts at humour, any sort of warmth or affection at all. Right.

I really don't know what to do any more. She said she wasn't angry with me, but she's so distant and cold now. It's like she just doesn't give a toss if I'm here or not. I'm still trying to engage her in conversation but it seems so pointless. I wonder if she's trying to make me leave so she doesn't have to actually do it.

[Floatingaxe]

Seems to me you need some real people in your life. On-line relationships are mainly substitutions for the real thing. I wouldn't waste time being concerned over this person, but focus on gaining real hands-on friendships.

Go ahead and leave. It should not be a loss to you. It appears to have been a baseless relationship in the first place.

[kat8585]

It sounds like you're doing all the work. Step back. Let her pursue your friendship, and don't be so easy to get. Let her know what it's like to be treated like this. I know it's not easy, but you might be amazed at what happens.

[7thseal]

I love but no one loves me back. Well, my sister does, but she's the only one I think.

So you're willing to shatter the heart of this one who is close and does respond and loves you back, because of someone whom you've never met in person.

I would ask Jesus to continue teaching me how to love.

[LadyRaven]

It sounds to me like you gave too much of yourself away to this person. Even though she was saying she didn't want to be your gf, you hung on with the feelings you had. Maintaining a friendship with someone who is interested in you is very sticky, and I'm sure she has no idea how to do this. Maintaining a friendship with someone you are interested in is also slightly sticky and you obviously dont know how to do it. The best thing to do is back away and, if she is interested in being friends again, she will let you know. You can tell her that you are backing away and waiting to see if she wants to pick it back up at any time in the future, if you wish. It might take some of the pressure away from things even if she does seek you out in the future.

But I will tell you this. Everyone, even people we do know IRL, has things that they do not reveal to even their closest, most intimate people in their lives. There are things that nobody knows about me, not even my exes because I did not tell them when I was with them. Nobody ever will besides God, either. And there are things which you have to know people in person to know about them. You can be whoever you want to be on the internet. You are without the constraints of fashion, industry, visual cues, income, customs, etc...so you are free to be whoever you wish. And so, some wish to be better than they really are, and put themselves out on the net as if this is their true self. You do not know and cannot know who is on the other end of the keys. My profile sez I'm a 44 yr old female mother of two, I could be a 16 yr old gay man ... you'd never know it. Shoot that pic could be my sister....

Like I said before, hold your love cards, that which you give to those who earn your trust, close to your chest until you are sure that they are worth playing. Make those around you earn your trust first. Then play them. Which means there are some cards that you will never reveal to anyone over the net, no matter how sweet they may seem to be.

And honestly, think about the sister that you do have in real life. She really does love you. Return that love instead of wasting it on someone you will never meet.

[AnotherTraveler]

Be not hasty in thy spirit to be angry: for anger resteth in the bosom of fools.

Eccl 7:9 (KJV)

The discretion of a man deferreth his anger; and it is his glory to pass over a transgression.

Prov 19:11 (KJV)

A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.

Prov 15:1 (KJV)

Be patient, give others time to work out their own responses, and speak softly and kindly. One of the problems I am reading in your responses is how everything done and what everyone says is measured as to how it relates to you. The other person has things going on in their life too.

What if your friend was feeling sick? Or bewildered? Or sad? Or frustrated? What if her car broke down? Or she got in trouble at work? Or her cat died? Or her grandma died? Sometimes I know that I have issues going on that deprive me of sleep, and sometimes I can be in a fog so that my responses are improper. I have personally had to apologize here at Worthy several times because my response wasn't Christlike and/or my response was just garbage.

Personally, I would rather not respond quickly if I am not able to give the right attention to the person that demands response. Also, too much demand that is out of line in my thinking, and my response might disappear altoghther.

Take a deep breath, then pray for your friend, and give her a little space and time.

[David of Derby]

My oldest friend told me today that I've been a bad friend, rubbed her face in her mistakes, never really been there for her, just acted superior and arrogant; and as I thought about that I realised that that's how it is with all my friends, I bluntly tell them when they're being stupid, give out unwanted advice like it's the Gospel truth and only I know anything, and then still expect them to massage my ego when I feel down.

Think about it - how often have I said anything supportive to anyone else here? Yet here I am asking for help from you all, with no reason under the sun to want to help me. Truth is, I really am a bad person. I've been told that, but the guy that told me is a liar, cheat, rapist, woman-beater and child-abuser so I didn't take him that seriously.

[watchman333]

David, David,

If you really think you are superior and arrogant as you say, then my advice would be to delay your suicide, as these are people the LORD really does not like. As it is written,

The Lord gives grace unto the humble..." It is also written, "To be absent from this body is to be present with the LORD." Therefore, it would behoove you to be gracious to a few people before explaining to the LORD why you took the life He so graciously gave you! Do you agree?

[David of Derby]

We're still thinking suicides go to hell?