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If you told me I was going to be a part of a Christian forum a couple years ago, I would have laughed. The person I am now and the person I used to be are polar opposites, and sometimes I'm proud of who I've become and other times I resent myself altogether. I will never regret finding God though - He has been my solace in a world of hurt. I'll be 21 in a few weeks. I was diagnosed with a rare type of cancer last year (neuroendocrine) after suffering debilitating symptoms for nearly two years. It extensively metastasized to my liver causing symptoms that caused me to be so unstable, I had to leave school, work, everything and remain in the house. (Just imagine a life that's constantly plagued by tachycardia, breathlessness, flushing & exhaustion). I still don't really go out, as I'm super unstable. I don't really remember what it's like to really have fun and feel independent. Or healthy for that matter. Shortly before things started going downhill for me, I was at the peak of my life. It was summer of 2013 & I'd just fallen completely in love with my co-worker, who I'd been friends with for years, and started a wonderful relationship. Within days, we were inseparable. We moved in together within weeks, and were never apart again. He is a Christian (raised mennonite) and at the time, I was not close with God, but through this man, I really began to feel God's presence in my life, if that makes sense. I rather appreciated his spirituality - he believes that Christ has died for his sins, and doesn't take things as literally and seriously as other Christians I know. When we first slept together, I later found out that I was his first & that he'd always planned on saving himself for the woman he wanted to marry. This touched me, and I felt a deep hurt inside for a very long time that I hadn't waited for him. I never thought I'd regret not waiting. (I have been with one other person - I had a 4 year relationship in high school that fell apart after graduation) Anyway, he vowed to marry me, and we got all excited about planning a wedding with our friends and family. We'd only been together for a few months, but I knew that this was who I wanted to spend my life with. We did so many fun things together and we never ever got sick of eachother's company. However, eventually the health issues arose, and I received the cancer diagnosis. No more going to restaurants or bars, no more going on hikes, no more adventures, just cancer & death all around me...staring me in the face and threatening to take away the future that I was looking so, so forward to. If life hadn't dealt me such a lousy hand we would've been married long ago, I would have completed college, and I'd probably have at least one child by now. Anyways, he never left my side. I lost all of my energy, a great deal of my spirit, my weight and looks deteriorated, but he never stopped wanting me or telling me how beautiful I was. He stayed in the hospital with me numerous times, comforted me when things got so incredibly grim, and never once cried or complained because he felt calm knowing that it was all in the Lord's hands. I began to pray a lot more. I prayed, and prayed, and prayed. Things were up and down. A lot. We've never stopped discussing the wedding that we so badly want to have with our friends and family, followed by a honeymoon in Hawaii. We keep a jar by the bed that says "Honeymoon funds" and add change to it a lot... We haven't let go of that. In spite of all that I've lost, our love has helped keep my spirits up. I am so in love with him and I will never love another as long as I live. Recently, I've really been trying to strengthen my relationship with the Lord. I've been attending church whenever I can, I feel extreme joy when I listen to worship music (in comparison to feeling nothing when I was younger) and I'm crazy about God. Which brings me to my current dilemma. Never, ever, have I given up anything for God in my entire life. My own interests and pleasure always came first. I began feeling like I wanted to do something to show Him that I'm serious. I told my partner that I don't feel right having pre-marital sex anymore, although that's been a prominent part of our relationship since we got together in 2013. This has crushed him. He's sad. He's angry. He's distant. He feels like he cannot get mad at me because I'm trying to do something for God and then he gets mad at himself for being angry, and so forth. Last night he told me that the "old us" has died, and that hit me hard. We don't do anything we used to do anymore. The uncontainable joy and energy that our relationship was boundless with seems so far away. We behave like an old, married couple. (minus the married part, I guess, lol) I feel so trapped!! I'm telling myself and him that I'm doing this to get closer to God, but I know that that's not all of it. I know that there's a part of me that feels like this is a way of "bargaining" with God...that if I give this up and make myself completely miserable, I will end up feeling better and I will have the future that I'm dreaming of. Which is probably nuts. My mental health has been on a steady decline since my diagnosis and I've gone through so many changes, I can't believe some of the thoughts I have and some of the words that end up coming out of my mouth. We can't get married right now, as I'm on disability and getting married will hurt us financially and I'll no longer be able to afford my alternative treatments or put aside money for a house.. (We rent with roommates currently) We plan on buying a home and marrying next year. I think we both just have such high hopes that I'm going to improve and we're going to be able to have a real wedding ceremony (right now we're thinking Spring) and I'm going to be able to come off of disability, and we're going to live normally.. I just don't know. Sorry for the novel. Bottom line, I'm not sure if doing this is making me feel closer to God at all. I think I felt closer to God before. Right now, I'm just feeling boxed in, depressed, and uncertain. I'm unable to embrace the man that I've always viewed as my husband, although not from a legal standpoint. I don't want to spend months feeling like this. What if things get worse anyway? What if I die and I spent all this time restraining myself from my partner, who I love devotedly and wholeheartedly, when I could have made the most of the time we have left? This is killing, I repeat, killing us. And then, if I go back to the way things were, and things begin to decline again, I'll always wonder if it's God "punishing me" for not being able to hold myself to this. Is there any way that we can be married in the eyes of God without obtaining a marriage license? I'm so confused. I was researching vows that we could say to eachother at home in the presence of God but I couldn't find anything. :-( I don't know what to do anymore but I feel so drained. I just need some gentle, loving advice. Thank you kindly. <3

So this is a very long story but I am going to make it as short as I possibly can. I must also apologize I am new, this is my first post, and I am unaware of the political/religious beliefs/boundaries you all have. I'm also not sure if this was the correct place to post something like this. In June I was diagnosed with an incurable disease and it has basically devastated every part of my life. I have put my life on pause for now as I am on a spiritual journey. My past consists of a very spirit filled family but much tragedy. My family used to consist of a pretty good number of people but because of disease many people died far too early. All of these tragedies happened before I was born but all of the miraculous events also happened before I was born. So the faith I have always had was more like "belief." Which consisted of the basics. Fast forward 25 years, I myself am a chemical engineer, so when I found out I was sick I intially turned to my mind and exhausted every possible option that mankind has to offer which left me back at square 1. I figured I was like the story of the guy who gets lost at sea and prays to God to save him, while a boat and a kayak come up to pull the guy out of the water, he says no no God will save me, he drowns, asks God why he didn't save him and God says, I tried. So I turned to God in September which was in the midst of what can only be described as the worst depression that you can imagine. I lost 30 pounds in a mater of a couple weeks, wasnt eating, was so anxious I couldnt sleep for days, I would pace like a lion at home, constant racing thoughts and I was so suicidal I thought of myself as too worthless to even kill myself, all I would be is a further burden. Fast forward a bit, saw a counselor which helped and started to meet with multiple religious figures and spiritual learders weekly. So I went further into it (faith). My prayer life started to increase and things, coincidences, which I hear don't exist with people of faith, started to happen regularly. Thankfully my family has ties to many still living spiritual people, one in particular, prayed for me and in the middle busted out in tongues which I had never experienced or heard before and he was the only person I had a physical manifestation from after his prayer, 5 or 6 surges, kind of like goosbumps, but very quickly all in a row. I had further medical testing done which could not pick up the previously detected disease, however still left room for error. I took to scripture as I did science, reading and researching, studying all I could. After enough preparation I performed a self-deliverance which rid me of all the voices and constant thoughts in my head. Which I was told sounds like a successful deliverance. I prayed, almost constantly, almost every waking moment of the day I was praying or studying scripture. "Things" really started to happen (which if anyone cares to know I'll post as a response I have a directive for right now). I had joined a bible study group and they had been pushing me to be baptized for weeks and weeks. I was resistant, I was still somewhat suicidal, and when I make a commitment to something as big as baptism I don't quit, and my battle wasnt that I could quit on God, but quit on life. I also wanted it to be genuine, I didn't want to feel like I was using God to get something, which I really was all in all, but I didnt want it to feel thag way. I eventually was baptized in late Oct/early Nov. I started to research about the gifts of the holy spirit, a hot topic I soon learned, not something openly talked about. I wanted these gifts, I coveted them. Not because I wanted more from God but because, - Im not acquainted with any of you but if you have ever had something happen to you that no one can do anything about, where divine intervantion is your only option, and don't say your grandma or even your kid was sick yadda yadda, I know these things are sad, but rhere js something different when it happens to you, something innately different. This caused me to change, my whole perspective on life, you appreciate anything and everything, I havent driven in my car with the music on in 6 months, so I can look outside, feel and smell the air, your desires, aspirations, goals, and dreams all change - but because I wanted to help people. My family had two miracles happen, both to people who sadly died of other things not too long after, but both were miraculously healed of things with no medical expliantion. I not only wanted to be healed but I wanted to spread the love and the possibilities and the power that is God. Just before thanksgiving I began speaking in tongues, so for all you doubters, its real, its not fake, and I have even recorded and looked up some phrases that I noticed I kept repeating, and they turned out to be real words in other languages. These languages changed, from Italian all the way to Japanese. Mind you all I speak is a little bit if German, and fluent English and pig latin....ha. I was practicing this daily, yes you can voluntarily do it, its some not power that takes over your body, I would do it and shortly after I would be exhausted no matter what time it was and I would have vivid dreams if I spoke in tongues before I fell asleep. For me to remember my dreams was highly unusual. Then I started to do it less and almost not at all last week. Then last Friday I decided to do it right before I went to sleep, I didnt do it for very long, just something quick and I ended up having the most intense dream I have ever had. A dream within a dream, which I have never had before, and it had the D....the devil in it. (A pretty detailed summary of that I also have if you're interested and I would be interested especially if someone on here has the ability to interpret dreams). So now what I wrote all of this for, I am looking for a legitimate, credible, person with the gift of healing. Not exactly found in the yellow pages. Don't direct me to any of these televangelists, Binny Hinn, and all his wannabees. These people are frauds, Matthew 10:8 "Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse those who have leprosy, drive out demons. Freely you have received, freely give." Jesus was humble, he didn't broadcast his abilities, his apostles did, the believers did, and he didn't turn anyone away. I have found some in my couple months of searching. These are people you won't find on TV or on the news or in a legal investigation. These are humble quiet people in regular houses with no microphones, no radio stations, and lead the average life. The man who prayed over me believes he has the gift of healing. I found an elderly woman who has documented healings near me. I also found out about a lutheran pastor on the East coast after pulling my own pastor's teeth if he knew someone, apparently he knows another but this guy's job could be injeopardy if it got out. Apparently much of the modern church is against people being relieved of suffering at the hand of those blessed with spreading the work of God. I live in the Chicago suburbs, so in that general area would be nice, but this isnt just finding a good pizza place, this is to ascertain a miracle, I'll go anywhere. If you would need to contact me perosnally we can figure that out, not sure how lol, but I don't intend on having anyone's name blasted out who prefers privacy. Thank you for your time, this platform, and your help. God bless.

I was asked the question, and i could not give an answer... I'll appreciate your opinions... Can a married man lust after his own wife? - 1 Thessalonians 4: 1-5 thank you in advance

http://youtu.be/HI2wS1t3NHc

I was passionate about joining the military, though, not a physically built person... but still, i was looking forward to being part of those who take down the boko haram insurgence. They have wrought so much havoc to Christians... killed many, rendered many homeless and put many in the hospital... But if i join the military, will i be able to kill a person... i mean the bible did say we should love our enemy (Mat 5:43) and even pray for them... And here's my question, i would really like to hear what you think.. I am no longer eligible to join the military because of my age... but still... i wonder... How would you explain the concept of love your enemy to a soldier?

As we enter the month of peace, I can't help but wonder if it will be one of our last. Cities in the US are burning, innocent people are being attacked, and the lawless and envious are spreading hatred and chaos throughout the nation. Elsewhere, in the Middle East and Northern Africa, radical islamists are viciously killing anyone and everyone that stands up to them. In South America, a steady stream of poison is being produced and distributed throughout the world. The ultra wealthy, not happy with their current fortunes, continue to devise newer and more cunning ways to steal from the people. Evil forces are removing peace from the world and turning us against each other by creating countless moral dilemmas for us to bicker over. So, we do what we've always done. We pray for peace. Casting Crowns' remake of this song is absolutely beautiful! "I Heard The Bells On Christmas Day" lyrics (Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807-1882), 1867) I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day Their old familiar carols play, And wild and sweet the words repeat Of peace on earth, good will to men. I thought how, as the day had come, The belfries of all Christendom Had rolled along the unbroken song Of peace on earth, good will to men. And in despair I bowed my head: "There is no peace on earth," I said, "For hate is strong and mocks the song Of peace on earth, good will to men." Then pealed the bells more loud and deep: "God is not dead, nor doth he sleep; The wrong shall fail, the right prevail, With peace on earth, good will to men." Till, ringing singing, on its way, The world revolved from night to day, A voice, a chime, a chant sublime, Of peace on earth, good will to men!

I lost my wife and daughter and it was like the world has ending but it has not because there is a reasoning I was alive but when it all happened I thought my life was worthless but it was when I read the bible that I realized that I can still make someone happy out there and that my wife and daughter left to be in a better place. Let share our pain.

Preached at Destiny Church in Happy Valley OR. At the end, little kids came up to be my prayer team and Jesus started healing people. Jesus is so amazing!

Had a crazy adventure with the Lord and was blessed to see many lives touched. Also, the style of this is totally different than any video I've made, taking the viewer on the adventure with us.

For our 2013 Christmas services at NewSpring Church we spent time traveling to Israel to film in Nazareth, Jerusalem, and Bethlehem exploring the birth of Jesus and exploring the relevance in our own lives today. Enjoy!

Love is the greatest commandment. The cure for jealousy is divine love. Does this make jealousy the greatest sin? Note: the results of jealousy are; theft, hatred, anger, malice, and ultimately murder. You can see how jealousy led Cain to kill his brother, Abel. Genesis 4: 4-8 *** Removed link to personal blog. Please place the link in your profile. ***

This video made me take a second look at my life. He has truly shown that there are still some hope for our world.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tq_Q3y4BvlM Came across this video on youtube, praise the Lord!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jMNMFaBrb9g I was blessed to share some of my testimony of how I came to the Lord as a demonstration of God's love. Many people were touched that night and encountered that same love for themselves.

God's love revealed through Prophecy and Healing http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cnyt5yLORoA

9/13/2013 Friday night God was putting the Lloyd center/Holladay park area heavy on our hearts. Before we got there we stopped by a group giving chili and lemonade on a street corner. They were feeding the people and sharing the love of Jesus. Got prayer from them and then got on the max to Lloyd center. At Holliday park, there was a bunch of kids hanging out partying. We’ve encountered a lot of these kids randomly as we’ve been hitting up this area a lot. I asked if anyone would like prayer and one guy stepped up and testified to the group about his hand being healed last week because Dem prayed over him. I prayed over a gut named Mike for peace. Then a girl named Audrey came up asking why we loved Jesus. She couldn’t figure out how we could love someone we couldn’t see. I shared with her my testimony and asked if she would like to experience God. I took her hand and prayed for Gods presence and she started experiencing him. She said that was weird cause she almost started to cry. Then the lord downloaded a lot of stuff about how amazing she is and how God sees her and how He has gifted her. She broke down crying. God loves that girl so much. After that, I started getting words over a girl named Alex. After that, Chris prayed over a guy named Chris who busted his hand in a fight and his hand was healed. Then Chris saw Danny and prayed over her and the Lord revealed to him what she was going through to show her His love. While that was going on, I went to the other benches and started talking to the group. I asked if one guy would like prayer and he said that he hails satan. So I challenged him. I said, how’s this, I’ll let you pray over me in satans name if I could pray over you in Jesus name and lets see what happens. I figured, if he touches me, Holy Spirit is going to get all over him, if I lay hands on him, Holy Spirit was going to get all over him. He said he just says that to offend religious people and was shocked at my response. I started to talk the some more of them. One kid asked if I could pray for his nose. It was hurting from snorting stuff. I prayed a few times, and nothing happened. There was a girl with a pink sweater and pink hair there and I asked if I could pray for her. She said she didn’t believe in God. I told her that she didn’t have to believe for me to bless her so she let me pray and experienced God’s joy and peace. She said she felt happy. The Lord started revealing that she never had religion pushed on her so she nothing against God, she just has never experienced Him, then I saw something’s about her character and her gift in art and she was amazed that God knows so much about her. I shared the Gospel with her and I told her that Jesus is amazing and if she wanted to know him, whenever she wants to invite him in her life. The guy sitting next to her, whose hand got healed last week, asked for prayer for rapping abilities because last week we prayed for endurance and the Lord answered. So I told him only if he wraps for Jesus. He agreed, so As I prayed I saw a white mist land on him and he testified he felt something happen. After that, Dem was talking to Anthony, a guy we kept running into. He skipped out on what he was doing because he knew God was calling him. Chris and I went and prayed over a guy named Cricket over chronic back pain and after a few times praying, the pain left. After that another guy starts walking through and he busted his hand in a fight. We had Alex pray for him so she laid hands on his wrist and prayed. Jesus healed him and he was tripping out. After that, A some other guys and girls showed up and I asked if they would like prayer. One guy said he wasn’t religious and the girl in the pink sweater from earlier said “I think I’m religious now.” One of the girls asked if we were priests or something. Mike came up and I showed him and her some footage we filmed. They both were blown away. Mike said that was proof. He had been praying for God to show Himself or prove that He was real for years, and seeing God’s healing power on a video camera was the proof he needed. He gave his life to the Lord and we prayed over him to be baptized in the Spirit. Right after that, I asked one guy if he had pain in his body and he said his rips. We had Mike pray for him and Jesus healed him through Mike. The guy said the pain left, and started doing sit ups. Then got up and even his friend testified he couldn’t get out of bed this morning because how bad it hurt. Mike started crying because of how good and amazing God is. We spent some time sharing the Word with him and one of his friends came up and asked, if he was going to quit drugs because he was a Christian. He said that he would. We gave him contact info, so he could get ahold of us. That guy is so amazing! After that, Joey came over and we prayed over him because he was going back to Afghanistan. Chris and I both saw the Lord protecting him with big angels. God loves that guy so much. After that, people started to think out and I was having a conversation about Jesus with a guy. Audrey asked if I was against homosexuals. I said, “do I believe it’s wrong, yes.” But made clear it’s not my job to judge according to the flesh but regardless. The group, there was like 4 of them left, started talking about it thinking it would offend us. We prayed for Audrey’s jaw and she kept saying it still hurt, but then had a hard time finding the pain after a few times praying. God is so amazing! He loves these kids so much. He is in pursuit for them. This was one of those nights where God rocked us by seeing His love manifest just as much as some of them got rocked. Thank You Jesus for letting me experience Your love for them, for letting me feel Your love for them. Your amazing Lord! Praise You, thank You Jesus, thank You for Your amazing love! You are worthy Lord, thank You http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zbydTWEKriY

A person doesn’t need to be smart to have the heart of God – even though it is wise to attain the heart of God. Nowhere in God’s Word does it indicate that the sons or children of God are the ones that are smart or have a great knowledge, but His children are the ones that have the same Spirit and nature of God, which is pure love. Knowledge, wisdom, or prophecy can be a gift of God to some of His children for the work of His kingdom, but any godly gifts without the heart of God are worthless and powerless for His kingdom. We are called to know God, but this doesn’t mean for us to have knowledge about God, but to be One in Spirit with Him. To know God or to be One in Spirit with Him is to have the same heart and Spirit as God, which is pure love, which is God’s Truth in action. 1 Cor 8:1-3 - Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up. The man who thinks he knows something does not yet know as he ought to know. But the man who loves God is known by God. NIV Watch out for the ones that have not the love of God, but claim they have the knowledge of God. 1 Tim 1:5-7 - The goal of this command is love , which comes from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith. Some have wandered away from these and turned to meaningless talk. They want to be teachers of the law, but they do not know what they are talking about or what they so confidently affirm. NIV God says we will know whose child a person is by their love. To love others like God has loved us is right, but the ones that loves themselves and not others are not right and still of the devil. 1 John 3:10 - This is how we know who the children of God are and who the children of the devil are: Anyone who does not do what is right is not a child of God; nor is anyone who does not love his brother. NIV 1 John 4:7-9 - Dear friends, let us love one another, for LOVE COMES FROM GOD. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love DOES NOT KNOW God, because God is love. NIV When a person is living by the pure love of God, which is by God’s Holy Spirit, then they will be living the Truth of God and fulfilling the whole law of God. 1 Cor 16:14 - Do everything in love. NIV Rom 13:10 - Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law. NIV Through Christ and having faith in Him, which is Truth, we can be fully filled with this pure love of God. The power to overcome all evil in us and around us is the power of God’s love, which He wants to impart into us. Eph 3:17-19 - And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love , may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge — that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. NIV To truly have the knowledge of God or know God, a person must be filled with the love of God first, because God is pure Love, and God’s Love is pure Truth. Anyone that is living by God pure love - will be fulfilling God’s Truth as well – even though they might not be able to comprehend and explain God’s Truth with their mouths. A person continuously living by the power of God’s pure love will show the world God’s Truth (Christ), even though they might not be given the gift of prophecy to proclaim God’s Truth with words. Heb 10:24 - And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. NIV