Anger

[Chiquita]

I have a lot of anger inside. Mostly it is because of all of the things my mother put me through growing up bcz of her alcoholism. I am not angry towards her anymore just generally angry because of all of the things I had to deal with because of her neglect and abuse. I am so angry that every little thing people do makes me curse in my head. I'm not always like this but sometimes it gets really bad like today. It's rarely like this actually but sometimes I get really, really bad. I can't stand myself. I pray and pray but I'm still angry. Sometimes I feel like He's not listening even though I know for sure He is but nothing ever happens to make this anger go away. I'm STILL single at 34. I don't have anybody to hold me and tell me everything will be ok. I leave work and pick p my phone in my car to call someone. Then I realize, who am I going to call? This happens almost everyday. It's very strange. I can;t seem to get it through my big head that there is simply no one there. I have like 2 friends but they hardly ever answer their phones as they are buys with their families and husbands. I'm not angry at them. I'm just angry.

[OneLight]

This is what I do when I find myself angry.

Philippians 4:8

[ Meditate on These Things ] Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy

[Chiquita]

This is what I do when I find myself angry.

Philippians 4:8

[ Meditate on These Things ] Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy

[Hunterpoet]

Blessings Chiquita,

Well I didn't hear you say you are an addict of any sort. You didn't say your health was poor. You have a job, a phone and a car.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to minimize your suffering, but it appears you are in a better position than allot of people these days.

I'd like to ask if you attend church and bible study? Are you involved in any kind of ministry? Volunteer at a hospital, shelter or Food pantry.

I pray you God's counsel.

Grace and Peace

[georgedrw81]

Just be thankfull for what you have as Hunterpoet said and you will have a great day everyday.No point to think of the past.

Blessings

[Guest]

Praying!

[south]

Hi Chiquita,

I know how it feels to be alone. I am 42 and still single, and living in a foreign country all by myself. And like you I don't have too many friends, at least where I am now. I am, however, blessed with a very close friend here, who I've known since I was a teenager. She is married and has a family of her own. But even if she is married, we still get together. Well, the effort comes mostly from me. I go to her house and visit her and play with her kids. Her son is my partner in WII. After church, I meet up with her and her family for snacks or lunch. If she has some event happening in her house, I offer to help.

I try to attend special activities in church. But due to the nature of my work and my schedule, I can't get involved on a regular basis.

At work, I try to enjoy time with my co-workers. I teach in a language institute and sometimes during breaks, teachers and I just sit around in our teacher's lounge and I try to ask them things and get to know them.

Sometimes, I just take walks in the park or take my camera with me and take pictures of flowers in the Botanic Garden. Or I take the train and go to the northest part of town and go window shopping. It helps to keep yourself occupied.

One time, I invited the cleaning lady for lunch in my apartment because I really wanted to cook something special but I had no one to cook for. And she was very very happy and now she has become my good friend. She works in another center now and I see her only on weekends. But everytime she sees me, she gives me a big hug and a kiss. She makes me feel loved.

Well, what am I really trying to say? Try to involve yourself with activities and take your mind off your past hurts. Maybe get into a hobby. Try to do little things for other people too. These are only some of the practical things you can do.

On a spiritual level, look unto Jesus. Ask Him to heal you of your past hurts. Ask Him to lead you, and He will. Spend time with Him and just be honest before Him about what you feel. He cares deeply for you.

Blessings...South

[elizabetht]

I keep my worship music close by....especially in the car. (this is where most of my anger is manifested...lol) When anger begins to surface I turn on the cd player. It doesn't take long before my anger fades and my attitude changes. Perspective is everything!!!! God is near when we praise Him!!!

Hang in there!!

[Godfearer]

i got anger issue too.i know what you are talking about having to go thru stuff because of past stuff. for me i had to repent. i had to come to a place where i desired to "be holy" in that aspect of living. im not holy i use that term cuz God said be holy as He is Holy. i had to want it gone. what i was told is forgiveness is my problem. or the lack of. it dont matter what happened. God loves your mom and you have to love her unconditinally as well. its a strugle but it gets better if you work it. bring every thought under the submission of Christ.

i assure you you are not alone. He will never leave you nor forsake you. and i know im not there if i was i would hug you. i want someone to hug me too. i have people all around me and i have the feeling of lonliness. sometimes i have "fantisies" about things happening and im super angry. i know it sounds silly but i deal with it. its a struggle.

ask God to reveal to you areas you havent forgiven. then forgive. we have no right to hold a grudge. he must increase and we must decrease. it is also kinda a learned behavior and its hard to unlearn.

i love you. you post touched my heart. i will be praying for you.

[Chiquita]

Sorry for a late reply. I thought something was wrong with my modem and it turned out that I just forgot to pay my bill

Thank you all for you replies. You guys are so awesome. I do have a great job and all of that. I thank God for it all the time but while others may be struggling financially, most likely they have someone that loves them - a partner, a friend. I do have a lil boy of age 3. I thought I mentioned that, sorry. He gives me a lot of joy however, being a single mother only makes you lonelier. Only single parents will probably understand that one. It's hard to explain it... It's like when he does something really sweet or funny, or learns something new.... I wanna share that joy with someone and tell someone what happened but... who???

I used to have an addiction to alcohol too but God delivered me. What I realized is that I was "self-medicating" myself with liquor to not have to deal with all the anger which was actually pain in disguise. I was numbing myself during my time off while I had nothing to do. Now I am sober so the anger that I have been bottling up inside has shown its face, and it's not a pretty one. This is what the conclusion God has lead me to this week as I still go to group therapy for alcoholics. It must be all of your prayers. I ask God to forgive me for this anger and for cursing people in my head as this is not the person I want to be so I try to pray and pray over it.

I do have hobbies like Bible Study and I like to surf the web for good videos/mp3s of good Pastors across the country. I'm trying my best to be still and wait. It just gets hard sometimes. I have good friends at work but they are colleagues. I take my son places like the zoo on the weekends but he is still just a baby.

All in all, thanks to your prayers, I understand now why I have been so angry... because I'm sober, once I realized that I began to let go of the anger. So Jesus and I have been talking a lot about everything that has happened and everyday He allows me to understand something new. God gave her - my mother - so many chances to repent and she didn't. Poor lady. I just feel sorry for her because she never got it.