Thoughts from Midnight

[other one]

I grew up in one of those Bever Cleaver homes and was taught to love everyone. It puts you in harms way at times but the rewards are imense outside those few hurtful people.

Sam

[Willow]

What if you don't love at all?

True love scares many people. Cause it looks past our issues, our imperfections, our limitations and accepts us anyways. Love is there, even if the person isn't exactly standing beside you at the moment.

Perfect love drives out fear. And at some point aren't we all afraid? Afriad of rejection, afraid of judgements, afraid of exposing ourselves to the chance of being hurt? You notice it really hurts when someone you love does something to hurt you.

To not feel love? You won't always feel it. Love after all isn't just a feeling - it is a choice, a committment, a covenant. The bible says God is love. He is the definition of love. God is not a feeling.

But those who cannot feel love? I would tend to agree that somewhere there has been something that caused them to close off. Like a house with a broken water line.....water is trying to get in.....but there is a break in the line....someone has to fix it first.

[Wix]

But those who cannot feel love? I would tend to agree that somewhere there has been something that caused them to close off. Like a house with a broken water line.....water is trying to get in.....but there is a break in the line....someone has to fix it first.

*Calls a plumbler.

You notice it really hurts when someone you love does something to hurt you.

Read that again lol.

[apothanein kerdos]

Tess,

I know it was hard to write what you did but I for one was very moved by your witness. Thank you sister. So many of us take sooooo much for granted. We sometimes fail to see God's hands working in our life leading us into a closer relationship with HIM.

SuperJew,

I found your post insightful. Obviously, you have a lot of first hand experience with abandoned & abused youth. Do all of them fit in either one of the two extremes? I recognize both extremes; it explains why too many women remain in abusive relationships and too many men reject any expression of love. Many of the reasons can be traced to a troubled childhood.

Regarding my experience with male inmates, I will testify that once they taste the Love of GOD, they become so hungry for affection that they become like that small child...just wanting to be hugged and held at every opportunity.

Be Blessed,

Wayne

I'd have to say that the youth I dealt with, if they had been abandoned or hadn't been loved, fell into one of the two extremes.

[Willow]

QUOTE 

You notice it really hurts when someone you love does something to hurt you. 

Read that again lol.

lol - okay okay so I wasn't great at grammer. What I was trying to say was a hurt from one you love as opposed to someone you don't? Hurts worse since you are caught generally off guard or expect more from them. People who love you aren't supposed to hurt you. And when they do.....that is where the scars of mistrust can begin.

Mistrust can be the first wall....

QUOTE 

But those who cannot feel love? I would tend to agree that somewhere there has been something that caused them to close off. Like a house with a broken water line.....water is trying to get in.....but there is a break in the line....someone has to fix it first.

*Calls a plumbler.

*makes an analogy

[Kabowd]

*bump*

[hippo's hope is HIM]

wow.....

I do not know where to begin either. As a kid I was the one that hugged every one. I loved everyone. Even if they called me that dumb fat kid. Even when they picked on me, and made me cry. As I got older I developed a tool to help diverge my pain so to speak. I tend to use humor to insult people, but it makes them laugh. So I mean it, but I don't want to hurt them LOL. plus always being the odd one out, I wanted some way for people to like me. So believe it or not, humor and strongness did just that. I began to push back. "Go big guh what you gone do" the chant I had through school. lol. People began to like me. I still had a love for old people, but I began to hate youth and adults. and I rejected most of them.

As most of you now know, I was sexually abused by my siblings when I was younger. After then I began to despise people that were like my brother. That talked about sex, or dirty jokes or anything like that. I never really accepted love from any one. Not that I neccessarily rejected anyone else really, but I never felt the love. I thought I wasn't good enough. so I was the dog in the corner that gave up, and didn't want to fight for the meat.

True love scares many people. Cause it looks past our issues, our imperfections, our limitations and accepts us anyways. Love is there, even if the person isn't exactly standing beside you at the moment.

Perfect love drives out fear. And at some point aren't we all afraid? Afriad of rejection, afraid of judgements, afraid of exposing ourselves to the chance of being hurt? You notice it really hurts when someone you love does something to hurt you.

To not feel love? You won't always feel it. Love after all isn't just a feeling - it is a choice, a committment, a covenant. The bible says God is love. He is the definition of love. God is not a feeling.

I mean woah willow. This blessed me as much as SuperJ's first post. After the abuse, I was scared of everything really. I would lay in bed and plan what would happen if someone would try to rape me, or if someone broke into the house. Meticulously I planned every possible situation. I became such a strange thing. It does hurt. And even though I AM loved. I didn't want it, and it hurt more than it helped. My parents love me, but all we do is fight. and yeah love isn't a feeling; I choose to love those who've hurt me. I still get scared that if people know about my past, and what I've done, and what was done to me, then they won't love me any more

I often wonder though. Why is it so much easier to love and accept love from other's than it is from God. I still struggle with that. With trusting Him, and loving Him, and knowing that He loves me.

[Guest californialamb]

Wix

Comming from one of those families that love is obvious to everyone I know,

I would find it so difficult to not feel it, desire it, or give it.

But I am not you... I don't claim to know how you feel... how could I? I have never walked where you walked, I have not seen what you have seen, I have not been hurt in the same way you have. Hurt Yes! to point destruction of self was a comforting site. To the point where nothing mattered because breathing was an effort.

I could quote a bunch of bible scripture, but if you are not there you may take it as I did when it was pelted at me, before I understood, .. it was nonsense and drivel.

I do know that not all love is a feeling. Especially the love that Christ talks about when he talks about Agape love. Emotions can not be COMMANDED, but attitudes can. Love my friend is a VERB, an action word, and it is a choice, even when the "feelings of love" may not be there, the attitude can be. That is what free will is all about.

No one hear can "make" you "feel" any way you don't feel. I would not even try to. I hope that you are able to seek and find something that you might not even know is lost.

[Kabowd]

I'm bumping this again for someone specific to see.

[keslc]

You're right, this is an amazing topic! You know, there are many many many people in those two catagories. Now, personally, I grew up in a loving home with good parents, but even for those of us in those situations, there can be issues in regards to love. Maybe not as extreme, but still there.

When I was in Peru in July (we taught at a christian camp for teens) one evening the lights went out (actually all the power went out) right before the evening meeting. Now in the states if something like that happened we probably would have closed shop and gone to bed, but not at this camp! They ran and gathered all the candles, flashlights that they could and lit them all around the room. Instead of singing with the praise band (electric keyboard and guitars) we sang acapella. Also the pastor that night did not give the sermon he planned on, but felt the Holy Spirit wanted him to talk about something else. He told us to look at the fire on the candles. Fire is often used when referring to the Holy Spirit. That is because fire can sterilize, can cleanse, also fire can cauterize and close wounds and that was what the Holy Spirit wanted to do that night. He said he knew many of the kids there never knew love from their families. Many were abused and many were still angry and pushing away God's love. He told them tonight was the night to let the Spirit cleanse and cauterize and teach you real love. He asked me (I'm a mom) and a man who was a father to come forward. He told the kids that if they had never known what it feels like to get a hug from a parent who loved them, they could know what that was like now. He wanted the kids to come up and hug us and feel a real hug from a parent who loved them. (sorry, tears are coming and my hands are shaking as I type) The kids almost literally ran up to us and would not let us go!! Those beautiful girls who hugged me were sobbing because all they were ever told is how horrible they were. I prayed with them and the Holy Spirit fell on them like I've not seen before. It was so amazing. Many of them were able to forgive and accept the love. It was a literal overnight change for a lot of them. That is power of the God we serve! That is so awesome! I pray for those who are living in the two scenarios that SuperJew addressed and if you aren't struggling with that then be the example for them of God's love! God bless you all!!! :hug: :hug: :hug: