forgiveness after an affair

[lovdbygod]

What should a person that fears GOD do if they have fallen [affair] their spouse forgave them but every chance there is, brings it up and puts the person down. such as your a [bad word, etc.] but this person that had the affair had forgiven their spouse numerous times for the same thing without bringing it up as to torture the other person, so what is the correct thing to do in a situation like this?

[Guest LadyC]

my pastor once told me that if i tell my husband i forgive him (not for an affair, but for other things) that i could never, ever bring it up again. we are to follow God's example. when God forgives us, He never brings it to our attention again, ever. He throws the offense as far as the east is from the west and remembers it no more.

perhaps your husband needs to sit down with my pastor!

[other one]

What should a person that fears GOD do if they have fallen [affair] their spouse forgave them but every chance there is, brings it up and puts the person down. such as your a [bad word, etc.] but this person that had the affair had forgiven their spouse numerous times for the same thing without bringing it up as to torture the other person, so what is the correct thing to do in a situation like this?

He obviously has not fortiven you, but lied about it...... most likely to himself as much as you. Next time he does it just lovingly tell him that he's done it at least twice and ask him if that makes him twice as bad as you. But do it in a laid back manor understanding that you've forgiven him. Hopefully it should strike up a conversation that you might get some resolution.

If that doesn't work try and get him to to to a "Weekend to Remember" that is put on by Family Life.

http://www.familylife.com/site/c.dnJHKLNnFoG/b.3204559/

My wife and I attended one of these years ago and everyone I know who has attended one has learned skills to enhance their marriage, and a few I'm aware of have saved marriages that were within a month of divorces being final.

If he just won't go and or just won't forgive, then you have a real problem. Steps beyond that and/or giving him some extra time to get over it usually end up either getting his attention and closing the gap between you, or burning bridges so that you may not recover.

[nebula]

What should a person that fears GOD do if they have fallen [affair] their spouse forgave them but every chance there is, brings it up and puts the person down.

That is not forgiveness.

Don't know what advice I could give beyond what was spoken already, though.

[lovdbygod]

Is it wrong of me to tell him to leave if he cant really forgive me and is always going to bring it up, I mean is it godly since I was the one that did wrong this time. I've already said to him I forgave you more than once how come you cant seem to forgive me, he said its worse for a girl to do it.

[JCISGD]

The person who has the affair has the responsibility to do what it takes for however long it takes to restore the others trust. That means being transparent, and being where and with whom you say you will be at all times. Dr Phil

I think this is good counsel, and the fact that you could forgive easily does not mean others can or should. Remember we are all uniquely created and only God knows our hearts fully. Sometimes literally doing unto others as we would want for ourselves doesnt work as we have different needs or ways to handle situations, but rather if we would want them to do to us according to our unique needs, we should extend this to others.

Did you really forgive him? why did you have an affair if you knew how much it hurts the other? were you really over the hurts of his affairs?

Finally Paul says a christian must not divorce, but if they seperate they must (only do so to sort out the difficulties imo) remain single or reconcile. words in brackets mine.

Praying for you.

[Guest LadyC]

it's worse for a girl to do it? can i personally come kick your husband's tush into the nearest sewage drain? tell him to man up and stop excusing his actions. what that tells me is that he is not at all remorseful for having cheated on you multiple times, and he will do it again.

i'd divorce him. i have a different perspective on what scripture teaches about this subject than jcisd does, obviously. he has committed adultery. yes, you have too. but that doesn't change the fact that he has. and he will again, i'd be willing to bet my life on it.

besides, paul also says that if you're married, seek not to be loosed, and if you're loosed, seek not to be bound.... but if you do marry, you have not sinned. (AND if a virgin marries, she has not sinned.) 1 cor 7. it's not like you are marrying the guy you had an affair with (which is prohibited and would be an adulterous union).

[lovdbygod]

I really appreciate you guys [and gals] taking the time to read and respond to my post, especially for your prayers. I know I did wrong and no matter what theres no excuse, I not only sinned against my husband but against myself and against GOD and beleive it or not it does hurt me I feel like I'm never going to be that person I once was because I can never take it back, it makes you feel so UN pure it feels like you betrayed yourself.

[Guest LadyC]

oh i'm sure it DID hurt you to betray God that way, and i'm sure you feel you'll never be the same person you were. but listen, very carefully, to what i'm about to say....

God redeems.

did ya catch that?

let go of your guilt! once you have asked God to forgive you, He throws your sin as far as the east is from the west and remembers it no more! ten minutes later you can say 'hey God, remember what i asked you to forgive me for?' and He'll say "nope."

now, i'd like to assume that you've asked forgiveness already. but maybe you've been so wrapped up in guilt that you felt too ashamed and much too unworthy to even talk to God about it. either way, you need to pick a quiet time... time when you won't worry about being disturbed by anyone else... get on your knees, and pour your heart out to God. whether you've already asked forgiveness from Him or not, you need to bawl like a baby to Him, and let Him surround you with comfort and healing. and while you're at it, ask Him to help you learn to forgive yourself.

[LeonaS]

More than 20 years ago, I had an affair. After it I was lucky that my husband forgave me and we are happily married to this day. BUT, it was really several years before he really forgave me with his whole heart. And to this day I avoid certain subjects because they might remind us of that time. I've repented and God has shown that he forgave me. I would no more sin that way than I would jump off a cliff.