Coping with abuse from a Narcissist

[InternalFlame]

I have come to realize over the years that my father is a textbook narcissist. For years he emotionally abused me, my brother, and my mother. He treated us as things that he owned, beat down our own self esteem, and always blamed others for problems, considering himself perfect.

I was able to move away but my mother is still with him. She wants to leave him but she is afraid he may get violent when she tries, and she is afraid she can't live on her own because how he has been eroding her self worth over the years. It's only getting worse now because he suspects she is going to leave (she is trying to slowly pack as secretly as possible) and he has become more controlling - trying to tell her she can't leave the house unless he is with her and things like that. Recently he has become physically violent but luckily my mother is stronger than him and he wasn't able to seriously hurt her.

Does anyone have any advice for this situation? I've told her that she can move in with my husband and I for as long as she needs but she is afraid my father will seek her out there and possibly hurt me and her. It's possible when he finds out she is trying to get away from him he could become dangerously violent.

[OldShep]

Does anyone have any advice for this situation? I've told her that she can move in with my husband and I for as long as she needs but she is afraid my father will seek her out there and possibly hurt me and her. It's likely when he finds out she is trying to get away from him he could become dangerously violent.

I do, if your mother believes she is in danger then "get out", if she fears for her life call the police and family services!

Praying that the Lord will give her the strength she needs, to take the action she needs to take, to keep safe.

[chloe_fantastic]

First thing is pray.

The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much. James 5:16

If Mom won't leave, there isn't much else you can do to make her. For some women it takes a long time and a lot of hurt before they are ready. Just keep letting her know that your door is always open for her when she's ready.

[Guest]

Praying~!

[His Ambassador]

If your father has physically harmed her the first call should be to the police. He will be jailed and that will give her time to pack and get away. She should then get a restraining order against him and he can be arrested anytime he comes near her. She needs to get a backbone and do what is required. She can always divorce him. Obviously he needs counseling but I doubt that will happen. If your mother is involved in a church get them involved. Spousal abuse is taken very seriously by law enforcement agencies today. But your mother has to do her part.

[BFP]

Counselling does nothing for a narcissist except feed them. My oldest son is one, and the games they play can be very frightening. The good thing is that most of the time it is mostly deeply psychological abuse, but can get very violent. She does have to just get up and leave one day though because it will never get any better. At first it will be very scary but as long as she NEVER allows any contact again, no phonecalls and no nothing, he will eventually find another victim (sad but true, these people need a feed)

Make sure that the rest of your family follows suit and be strong. Do you live in a small town? Would it be easy enough for her to hide out for a period of time, until he cools his heels a little.

Find out when bail hearings are held in your town and do it on a day that he will have to stay in jail for a couple of days at least...just before the week end is usually good, at least she will have a breather for the weekend.

Dealing with these kinds of people is risky, to say the least, but it is even more risky to stay when they are fueling...like he is now because he suspects she is going to leave.

Is there anywhere out of town that she can go that he wouldn't suspect?

I will be praying for her and you and your family.

[other one]

http://www.nationalcenterdvtraumamh.org/resources/chicago-and-illinois-domestic-violence-agencies-and-organizations/

[He giveth more grace]

Codependency is a terribly strong motivation not to move out and get free.

[InternalFlame]

Unfortunately he was careful not to leave a mark when he hit her, and there were no witnesses, so there is no proof of physical violence. She has called the police many times during heated arguments when things look bad, but when the police get there the mask is back up and he is very polite.

She is planning on leaving but it's a matter of her getting up the courage to actually do it when she is ready to leave. I think she plans on going to a shelter first before coming to my house.

BFP, you are right about counselling. They tried marriage counselling before and he straight up lied to put himself in a good light, and took advantage of the counseling to try and make my mother feel that everything is her fault only.

thanks for your prayers <3

[ncn]

Praying.