Something that is troubleing me....

[Frisbinator]

It seems that this girl has made her choice in boyfriend, and it isn't you.

No, he isn't her boyfriend. She said that they were just "doing it" and it wasn't supposed to be exclusive, but it "kinda was". Meaning they're "doing it" and apparently someone decided that there shouldn't be any relationship involved.

If you care for her, you should respect her decisions and choices, and hope for her happiness in her choices.  It is only selfishness that turns everything the wrong way around and instead of respecting her choices, insists on imposing your choices on her. 

I'm sorry, but "doing it" with someone everytime you get the feeling to isn't something that I can respect. Especially when you're unwilling to date someone who you ADMIT you have feelings for, because you feel committed to your "buddy", who set the parameters that there WOULD be no commitment.

I'd like to see you feel an extremely strong amount of love for somebody for almost two years, make huge amounts of progress (due to your perseverance), and then have them go and do this with someone else, see how you feel about the other person involved when you think about it a hundred times a day.

Anyway, I appreciate everyone's help and consideration. If anyone is curious, here is what's happened so far:

Yesterday, I took my cell phone apart and hid each part on the opposite sides of the house, in places where it would be difficult to get them. I'm going outta town for eight days and will leave my cell phone at home. I'm praying that everything will turn out ok and come to some sort of conclusion. And that's that! Thanks again for all your help.

[UndecidedFrog]

Dear Frisbinator,

This is just my opinion. You don't have to accept it if you dislike it. DISCLAIMER: I am not a christian.

I sense much tension in your response. He may not be her BF, but by her choice, she has a relationship with him on a level that you are not. That relationship, even though it is claimed to be just physcial is clearly more since there is an understanding that even though each has the freedom to be with others, they are exclusive. In my opinion, that is more than just physical.

Nonetheless, it is by her choice. That is the fact. She chooses to be with him physically, and IMO, mentally in a fashion. My advice holds....Move on and choose someone who chooses you too.

BTW, when I was much younger, I have an all-consuming infatuation with a girl who chose to be with another. It lasted about 4 years. When I say "it", I mean my one-sided fantasy. Looking back on it now, I am embarassed with the time I wasted on that desire. Fortunately, I was able to overcome my infatuation and developed a true friendship with her. So true that many years later, she did attend my wedding and we still keep in touch now and then.

Peace,

UndecidedFrog

[Wix]

I can kind of relate (in that I know younger girls whom i care very much about, sisterly, who have had sex with older guys). It makes me sick and angry at the guy, and very sad for her. It's not because I envy the relationship the guy and the girl have, but more that I abhore it. How could he do something like that to her; how could she let him? Does she understand? The loss (or destruction) of innocense is a very, very hard thing to deal with (most people in situations justify it to themselves through lies, or some other means; drugs, cutting etc) especially when it's someone of whom you care a great amount for. Usually it stems from lack of self image/self esteem. They don't feel they are good enough, or that he is better, etc... Feelings of love are not easily changed, but in this case I suggest you change them. Love her as a sister, but nothing more because as someone else said she will probably hurt you very badly (as she already has once). It would probably be worth taking the time to explain to her how what she did makes you feel, and why you think she shouldn't have. However in the end you should respect her decision, and try to help her self image/self esteem (no offense but as I said before these problems arrise from not accepting yourself, etc...).

God Bless,

Sam

[RustyAngeL]

First I have to ask, are you a christian? If you are there should be nothing between the two of you because the Bible says were are not to be unequally yoked. And second, why would you want anyone who doesn't want you? Better keep looking. There is something better out there for you.

Edited December 16, 2004 by Rustyangel

[hmh]

Here's a quote from a famous movie that comes to mind:

RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!

Pray about it, ask God for guidance, and try to focus on things that are Godly and not worldly.