What Little Kids Wish Daddies Knew

[Dak]

My mom and dad didn't really take on traditional roles. I couldn't say one is the leader. They are both highly regarded professionals. I never got the sense growing up that women ought to do this, or men ought to do that. Maybe that's good, maybe that's bad, but it's how it was and still is.Their relationship seems to thrive on mutual respect and an understanding between them that has been built up over their decades together.

Many people, I think, would prefer this over the family situation they have with their "Christian" parents.

~

[missmuffet]

 

 

I think if my dad resembled anything on that list, I wouldn't be who I am today.

Yes man, this is the other side of the coin. And remembering this has always soothed my anger toward my situation.

Wouldn't be here today seeking to be the best father I can be (when God finally gives me the chance) if not for the lousy fathering I've received.

 

 

 

Don't judge your dad too harshly. He taught you many things, you just don't recognize it yet. 

 

Some people aren't parent material. That doesn't make them bad. 

 

I had the privilege of listening to my dads confession in the days before his death. It was just me and him. He told me of all the regrets he had concerning us kids. (I'm the oldest of 5) He knew he was a lousy dad and that weighed heavily on him for decades. He blamed himself for many of the things that didn't work out in the lives of his children. He also expressed pride and admiration for the things we did accomplish. He couldn't stop telling me how sorry he was....

 

 

Parents are people too. If I could go back and do it all over again...............I would. 

 

That is really nice that a child can hear that and that a parent can pour out his heart like that before they die.

[alphaparticle]

 

My mom and dad didn't really take on traditional roles. I couldn't say one is the leader. They are both highly regarded professionals. I never got the sense growing up that women ought to do this, or men ought to do that. Maybe that's good, maybe that's bad, but it's how it was and still is.Their relationship seems to thrive on mutual respect and an understanding between them that has been built up over their decades together.

Many people, I think, would prefer this over the family situation they have with their "Christian" parents.

~

 

I've judged my parents harshly at times but one thing I've come to realize the past couple of years in particular is how fortunate I have been. They have their weaknesses and issues, but how can I really fault them for caring about us? For example, my parents are secular types, and when I converted to Christianity I was worried I'd get flak for it. I never did from them. They decided if it made me happy and helped me then from their point of view they couldn't fault that. And really, how many people can say that they've been married for over 30 years and have a good relationship with their children? They've managed that so they must be doing something right.

[Willa]

My dad had some Christian training but when he hit college he renouced it in favor of philosophy. But he retained Christian values and was a giving caring man all his life. He testafied to seeing God in nature. He believed Jesus was a good man and that all roads lead to heaven.

Dad loved to debate for the sake of debating. He would also pick my brain for my opinions. He demonstrated Godly love for me even though he was not a Christian. I trusted him and looked up to him and my mom. It was supposed to be a modern democratic family and we voted on things like vactions. However, dad always had the last word.

Then he was taken seriously ill and was in the hospital for months. It was devastating to see him so frail. I never heard him sing or whistle around the house again. He was in constant pain, but he eventually was able to walk with a cane and return to work part time. The hardest thing was how much his personality changed. He became stern and overly restrictive when I should have been allowed more autonomy, and he did not allow me to participate in normal activities for a high school senior. I now realize how hard it is to let go of teen agers that we truly enjoy.

My mom worked late hours to try to make up for lost income, so our relationship suffered as a result--not bad, just more distant. She and my grandma were Christians but in those days it was a private matter. Grandma had mentioned how much she loved the psalms and I had to be quiet while she read. My mom taught Sunday School and they were active in church, but she rarely mentioned Jesus and never said what being a Christian meant to her. Occasionally she mentioned having had a "mountain top experience" once when she went to church camp, but I had no idea what that meant. So I never felt free to share with them either. The only religious guidance she gave me when I told her I had learned that salvation was by faith alone in Lutheran confirmation was that "you still have to be good". To me that meant that I still had to be good enough to go to heaven. So I was back in bondage again.

I wish that she had felt freer to share her faith with me. I wish that she had time to study the Bible with me. All I had learned in Sunday school were simple Bible stories. When I was older the Bible was never studied in Sunday School or church. I could not understand the sermons which my mom said were very logical. It was not edifying till I was a senior when I heard the youth pastor preach the way of salvation for the first time. I had received Christ 4 years earlier so it was too little too late. When I was 18 she allowed me to leave that church and join the Lutheran church.

10 years later my mom died of an unexpected heart attack and his life became even more difficult. Our life consisted of traveling several hours each week end to help care for him so that he could live at home, and that with our very active 3 year old and a new born. We later took him on vacations with us but we would leave him at a motel while we camped. My husband received Christ in 1974 Dad received Christ 3 years later after I gave him a book by Frances Schaefer. He died a year after that.

[Dak]

Don't judge your dad too harshly. He taught you many things, you just don't recognize it yet.

I'm not judging my father harshly, man. If I am, then I'll be using a much stronger word than "lousy." I'm just stating the facts. And yes, he has indeed taught me a lot, and that's mostly on how not to be like him.

It's really a big regret in my life, that I have a weak man for a father.

~

[Dak]

My mom and dad didn't really take on traditional roles. I couldn't say one is the leader. They are both highly regarded professionals. I never got the sense growing up that women ought to do this, or men ought to do that. Maybe that's good, maybe that's bad, but it's how it was and still is.Their relationship seems to thrive on mutual respect and an understanding between them that has been built up over their decades together.

Many people, I think, would prefer this over the family situation they have with their "Christian" parents.

~

I've judged my parents harshly at times but one thing I've come to realize the past couple of years in particular is how fortunate I have been. They have their weaknesses and issues, but how can I really fault them for caring about us? For example, my parents are secular types, and when I converted to Christianity I was worried I'd get flak for it. I never did from them. They decided if it made me happy and helped me then from their point of view they couldn't fault that. And really, how many people can say that they've been married for over 30 years and have a good relationship with their children? They've managed that so they must be doing something right.

They have been doing the best they can, and that's worthy of any commendation

~

[Dak]

Don't judge your dad too harshly. He taught you many things, you just don't recognize it yet.

I'm not judging my father harshly, man. If I am, then I'll be using a much stronger word than "lousy." I'm just stating the facts. And yes, he has indeed taught me a lot, and that's mostly on how not to be like him.

It's really a big regret in my life, that I have a weak man for a father.

~

I just want to clarify something. I recognize that my father has done some good things in my life; there's no question about this. And I do love him, despite his faults, and I'm trying my best to control my anger whenever I come face to face with his failings.

However, this is a "wish thread", where we are talking about the things that could have been or should have been, and things that should be, and so, inevitably, I'll be talking about the negative aspects of his fathering....

Actually, I'm finding this very helpful, to finally talk about these things. As some of you may know, I have some anger issues, and a big part of my anger has its roots in this -- the kind of fathering I received. So please bear with me, brothers and sisters, if I seem to be unloading a lot of "bad stuffs." I need to unload them first, right, before I can fill their occupied places with the love of Christ?

~

[Dak]

To Willamina:

Thank you for your story.

It's really hard to talk about the regrets we have about our parents, isn't it? The only consolation that we have is that we learn from their mistakes, and then do things better.

But I thank God because, no matter how big the holes in our lives are, he is able to fill them with himself and his blessings, and so we are nevertheless satisfied.

~

[Dak]

I wish that my father had been understanding and supportive of me when I had given my life to Jesus and started seeking his will, and understanding and supportive also during the long and difficult years that followed -- years of discovery and preparation for service.

His continual accussations of the "crimes" I committed, and his insistence that my life is worthless -- more than anything else -- were what had driven us so far apart and had erected this thick wall between us.

~

[other one]

I wish that my father had been understanding and supportive of me when I had given my life to Jesus and started seeking his will, and understanding and supportive also during the long and difficult years that followed -- years of discovery and preparation for service.

His continual accussations of the "crimes" I committed, and his insistence that my life is worthless -- more than anything else -- were what had driven us so far apart and had erected this thick wall between us.

~

My biological father died about half way through my mothers pregnancy so I didn't have a living father until I was just over 5 years old....   If mom had taken me all over the world and let me pick out a dad, it would have been the man she married....   Dak I'm really sorry for you for I had everything you missed out of a dad...   maybe it will give you a bit more appreciation of God knowing he's your dad spiritually.    Not having a dad at all probably made mom's choice of a partner more important to me growing up....   it's hard to know.

I do wish you and everyone could experience having two people following Jesus as parents.