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fire-heart

Im going insane....

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Hi F-H,

I know you're a good guy because when I was ranting about the tornadoes you asked me if I was in danger. So you definitely care about your fellow person. But online, all any of us can do is write to you.

I'm also in a similar situation and I think of suicide way too often. There's only one drug that helps my depression, and it's not an AD med. Therefore the Docs can't give me enough to last all month. So maybe 1/2 the month I feel optimistic, but the other half I wish I was dead. I keep thinking there's a reason God keeps me alive, and I think it's to suffer. I know that's not Biblical, but it makes sense. I'm also almost completely house bound due to over half a dozen physical illnesses. I think the worst is emphysema, and it's my own fault. I need to quit tobacco, but I'm so depressed that in my sick mind, I think I enjoy smoking.

I wish I didn't live so far from you because I can see where we could be buddies and maybe cheer each other up a bit. I look for posts from you when I come here, because I think we have several things in common. Like you, I feel I lost touch with God. And maybe like you, I'm not sure, I don't know anyone in person who seriously believes in God. They would probably all say they believe in God, and I'm sure they do. But don't expect them to do anything different because they believe in God. So I can't speak to them about God. If I do, they probably think "there goes the crazy man ranting again". But I'm not crazy, I just take God seriously.
 

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Hi F-H,

I know you're a good guy because when I was ranting about the tornadoes you asked me if I was in danger. So you definitely care about your fellow person. But online, all any of us can do is write to you.

I'm also in a similar situation and I think of suicide way too often. There's only one drug that helps my depression, and it's not an AD med. Therefore the Docs can't give me enough to last all month. So maybe 1/2 the month I feel optimistic, but the other half I wish I was dead. I keep thinking there's a reason God keeps me alive, and I think it's to suffer. I know that's not Biblical, but it makes sense. I'm also almost completely house bound due to over half a dozen physical illnesses. I think the worst is emphysema, and it's my own fault. I need to quit tobacco, but I'm so depressed that in my sick mind, I think I enjoy smoking.

I wish I didn't live so far from you because I can see where we could be buddies and maybe cheer each other up a bit. I look for posts from you when I come here, because I think we have several things in common. Like you, I feel I lost touch with God. And maybe like you, I'm not sure, I don't know anyone in person who seriously believes in God. They would probably all say they believe in God, and I'm sure they do. But don't expect them to do anything different because they believe in God. So I can't speak to them about God. If I do, they probably think "there goes the crazy man ranting again". But I'm not crazy, I just take God seriously.

 

I understand where you are coming from, i also do not understand why i am alive because this world doesnt have what I want or need. I feel God will not allow me to die there were times when I should have died but didnt. I understand being alive to do his will but in my current situation i can only do little things for him.

 

also ur not alone in your addiction, you are addicted to tobaco right? i am addicted to caffiene. It sounds harmless enough but trust me its anything,but Its gotten so bad it affect my health and if I dont get my fix i go nuts. i have faith God can and will cure me of all things whether thats when I go home or here on earth

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I understand where you are coming from, i also do not understand why i am alive because this world doesnt have what I want or need. I feel God will not allow me to die there were times when I should have died but didnt. I understand being alive to do his will but in my current situation i can only do little things for him.

 

also ur not alone in your addiction, you are addicted to tobaco right? i am addicted to caffiene. It sounds harmless enough but trust me its anything,but Its gotten so bad it affect my health and if I dont get my fix i go nuts. i have faith God can and will cure me of all things whether thats when I go home or here on earth

 

OK  Fire-heart,.....   I've got to take you to task for this post......

 

Number one, you are not hear for yourself.....   from the day one accepts Jesus as ones Lord this life really no longer furnishes what you or me really want or need.    Basically if we are what we are supposed to be (and it seems you are) we are all in that boat.   Doesn't mean that we can't still enjoy what we do have though.

 

Second, who are you to judge whether or not the things you do are little or big.....    Just here on worthy, the things you post are read by many people and you have no real idea of the things it may be doing to help others with their struggles......   those little things may look small and simple to you, but you can't know how God uses those little things to affect other peoples lives......   and even your posts here may affect people that just come by for a casual read.....    God may well send them here to read only one single post.

 

You are selling yourself very short......   and God won't let me rest easy without telling you so..

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I understand where you are coming from, i also do not understand why i am alive because this world doesnt have what I want or need. I feel God will not allow me to die there were times when I should have died but didnt. I understand being alive to do his will but in my current situation i can only do little things for him.

 

also ur not alone in your addiction, you are addicted to tobaco right? i am addicted to caffiene. It sounds harmless enough but trust me its anything,but Its gotten so bad it affect my health and if I dont get my fix i go nuts. i have faith God can and will cure me of all things whether thats when I go home or here on earth

 

OK  Fire-heart,.....   I've got to take you to task for this post......

 

Number one, you are not hear for yourself.....   from the day one accepts Jesus as ones Lord this life really no longer furnishes what you or me really want or need.    Basically if we are what we are supposed to be (and it seems you are) we are all in that boat.   Doesn't mean that we can't still enjoy what we do have though.

 

Second, who are you to judge whether or not the things you do are little or big.....    Just here on worthy, the things you post are read by many people and you have no real idea of the things it may be doing to help others with their struggles......   those little things may look small and simple to you, but you can't know how God uses those little things to affect other peoples lives......   and even your posts here may affect people that just come by for a casual read.....    God may well send them here to read only one single post.

 

You are selling yourself very short......   and God won't let me rest easy without telling you so..

 

You make a good point my friend, I dont really care for or need anything in this world except one thing- the ppl in it. I dont have earthly treasures like jewels or lots of money and success but I do see the pol of the world as my treasures, from the start I swore to God that if I was ever to be strong it would only be for him and them the lost and the saved-i think I even posted that on here a few times.

 

i only want to go home because I long for my Lord, If i had much more of him i could easily keep living here but he does not give instant large amounts with me its slow and steady.

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I understand where you are coming from, i also do not understand why i am alive because this world doesnt have what I want or need. I feel God will not allow me to die there were times when I should have died but didnt. I understand being alive to do his will but in my current situation i can only do little things for him.

 

also ur not alone in your addiction, you are addicted to tobaco right? i am addicted to caffiene. It sounds harmless enough but trust me its anything,but Its gotten so bad it affect my health and if I dont get my fix i go nuts. i have faith God can and will cure me of all things whether thats when I go home or here on earth

 

OK  Fire-heart,.....   I've got to take you to task for this post......

 

Number one, you are not hear for yourself.....   from the day one accepts Jesus as ones Lord this life really no longer furnishes what you or me really want or need.    Basically if we are what we are supposed to be (and it seems you are) we are all in that boat.   Doesn't mean that we can't still enjoy what we do have though.

 

Second, who are you to judge whether or not the things you do are little or big.....    Just here on worthy, the things you post are read by many people and you have no real idea of the things it may be doing to help others with their struggles......   those little things may look small and simple to you, but you can't know how God uses those little things to affect other peoples lives......   and even your posts here may affect people that just come by for a casual read.....    God may well send them here to read only one single post.

 

You are selling yourself very short......   and God won't let me rest easy without telling you so..

 

You make a good point my friend, I dont really care for or need anything in this world except one thing- the ppl in it. I dont have earthly treasures like jewels or lots of money and success but I do see the pol of the world as my treasures, from the start I swore to God that if I was ever to be strong it would only be for him and them the lost and the saved-i think I even posted that on here a few times.

 

i only want to go home because I long for my Lord, If i had much more of him i could easily keep living here but he does not give instant large amounts with me its slow and steady.

 

Large amounts generally make high emotional moments, but they don't last...    then the lows are terrible.....    let him grow within you slowly and let him give you what he knows you can handle in growth and remain stable.....      but keep in mind that we all are blessed by your presence here.

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Other one thanks for the wise advice thats exactly how faith works, it seems the small amounts make the most difference. I thought it was kind of funny when u said you all were blessed by my presence here because i dont really feel like I do a lot of good. I know im Good at stiring up trouble because I have this habbit of speaking my heart, Sometimes its from my flesh sometimes its whatever god puts in my heart.

 

But I am grateful for this place because i love to lift up a broken spirit and this forum allows me to do so plus i cant tell how many amazing ppl i have met on here:]

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God bless you fire-heart...

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Your hunger for the Lord is good Fire-heart, and He does have a purpose right here on earth for you, till its time for Him to come and receive you to Himself, trust in His perfect timing for all that He has in your life.  Wish I had words of comfort to share, but we know God is our comfort with such sweet peace.      :mgcheerful: 

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I am reminded of

Phillipians 4

11Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.

This can be a hard verse to live; but it can be rewarding to ones self or to others around you.

hang in there. mGbyaky

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