Photograph on my son's phone

[MorningGlory]

 

 

 

He can't afford to live anywhere else when he doesn't even earn "two figures" per year. 

 

Not being nosy but 'two figures' would mean he earns under $99.00 a year?  I can't think of any job that pays that little. 

 

Between the two of us, we only earn a little more than $20k.  Therefore, it doesn't make economic sense to live apart and pay for separate housing, insurance, utilities, etc. 

 

Hmmm...it is more economical to live in one house.But you should share the expenses and respect each others independence.I think you have to look outside the box in this situation.And no one here is in the position to judge them.

 

 

No, none of us should judge them, bopeep.  But we should try to help because they are fellow believers who have a problem and Shy has asked for advice.  I'm sure we've all been in a place in our lives when we didn't make much; I know I have.  But just because you're in a hole doesn't mean you can't climb out.  Most of us have had to deal with grown children too and that can really speed up the gray hair process.  Miss Clariol is on my speed dial! 

[missmuffet]

 

 

 

 

He can't afford to live anywhere else when he doesn't even earn "two figures" per year. 

 

Not being nosy but 'two figures' would mean he earns under $99.00 a year?  I can't think of any job that pays that little. 

 

Between the two of us, we only earn a little more than $20k.  Therefore, it doesn't make economic sense to live apart and pay for separate housing, insurance, utilities, etc. 

 

Hmmm...it is more economical to live in one house.But you should share the expenses and respect each others independence.I think you have to look outside the box in this situation.And no one here is in the position to judge them.

 

 

No, none of us should judge them, bopeep.  But we should try to help because they are fellow believers who have a problem and Shy has asked for advice.  I'm sure we've all been in a place in our lives when we didn't make much; I know I have.  But just because you're in a hole doesn't mean you can't climb out.  Most of us have had to deal with grown children too and that can really speed up the gray hair process.  Miss Clariol is on my speed dial! 

 

What I am saying Morning is that everyone's circumstance is different and needs to be dealt with in a different way.

[MorningGlory]

 

 

 

 

 

He can't afford to live anywhere else when he doesn't even earn "two figures" per year. 

 

Not being nosy but 'two figures' would mean he earns under $99.00 a year?  I can't think of any job that pays that little. 

 

Between the two of us, we only earn a little more than $20k.  Therefore, it doesn't make economic sense to live apart and pay for separate housing, insurance, utilities, etc. 

 

Hmmm...it is more economical to live in one house.But you should share the expenses and respect each others independence.I think you have to look outside the box in this situation.And no one here is in the position to judge them.

 

 

No, none of us should judge them, bopeep.  But we should try to help because they are fellow believers who have a problem and Shy has asked for advice.  I'm sure we've all been in a place in our lives when we didn't make much; I know I have.  But just because you're in a hole doesn't mean you can't climb out.  Most of us have had to deal with grown children too and that can really speed up the gray hair process.  Miss Clariol is on my speed dial! 

 

What I am saying Morning is that everyone's circumstance is different and needs to be dealt with in a different way.

 

 

Can't argue with that.  But she's come to the right place because I'll be willing to bet that there are more different experiences and view points here than in most places.

[Estrella]

I could relate to shy actually coz from where I come from, even if you are in your 20's, you are still under the watchful eye of your parents. Having said that, whatever we do, we seek parents approval first although in the west, things are different. While I would say it is still good that shy is keeping a watchful eye on her son, she shouldn't be too rigid. Times have changed unlike before. I would just advice her to let hi m grow out of things instead of putting a barrier coz the more you say don't, the more it will bring up more curiosity. I was a product of overprotective parents. So I know what I am saying. At the same time, I am glad that they were still keeping a watchful eye over me that although I fell into the hole, I could still climb up uninjured. But still it all depends really. I have friends whose parents were extremely overprotective that they ended up running away from home due to pressure and some ended up rebelling making wrong choices as reaction to the strict parenting. I don't know. I think we should stick to shy's concern over the photography instead of questioning her son's dependency etc. I think shy would have went through much due to divorce and the last thing she wants to lose is her son. And since her son has no father's guidance, she has to play both roles. So its kinda not fair to say that shy is not teaching her son to take care of himself. Again, there must be balance. The mother bird, does not simply let her babies fly. Only after guiding and educating them and when she feels they are ready and the time is right, she lets them to fly freely.

[Shy Christian]

Thanks for providing helpful insight.  Another aspect that angers me over the "garbage texts" is that they occur after midnight, when I'm in bed.  If I'm up later than usual he's starts asking when I'm going to bed, as if he's trying to get rid of me.  I dislike sneakiness and it makes me not trust him.  I believe that "those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing".  My phone is an open book.  If a text comes in to my phone and he's in closer proximity, I tell him to read it for me.   

Edited June 14, 2015 by Shy Christian

[missmuffet]

Your son could be up to something.What it is I don't know but it will come out eventually.If it is something bad then he will have to deal with the consequences of his actions.

[1x1is1]

Reading all the posts cause me to sway back and forth between solutions.  There are excellent points on all accounts.  All of us parents know that sometimes we know just too darn much about what our children are doing or not doing, even without covert actions.  You know....the truth will find you out.  I think that it is very important to continue to focus on our children's good points and keep them aware of our approval and praise.  The "wedge" was mentioned earlier and that is very true.  God allows us to make mistakes so we can learn through them.  The same goes for our kids. 

 

Also, the.....thinking outside the box mentioned earlier made me think of something.  A tough love or shock event may work.  That is...... take a selfie of you doing the same gesture and show it to him.  Let him see how silly it looks for himself (our sins always look worse on someone else).  It is very possible that it will remove his blinders and expose the deed.  Harsh, but effective.  Be sure to delete!!!   GBU

[missmuffet]

Reading all the posts cause me to sway back and forth between solutions.  There are excellent points on all accounts.  All of us parents know that sometimes we know just too darn much about what our children are doing or not doing, even without covert actions.  You know....the truth will find you out.  I think that it is very important to continue to focus on our children's good points and keep them aware of our approval and praise.  The "wedge" was mentioned earlier and that is very true.  God allows us to make mistakes so we can learn through them.  The same goes for our kids. 

 

Also, the.....thinking outside the box mentioned earlier made me think of something.  A tough love or shock event may work.  That is...... take a selfie of you doing the same gesture and show it to him.  Let him see how silly it looks for himself (our sins always look worse on someone else).  It is very possible that it will remove his blinders and expose the deed.  Harsh, but effective.  Be sure to delete!!!   GBU

I do not agree.Two wrongs do not make a right.It is like the mother who bites her child to try and end the bad habit of the child biting.

[The_Patriot21]

Had a guy I used to share an apartment with in the oilfields in north Dakota. You get up, and the first thing he'd say would be some kind of nasty insult to you (won't repeat) and if you didn't answer with a insult equally as bad, he'd think you were angry at him and wouldn't talk to you the rest of the day. It was his way of saying good morning. And anytime you saw him during the day the only wave he'd give out or accept was the one finger salute. From his perspective, anyone who was nice to his face was obviously up to something and was going to stab him in the back, and if you were insulting to his face hed be more willing to trust you. And the thing was if you needed something he would give you the shirt off his back, but he wouldn't trust you if you wouldn't insult him.

I throw this out here not to encourage such behavior, in your sons case its not positive behavior for sure, but I don't think he needs counseling, and it maybe just a peer pressure thing. Just pray for him and encourage him not to make such rude gestures, and how to respect others, but it doesn't mean he's a soon to be gangster who's up to something.

[Shy Christian]

So last night I came right out and told him he was abusing the phone and that it wasn't meant to be used for garbage.  I told him the pictures and language used did not honor God, or me.  He agreed, and then went on to apologize profusely, promised to stop doing it, and told me how much he loved and appreciated me.  I hope this is indeed the end of it. 

 

Thanks to all for your help and support.