Christians and the issue of self-esteem

[wingnut-]

It is interesting that people are approaching this from an angle of a persons sins being the only thing that can affect a persons self esteem. What about circumstances in life? What if you have been knocked to the ground and kicked over and over again to the point where you wonder why you should bother getting up again? You start to think that God doesn't love you anymore. At that point to be honest scripture really is meaningless to a person. 

 

 

I am actually saying it is more the opposite of this.  It is absolutely true that personal sin can be a factor in regards to hardship.  The Lord disciplines those He loves, scripture tells us this quite clearly.  If God convicts a person of sin in their life, and they refuse to remove it and choose willful disobedience, He will correct them.

 

However, what I have found to be true in regards to the more severe trials individuals face, is that they have nothing to do with personal sin, and everything to do with the fact that the individual is doing something right.  The enemy doesn't attack us when we are living outside of God's will, because we are on the path to destruction, so there is no need to change that.  The enemy attacks us to try and take us off the right path, and to get our focus off of God.  This is most obvious when it comes to those new to the faith, the individual accepts Jesus as their Savior, and they suddenly find themselves in the midst of a brutal assault.  An unraveling of everything in their lives that they formerly found security in.

 

And that is the entire issue we face as humans, what do we find our security in?  If it is in earthly things, then it is misplaced.  Our security is found in Him, and Him alone.  We will never be truly free in this life until we put our trust in Him, and that applies to every situation that we face, up to and including standing toe to toe with our mortality.  Even in the face of death we are to remain faithful and rely on Him.  There is no situation that we face more dire than this.

 

There are numerous scriptures that speak to this truth, some of the examples that have personally helped me through the valleys are Matthew 6:25-34, the book of Job, and Philippians chapter 4, which I want to share two specific verses from.

 

Philippians 4:¹² I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. ¹³ I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.

 

 

I understand where you are coming from when you talk about life circumstances, so I want to share with you a little bit about myself.  I have been a Christian since I was eight years old, so I really can't even remember what life without Him even means.  That being said, I am not perfect, and I have not always been obedient.  The Lord was very good to me, and I had a life rich with blessings.  I had wealth and all the things that went with it, which is to say, I could buy anything I desired, and I could go anywhere I wished to go.  But I wasn't happy.  The reason I wasn't happy stemmed from not dealing with personal convictions, and the Lord was dealing with me because of it.  I finally came to a place where I had a real heart to heart with Him regarding my life, and specifically, what He wanted my life to be.

 

I instantly made all these changes happen following this, without delay, and I promised that no matter what took place in my life I would not deviate again.  Within a week, my heart failed and I nearly died.  As soon as that situation was resolved medically I was in a serious car accident that left me with a damaged spine.  I lost my high paying job, my wife divorced me and married someone else, and just like that, everything was gone.  I was homeless and lived in the woods for awhile, scraping by off the land.  God was not punishing me for finally submitting fully to Him, these obstacles were not placed in my way by Him at all.  No, the enemy thought he could knock me off the path I was on, but it did not work.  Not because of me or my strength, but because of Him and His strength.  It doesn't matter if i die today, tomorrow, or in forty years.  What matters is where my trust is placed for whatever time I have left, and whether I walk in His will or outside of it.

 

I thank God for everything that has taken place in my life, the bad and the good, because if it were not for the bad then I would not be the man I am today.  We grow more during the hard times than we ever will when everything is going just fine, unless of course we try to do it on our own.  It will go one of two ways for a person when troubles come, either they will blame God for their troubles, or they will cling to Him in their troubles.  If a person is doing the former, then they need to honestly reassess their faith and what it means to them.  They need to have a heart to heart with God and discover what His will is for them, and then be obedient, regardless of what follows.

 

There is a song I remember from my younger days that this topic has brought to mind, so I wanted to share part of the chorus.  The title of the song was "Old man's rubble" and was sung by the Imperials.

 

Are you living in an old man's rubble are you listening to the father of lies?  If you are then you're headed for trouble, if you listen too long you'll eventually die.

If you're living as a new creation, if you're listening to the Father of Light.  Then you're living in a mighty fortress and you're gonna be clothed in power and might.

 

 

I hope you take my post as I am intending it to come out, because I feel the pain expressed in your questions because I have been there.  My heart goes out to you and you are in my prayers.  Stand firm, and listen to what God speaks to you, and do.  Don't be deceived by the one who wishes to destroy you, God bless.

[another_poster]

 

 

 

At that point to be honest scripture really is meaningless to a person. 

 

 

Yep right at the point when it should mean everything.

Why do we do that I wonder?

 

When I say it is meaningless what I really mean is that we can get to a point where we just can't see it ourselves and need a fellow believer to step up and follow scripture to make sure it is real to the person. Now for me I desperately needed a hug. I had been in churches in a room full of people and never felt more lonely in my life. When I was looking for a new church I went to one near where I had just moved and a complete stranger gave me a hug. I don't know how long that hug lasted but I'd be willing to bet at least 10mins. I was in tears when they gave me that hug. I finally understood God still loved me. God still cared for me. Now so many experiences in the past had taught me that. The bible tells me that but it meant nothing to me. Two years without a single hug for someone who was absolutely shattered in pieces and whose primary love language is touch and quality time. I still had a long way to go but that was the turning point. People had just quoted scripture thinking it would help but it needs to be real. We can say we trust Jesus but it is a bit meaningless unless we step out of the boat and walk on the water with him. Sure we can still fail and need Jesus to reach out and rescue us but our faith is not a faith of just words. Without action to back it up it is dead. 

 

[another_poster]

I understand where you are coming from when you talk about life circumstances, so I want to share with you a little bit about myself.  I have been a Christian since I was eight years old, so I really can't even remember what life without Him even means.  That being said, I am not perfect, and I have not always been obedient.  The Lord was very good to me, and I had a life rich with blessings.  I had wealth and all the things that went with it, which is to say, I could buy anything I desired, and I could go anywhere I wished to go.  But I wasn't happy.  The reason I wasn't happy stemmed from not dealing with personal convictions, and the Lord was dealing with me because of it.  I finally came to a place where I had a real heart to heart with Him regarding my life, and specifically, what He wanted my life to be.

 

 

I hope you take my post as I am intending it to come out, because I feel the pain expressed in your questions because I have been there.  My heart goes out to you and you are in my prayers.  Stand firm, and listen to what God speaks to you, and do.  Don't be deceived by the one who wishes to destroy you, God bless.

 

Hi Wingnut,

Thanks for sharing. Almost seemed a bit like deja vu reading your story it is that close to my own. I had three deaths to deal with as well and also was told I would never run again (they didn't know about God's healing!) but fortunately thanks to others I never became homeless. That would have been bad and the authorities probably would have taken my son away from me. I'm still amazed they didn't. While I'm still getting there and still need more work by God to tear down the wall around my heart I just can't see things getting that bad again. One passage I have always held to closely was Zechariah 3 where Joshua the high priest was being accused and the angel of the Lord said "The Lord rebuke you satan. Is not this man a burning stick snatched from the fire?" That helped me in tough times for years but was first given to me after abuse and was the point where healing started. It however meant nothing to me when going through all that. 

My question was a prompted partly from people saying well if you know your scripture then you'll be fine and get through things. Well that wasn't my experience. I don't think anyone could go through what I did and not end up at absolute rock bottom. It just seemed to me people were suggesting a person sinning was the only reason one could have low self esteem. So I know it is not a result of sin that I went through what I did. I now use that story as a witness to others. I also have been able to help a number of other single parents because I have been there. 

 

Thanks for taking the time to answer and sharing so openly. 

[Pro1728]

Well, Another poster it sounds like you are talking about depression. I am well acquainted with that dark pit. Your natural response is to withdraw and that creates the vicious cycle. I am not quite sure what would be the right thing to say. I just know that it felt like most didn't even notice a person down there and the few that did would sort of lean over and call down something in Christianese like "You just need to pray more and have more faith." To which I wanted to reply, "Well thanks a $@# but perhaps you would consider lowering a $@# rope?" I guess I would just say, "I feel your pain. I know it feels like God doesn't love you, but He does. Just hang on a little longer. I won't promise you rainbows and lollipops, but joy does come gradually. Force yourself to get up and go outside. Look for signs that God is there. When you notice the bright green leaves against the sky or something (in my case it always seems to be a hummingbird landing and starting his squeaky song), that's God saying 'I am here.'" So you keep going.

Ok, I am going to go out farther. I did hear that still small voice once. It was after coming through to the other side. I was thinking about how far down I had fallen and I heard "I never let you fall that far." And in my mind's eye I saw myself falling and a hand catching my wrist just before I really reached the bottom. When you have a history like that with God it gets a little easier the next time.

I hope that I didn't miss the mark completely with that.

[another_poster]

Well, Another poster it sounds like you are talking about depression. I am well acquainted with that dark pit. Your natural response is to withdraw and that creates the vicious cycle. I am not quite sure what would be the right thing to say. I just know that it felt like most didn't even notice a person down there and the few that did would sort of lean over and call down something in Christianese like "You just need to pray more and have more faith." To which I wanted to reply, "Well thanks a $@# but perhaps you would consider lowering a $@# rope?" I guess I would just say, "I feel your pain. I know it feels like God doesn't love you, but He does. Just hang on a little longer. I won't promise you rainbows and lollipops, but joy does come gradually. Force yourself to get up and go outside. Look for signs that God is there. When you notice the bright green leaves against the sky or something (in my case it always seems to be a hummingbird landing and starting his squeaky song), that's God saying 'I am here.'" So you keep going.

Ok, I am going to go out farther. I did hear that still small voice once. It was after coming through to the other side. I was thinking about how far down I had fallen and I heard "I never let you fall that far." And in my mind's eye I saw myself falling and a hand catching my wrist just before I really reached the bottom. When you have a history like that with God it gets a little easier the next time.

I hope that I didn't miss the mark completely with that.

Yes I do have depression. It is mostly under control. It is easier. Main reason I mentioned it though is that a person with depression tends to have low self esteem and it is not the result of them having done something wrong which appeared to me to be the implication some were making.