Finding a church home... Help :)

[EllisBelle]

I am struggling with where to have my family attend church- essentially deciding between two churches.

As background- my husband, my toddler son and I moved to a new area of our state last year. When we were living in our previous city, we were not regularly attending church for a number of reasons, though my husband and I have been Christians for all of our adult life. In our new city, a neighbor of ours encouraged me to attend a Christian mothers group with her, and I loved it. I got heavily involved with the organization, was asked to become one of the leaders in the group and started attending church where the group is held. I really connected with the style and message of the pastor at that church, so much so that I listen to his previous sermons as I do household chores, etc. My son loves their Sunday school program (as far as we can tell... he's 3 now lol), and my husband also likes attending.

Sounds great, however, I feel like we have stalled a bit. The women who attend that church (and who I know through the mom's organization) are not extremely welcoming and inviting. I've tried to break into that "inner circle" with not a ton of luck. Super sweet, but they just don't include me on things outside of our organization activities. I feel like as a result, my husband has been unable to get plugged into the church. Basically, he is a Christian, will attend church with me, raise our children (we have since had a second child) in the faith, but is not comfortable attending a men's group or small group due to his extremely introvert nature. So, I have casual friendships through the organization, we attend church on Sundays, but we aren't really establishing fellowship bonds there.

Another woman I know through the mother's group unprompted encouraged me to try her church for one Sunday (my neighbor who initially invited me to the group also attends this other church). I listened to some past sermons online... and was not... moved? But I told myself I am not in the position to judge the pastor or the message, to just take it as a pathway to God. We hesitantly went this last Sunday. My son did great in the Sunday school (and as an aside, he will be attending preschool at this church next year, once again, for a myriad of reasons). And when we were leaving church, we were immediately invited to join a group of young families who were hanging out and catching up outside the church. As we all stood around chatting, everyone decided to meet up later that evening for a park playdate and dinner. It was awesome! My son played with other kids, my husband had some great chats with fellow men of God (first time in a LONG time), some of the ladies helped me with my infant son. We laughed, had fun. It was exhilarating.

But still, the message and style of the pastor did not connect with us. I'm trying not to get into too many specifics so I don't get into a space where I am critiquing the pastor, it was just a stark difference from the encounter with God we experience through how the other pastor relays the word of God.

What should we do? Is there any scripture that could help me discern God's direction for us? I have been praying about it for a while, and I still don't feel like I have a clear path for us. I am so confused and lost.

I'm sorry this was so long. Thank you for anyone who read through it

[Guest]

What should we do? Is there any scripture that could help me discern God's direction for us? I have been praying about it for a while, and I still don't feel like I have a clear path for us. I am so confused and lost.

 

 

Ask Your Sweetheart If He Will Pray With You

 

What shall I render unto the LORD for all his benefits toward me?

 

I will take the cup of salvation, and call upon the name of the LORD. Psalms 116:12-13

 

And Wait Upon The LORD

 

The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.

 

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.

 

He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Psalms 23:1-3

 

~

 

Be Blessed Beloved Daughter Of The KING

 

The LORD bless thee, and keep thee:

The LORD make his face shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee:

The LORD lift up his countenance upon thee, and give thee peace.

 

And they shall put my name upon the children of Israel; and I will bless them. Numbers 6:24-27

 

Love, Your Brother Joe

[ayin jade]

What is the purpose of church and worship? 

 

Is it a social club, a place for growth in the Lord or a place to worship our Lord?

 

Determine what your needs are. Determine what worship service should be about. Most of all pray and seek to know where the Lord wants you to be. 

[Marilyn C]

Hi EllisBelle,

 

To my understanding the `Church,` are the called out ones, the people of God, believers with whom we interact with in our lives & not just at a public organisational meeting. It seems to me that when the Holy Spirit `sets` us with other members of the Body of Christ, (1 Cor. 12 : 18) that that would mean a living relationship with other members of Christ`s Body. This is where you share your life, your thoughts, & where you can be encouraged & be an encouragement in actual life.

 

Sermons, & teaching can be found in books, on the internet, & all from great people in past generations as well as today. Thus you need to pray as the others have said, & look toward what is where -

 

`...every joint supplies, according to the effective working by which every part does its share, causes the growth of the Body for the edifying of itself in love. ` (Eph. 4: 16)

 

Marilyn.

[Ezra]

We laughed, had fun. It was exhilarating.

Hi EllisBelle,

You found that you, your husband, and your son could all quickly establish a relationship at this church with other believers.  That is a major consideration, since we all need genuine fellowship.

But still, the message and style of the pastor did not connect with us. I'm trying not to get into too many specifics so I don't get into a space where I am critiquing the pastor, it was just a stark difference from the encounter with God we experience through how the other pastor relays the word of God.

It seems that this preacher is not very effective.  So the real issues are (a) is he preaching the true Gospel, (b) is he preaching all God's truth, © is he giving you Bible exposition or merely sermonizing?

What should we do? Is there any scripture that could help me discern God's direction for us? I have been praying about it for a while, and I still don't feel like I have a clear path for us. I am so confused and lost.

Yes, there is definitely Scripture to enable us to determine if we are in a true Bible church, or something else.  But first of all, you should know what the truth is so that you can discern the true from the false. To determine whether there is true Bible doctrine, examine their Statement of Faith and see if it is supported by Scripture. To determine whether they are following the New Testament pattern, study Acts 2 and apply it to this church. If the church does not have a serious commitment to reaching the lost, you have a problem.

 

While we can pray for guidance, God has given us the pattern for local assemblies within His Word.  It would appear that the second church would be more suitable if it meets the biblical criteria regardless of the capability of the pastor.  But if the pastor is not really a Bible preacher, then you do have a problem.  And if he is not a true shepherd, then you have a compound problem.

 

[Willa]

I have always looked for a church where I am fed God's word, and I never worry about "fitting in". In our present church hubby started helping in building projects and got acquainted with the men. He has become the social one for the first time, and lingers before and after, visiting with people. I am acquainted with only a handful of people after 10 years. But I wouldn't think of attending elsewhere. Our neighbor is a pastor and close friend of hubby's as well, and he wants us to attend his church. But our beliefs are closer to the church we now attend, and we are fed sound teaching here. We find a lot more maturity among people attending here and more godly fruit.

So my next question is, have you looked into the beliefs of the churches/denominations you are considering. This is important. It will reflect on what your kids are being taught as well. Most important, do they believe the Bible IS God's word, or do they just say it contains God's word? I would avoid any church that only say the Bible contains God's word, no matter how nice the people are.

There are some very social churches among the new paradigm churches. The teaching is very shallow and personal salvation is not an issue. It is mostly self help groups and is called "seeker friendly", with an emphasis on making unbelievers feel at home. Avoid places like that.

[MorningGlory]

I'm of the opinion that church is for edification and worship.  The message received is much more important than fellowship or daycare.  I've never made friends through a church; I only go for the preaching.  Maybe others feel differently but, if I like the preacher and the message, that's where I will attend.  We can't expect ANY church to provide everything we need.  Friends and relationships can be made elsewhere.

[missmuffet]

This might be helpful

 

http://www.gotquestions.org/true-church.html

[Fez]

I am a great believer in church being a family. I am blessed to attend such a church where I can surf and fish with the men of my church in our spare time (or build a dormitory for an orphanage), as well as being blessed with a really wonderful leadership team (who all preach at one time or another with varying impact, but staying true to the Word). My wife preached a few weeks back as well.

 

My advice would be to first ask is your pastor staying true to the word in his preaching? If he is 99% of your problem is solved. And if you feel at home in the church with it's fellowship, etc, my only advice would be to never follow the man, listen to the Word.

[EllisBelle]

Thank you so much to everyone who took the time to comment.

To address some of Ezra's great points, my husband and I have said that we are truly deciding between two excellent churches. The second church sends mission groups across the world regularly to reach non-believers and is heavily involved in providing assistance to people in our own city. However, the pastor has only been at their church for a few months. Some of the people we met with the other night (who have all attended the church for years, some their whole lives), have expressed that they are somewhat ambivalent about him, feel he's had to "grow on them," and that they stay because of the strong, passionate community they have at the church. And that they support the foundation and mission of the church. And to answer Ezra's question, I think that the problem would be a heavy emphasis on sermonizing if I'm understanding the term correctly (topic of the day, selected biblical quotes to back up stance on topic).

After reading Marilyn C's post last night I started to look into how important fellowship was and is in the Christian life. And this morning I randomly put on one of the first pastor's sermons and it happened to be about how vital it is that Christians get plugged into the fellowship at their church. So I feel like I am being led in the direction that this will be very important to advance our spiritual maturity.

Which somewhat answers my prayers asking God how important it is for us to be connected to other people at our church (a serious pondering of mine since both my husband and I would naturally like to remain somewhat independent from others around us- both introverts, him more so than me). However, it doesn't really resolve the "where" question for me. I'm left with more prayer on that topic, and the sense that if we remain at "church one" we will really have to make the effort to extend ourselves to become connected (though I'm not sure how much I can force someone to hang out with us if they don't want to) or look outside of our age/life experience peers there. The other option is to show pastor two the same grace that his church appears to be showing him in allowing him to get his "sea legs" and hopefully become a more influential shepherd of their flock.

Sorry once again that my ramblings were so long.

Edited April 22, 2015 by EllisBelle