When the Church Won’t Let Kids In...

[Willa]

Some people have a problem with being more easily distracted than others.  

I happen to agree with Qnts.  Some of us would not take our kids to a restraunt till they were in grade school due to their loud talking, fussing, and need to wiggle.   Coming prepared with dot to dots and crayons works with some kids but not others.  We  would never allow a baby to cry and disturb others.  It is extremely poor manners.  But many moms and dads ignore their unruly kids and think they are cute when they vie for attention.  Some cultures allow kids to run about wildly.  I have seen this more in Japanese cultures and Mexican.  But now even middle income America has become prone to this.  

I am one of those grumpy old women who have asked both kids and adults to please be quiet during prayer.  Even our dogs know enough to do that!    The people that are most annoyed by being directed to cry rooms, Sunday Schools or nurseries are often the very ones who allow their kids to be most disruptive or are themselves disruptive.. Perhaps they think of church only as a social function and come to show off their kids.   

I can remember hating to sit through long boring sermons as a kid so I did not force our kids to do so.  We attended churches that provided childrens church or Sunday school with fun songs and a sermonette on their level.  They are both serving God today as are their families.  It

is not as if they are being excluded from church.....An expository sermon has little interest to most kids up to 12 .  A simple eveangelical exhortation in childrens church is more appropriate for their age level.  Kids should be eager to go to church and not hate it.  

[The_Patriot21]

I understand willa, that some people are more easily distracted, but that doesnt make it right to run families and kids off. Even if the kids old enough and the parent isnt doing their job, two wrongs dont make a right.

[Qnts2]

7 hours ago, the_patriot2015 said:

I disagree with that qnts. Maybe if it was with older children, yes perhaps the parents should learn to control their kids, but how do you tell a 6 month old to stop crying? spank him perhaps? and even then, even if the older kids are unruley, well guess what, they need Jesus to. so do the parents. Running them off because they "can't follow rules" is not Christlike in the least. We had a similar discussion over drinks in our new church building, we had several members who wanted to ban drinks in the sanctuary, which sounds good on the surface, but we have a large community of shiftworkers, who come off working nights who need coffee just to stay awake with church, and what about single moms who bring in drinks for their kids. Do we want to protect our buildings? yes. But, on the other note, what if we have that single mom come to church for the first time in years, only to be chewed out by an old fellow because she brought in sippy cups for her kids. Think that single mother is coming back? No. Is it shallow that they would leave because of drinks? yes, probably. But they need Jesus to. The church isnt a museum for the perfect, but a hospital for the broken. Those are the people we want to reach, and Im not one to turn someone away over a coffee stain in the carpet.

The same principle applies with kids. Should parents keep better control over the kids? certainly. There are a lot of irresponsible parents and kids out there. But forcing them out of service, because a kid is to loud? Im sorry, thats not what the church is for. If we are turning people away because their kid is to loud, or because they might spill coffee on your precious new coffee, then your missing the point of going to church in the first place.

There are reasonable things to do with a baby, just as there are reasonable things to do with a 4 year old, a 7 year old, etc.

For a baby, as soon as they start to cry or fuss, take them out of the room to a place where they will not disturb others. In the non-disruptive location, rock them, or do what soothes them. If that doesn't work, the parents have a choice to remain in the other location, or to leave. That is the responsibility of parents who care about others. Not asking them to leave is un-Christlike, as it is causing others to suffer. I have no problem with sippy cups, but the reason there are rules of etiquette setup in a church is because some will be upset of a old or younger fellow or older or younger lady must approach the disrepectful parents during the service. 

Again, for the fear of offending the irresponsible parents of a loud child, you are offending all of the others in the service who must suffer thru. I am not missing the point of going to church, but those who disrespect the entire congregation, and those who allow it, are missing the point of going to church. It is not just caring about out of control parents, but it is caring about all who come. That means setting up protocals so that one family does not disrupt the other 50 or 100 families.

Looking at the NT, in some churches, women were asking their husbands questions across the aisle or across the room, disrupting others. What is the NT rule for that church. Women are to remain silent in church services and wait until they were at home to ask questions. That might offend some, but the rule was to keep disruptive women who probably did not know how to act from affecting all who were there to learn and worship. Anything else would have been wrong.  

A church community is to care for the welfare of others. Not just a select few, but all others. That means that some will be inconvenienced for the sake of others, but never are just a few to be allowed to consistently disrupt everyone else. 

By the way, it is probably better for irresponsible parents to run into this kind of issue, until they learn. Some may never learn, and sadly, their children might continue the pattern. I once saw a discussion on a board like this about a very fancy expensive restaurant whose owner became tired of having to comp meals because some irresponsible parents brought their disruptive children and disturbing other patrons. That restaurant ended up banning children. That caused an uproar. It shouldn't have but it did. Churches need to setup a set of 'rules' to handle bad parents and their disruptive children. If that means a separate room for mothers and babies where the mothers can hear the service, then that is good. Or setting up a nursery. Or having a childrens church service. Or having a pre-teen service. 

As a side note, my husband has a medical issue which requires him to have water to drink at all times. We once visited a church which would not allow him in with his water bottle. We were there to support a guest speaker. He was allowed to have his drink in the entry way, so we both stood outside of the sanctuary in the entry way and listened to the service.  While not so convenient for us, it was the best given the situation. We heard the service, supported our friend who was the guest speaker and no one was upset or embarrassed. 

[The_Patriot21]

A church community is to care for the welfare of others. Not just a select few, but all others. That means that some will be inconvenienced for the sake of others, but never are just a few to be allowed to consistently disrupt everyone else

 

So what your saying is you would rather inconvenience that single mom with a 5 year old kid, who doesnt know how to control him or her, and make her miss the service and perhaps not even hear about Jesus-then be inconvenienced yourself. This argument can go both ways.

[Qnts2]

9 hours ago, the_patriot2015 said:

A church community is to care for the welfare of others. Not just a select few, but all others. That means that some will be inconvenienced for the sake of others, but never are just a few to be allowed to consistently disrupt everyone else

 

So what your saying is you would rather inconvenience that single mom with a 5 year old kid, who doesnt know how to control him or her, and make her miss the service and perhaps not even hear about Jesus-then be inconvenienced yourself. This argument can go both ways.

No, I am saying that 1 mother, who won't go to a separate room, or deal with her children, should not be allowed to affect 50 to 100 other families. Or, what about the older couple attending church for the first time, who can not hear because of a screaming baby, so they leave. You want to drive people out of the church, because you won't deal with a problem.

[The_Patriot21]

If it was a regular member? I agree with you, but if its a new member or someone whos not saved that is not the loving approach. There are far better options. First, how about simply befriending the person, and helping them with their child? 

[KPaulG]

On 12/30/2015 at 7:30 PM, GoldenEagle said:

I read this today and wanted to get your thoughts... What do you think of this? Does this sort of thing happen in your church?

God bless,
GE

 

 

That's disobeying Jesus's commandments in Matthew 19:14

[The_Patriot21]

I dont mind if churches offer programs for the kids-like childrens church (to a point, theres a point where a kid should be old enough to sit in service) or nurserys, or cry rooms butero, in fact I think theyre great, and most parents with young disruptive kids will make use of them if available. What Im against is forcing parents to use them. 

[kwikphilly]

Blessings,,,

    I've not read all the replies so I may be repeating what someone else has said & if so then please excuse me,,,,,,,,I think it is great that most churches do offer either a Sunday school for kids while service is going on or this type of "TV room" and any kind of services that allows adults to spend their own time in service uninterrupted by their children,,,,,IF THATS WHAT THEY CHOOSE!!!!

   I used to bring my little grand daughter to church with me Sunday mornings from the time she was 2 years old and she was a quiet,very well behaved, little person,,,,,,,,I did not opt for the services they provided & made available for children ,I wanted my grand with me     I would hope that most people would have the good sense to make use of these alternatives rather than disrupt the entire congregation if their kids are noisy but that should be their choice and I do not think kids should be prohibited from attending the main room during service(though I would like peace & quiet-lol)

    To God be the Glory,,,,,there is nothing quite as annoying as a baby screaming & fussing during service but I do not think anyone has the right to tell the parents to leave their child elsewhere  (I think it is okay to "suggest" it)                           With love-in Christ,Kwik

[GoldenEagle]

On 12/30/2015 at 9:34 PM, Qnts2 said:

Let me just say that society in the U.S. has changed.

Forgetting the church service for now, there was a time not that long ago when parents would not bring babies or young children to an expensive restaurant knowing the fellow patrons might be disturbed. In a not so expensive restaurant, there was a time when young children were not allowed to make a fuss, be noisy, or leave their table and run about. Parents either took their children outside to calm them down or took other action. There was a time when parents with children on an airplane did not let their children kick the seat in front of them, disturbing other passengers.

Today, parents think it to be inconsiderate or rude to be asked to control their children, or go to a room for children so that whatever is occurring is not disturbed. Parents today, have become inconsiderate of others and unwilling to discipline their children.

Now for the church. I am going to guess that the church has experienced issues with irresponsible parents being unwilling to deal with their children when they become disruptive. If a church usher or official is forced to talk to parents who are allowing their children to be disruptive, well, the parents can be just as disruptive. With the service being recorded, the church might be reacting to issues by making a blanket rule, but they might have little choice.

Let's face it. If irresponsible and inconsiderate parents are upset by some simple rules, or simple requests, those parents do not belong in that church. A baby probably doesn't sing along when worship songs are sung, and the baby does not listen to or understand the sermons. I have talked to children who find Sunday services boring and grow to hate going to church. 

Some churches have services which welcome children during music and then send the children out for their own services or activities during the sermon. Some churches have nurseries for babies staffed with volunteers so the parents can listen to the sermon.

If I was visiting a church which allowed children to run about, bump into others, be loud or disruptive, I would leave that church.  

I think that churches that allow serious disruption are few and far between. Most parents are very aware of their children in settings I've been in. Most parents will step out if their children are being disruptive or cranky.

The issue is the mentality that has been prevalent since Rowe Vs Wade where children are no longer valued. It's this whole idea that children should be seen but not heard. That somehow they are less valued because of their immaturity or lack of discipline. How can a child learn to behave in a church setting if they're not allowed in the service until they're in middle school?

The OP though had a sleeping child and was not allowed in. It's very sad IMO.

God bless,

GE