Am I good enough

[markdohle]

Am I good enough
(A lady really down on herself)

I was talking to one of our retreatants a few months ago.  She is very devout, loving and a caregiver.  Yet when we talked she was really hard on herself, filled with revulsion and would not allow anything positive to be said of her.   So as she was finished I asked her if she thought she was a humble person.   She looked at me and though she did not say anything, I could tell that she thought that she was. 

So I asked her.  What do you think Jesus meant when he brought out that we should love ourselves?  She did not respond but continued to look down at the floor.  What did Jesus mean when he said we should die to ourselves?  Again she looked down at the floor.

So I continued…self hatred and revulsion and contempt are not based on humility.  For humility is based on the truth about ourselves and there is nothing deserving of hatred in you, nor do I see anything that would lead me to having feelings of revulsion or contempt towards you.  When we hate ourselves, it is based on some idea that we can become perfect on our own, and that when we don’t, we fail ourselves.  It has nothing to do with God or our relationship with him.  It is not based on truth but is actually based on pride and self-centeredness. 

She looked up and said “What?”  So I continued:   “Jesus is calling you to allow his love and grace to grow in your heart, until you do, you will continue this cycle of self-flagellation to continue leading nowhere.  Be like Peter when he was in the storm after he got out of the boat….look to Him, not to your-self, for when Peter looked to him-self he began to sink…..yet when he called out the Lord lifted him up”.

She asked me:  “What about my feelings towards myself’?  So we talked about her learning to not believing everything she felt towards herself but to use scripture, to help her to depend more on the love of God and grace than on her own over concern about how she is doing.  It will not be easy I said, death to ways of being, or to self take time and patience and of course reliance on grace. 

I told her that I was sorry if I seemed hard on her, but I felt that she was ready to hear what I had to say and hopefully she would grow in her trust of the love that Christ Jesus had for her. I also told her that I am speaking from own experience and struggles….both past and present.  So we parted and I still think of her and pray for her.

 

 

Edited July 2, 2016 by markdohle

[CaringBrit]

5 hours ago, markdohle said:

Am I good enough
(A lady really down on herself)

I was talking to one of our retreatants a few months ago.  She is very devout, loving and a caregiver.  Yet when we talked she was really hard on herself, filled with revulsion and would not allow anything positive to be said of her.   So as she was finished I asked her if she thought she was a humble person.   She looked at me and though she did not say anything, I could tell that she thought that she was. 

So I asked her.  What do you think Jesus meant when he brought out that we should love ourselves?  She did not respond but continued to look down at the floor.  What did Jesus mean when he said we should die to ourselves?  Again she looked down at the floor.

So I continued…self hatred and revulsion and contempt are not based on humility.  For humility is based on the truth about ourselves and there is nothing deserving of hatred in you, nor do I see anything that would lead me to having feelings of revulsion or contempt towards you.  When we hate ourselves, it is based on some idea that we can become perfect on our own, and that when we don’t, we fail ourselves.  It has nothing to do with God or our relationship with him.  It is not based on truth but is actually based on pride and self-centeredness. 

She looked up and said “What?”  So I continued:   “Jesus is calling you to allow his love and grace to grow in your heart, until you do, you will continue this cycle of self-flagellation to continue leading nowhere.  Be like Peter when he was in the storm after he got out of the boat….look to Him, not to your-self, for when Peter looked to him-self he began to sink…..yet when he called out the Lord lifted him up”.

She asked me:  “What about my feelings towards myself’?  So we talked about her learning to not believing everything she felt towards herself but to use scripture, to help her to depend more on the love of God and grace than on her own over concern about how she is doing.  It will not be easy I said, death to ways of being, or to self take time and patience and of course reliance on grace. 

I told her that I was sorry if I seemed hard on her, but I felt that she was ready to hear what I had to say and hopefully she would grow in her trust of the love that Christ Jesus had for her. I also told her that I am speaking from own experience and struggles….both past and present.  So we parted and I still think of her and pray for her.

 

 

Thankyou for sharing this , its reminded me to do the same as her i find it hard still but i am getting better 

[markdohle]

8 minutes ago, CaringBrit said:

Thankyou for sharing this , its reminded me to do the same as her i find it hard still but i am getting better 

People can forget that we can and do choose.....thank you for you comment.

 

Peace
mark

[CaringBrit]

8 minutes ago, markdohle said:

People can forget that we can and do choose.....thank you for you comment.

 

Peace
mark

Your welcome  thankyou very much for sharing discussions like these 

[kwikphilly]

Blessings

     Absolutely,spot on! Self contempt is nothing more than the spirit of "pride",,,,,people automatically think of the "proud" as loving themselves,,,it is all the same,the devil is a liar,,,,,,,"self consumed" & the "all about ME" thoughts,whether they be great or negative,they are the same at the root,the core

    The spirit of pride is rampant,it is insidious,,,,,,,all it takes is "renewing the mind",focus on JESUS and hang that flesh on the cross

Good Topic Brother                                                                                               With love-in Christ,Kwik

[markdohle]

1 hour ago, kwikphilly said:

Blessings

     Absolutely,spot on! Self contempt is nothing more than the spirit of "pride",,,,,people automatically think of the "proud" as loving themselves,,,it is all the same,the devil is a liar,,,,,,,"self consumed" & the "all about ME" thoughts,whether they be great or negative,they are the same at the root,the core

    The spirit of pride is rampant,it is insidious,,,,,,,all it takes is "renewing the mind",focus on JESUS and hang that flesh on the cross

Good Topic Brother                                                                                               With love-in Christ,Kwik

Thank you my friend.  It can be a hard lesson to learn.   Perhaps one of the graces of aging.

Peace
Mark

[kwikphilly]

Blessings to you,dear Brother Mark,,,,,

    AMEN     Indeed it is,lest we not forget "Oh but for the Grace of God"        another great reminder that it is ALL about JESUS

                                                                                                                                                         With love-in Christ,Kwik

[JTC]

Hello Mark,

  I have a different take on all this. First of all I'm not sure what you mean by a retreatant. I'm also wondering if you know this woman or if you just met her? I hope you know her well and that she's a Christian. Based on the few things you said about her she a good and caring person. I guess you assumed she has false humility and is actually full of pride and is self centered. There are people like that, I know. But my first reaction to a woman like this is she's been the victim of rape or childhood sexual abuse. When that happens it always leaves emotional scars and often the woman is how you described this one to be. She sounds like she has almost no self confidence and even less self esteem. If the way she is now comes from a past emotional trauma then what you said to her may have just made her feel worse, because basically you were telling her she isn't even good enough to believe God. I hope I'm wrong, but consider if I may be right. 

[Ezra]

On 7/2/2016 at 8:44 AM, markdohle said:

Yet when we talked she was really hard on herself, filled with revulsion and would not allow anything positive to be said of her.

Mark,

There could be reasons other than pride for this. One would need to get close enough for a person to really open up, and then again, some may not do so.  Then again, there are some Christians who really do not know their position in Christ.  Since you have not said whether she is a born again Christian, it may be that she has not experienced the grace of God.

[Willa]

You have spoken well, Mark.  God really took me to task for beating myself up after falling on my face (again).  After all, I expect more of myself.  Well, God told me I had no right to stand in judgement of myself.  I had already asked His forgiveness.  He had judged me guilty but forgiven, making whiter than snow by the blood of His Son.  Who did I think I was to place my judgement above His?  

Even worse, when I live in self condemnation and contempt I cannot serve God in the Spirit.  He can't pour His love through me to others when I am drowning in SELF .  I have to get my focus back onto God to follow Him and be a blessing to others.

All of that happened around 1980.  And It really didn't take long to change once God had opened my eyes.