Married women and their money

[missmuffet]

So how should a married couple handle their financial situations?

1. Should they have a joint account and everything they earn go into the same account?

2. Should they have separate accounts and what is his is his and what is hers is hers?

3. Who should pay the bills?

4. What if you have a spender and the other more frugal?

On of the biggest problems in a marriage is money.

[Running Gator]

I personally believe that number 1 is the correct answer, that is how we have done it for two plus decades.  There is no "her money" and "his money", there is only "our money".   I have never known a married couple that were equal in their spending habits, one always seems to be more frugal than the other.   In our marriage, I am the spender and the wife is the more frugal one.   We have an agreement that neither will spend more than $500 without speaking to the other one first.  When we were first married this number was $50, but has changed as our financial situation has changed. 
  

[ayin jade]

Its not really a one size fits all kind of thing. 

When we got married oh so long ago, my hubby had been in a church that was ultra legalistic and convinced him that women cant handle money at all. That we are too stupid to grasp things like budgets. That caused a problem early on. I was 31 when we got married and had been living on my own. I had no credit card debt and worked 40 hrs a week while in college. I knew how to handle money. We have joint checking and savings accounts. Whatever other accounts we had from our pre marriage days have remained separate mainly due to laziness lol. We discuss money before big purchases for the most part, altho it can be after the fact too if I suddenly need to get an expensive car repair and cant call him (as an example). 

[ayin jade]

11 minutes ago, missmuffet said:

2. Should they have separate accounts and what is his is his and what is hers is hers?

 

This one really bothers me. If you are joined as one, how can you have separate accounts? 

[missmuffet]

1 minute ago, ayin jade said:

Its not really a one size fits all kind of thing. 

When we got married oh so long ago, my hubby had been in a church that was ultra legalistic and convinced him that women cant handle money at all. That we are too stupid to grasp things like budgets. That caused a problem early on. I was 31 when we got married and had been living on my own. I had no credit card debt and worked 40 hrs a week while in college. I knew how to handle money. We have joint checking and savings accounts. Whatever other accounts we had from our pre marriage days have remained separate mainly due to laziness lol. We discuss money before big purchases for the most part, altho it can be after the fact too if I suddenly need to get an expensive car repair and cant call him (as an example). 

There were issues in the beginning but you were able to work it out. This can be a huge issue for some couples. Before marriage this is the number one issue that should be discussed. If not there could be serious problems through out the marriage.

[ayin jade]

1 minute ago, missmuffet said:

There were issues in the beginning but you were able to work it out. This can be a huge issue for some couples. Before marriage this is the number one issue that should be discussed. If not there could be serious problems through out the marriage.

Its important but I dont think its the number one issue. I think our spiritual state is the number one issue. 

[missmuffet]

1 minute ago, ayin jade said:

This one really bothers me. If you are joined as one, how can you have separate accounts? 

OH!!!! There are many men or women who insist what is their money will stay their money. You would be surprised. There are also couples who will not get married unless there is a prenuptial agreement signed with an attorney. And the number one item on this agreement is usually .....MONEY!!!!

[missmuffet]

Just now, ayin jade said:

Its important but I dont think its the number one issue. I think our spiritual state is the number one issue. 

Well that is the way the Christian marriage should be but for many, and that includes people who claim they are a Christian, that is not the case.

[RustyAngeL]

53 minutes ago, missmuffet said:

So how should a married couple handle their financial situations?

1. Should they have a joint account and everything they earn go into the same account?

2. Should they have separate accounts and what is his is his and what is hers is hers?

3. Who should pay the bills?

4. What if you have a spender and the other more frugal?

On of the biggest problems in a marriage is money.

 I had my own account plus our joint account.  However Steve also had access to my account.  It was understood that it all was ours.  

My friends new husband is an ogre.   He controls all the money even though Martha's SS check goes into the account along with Hals.  She is only allowed $25 a month and must account for every penny of that.  When they go grocery she is not allowed to buy anything he doesn't eat. Their tastes are totally different.  He wants tons of sugar even though he is diabetic.  She on the other hand is struggling to loose weight.  She shattered her ankle two years ago and has a lot of hardware in that ankle.  Her weight is high (she is only 5 feet tall)  and I have warned her that if she is not careful that ankle could shatter again.  He doesn't seem to care.  He just doesn't get it.  

She does nothing about it because she doesn't want him to leave her.  I feel sorry for her.

I never had to account for what I spend and neither did Steve, as I said it was an understanding it was OUR money not one or the others.  We were true partners in everything.  I miss him.

Blessings, RustyAngeL

 

[ayin jade]

44 minutes ago, missmuffet said:

OH!!!! There are many men or women who insist what is their money will stay their money. You would be surprised. There are also couples who will not get married unless there is a prenuptial agreement signed with an attorney. And the number one item on this agreement is usually .....MONEY!!!!

It fosters the idea of separateness instead of oneness within the marriage.