Advice on Marrying against Parents' Will

[saved08]

My boyfriend and I are Christian and love each other very much. We would like to get married, however there is one big problem. His parents, who are also Christian, do not approve of our relationship. They haven't met me yet, and they refuse to meet me because my parents are not Christian. In their eyes, my boyfriend shouldn't marry someone whose parents are not Christian as they may have an unchristian influence on our home or in our children's lives. We have already talked about how we would raise our kids in a Christian home using Christian principles. My boyfriend and I are really struggling with this. We believe that children should obey and honor their parents, even through we are both adults. And without their blessings he doesn't feel like he can or should marry me.

What should we do? Is it unchristian to choose your own husband/wife or to marry without parents' blessings? Please advise. We want to follow the Christian path. We're both praying about this, but need advice.

[BK1110]

If God wills you and he to be married, have faith that He will provide a way. To judge you based on your parents is unfairly harsh in my opinion; many titans of the faith have come from unChristian backgrounds, after all.

Your boyfriend should, without becoming disrespectful, probably insist that they at least meet you and judge you on who you are and how you follow Christ.

I would also suggest you look up Voddie Baucham's series on marriage on Youtube and watch the whole thing with your boyfriend. If, after that, you're both still convinced that you are right for each other and are both ready for a Bible-based, God-centered marriage with each other, you can then have more confidence in pursuing his parent's approval. If they still won't budge, you might seek the advice and help of the elders and leaders at the church they attend. I'd also advise you to attend that church as well, assuming it is a good one.

God bless, praying for you!

[HisFirst]

You would have to isolate your future children from a lot of people for them to not be influenced from "unChristian" people.  Christians aren't perfect and sorry to say this but there are also "Christian snobs". Not saying your future in-laws are but some well meaning Christions can just go beyond and too far.

Having said all that, it's best to have your parents blessing 100%, But... If you are both committed Christians, love each other, are committed to each other and want to serve God, I can't see why you guys shouldn't wed. Keep praying, be respectful, lovingly firm and as this must be tearing your fiancé apart, pray for him of course.

hope this was helpful?

 

[Guest]

Praying for you & your boyfriend in this situation. I also feel it is a bit harsh that they are against this on the basis that your parents aren't Christians. Maybe we should approach this matter from the stand point of leading your parents to the Lord - what would be better than that!

Have you witnessed to your parents? Is there a specific reason that they choose not to believe?

[RustyAngeL]

You are both adults.  You are both Christians.  While both families will be involved, if you are sure beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are supposed to be together, get married.  Yes you are to honor your mother and your father, however this is trying to run your life.  I don't agree with that.

[Ezra]

On 10/6/2016 at 11:29 AM, saved08 said:

And without their blessings he doesn't feel like he can or should marry me.

Hello saved08 and Welcome.

Since his parents are being unreasonable, and since you both are probably not minors (or teenagers), this is a test of your boyfriend's love for you. Scripture is very clear about what he should do (Genesis 2:24):

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

[RustyAngeL]

52 minutes ago, Ezra said:

Hello saved08 and Welcome.

Since his parents are being unreasonable, and since you both are probably not minors (or teenagers), this is a test of your boyfriend's love for you. Scripture is very clear about what he should do (Genesis 2:24):

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

Amen!

[missmuffet]

On 10/6/2016 at 10:29 AM, saved08 said:

My boyfriend and I are Christian and love each other very much. We would like to get married, however there is one big problem. His parents, who are also Christian, do not approve of our relationship. They haven't met me yet, and they refuse to meet me because my parents are not Christian. In their eyes, my boyfriend shouldn't marry someone whose parents are not Christian as they may have an unchristian influence on our home or in our children's lives. We have already talked about how we would raise our kids in a Christian home using Christian principles. My boyfriend and I are really struggling with this. We believe that children should obey and honor their parents, even through we are both adults. And without their blessings he doesn't feel like he can or should marry me.

What should we do? Is it unchristian to choose your own husband/wife or to marry without parents' blessings? Please advise. We want to follow the Christian path. We're both praying about this, but need advice.

It sounds like his parents are being somewhat bias. It is not like you and your boyfriend are unevenly yoked if you are both Christian. You and your boyfriend are not marrying the parents. I think you should give this whole incident to God. Pray about it. It might be a rocky road with his parents if you do get married. But that is their loss.Are you prepared for this rejection? They may never see their grandchildren all because of pride and being stubborn and not willing to be opened minded.

[HAZARD]

Show your boyfriend these Scriptures and see how he reacts. He is marrying you, not his mother and father or even your mother and father.

Your both believers in Christ, get married and have a wonderful life. Parents if they love you and are concerned will understand. And remember don't let parents or inlaws interfere in your marriage. They have had their turn, get on with yours. I'm speaking from experience!

Genesis2:24, Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

Jesus said these words;

Matthew 19:5, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?

And also these;

Mark 10:7, For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife;

Ephesians 5:31, For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.

You shall be "one flesh," not four or six? You two will be "ONE."

[saved08]

Thank you all so very much for your advice. This is very helpful to me. I will share the scriptures with my boyfriend and see what he says. I have brought up Matthew 19:5 to him in the past, but that didn't seem to make much of a difference. His parents have been reiterating Ephesians 6:1-3  6 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ² “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— ³ “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” And this has his feeling conflicted. He even went to his pastor who gave him the same advice and told him he shouldn't marry without his parent's blessings. 

He sent me a sermon from Moody's Ministries, where the pastor said one is to obey his/her parents, even if they think they are wrong or don't agree, for there is blessing in it.

My thinking is that yes, we must all obey our parents, but the scripture goes on to say, "in the Lord", this to me means that as long as it is within Christian principles, you should obey your parents. But if it is not in the Lord, or not within Christian principles, then you are not breaking the Lord's commandment by not obeying. Am I wrong in deriving this translation from the scripture?