Husband refuses to talk with me

[Guest bonnieschamberger]

I am always late but here is a link to a show I listen to everyday on xm family life...its a show called New life live and they are christian psychiatrists etc that take live calls with these very things Ive been hooked on them for over 5 years now and they have really helped..you can listen to broadcasts or watch them on tv through the link as well...anyway its something in the meantime to help keep your sanity but I think its so much more helpful than that        http://newlife.com/broadcasts/

[DayByDay]

Write him a letter. Ask him to write you back. Be nice. Try to be productive and focus on results, not he-said she-said stuff.

[7thseal]

On 1/26/2017 at 9:46 PM, SOLOMONS PORCH said:

  I know his past childhood has a lot to do with his behavior.

 He was just saved this past April and things changed so much for the better, if not great, but it was short lived, only lasted a few months. Slowly he became the "old man" again. I know he wants better, but he doesn't fight for it, or press into improvement.

I just really don't want my feelings to change or die for him. I'm trying to stay positive. Thank you everybody for advice and your prayers.

You've received truth from Holy Spirit, Satan is hitting him with everything he has and a reminder of his past life is his powerful grip. He's going to have to ask what his past has to do with his present in Jesus Christ. Then will he realize what Jesus has done for him. Praying.

[SOLOMONS PORCH]

amen yes thank u

[Churchmouse]

On 1/15/2017 at 6:01 PM, SOLOMONS PORCH said:

Im now married 11 yrs to a man that in all 11 yrs has never once did anything but yell and rant instead of talking. He says he dont know how. I can say black he hears white. Everytime this happens he goes to another room and sleeps, and sleeps and sleeps. He tells me to leave him alone and go away. The only thing Im doing is trying to resolve an issue we may be having, doesn't matter what its about, he will not resolve and retreats and sleeps. He says I dont have to right to complain about anything to him. Im sorry I just dont get why he is this way.....ive always been able to talk to anybody and everybody in my life, he is the first one that has ever not been able to talk to me.....Im a christian and he claims to be one as well....the reason I say claim is because of the doubt i feel towards him. He just keeps running, i tried couples counseling....nope he goes the first time and then refuses to go again. Im just at a loss....i dont understand the constant sleeping and going to another room for days. 

There is a difference between being married and having a marriage. Being married is occupying a position. Having a marriage is having two people occupying a position together. You aught to think about that.

[Leonardo Von]

Dear sister Solomons Porch,

 

First of all, don’t hand the key of your happiness to anyone. The love that you want to feel ought to come down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning (James 1.17).

Do you remember what Jesus said to Samaritan woman?

 

·        “Jesus answered and said unto her, Whosoever drinketh of this water shall thirst again: but whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life. The woman saith unto him, Sir, give me this water, that I thirst not, neither come hither to draw. Jesus saith unto her, Go, call thy husband, and come hither. The woman answered and said, I have no husband. Jesus said unto her, Thou hast well said, I have no husband: for thou hast had five husbands; and he whom thou now hast is not thy husband: in that saidst thou truly.” (John 4.13-18).

·        “The woman then left her waterpot, and went her way into the city, and saith to the men, come, see a man, which told me all things that ever I did: is not this the Christ?” (John 4.28,29).

 

Note that this woman passes all her life trying to find happiness through the sentimental area. What she didn’t perceive is that the true love, peace and happiness come from the heart:

 

·        “In the last day, that great day of the feast, Jesus stood and cried, saying, If any man thirst, let him come unto me, and drink. He that believeth on me, as the scripture hath said, out of his belly shall flow rivers of living water. (But this spake he of the Spirit, which they that believe on him should receive: for the Holy Ghost was not yet given; because that Jesus was not yet glorified.)” (John 7.37-39).

 

Thus, instead of waiting for your husband to talk to you, seek to understand him and love him, without needing any explanation from him. Allow that the goodness and mercy that surely will follow you all the days of your life (Psalms 23.6) manifest itself in you even in those moments when you are not doing or talking at all:

 

·        “Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; while they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; but let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.” (1 Peter 3.1-6).

 

Allow that the glory of Jesus manifests in your life and separate your husband for exclusive use of the Eternal:

 

·        “But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord.” (2 Corinthians 3.18).

·        “But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.” (1 Corinthians 7.12-14).

 

Allow that Jesus be raised in your life and attract your husband to Him.

 

·        “And as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even so must the Son of man be lifted up: that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have eternal life.” (John 3.14-15).

On 1/17/2017 at 3:03 AM, *~*Honey*~* said:

in between all this take time o nurture and pay attention to YOUR NEEDS -work life, social life, family life, spiritual life..... --keep it balanced -!  Make friends and let other nurture you too!...... 

 

However, with all respect to the sister Honey, don’t follow this advice. Your life is together your husband. You are one only flesh (Genesis 2.24), have the same grace of life (1 Peter 3.7) and your ministry is Stay with your husband by helping him in the mission for which the Eternal has prepared him.

His life is yours. Through intimate relationship and prayer (see 1 Peter 3:7), seek to know who your husband is before the Eternal, and then let all that the Eternal has designed for your husband to bear fruit and multiply through your life.

May Jesus break any barrier between you and your husband.

[Just_Krissy]

Oh my, all I want to do is hug you and cry with you.    This must be so difficult to walk through.    I know my (now ex) was similar, and he used that behavior to control me and in a way abuse me.    In the long run, he ended up being even more wicked than I could ever imagine.    We were married 15 years.   I can understand how you can believe he is a Christian, and then he's not or something.    My ex husband had even gone to a very Christ centered university and talked about wanting to be a youth pastor.   He would talk with me in depth about the right way to raise our children... etc... and then he ended up abusing those very children behind my back for years!!!    I had tried for 15 years to be a godly wife, and here I am signing papers for a divorce from a man that is now serving 12 years in prison after we had him arrested.    NOT how I expected this to end....

So anyway, I'm sharing to just say that you are loved so dearly.   People keep telling me that I'm loved... that God loves me.   If I looked at my circumstances as a way to measure God's love, I would feel pretty disliked that is for sure.... but I'm so glad that circumstances in this world aren't what is real and true... because what is real and true is the love of the Father.

On a practical note, I would suggest some good counsel in some form... a mentor or some one that has some experience with difficult marriages (from a Christian perspective)... At least it will help you through this and help you seek the Joy of the Lord in your circumstances.

I love you sister.

 

[SOLOMONS PORCH]

Krissy........hugs back my sister!!!!  Im sorry things turnt out for you this way. I will pray for you also. Its hard to explain this to someone who hasnt lived thru it. But Praise God I can truly say things have turnt around. I prayed hard for a way to handle this and HE showed me what to do. I also found some teachings and it helped me. But mostly and unexpected was that I found that I was to blame as a contributor to his behavior and not knowing that I was.....not in a big way but still I had things I couldnt let go of and I thought I had, only to find out I was wrong. I found Above and Beyond Christian Counseling actually on youtube and the message was about the spirit of bitterness. Wow is all I can say, because that was the very things working in my home, yet it was in disguise. Since I have broken that spirit within me, shared it with my husband and it seems "so far" that everything is looking up. Its a daily battle, because this spirit stayed and worked here for a very long time, so it def wants its territory back.  But he aint getting it back EVER!!!  Im gonna fight for the covenant I made .............Praise God for you Krissy and may you find joy in the Lord in Jesus name, praying for you sister.

[heyvavhey]

12 minutes ago, SOLOMONS PORCH said:

  Im gonna fight for the covenant I made 

 

And really, that is all that matters.

 

Men aren't comfortable showing a lot of emotion. It's a sign of weakness to most of us, right or wrong. Don't assume you understand his thoughts or his struggle by the outward appearance. 

What we really want from our wives is a smile. A sign that you approve "us" whether you approve our behavior or not. Smiles invite conversation. Lots of smiles make us very happy creatures. It is the sexiest thing a wife can wear. 

 

 

 

 

[WholeyGod'schild]

what a hard situation to be in.

I think you have, but in case you haven't find a time he isn't acting depressed, angry, or reclusive. ask him if he will sit down with you in a quiet place, maybe over dinner or a place he feels the safest, and express to him your feelings ( I am feeling (blank) not knowing what "I" am doing causing you to close me out or situations causing you to stop talking to me) ask him "what are you feeling/thinking when that happens?", and "what can I do to help." Make sure he doesn't feel cornered, or threatened by your tone. yes kid gloves with someone depressed, but not condescending.

The best to keep in prayer for him till that time comes around.

when you get to a point you feel you understand where he is, ask if you can pray together about it, if he won't at least you know where to start to work it out with him and have something to bring to the throne of God in your prayer time.

he may not initially open up, but when he does make sure you valid his feelings, and if you don't agree with what he is saying offer your nonjudgmental perspective. make sure above all else you let him know you are in his corner and willing to talk with him, cry with him, listen to him, or just sit quietly with him whenever he needs it and feeling depressed, but he needs to let you in so you can help and be with him.