Becoming a foster parent? Pro's/cons?

[Guest]

My husbands parents fostered children while he was growing up.

He speaks often of a 5 year old boy and is two younger sisters that were at their home for a couple of weeks. The children's parents were drug addicts and this boy had essentially been raising his two sisters. At the end of the two weeks, this boy was separated from his sisters because the people who agreed to adopt the girls did not want a boy.

My husband said this was the most heartbreaking thing he had ever seen and his mother was torn up emotionally for weeks.

I realize this is not a happy story. It makes me sad to even type it. But, I do so because it is reality. Anyone considering fostering should be prepared for this type of heartbreak.

IMO people who are able to foster are gifts from God. 

Edited February 2, 2017 by JaniceR

[AnneY]

I don't personally know the ins and outs of foster care, I do know some people who are involved in it, and they have mentioned the same as the others above.  I do know that to be a foster parent takes great dedication, time, effort, and love for a child not your own, and a strength to return the child when it's time to do so. I'm sure you'll go through times of testing and trials. You could experience opposite emotions of heartache and joy in the space of a day. People who go into foster care for the love of children are heroes that are far and few between. May God give you wisdom as you seek His will in this venture.

[SOLOMONS PORCH]

21 minutes ago, Neighbor said:

There is another benefit. I speak from exposure to a distance family by way of marriage.

Bee and her husband fostered 57 kids raising most of them  and adopted 4. They were the busiest little household. The husband a hard working trucker .

The benefit?  All those people running around a household shared with one another,  plus with any stranger that came into the home. Fact  one was never a stranger when visiting there. They all shared of the love of our Lord Jesus.

  When I arrived they feed me , introduced me to what seemed like a whole campus of individuals, found  a room for me with a family that had been fostered by this couple. That couple treated us like long lost  rich relatives, lavishing their time and attention on us.

 

And now as  a relative close to me has need in his very old age, two of the foster children  and a daughter of one have come to stay and care for him. They will stay until he dies and then  go on the ir way back to their community.

They so appreciate kindness that they will share of it. Actually sacrifice to share of it.  

The benefit is the love spreads through the generations.                                                                               

Neighbor.....God Bless you thank u so much, brought tears to my eyes

[SOLOMONS PORCH]

9 minutes ago, Yowm said:

I was born 'illegitimately'. My mother had  'fallen in love with an American soldier (German born) in Belgium after WWII.

She came to America alone to be with him and marry him. They married but shortly after my mother found out he was already married to another woman so she divorced him. Later he came  around to her place and 'convinced her' and I was conceived. Eventually, being alone here in America and without support she put me in a foster home until she legitimately was able to marry another man who adopted me.

So, a foster home helped in that case and I have some faint nice memories of the place and other children there.

So sweet Yowm......thanks for sharing and God Bless

[SOLOMONS PORCH]

23 minutes ago, JaniceR said:

My husbands parents fostered children while he was growing up.

He speaks often of a 5 year old boy and is two younger sisters that were at their home for a couple of weeks. The children's parents were drug addicts and this boy had essentially been raising his two sisters. At the end of the two weeks, this boy was separated from his sisters because the people who agreed to adopt the girls did not want a boy.

My husband said this was the most heartbreaking thing he had ever seen and his mother was torn up emotionally for weeks.

I realize this is not a happy story. It makes me sad to even type it. But, I do so because it is reality. Anyone considering fostering should be prepared for this type of heartbreak.

IMO people who are able to foster are gifts from God. 

Amen sister thank you and yes their will be heartbreak......thank you for sharing, these testimonies truly help, good or bad I welcome anything that can contribute to aiding in our decision.....Thank you God Bless

[SOLOMONS PORCH]

24 minutes ago, AnneY said:

I don't personally know the ins and outs of foster care, I do know some people who are involved in it, and they have mentioned the same as the others above.  I do know that to be a foster parent takes great dedication, time, effort, and love for a child not your own, and a strength to return the child when it's time to do so. I'm sure you'll go through times of testing and trials. You could experience opposite emotions of heartache and joy in the space of a day. People who go into foster care for the love of children are heroes that are far and few between. May God give you wisdom as you seek His will in this venture.

AnneY......thank you so much and God Bless I receive your blessing and prayers for our home!!!  Thanks for sharing...................

[angels4u]

47 minutes ago, Yowm said:

I was born 'illegitimately'. My mother had  'fallen in love with an American soldier (German born) in Belgium after WWII.

She came to America alone to be with him and marry him. They married but shortly after my mother found out he was already married to another woman so she divorced him. Later he came  around to her place and 'convinced her' and I was conceived. Eventually, being alone here in America and without support she put me in a foster home until she legitimately was able to marry another man who adopted me.

So, a foster home helped in that case and I have some faint nice memories of the place and other children there.

 

Thanks for sharing Yown, we are foster parents and I'm so glad you have good memories from your foster family , fostering is not for everybody ,some people do it for the money but I'm very much  against that, if you don't want to help children from your heart ,then it's not a good thing to do and I feel bad for the children,we're fostering now for about 13-5 years and have tons of good memories from children we had in our care and many  still phone or fb me, I also love to work together with their parents , I love fostering  and feel it's an opportunity to share the gospel with the child and often the parent from the child!

 

[SOLOMONS PORCH]

17 minutes ago, angels4u said:

Thanks for sharing Yown, we are foster parents and I'm so glad you have good memories from your foster family , fostering is not for everybody ,some people do it for the money but I'm very much  against that, if you don't want to help children from your heart ,then it's not a good thing to do and I feel bad for the children,we're fostering now for about 13-5 years and have tons of good memories from children we had in our care and many  still phone or fb me, I also love to work together with their parents , I love fostering  and feel it's an opportunity to share the gospel with the child and often the parent from the child!

 

Thank you angels4u........God bless you for what you have done for the children and most of all that you represented God in their life I pray they will flourish and grow in the knowledge of Christ thru the love you shared with them........Blessings in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ !!!

[SOLOMONS PORCH]

31 minutes ago, Yowm said:

We have two separate families that foster in our neighborhood and all I hear about is the benefits, but how true, if you don't have a love for the children it won't do them (the children) much good.

Amen Yowm......thats what it is about. That "we" can give back to others what God has blessed us with.............Blessings in Jesus name!!!

[Willa]

2 hours ago, Neighbor said:

There is another benefit. I speak from exposure to a distance family by way of marriage.

Bee and her husband fostered 57 kids raising most of them  and adopted 4. They were the busiest little household. The husband a hard working trucker .

The benefit?  All those people running around a household shared with one another,  plus with any stranger that came into the home. Fact  one was never a stranger when visiting there. They all shared of the love of our Lord Jesus.

  When I arrived they feed me , introduced me to what seemed like a whole campus of individuals, found  a room for me with a family that had been fostered by this couple. That couple treated us like long lost  rich relatives, lavishing their time and attention on us.

 

And now as  a relative close to me has need in his very old age, two of the foster children  and a daughter of one have come to stay and care for him. They will stay until he dies and then  go on the ir way back to their community.

They so appreciate kindness that they will share of it. Actually sacrifice to share of it.  

The benefit is the love spreads through the generations.                                                                               

My family has been very involved in foster care.  My dad was a social worker who removed kids from dangerous homes and placed them in foster care.  Our son was a big brother to a foster child who was nearing 18 when he would be removed from the system.  

My hubby had been in foster care during WW 2 when such homes were not really available.  So his dad got names from a list of people that had been rejected for foster homes and placed my hubby and his sister in these.  Both were abusive.  One was a Nazarene minister whose wife left the kids lie in their own filth, no diapers, in a crib in their closet, neglected.  The other was a man who was also abusive.  These homes had been rejected for good reason.  Hubby wouldn't consider being a foster parent because of his pre school experience.   

But my cousins were like Bee and her family above.  My dad talked them into becoming a foster home around 1950.  Over the years they took in over 80 foster children in addition to their own 6 kids.  It was a home filled with Christ's love. There were a half dozen bunk beds in the girl's dormitory when I spent the night with them, and foster kids were treated like their own family.  They all kept in touch with mom and dad.   Their birth kids either became foster homes or adopted, or both.  They supported each other with the problems that arose and prayed for each other and their kids.  Hubby wished his own home had been like them.  We have kept in loose touch with many of them; we are all retired now.  

My dad believed in animal therapy for learning responsibility as well as the relationship with them.  He liked to place kids in homes with lots of love as well as good hard work appropriate to the age which is introduced and taught slowly.   It should keep them busy and out of trouble.  He did not prefer wealthy homes because the expectations of good manners and language were sometimes more than a kid from a neglected or abusive home could manage.  They needed to learn things like trust and acceptance as they are, as Christ accepts us and loves us. Most things are taught by example even in our immediate families. So much more in foster homes.  Most kids come very frightened, defensive, and often angry.  It takes a lot of time and patience---much like taming and earning the trust of a ferrel cat that had not grown up around people.  They need people who are kind, consistent and clear in their expectations or rules, and consistent and fair to all in their enforcement.  Consequences should be appropriate to the crime.  In other words, don't reward a kid throwing a temper tantrum.  Make a kid clean up the mess he/she made. etc.